<p>You might view it as a compliment of sorts that your Mom feels like you have the kind of relationship where she can tell you how much she’s going to miss you, how lonely she’s going to be, etc.</p>
<p>I’m actually freaking out too. Youngest is going off to college at the same time my spouse is going in a skilled care nursing home. After having a house full of kids, caregivers, etc. for years, I will be alone in the house when my youngest goes off to school. It will be the first time I haven’t had others in the house in 25 years. Lots of very weird and complex feelings going on about aging, life stages, freedom, loneliness, fear for my youngest, etc. </p>
<p>I am not telling my youngest how weird I’m feeling, though. I’m afraid she’ll take it too seriously. I’m afraid if I tell D how freaked I am, that she will feel bad about leaving. I want her to miss me, but I don’t want her to feel guilty about having a great time at college. In a way, the fact that your Mom can talk to you about her feelings is a compliment since she must believe that you are very mature and won’t freak out yourself.</p>
<p>You can reassure her about the calls to come, and that you’ll keep her in the loop and tell her what’s going on. She’s just having some parental growing pains. Consider offering to let her take you to the mall to spend money on you, to help take her mind off of it…</p>
<p>neonzeus,
I will be thinking of you.
My youngest went off to school this year. My parents died many years ago; only my MIL is alive and she is into end stage alzheimer’s. Sometimes it is very quiet.</p>
<p>I don’t know who to feel sorrier for, the kids saddled down with moms who can’t let go or the moms. As a mom I am not looking forward to my “baby” and only daughter, whom I am very close to, leaving but I will not stand in her way or try to make her feel guilty or any other nonsense. Holding too tight and not letting your young ones fly is not love, it is selfish-plain and simple and yes, even a biological mother is capable of behaving like a non-mother. Let your kids fly and be excited for them. Let them soar and discover who they are and by staying out of their way, but with them knowing you are there, you will nurture your relationship with them; not weaken it. Hopefully, all of the little girls who are now young women will seek to have a more fulfilling life than the mothers who can’t let go. To those moms who need to let go - volunteer and get involved in your community. You might others who need your nurturing skills and I bet your daughter will respect you even more!</p>
<p>ketchup, I hope everything went well talking with your mom. My parents and I are at ends about college, what we can afford and everything. I definately DO NOT want to live at home- I wouldn’t be home at all, and living at home would bring even more expectations of actually staying at home from my siblings and parents.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids.
i think that my mom issss worried about the things that would go on in a dorm. but i keep telling her that i’m responsible & won’t do any of that stupid stuff. i even told her i’ll come home every or atleast almost every weekend.</p>
<p>& i don’t think the cost that much of an issue because the R&B charges are about the same of what they’d have to pay annually for gas money, car insurance (18 yr old) as well as having to buy me my own car…</p>
<p>do you think i should compromise? like maybe if they let me dorm for my 1st year i’ll let them decide if they want me to live at home for the years proceeding?</p>
<p>*On the other hand, room and board can easily cost over $10,000 at some schools, and it can be unreasonable to expect your parents to pay that if the money is short, and you live so close. *</p>
<p>I think this might be part of the problem. </p>
<p>OP, how much is your school going to cost your parents for EVERYTHING - tuititon, room, board, books, etc?</p>
<p>unwrittenwordsx3 quote - *My parents and I are at ends about college, what we can afford and everything. I definately DO NOT want to live at home- I wouldn’t be home at all, and living at home would bring even more expectations of actually staying at home from my siblings and parents. *</p>
<p>Have you calmly told your parents that if you have to live at home while going to school because of financial issues, then your time will be your own? </p>
<p>What I mean is…if you’re living at home while going to school, then they can’t expect you to be home for dinner, and there will be days that you’ll be on campus til late at night?</p>
<p>OMG, Has mom ever talked about her college days? She may know more about the “horrors” of dorm living than you do, even if it was 20+ years ago, do NOT blow the information off as “old news”.</p>
<p>I am graduating from a 4 year college in a month after 37 1/2 years of fits and starts and always having to put school behind my kids, family, and work. My son is in college, so is his gf, and daughter has chosen not to finish. My fees since Fall 2007 jumped 10% per semester until this fall jumped 32% and may increase another 32% in spring or more if they wait until Fall 2010. I have loans for me, have paid cash for son in Community College but he will be on his own once he gets his associates.</p>
<p>Ketchup, grow-up, your parents don’t owe you anything once you turned 18. All they must provide after that is from the love in their hearts. My parents always said the most expensive years they ever lived was when they had one girl in Elementary, one in High School, and one in College. I guarantee it’s time for the “finances” talk and how much you can help out instead of how much you can drain from them time.</p>
<p>I tend to take people at their word. If the mom says that she is worried about missing her daughter and is concerned about dorm life, those issues are probably more important than the finances. However, the question is very simply addressed. Ketchup, wait until you and your mom are relaxed and then ask her if the cost of you living in a dorm is something she’s concerned about. Listen to what she has to say. If money is an issue you can work on a financial plan to present to her later.</p>
<p>The best way that you can reassure her that you will make good decisions when you live in a dorm is by demonstrating all this year how mature and responsible you are. That means getting to school on time, getting home when you say you will, keeping your grades up, not drinking or engaging in other substance abuse, being responsible about friends… you know the drill. Besides having the finances talk, you don’t need to argie your case until it’s time to put down the housing deposit, which for most colleges isn’t until next spring.</p>
<p>Now that the OP has said that her mom is concerned about dorm life, I believe that. </p>
<p>That concern wasn’t mentioned at the beginning, which is why I further questioned the possibility of her mom being concerned about dorm activities or money. </p>
<p>At the bottom of this is the OP’s original post. The only concern that the OP mentioned regarding her mom was loneliness. That’s why I don’t always just take people at the word at the beginning. You sometimes have to dig a little deeper to find out what’s really the concern. </p>
<p>This mom is concerned about some of the common problems associated with dorm-life - drinking, partying, sex, drugs, whatever. The OP also now mentions having an older bro that goes away to school. Want to bet that the mom hasn’t heard some stories from him that make her concerned for her D?</p>
<p>BTW…unless the parents are quite affluent, the OP shouldn’t assume that just because her parents are paying for her brother’s college costs that they can easily afford hers. As my dad used to say, “you can’t spend a dollar twice.” These parents may have never budgeted the OP’s dorm/food costs into their budget if she had always expressed interest in going to a nearby school.</p>
<p>*I’m graduating this summer (thank God) and going off to college in the Fall. The college that I want to go to is 35 min from my house, which is not far at all. But I don’t want to commute, I want to dorm. I’m responsible, trustworthy and get mostly B’s and some A’s in school. My mom is just freaking out about me wanting to dorm. She says that she’s gonna be lonely without me blah blah blah. Is this just her not wanting to let go and admit that her daughter is all grown up? Why do parents have such a hard time with that? *</p>
<p>Ahh, ketchup. You know what – she just likes you (as well as loving you as her child). She likes having you around. It’s that simple. I miss my college kids all the time – because they are some of the greatest people in the world. They are funny and fun, and sweet and affectionate, and very INTERESTING.</p>
<p>It’s not about ‘admitting that her daughter is all grown up’. It’s about how WELL you’ve grown up. It’s actually a tribute to the wonderful person you’ve become, and that you are just inherently amazing. I marvel constantly at what great young people came out of this family despite all the bone-headed errors done by my kids’s parents.</p>
<p>Some day, when you have your own kids, ketchup (little squirts, ha ha), you will get it. You will say, now I understand why my mom “had such a hard time with that.”</p>
<p>Sniff sniff. (a tear)</p>
<p>Parenthood: if it hurts, you’re doing it right.</p>
<p>But here’s a song for Happy Thanksgiving. You can find it on iTunes and give it to your mom as a gift:</p>
<p>‘Calling My Children Home’ by The Websters and Scott Nygaard</p>
<p>Give your mom a hug for me, and one for yourself.</p>
<p>All I have are boys, and I’m dying with grief about missing my incredibly sweet boy (though I try to hide it)! This specific poster, though, is talking about her daughter-which is probably why you got that impression.</p>
I have a boy who will be gone in 9 months, and I could have said <em>exactly</em> what AnuddahMom said, especially this part:
The thought of him leaving looms in my mind like a black hole I’m about to step into. Yes, there’s the other side, the freedom and the extra time and all that, but that impending void seems more real.</p>
<p>Parents always complain about how hard we make life for them, and then when the time comes to leave them they get sad and emotional…parents are too funny</p>