<p>Get a little tipsy and go to parties.</p>
<p>i've been here for 2 1/2 weeks now and i'm still lonely... sigh. Worse- i don't have a cellphone yet so i only can use dorm phone at the moment. Even worse-i can't really call anybody becaues ican't call out of the area code. ***.</p>
<p>This reminds me my high school freshman year. I didn't really make my friends until my sophomore year and some really close friends my senior year. (all my middle school friends went to another school) i would hate for it to repeat all over again... (just one year with some of my friends was TOO short!!)</p>
<p>-sigh- This just makes me absolutely terrified that I won't make any friends, because I'm commuting... so yeah, the whole 'people you know from your dorm' aspect is just chopped out. Plus I'll be on campus a whole lot less... I think I'd like to go back to about 10th grade at this point just for the comfort... the stress waiting for the first day of class is killing me.</p>
<p>I didn't make any of my close friends until second SEMESTER so don't worry about. If you find people in the next week or two that you end up being really close to, I'll be impressed.</p>
<p>^ that gives me hope. Thanks ^^</p>
<p>Oh yea, I used the word "friends" without quotation marks, but I do acknowledge that these "friends" are merely more than acquaintances at this point. I don't want to give the impression that I've made close friends already, because that's certainly not the case (I've been in school for just over a week).</p>
<p>JOIN CLUBS</p>
<p>This is the best advice I can give. Last year during my first semester, I was miserable. Then I joined a few clubs and starting meeting people. I met one of my best friends on the first day of one of the club meetings. If you aren't in a fraternity/sorority/sport people aren't going to just come up to you and want to be your friend (especially if you are a guy). Get involved!</p>
<p>It's so lonely with nobody to talk to or visit. My only friend here is so friendly and social and already has tons of friends. I feel like by being here I'm a burden to her, because I never have friends I've met on my own. I feel like such a loner, even though I know I'm not. It's just that no one ever talks to me, and I'm too shy to start conversations.</p>
<p>Just try to start conversations in your courses. It's very easy. Just ask a student about a homework assignment or an upcoming exam, school talk is easy for college students. Over the semester, you will develop a friendship and actually start hanging out and going out with each other. </p>
<p>Another person suggested joining a club, which is another great way to meet people. The point is- don't be afraid of your peers. You have no reason to be. I'm sure if you introduce yourself to someone you see frequently in class or in the dorm, you will become friends fast. It's not something you should feel nervous about. Just relax.</p>
<p>The problem for some people is it's all easier said than done, and everyone here probably already knows they should join a club. It's easy for confident people to say just join a club or start random conversations. Once you join a club, you still have to do most of the work yourself.</p>
<p>You're right that all of this is easier said than done, but doing these things as a freshman in college is probably the best opportunity of your whole life of getting over being shy and meeting new people.</p>
<p>One doesn't overcome shyness or meet people by magic. Sitting alone in your room and worrying won't help you. It will just get worse because you'll remain miserable, won't have friends, while others -- including other shy people -- will be getting into activity and making friends.</p>
<p>People understand when college freshmen are awkward fall of freshman year. Clubs will go out of their way to be welcoming and to recruit them. Classmates, too, will be on the whole eager to meet new people. By spring of freshman year, however, the clubs will be humming along, and the once lonely freshmen will have their friends and won't be as open to finding more friends. </p>
<p>I advised a college newspaper for 6 years. I saw shy college freshmen who had the courage to join the staff fall semester welcomed. By spring semester, many of those formerly shy students had staff positions and were helping to run the paper. They also had a great deal of confidence. When freshmen came to join the staff spring semester, the freshmen often were very intimidated to learn that the confident appearing students who seemed to know everyone on the staff and also were editing others were fellow freshmen like they were. The new recruits didn't realize that what caused the difference between them and their classmates was tat the other freshmen had gotten involved at the paper early.</p>
<p>Anyway, my advice is to force yourself to go to some meetings. Don't expet yourself to be perfect. Give yourself some kind of reward for having the guts to show up. Realize, too, that freshmen are expected to be a bit shy, unknowledgeable and awkward, so there's lots of forgiveness fall semester. It's perfectly fine to make mistakes as you learn the ropes. What's not fine is sitting back waiting until you feel comfortable because by doing that, all you're doing is allowing yourself to be left out of the process of making new friends and learning new skills.</p>
<p>I also was an extremely shy child and teen who went to Harvard from a small town of 6,000. I was intimidated by everything -- including by the big city students who seemed very gregarious and comfortable in a city that they regarded as small but was huge to me. Heck, Harvard had a larger population of students than my hometown had people.</p>
<p>I became involved in some activities freshman year. I was very scared, and didn't speak up much. Every year, I did more. I did make some mistakes, but I would much rather have made those mistakes as a college freshman than to have made those mistakes after college (which I saw some people doing on some jobs that I had later).</p>
<p>Because I was so small town, the big city folks used to tease me sometimes, which I admit hurt my feelings though they weren't trying to be mean. Some of those same folks became my lifelong friends and eventually moved to small cities that were smaller than were some of the major cities that I comfortably lived in as an adult. I got a kick out of teasing them then. :)</p>
<p>I developed into a very gregarious person whom most people don't realize ever was shy. I even got a high elected position in my college's alum association. I can go to parties by myself and happily make new friends. In fact, I enjoy doing things like that. What got me along this path, however, was forcing myself to get into activities my freshman year of college.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you all!</p>
<p>I've been here for three weeks, I haven't found a solid niche yet, I'm still kind of searching. It seems like everyone has gotten so close and so fast. Usually by this time, they're not really looking to add anymore people to their cliques. I'm a very social person, but like I say, people are only going to talk to you if they want to. Being persistent may not always work (from what I've seen). I think joining a club would probably be the best way because I noticed in the classrooms here, people are usually too focused on the professor/their work/their other problems to have time to go around and meet people.</p>
<p>at least you're not commuting. that makes it soooo much harder</p>
<p>Three weeks into the semester, some people may look like they have found good friends. The truth is that in most cases, the people are clinging together out of desperation and newness. It takes more than 3 weeks to make friends.</p>
<p>The best way to find friends is through clubs and other activities that match your interests. Have the courage to go -- even if you must go alone. Volunteer to help out, particularly for those projects that desperately need help. Being involved in activities along with others is the best way to make real friends because you also learn a lot about others by doing something productive (i.e. not by getting drunk) with them.</p>
<p>Three weeks into the semester, some people may look like they have found good friends. The truth is that in most cases, the people are clinging together out of desperation and newness. It takes more than 3 weeks to make friends.</p>
<h2>The best way to find friends is through clubs and other activities that match your interests. Have the courage to go -- even if you must go alone. Volunteer to help out, particularly for those projects that desperately need help. Being involved in activities along with others is the best way to make real friends because you also learn a lot about others by doing something productive (i.e. not by getting drunk) with them</h2>
<p>Yea I was wondering "How long are some of these people going to be friends?" Even some of these people have known each other for three weeks and are in love. I'm sort of can't wait for the organizational fair because many of these people are just "club buddies" (I'm serious). We had a week of orientation and people just started clinging to each other to go to the clubs around here.</p>
<p>How do you form a core group of friends? If your close friends are from clubs and stuff, then all of your central group would come from one source, a club, which doesn't sound too appealing. How do you reach out to the many sources of relationships and pull together one main circle of friends?</p>
<p>There may not be anything wrong with having a circle of friends connected with one club? Those friends probably have different personalities, majors, hometowns, etc. Just because they happen to be in the same club and have that interest doesn't mean that they are clones of each other.</p>
<p>Unlike what occurs in h.s., club activities can take up as much as 15 or more hours a week. For instance, I used to advise a college newspaper, and most of the editors and some of the reporters, photographers and other student journalists spent most of their time at the newspaper when they weren't studying or in class. They did this because they loved working at the paper --even if they didn't plan to be journalists. It also was a place to hang out -- almost like a coffee shop.</p>
<p>When I was in college, I saw similar things at the campus radio station and newspaper. </p>
<p>Now, if people are hanging out at a campus club or making all of their friends in that one place because they're too scared to check out anything else, that's a different situation. </p>
<p>Realize that unlike h.s., where clubs may meet for an hour every other week, campus clubs and organizations can take up a lot of time since students aren't in class as much as they were in h.s.</p>
<p>One last thing: If you have any interest in a club or other activity, have the guts to go by yourself even if no one else that you know will be going. Particularly at the beginning of the year when clubs and organizations are recruiting, it's easy to meet people at events.</p>
<p>I am sorry to say that it took me until way into adulthood to learn the plusses of having the guts to check out organizations by myself. Doing this really opened up my world. I even very happily do this with parties (and I used to be an extremely shy person, so it took me a long time to get comfortable going to parties even with friends). I used to think that if I went alone places, people would think I was a friendless misfit. Instead, I've found that people view me as confident and interesting -- just because I have the guts to check out alone the things that I'm interested in.</p>
<p>It's also a lot easier making new friends when one hasn't surrounded onself with a support group of people one hardlly knows and may have little in common with, but is clinging to as one enters a new situation. When you go places in a crowd, others may hesitate to talk to you because it may look like you're in a clique. It also can be hard to stay or leave when you want to if you have to worry about the wishes of the people who you came with.</p>
<p>One last thing, do not be tempted to rely on getting drunk or high in order to feel comfortable. You may just end up making a fool of yourself or turning off someone who could become a good friend. Also, if you meet people whose idea of a great party is getting so drunk that they throw up ask yourself if that's really your idea of fun. If not, find something better to do. Realize, too, that lots of the people who get drunk/high to have fun are actually shy people who use drugs and booze to cover up their shyness. Doing that only provides a temporary cure to shyness because after the drugs/alcohol wears off, they still are very shy and don't know how to act. </p>
<p>If you have the guts to go to social events and not get drunk or high, you'll learn how to handle such situations, and those lessons will stand by you for life. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn these things. Even having the guts to say a friendly "hello" to the person who's sitting next to you in class or going through the food line with you can be a big step toward meeting people.</p>
<p>What is bad about friends being all one group is when you start interdating. There's usually alot of drama because of it, trust me I've been there.</p>
<p>AUlostchick,
You make a good point. Still, I've known some marriages that occurred from interdating. Ya never know....</p>