<p>I’m going through the same thing. We have decided to do an outpatient program now. Am not sure what to do next year. We have put a deposit in at one college - I am sure they would defer for a year. In the meantime, we are thinking about something like Americorps? Not sure they would take him, though. Has anyone else had Americorps experience?</p>
<p>OP doesn’t deserve grief for telling it like it is about her son. A large portion of her family finances are at stake, and she should listen to her gut.</p>
<p>I agree with sblake7. Son must own this situation. A friend lived the “my kid thinks he’s at club med and we thought we sent him to college” nightmare. It damaged the family and her marriage for a long time.</p>
<p>'" In the meantime, we are thinking about something like Americorps? Not sure they would take him, though. Has anyone else had Americorps experienc"</p>
<p>Younger S did Americorps for a year after high school. He is very bright, but had underperformed in high school, graduating with an unweighted 2.7, and being such a procrastinator spring semester of senior year that he almost didn’t graduate. </p>
<p>Having been through something similar with his older brother – who managed to squeak through h.s. with H and I on his back – and then managed to flunk out of college where he’d been given a virtually full ride, H and I knew to let younger S handle senior year without our pushing him.</p>
<p>As was the case with his older brother, younger S said he wanted to go to college. Unlike what happened with older S – whom I stood over to make sure he got apps in-- we left younger S responsible for selecting colleges (within our financial restrictions) and applying. He procrastinated and missed all of the deadlines. He knew that our hose rules were that kids who’ve graduated from h.s., but aren’t in college have to pay rent if they continue to live at home.</p>
<p>This S always had enjoyed volunteering, and had put more energy into his volunteer work than his schoolwork. By March of his senior year, he had lined up an Americorps position at the agency he’d been volunteering with since he was a freshman. He claimed to want to live on his own, so I showed him the classifieds and offered to help him find an affordable apartment. He never took me up on that offer.</p>
<p>He lived at home – following house rules for adults – did an EXCELLENT job with Americorps while learning about real world things ranging from having to supervise much older adults to having to do monthly written reports – reports that he wasn’t allowed to leave the office until they were done.</p>
<p>On his own, he applied to college, which H and I had told him he’d have to pay for – application fees and his first year, since we didn’t want to put our money into what could be – based on his senior year – a bad investment. He chose a nice liberal arts college, which even gave him some merit aid, probably based on his Americorps experience and test scores (If his grades had been equivalent to his test scores, he would have qualified for a full ride). We co-signed his loans, and he used his savings and worked a job to pay for freshman year.</p>
<p>He ended the year on dean’s list, thoroughly enjoyed his academics and his various ECs. His year out in the real world had taught him how to appreciate and take advantage of college. He’s a soph now, good grades, good friends, good ECs, including with leadership, and lots of very deserved pride and confidence in himself and his college accomplishments.</p>
<p>Americorps is an excellent program. It provides excellent training in things ranging from budgeting to supervising employees, time management, and writing grants. Participants can run with their talents and interests, including organizing major projects. Often, S was the youngest person at meetings involving top city officials.</p>
<p>kat - agree with you 100%. You still single (kidding, but not really!)? </p>
<p>You have boys. They need toughness and mental discipline. Period. I only have daughters (and they are unbelievably good students and very mature and take zero effort on my part), but enjoy working with my nephews and a few young athletes in our neighborhood because it is easy to draw the significant distinction between being tough and demanding and being mean. If we can get talented young men to get to the point at age 20 or so where they look in the mirror and like what they see in terms of their own effort and development - well, that is the goal. And that means getting them out from the video games and into a mode where they are willing to stand on their own two feet and look the world in the eye - with minimal help from others. </p>
<p>Through some really difficult circumstances, I was 100% on my own financially since age 17. Top private schools - undergrad and grad - all on my own nickel. </p>
<p>Of course, I ended up doing well because when it was my money there was no way I was going to invest all of that time and energy and come up short. My story is not a woe is me story - but a lucky one. If I had been a typical spoiled child of the suburbs, I would have (and I titled immature) wasted my opportunities. Acting out of necessity is always the best motivator. When others lay the aw you had it rough rap on me, it would be dishonest to say anything other than “no, not really - I would not have been motivated otherwise, and really liked answering only to myself and loved the freedom and fearlessness that benefits me to this day.” </p>
<p>That is the answer here to the original poster too. Nothing is more disappointing than having to pay for an animal house experience where the kid gets nothing out of it other than an awful college record and the parents are out lots of $$.</p>
<p>" What I do know is that he ought to be seen, by a professional, who can assess the situation, based on whatever facts are available."</p>
<p>I also have worked in the addictions field, and I agree with the above. This will be the easiest time to force him (Virtually all people with substance abuse problems need to be forced to get help, and that does NOT decrease their chances of being successfully treated) to get assessed and to get help if that’s what he needs. After he goes to college, it will be much more difficult to get him assessed because right now, you have the power. After he leaves home, you won’t.</p>
<p>I just read somewhere that Americorps applications were due April 1, so I guess that option is closed. He would need to do a similarly structured program, though. Is anything else available that I haven’t thought of?</p>
<p>Try Student Conservation Association.
[Conservation</a> Internships | The SCA - Student Conservation Association](<a href=“http://www.thesca.org/serve/internships]Conservation”>http://www.thesca.org/serve/internships)</p>
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<p>He left a bong on the backseat? He needs to see a professional. Now. I completely agree with post #36. I’m too much a child of the 60s and 70s to get hysterical about a little pot smoking. But leaving a bong on the seat of a family car is a statement. It seems to me that he’s sending a message that he’s out of control, and needs parental intervention.</p>
<p>If he is that far out of control, I’m inclined to revise my earlier advice to let him go for a semester. Unless he makes a drastic improvement over the summer, it will probably have a negative result. I tend to doubt that a PG year would be anything but more of the same. Something like Americorps, or a job plus treatment–or residential treatment-- sounds more promising.</p>
<p>“He left a bong on the backseat?”</p>
<p>That’s a big cry for help. Whatever he’s telling you verbally, by leaving the bong in the car, he’s telling you he’s not ready for college, and he is craving some parental intervention so he gets the treatment he needs. Americorps, SCA, can not substitute for treatment.</p>
<p>thanks, Northstarmom for the SCA website. Looks very interesting. He likes the outdoors.</p>
<p>My niece did a NOLS semester and loved it. She is now graduating with a degree in outdoor adventure education and has a job lined up.</p>
<p>Can you tell me what NOLS is?</p>
<p>NOLS stands for National Outdoor Leadership School. She spent a semester camping, hiking, etc in the southwest - I think Arizona. They have other locations and length of courses. Not through NOLS she has become a Wilderness First Responder and I wouldn’t be surprised if in time she goes for the Wilderness EMT training. Here’s a link:</p>
<p>[NOLS</a> - National Outdoor Leadership School](<a href=“http://www.nols.edu/]NOLS”>http://www.nols.edu/)</p>
<p>I forgot something. There was some sort of relationship with a college, maybe University of Utah?, that awarded college credits for the semester.</p>
<p>Agree with the others, it’s time for major intervention. This is just such a common scenario in my world. Parent’s get pushed to the breaking point but are so emotionally involved the smartest of them miss the big picture.</p>
<p>No college will work now and giving this kid more independence will only make things worse. Get a good professional involved, seek out a specialized PG year for kids in this situation and forget college until the issues are worked out.</p>
<p>Well I deserved some grief for my name—let me change it to acting like an idiot. He took the car yesterday and we found a bong in it. This after proommmising that he was done and would change. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know what to do.</p>
<p>I didnt realize my earlier post went through- it seemed like it didn’t because it kept asking me to sign in again.</p>
<p>we just finished 6 sessions witha psychiatrist. He didn’t think there was anything major wrong except for that the family relationship was negative and that he was a good , smart kid who wan’t ready for college. Big famous psych in the city- not in our plan $1400!!I’m looking at him like he’s crazy when this is all he has to say-I disclosed all of the pot issues and lying issues. He recommended the Hyde School. Now my son is 18 and refuses to go. Does anyone know about Hyde or have any other ones to recommend?</p>
<p>I suggest seeing a licensed psychologist or social worker who’s experienced with adolescents with drug problems. Just because the psychiatrist was high priced doesn’t mean he knew much about substance abuse or even therapy. Most psychiatrists don’t have the training in diagnosis and treatment that social workers and psychologists get. Psychiatrists now – in part due to managed health care – don’t spend much time with patients except to prescribe meds and to assess how the meds are working. In addition, therapists who haven’t had extensive training and experience with substance abusers can easily be fooled by them.</p>
<p>Hyde is a great alternative. It is very highly regarded. PM me if you want details.</p>