<p>It will continue to get better, day by day and week by week. Hang in there … be there for your kids when they want/need to dump on you (or just talk) … don’t let them know how much it hurts you to know that they are sad (they need you to be strong & positive for them). It WILL get better. I know this from experience.</p>
<p>Trying to hang in there but getting frustrated and panicky about the up and down roller coaster - seems more down than up at the moment. 
He feels like he has been there an eternity and it’s only been 10 days. I find myself frustrated that he is not embracing this opportunity.</p>
<p>My daughter had a major breakthrough today. She saw one of the girls from her rugby team in her political science class. They got coffee after the class and have plans to go to the movies on Friday.</p>
<p>Yay!</p>
<p>Felixnot, that is wonderful news! woo hoo!!</p>
<p>abasket… sigh i feel your pain… so up and down. and mostly not up… i just would like to hear about a happy time from my daughter…</p>
<p>i want her to have a moment like Felixnots daughter had. </p>
<p>My D is going to a pre Rosh Hashanah dinner tomorrow… i hope she can meet someone to be a friend. all it takes is one…</p>
<p>well yesterday my D had a busy day and that seems to help Again i am starting to worry about the weekend. I am going to really encourage her to do something fun. </p>
<p>Felixnot, is your daughter still doing well?</p>
<p>abasket, how is your son?</p>
<p>is there any other parent out there who’s child is having adjustment issues?</p>
<p>i promise i wont bump this thread forever, but it is helpful and a comfort when i come here and see someone else has posted.</p>
<p>To the original poster—This is completely understandable. In my opinion, college can’t and will never compete with high school. More memories will have been made in high school, and the friendships will have been stronger in high school. College life cannot compare to home life and happy teenage years.</p>
<p>Picklemom, haven’t heard from my daughter since Tuesday. I’m in the no news is good news zone…</p>
<p>Hope everyone’s children start to get more comfortable and find their way. Once the rhythm of the week starts, things should get better.</p>
<p>
Not necessarily. For some college is the first time they don’t feel like the outsiders, they get to be surrounded by people who share their interests, passions, and intellectual abilities. And many enjoy living “independently” (though maybe not in the first couple of weeks).</p>
<p>“In my opinion, college can’t and will never compete with high school. More memories will have been made in high school, and the friendships will have been stronger in high school. College life cannot compare to home life and happy teenage years.”</p>
<p>Wow, are we on different sides of the fence on this one. I’m happy for people who enjoyed HS, and especially if they enjoy college just as much. I liked those years well enough - both sets of them. But I completely disagree that HS is or should be the peak time in one’s life for happiness, friends, and memories. Even when I was in HS, I was grateful for everything that made me want to get out and get going. I openly tell my kids that HS is for getting past and moving on to better things. Cherish the good people (often adults rather than peers) in your life, take the skills and learning experiences, and put them forth into what you do next. </p>
<p>Maybe feeling like home life and high school could never be surpassed is what keeps some kids from jumping into their college experience, and makes them fear they’ll never be that successful and happy again. I’m not accusing anyone’s kids of this attitude, but I must take issue with the idea that college “can’t” be as good, let alone better, than HS. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, especially an 18-year-old who’s on the brink of their entire adult life.</p>
<p>I agree EmmyBet, I feel bad for those who feel that HS is the peak time in one’s life. It should be something to get through so you can move on with life.</p>
<p>It may be a case of homesickness, or it may be just that it’s the wrong fit or the wrong time. I’m all for letting the student decide what is best for them. What’s the worse that can happen? She comes home for a time, matures a little, then decides when its right to pursue community college or another try away from home.</p>
<p>Kids develop at their own rate and it’s our job as parents to support them, no matter what the outcome. In the end, you’ll have a grateful kid who was allowed to take it at her own pace.</p>
<p>We always tell our kids, “don’t peak in High School!”</p>
<p>Really? There’s someone who thinks that HS was better than college? Definitely not the case in my house! There’s just access to so much MORE in college & beyond.</p>
<p>Pickelmom, just spoke to my daughter. She said she couldn’t talk cause she has friends now, and has stuff to do. So, I think, she is over the hump, though you never know…Joining the rugby team, has really helped, and has opened a bunch of activities, (gathering after practice yesterday, pasta dinner tomorrow night, travel game on Saturday, etc), once she decided to be open to it.</p>
<p>So, good luck, and let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>Picklemom, you should feel free to bump this thread as often and as much as you like! I appreciate it and I am sure there are others - perhaps less vocal - who appreciate the support as well!</p>
<p>S has had a decent last couple of days. He cannot complain about having time to be homesick cause he is quite busy, but guess he stills feels the “lonelyness” of not knowing many people. He started tennis practice yesterday and he adores the coach so that seems to be a positive. He admits to really getting along with 2 guys who are roommates down the hall (and who knew each other in high school) - he enjoys them, they seem to enjoy S - he says he feels a little like the odd wheel out, but they seem to invite him to do lots of things. He is coming home for the weekend tomorrow so I know he is excited about that. We’ll see how we all feel come the end of the weekend!</p>
<p>I will admit that I sometimes wonder if part of S’s problem is that in his high school (about 1400 students) he knew just about everyone and just about everyone knew him - very comforting, he felt very much in the “driver’s seat”. Now, he just feels like the random person knowing no one, and everything is new. The adjustment could perhaps be easier for someone who could take or leave high school, but starts college with a clean slate. S on the other hand, LOVED LOVED LOVED high school and now that has been taken away. </p>
<p>He has had a few funny stories to share this week which are encouraging to me (getting caught in a hailstorm outside with his two new buddies and his two new buddies taping his boxers on the ceiling of the bathroom 
He thought it was funny and seemed to appreciate the humor). His current collection of “college stories”. :)</p>
<p>Maybe to some people the get-to-know-you activities like spaghetti dinners and all that seem silly, but they do make a big difference. Even at the college I went to, which is NOT known for its superior social scene (just the opposite) had some nice “artificial” situations where kids came out of their rooms and met each other, and filled their spare time. </p>
<p>The day after move-in, a bunch of upperclassmen took a group of us all over the city on an unlimited bus transfer. They knew we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves (no activities were planned). I’ll always be grateful. Also for the Monday night study breaks, where I learned to play Hearts.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed on our college tours, and maybe this is a coincidence, but the “house” system seems to be dwindling on many campuses. Very few have the kind of strong “family” feeling I experienced at college, that really saved me in many ways. Also very few dorms have adults around - my D’s school has no front desks, no switchboards, no nice ladies who know your name, no place where people are hanging around the mailboxes and checking in, and they don’t have resident “heads,” grad students whose job it is to make a community out of the dorm. Too much is centralized, and the small social pods don’t get created as effectively, in my opinion.</p>
<p>But it does work out eventually - I’m glad to hear that the kids are keeping busy and goofing around with people. There’s a big difference between being “kind of bummed” and truly being so miserable that one has to leave. I have faith!</p>
<p>The first week or so was difficult for my daughter; she has zero tolerance for pretentious people and found her dorm group had several kids with whom she found pretentious. She is not big on the party circuit and she is reserved and laid back. She found herself not part of the circle of kids nor did she want to be. These are the times she would call home. Since I did not go to college, I did not have any background experience to judge the circumstance and of course being a mother I was worried. I assume much of this bravado will settle down as the need to impress lessens and life will get more real She has slowly found people who are more like herself and will build a circle of friends. What has helped me tremendously is we started to Skype last week, it was amazing to see that she looked great and it was good to see her smile. This helped put everything in perspective. Kids will reach out to us when they need a familiar ear but there are times in the day that they are perfectly happy as well. It was comforting to see her looking well, it quieted my motherly instincts. I recommend Skype to all concerned parents.</p>
<p>Felixnot - i am so glad your daughter is over the hump. what great news! :)</p>
<p>abasket - let us know how the weekend at home goes.</p>
<p>artrell - sounds like our daughters are alike… mine is not into the party scene either…</p>
<p>High school was NOT the peak for my daughter… she was hoping that this would be a fresh start. We are trying to tell her to loosen up and try something new… </p>
<p>she did get her first paper back, and she did quite well so i think that helped her mood.</p>
<p>She is also a young 18 so that is not probably helping either.</p>
<p>thank you all for listening</p>
<p>I’m happy to put in a plug for my kids’ school here! 
At Rice, every student is a member of a residential college, and each res college has college masters (faculty member and spouse who live in res college attached house) and Resident Associates (grad student or staff who live in apartment in res college). In addition, each res college has faculty associates who eat, socialize and mentor their respective res colleges. Lots of support, and a wonderful, vibrant and inclusive social scene… okay, plug over! ;)</p>
<p>“the small social pods don’t get created as effectively, in my opinion”</p>
<p>I was very surprised that at my son’s large flagship, no attempts were made to form a community. It certainly makes it difficult to have a “fresh start” and IMO, it diminishes focus on academics as kids are trying to develop a social life as a safety net. I wonder if budget cuts are to blame? The undergrad RA’s just want to collect a paycheck with as little effort as possible.</p>