Advice on how to deal with suitemate

Parents Forum
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<p>Yes, 7am is reasonable to those of us who have to be at work. However college students are different. They tend to stay up later and sleep in. My daughter called last night at 10:45, she was on her way back to the dorm. I am sure there are many students still up at 1am. My son was a swimmer in HS, up for 5am practices. Never stayed up late. Now he stays up til 1 or 2 am and loves to sleep in. So what is reasonable does change depending on the circumstances. College students stay up later, so I personally don’t see the problem with showering late. </p>

<p>I know that I am a night owl and would hate to be woken up at 7am…however I am a deep sleeper and do not wake when my husband is in the shower.</p>

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<p>Showering at 10pm is late, showering 3 hrs later, after you have been out all night till 1am or later is later than college students I know. How many areas on campus are even open after 10 pm?</p>

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<p>Lots of places are open on campus late. And students study late, or go to the gym late, or have meetings late. And most of this age group have odd sleep cycles that include late night and late mornings.</p>

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<p>After posting in this thread it was interesting to see this comment in another forum, where a future student was asking about quiet dorms–

I imagine that poster would not hesitate to shower at another time. ;)</p>

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<p>Many places on campus are open 24/7 including library, student center - others until 10 or 11 pm. In high school, my daughter had a very early schedule - needing to catch a school bus before 7 am - and was finished with classes a little after 2 pm. At college, some days her classes don’t start until 1:30 pm and don’t end until 6 pm (and they have some classes that go even later in the day). Many activities on campus start at 8 or 9 pm (and don’t end until 11) - yes even on weekdays. So, leaving an event at 11 then allowing time to get back to your dorm etc. you can easily end your day close to midnight.</p>

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<p>At northeastern the library is open 24/7 only during finals, student center is open till 12pm everyday except sat & Friday when it closes at 11pm.
I didn’t realize she was staying out so late just during finals.
I think during those times my kids slept in the library, they didn’t even make it back to the dorm for a shower!
( & you’d find the librarians spraying febreeze everywhere)</p>

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<p>“Another year I had a roommate and we had a private bath and shared a common wall with someone else 's common bath. Again, showers occurred at all hours. That is the thing about dorm life. If you don’t like it, get an apartment.”</p>

<p>And when they move into their first crappy apartment with thin walls, they will continue to hear their neighbors showers, vacuums, TVs and other business. If they really want to get away from these dire conditions they will have to buy a house!</p>

<p>"^^ and that makes the compromise even less! I hope/assume that is what you are pointing out financegrad."</p>

<p>Nope, I was pointing out that she only does it a few days a week when she has to get in late. That is the compromise. Not being able to shower at all past a certain hour of the day would not be compromise to the D.</p>

<p>I really dont understand how people who go bananas over something trivial as running showers and flushing toilets actually manage to live with other people. Before I went to college I lived in a small 4 bedroom 1 bath house with two parents and 2 siblings. It never occured to me that I was entitled to be upset that my older B who worked late came home and took showers at 12 and made himself dinner. Just as it never occured to him to yell at his younger B who showered at 5 am to go to early practice before school or the rest of the family that got ready at 7 am. By the time I got to college sharing a bathroom with only one other person was a convenience I didn’t experience before.</p>

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<p>I doubt the OP’s daughter will succeed in convincing the suitemate that the 1am showers are ok, even if within her “rights”. ( I personally don’t think it is her “right”- and this entitlement attitude is part of what is causing the problem.) If she doesn’t change the suitemate will leave. I personally find being awoken, once I have gone to sleep, a problem.</p>

<p>I would have thought a single with an adjoining bath shared by one person would be nirvana. Please PM the name of this college so I can keep this reference for others desiring what seems to be a great living situation. I am not joking.</p>

<p>I don’t “get” why the D can’t shower earlier in the evening. She is out until 1 am two or three nights a week and then must shower?If her classes start so late on some days, she certainly has time to shower in the am.</p>

<p>In college I worked in the library for my part time job, and in those days closed it at midnight. Some nights I did not get in until a bit after 12 (12:20 or so I guess) when I had the latest shift. I did not see many people in the bathroom at all (which was shared by many - in that dorm maybe 25 or more) at that time, when I went to brush my teeth when I got in, although many were up. I think by then they were done washing etc.</p>

<p>Way back when, freshman year, when dinosaurs roamed (and different dorm), I started off showering at night, which I think few people actually did in my dorm. It was one of those huge bathrooms for 50 to share, and not late(didn’t have the job that year), so no noise complaint. It somehow started the day better with a shower, so I changed, and since then I have always followed this practice. After exercise, I showered right away, even if it was a second shower. I would think a change of shower times is not such a big big deal.</p>

<p>OP, you didn’t ask about the bf, and if he is there all the time making noise or using the facilities, which I guess he must. This probably would have bothered me!</p>

<p>In grad school one year I had all 8 am classes, and I had to go to bed earlier than the woman I shared the apt with. She might have a friend over to study or whatever, and they even made up a funny song since it seemed that I went to bed so early (maybe 11pm). This was funny, so it didn’t bother me, but they did try to be quiet once I was in my room.</p>

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<p>Seeing all the differing opinions on this thread shows that there is no right or wrong answer and that compromise is the only way to go, unless of course the light sleeping roommate leaves, which is right now only a threat but is her choice if something is available. Personally I think both are “me first” kind of kids and that will not bode well for them in any living situation in the near and distant future.</p>

<p>College activities take place about 20 hours a day, being out until 1AM is not unusual at all. Both my college kids have activities that begin close to midnight and go until about 2AM. My younger daughter even has a class that ends at midnight.</p>

<p>Given that there is not much time left to this term and that everyone is feeling the stress of finals, perhaps the purchase of earplugs coupled with a twice a week late night shower schedule could be worked out. That way they are each unhappy sometimes and each happy sometimes. The situation could be revisited in January.</p>

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<p>I am not sure I completely agree with this. Kiddie has stated that her daughter is trying to just wash up sometimes instead of taking a shower. So she has tried to at least decrease the number of late night showers. </p>

<p>I have not heard any compromise that the suitemate has made/suggested to improve the situation.</p>

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<p>Your daughter will need to answer this question for herself: “Which would I rather do? Change my shower time and keep an otherwise good suitemate, or continue to shower at 1 a.m., make my suitemate mad, and risk getting a suitemate who is much worse?” That’s what it comes down to, isn’t it?</p>

<p>Personally, having known people who’ve had CRFHs (College Roommates From H*ll), I’d adjust my shower time.</p>

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<p>I have to say this is what I love about cc - I post a fairly simple question and get 5 pages of diverse response and opinions - lots of entertainment value and good advice all rolled into one!</p>

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<p>OTOH, if the suite-mate’s mother were posting I’d recommend that she buy her daughter a white noise machine or box fan for Christmas. :)</p>

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<p>On a college campus, which really is a 24/7 beehive, I don’t see a 7am shower any less offensive then a 1am shower. If the situation were reversed and the OPs DD were upset by the rm’s 7am shower because she’s a night owl my guess is the reply’s would be saying 7am is reasonable. Well, reasonable in our world…for a hs schedule, for a 10 hour work day schedule, but for a college student, many who don’t have class until noon, 7am is just as obnoxious as 1am is to us. I don’t think there would be any responses suggesting that the rm change her shower schedule to accommodate her rm to avoid waking her at 7am, such a small thing to do, there are many hours in the day after all. I think if this question were asked of college students you might get a very different answer.</p>

<p>And as people are advising the OPs DD to make the adjustment to avoid the rm from hades, the same could be said to the rm…she could end up with a rm who is much worse and LONG for the days where her only frustration is a 1am shower. It goes both ways.</p>

<p>Personally, I feel the OPs DD is already compromising sharing her bathroom with a boyfriend she didn’t plan on. She could make a trade agreement with the rm…I’ll continue to put up with your bf in the bathroom if you’ll put up with my 1am showers (aiming for earlier whenever possible). I think there would be a quick truce.</p>

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<p>Frankly, I’d suggest buying a white noise machine for the suitemate to use . . . and if she moves out anyway, then the OP’s daughter can use to insulate herself from whatever noise the new suitemate starts making!</p>

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<p>Off-topic, I know, but where the heck are this kids going to school no classes before noon is a routine occurrance? I know a few kids who can manage that (darn few), but then they have to work morning shifts somewhere. However, my experience is in SSS (kids are low-income). Maybe it’s a wealth thing.</p>

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<p>This is Northeastern and they have classes scheduled from 8 am to 8:30 pm. I think it may be a large school thing - with lots of kids you need to offer lots of classes and lots of sections of the same classes and therefore use every time slot you can. Because there are often many sections of a class the kids can pick the later times if they want. One of her friends has a spring schedule with classes only on 3 days - this kind of stuff is possible when you have lots of classes to choose from.</p>

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<p>agree completely. Based on some of the stories I hear, having a suitemate that takes showers late at night is a minor complaint.</p>

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<p>^^ I chuckled about that too ordinarylives and don’t believe it. My kids pretty much always had an 8 AM and it was a luxury to have a 9 AM class at least 3 times a week. One of my boys had courtesy hours that basically said any student had the right to ask another student to keep down the noise if it was bothersome. So this particular school had posted and in the handbook Quiet Hours and posted and in the handbook “Courtesy Hours.” My feeling is from midnight to 7 AM Sunday - Thursday all roommates everywhere should be sensitive to sleeping roommates and that is just plain courteous behavior. And if our kids don’t understand that then shame on us.</p>

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<p>If we’re talking NEU, then my NEU alum friends…one of whom I will be visiting this weekend may know the dorm(s) in question unless it’s one of the newer ones built after the mid-'90s. </p>

<p>Don’t know how NEU’s campus culture is nowadays, but from what I heard from him and several others…including some who graduated in 2005 or so, there always seems to be a minority contingent of inconsiderate noisy students who ruin it for the majority of responsible students. Most of it tends to be music/TV/PC multimedia being played way too loud past dorm quiet hours or a few students who are loud after having one too many drinks. </p>

<p>However, the general trend has been the later NEU alums’ accounts of their dorm experiences was that the frequency and degree of inconsiderate noisy dorm behavior greatly decreased after the late '90s. Especially considering the accounts I heard from the late '80s-mid-'90’s alums seem to paint a picture of the freshman dorms(Speare and the Stetsons) as having somewhat of a zoo-like atmosphere when they attended.</p>