<ol>
<li><p>Tell her what you are willing to pay for each school (and yes, do this before you see the financial aid packages). If you aren’t willing to pay full-price for a school that isn’t very good, then don’t do it.</p></li>
<li><p>Give her a travel budget and tell her to figure it out. If she wants to hem and haw and get last-minute plane tickets, that will be her problem, not yours.</p></li>
<li><p>Set weekly meetings and progressively eliminate schools from the list.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Weekly meetings? Why?? She’s not in a rehab program. This is a smart, responsible kid who obviously knows how to meet deadlines. Read what AUGirl says. There is a lot of wisdom in her post.</p>
<p>Although I am not a parent, I’d like to put my two cents in.</p>
<p>I am a current senior in your daughter’s position (without the Ivy league schools). Now that I have all my acceptances and narrowed the list to 2, my parents began to force their opinion about where they wanted me to choose (state flagship that I could care less about). When I received my acceptance letter to my top pick, they quickly killed my joy by asking the rhetorical question of how much I received in scholarships at their top choice. However, I more than anything just want to go to the private school. My parents, by insisting I go to state flagship, have made me bitter towards them. Like others said, if someone is pushed too hard to attend any college, they will become begrudging and lose control over the decision making process, which is critical as a new adult. Please, do NOT force your opinion on your daughter like mine have on me. It will only cause angst and tension in your relationship. Your daughter will know what is right for her, and I’m sure will be pleased wherever she lands.</p>
<p>We didn’t do any spreadsheets either. I can see the point of that for financial reasons or a known major, but my son had all great LACs on his list and we let him listen to his gut reaction.</p>
<p>^^If your parents are unable or unwilling to pay for the private college, you are out of luck.</p>
<p>I never stepped in. My D took a very different approach to many on CC. She applied early action to 1 school. She decided in October of her senior year that this was what she wanted to do. Her thinking was that if she got in to that school then she was going there. If she didn’t get in then she would have a couple of weeks to get other applications in.</p>
<p>She is part-way through her 1st year at that school and is having a great experience</p>
<p>tomofboston,</p>
<p>it’s not a money issue. I was only allowed to apply to one private school and unlimited apps to IS public schools. There is only a a few thousand dollar difference between the two, and my parents are more than able to pay for the private school. They are just unwilling because of some strange notion in their head that private school is some evil kind of institution. My FA offers were actually pretty horrible at the public schools- they only contained loans and a few thousand in scholarships.</p>
<p>Y’know … I have to say that you are talking about spending a great deal of money – up to $80 K (although without financial aid, up to $250K). It’s not unreasonable to spend $5-6K to check out the choices. If she could narrow down her choices to the east coast schools (for example) a quick trip to get the lay of the land might be a good investment.</p>
<p>IMHO she really needs to see the difference between Boston, Providence, upper Manhattan, and Durham, etc. to make a real decision. Or at least to spend some quality time with videos and travelogues of the various cities and their colleges, but nothing will really sub for boots on the ground.</p>
<p>I agree - it may be worth visiting, if you can make arrangements to do so. </p>
<p>Lacking that, maybe we have enough collective knowledge to add meaningful video links for the top choices. OP - Which 6 are on the A-list?</p>
<p>Our daughter has not yet decided. Doubtful we could muster up enough energy or organization with senior year winding to a close in a month to do a spread sheet. She had 8 choices including the flagship state school. It is down to four schools by her choice. She received merit in varying degrees at all. All are private. She realizes that money is a concern. She is returning to an LAC where she received a great scholarship, although it is lower on the list. She had spent sometime there during a scholarship competition and admitted that she was pretty stressed during it and agreed to go back. We will probably try to get to the one she has not seen… Our alma mater is one of the choices and the most expensive…I am sure that it will all work out.</p>
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<p>Easy - when you’re finding yourself potentially shelling out 60k/year for the next four years.</p>
<p>[My attempt at being clever.]</p>
<p>We gave our D Mom and Dad’s financial aid package back in January. She knew ahead of time that some of her schools would require significant aid to attend. If the school’s financial aid package met her need then she had to explain to us why she chose the school she did. It wasn’t because we approved or disapproved we just wanted to be sure she could verbalized her reasons for her decision. In the end she really didn’t have a bad choice, just very different choices. Both D and Mom and Dad are happy with her decision. Yeah!</p>
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<p>The “collective knowledge” is called Google. I agree that video links–especially tours of campuses or interviews with faculty–can be very useful, though.</p>
<p>I am also a current senior in high school with similar pressure on me. My parents qualify for no financial aid except loans, which they would be able to easily take out and pay but would prefer to make me take out on my own for private student loans instead of the federal direct parent plus. All three of my choices are public, but two are out of state. One of the out of states offered a large amount in scholarships, the other offered nothing. You can guess that I am 100% in my mind that I will attend the latter, but my parents not so much. And I am getting tired of hearing, “You should’ve applied to more scholarships,” or “X school is just as good” (referring to the first out of state, which isnt even on the rankings by US News for my discipline). It is very frustrating. :/</p>
<p>I think it’s natural for a parent to feel some cold feet when the scholarship offers roll in for the less-favored (but still really good) school. It’s at that point that you–the parent–have to stiffen your spine and keep your word–if you gave it.</p>
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<p>If the family cannot afford some of the schools the student is considering, the parent needs to step in and clarify the situation. Or if the decision needs to be based on the amount of financial aid received, the student needs to know that. </p>
<p>Also, the parent might give advice if the student is seriously considering a school that has a huge disadvantage (like not offering the major that the student wants).</p>
<p>We went through this process with my older S (now a sophomore in college) and are now going through it with our senior S. Our S has still not decided either. He’s gotten full tuition scholarships at 3 three schools (NJ, NY, & MA) and 1 very generous scholarship at another (DC). We are going to accepted students day to wait for him to make his decision. Our older S stepped onto his present campus and absolutely loved it. We had not visited it before his acceptance, but once he got there, he knew that was it for him. We hope our senior will feel the same way. Although we have visited 3 out of 4 schools already, their true colors sometimes come out on Accepted Students Day! Ultimately if money is not a factor, you should let them decide. We never wanted our S to come back and say “I knew I shouldn’t have come here, but it’s where you wanted me to go.” He’s very happy, very involved, and already has an internship for this summer at a top 4 Accounting firm even though he’s only a Sophomore. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>Finances is obviously an issue. Putting that aside, I’ll share a story.</p>
<p>Neither of our daughters chose to attend the school that would have my (and my wife’s) first choice. In each case, when they made their choice, they explained what they felt the pros and cons were and why they were making their choice. In each case, they made cogent, well-thought arguments to defend their decision. My wife and I both felt that this was all we could and should ask. </p>
<p>Looking back, there is no doubt that each daughter chose correctly – the reasons that they gave (in one case more faculty-student interaction and in the other, the educational opportunities if she decided to change majors), actually came to be relevant.</p>
<p>So – in hindsight, they actually did know best.</p>
<p>This post is so me… Torn is the only word that comes to my mind… and im sure my daughter feels the same. </p>
<p>I want to just tell her… you choose… but some other times she has been given this and she chooses the easy path, not necessariy the long term best path… </p>
<p>all i can do is know that all her choices are good if not awsome and that she is not marrying the school she chooses, just attending for 4 quick years…</p>
<p>Rewinding tape two years back, DS applied to twelve (all selective) and was accepted to ten universities, waitlisted to one. He quickly chose not to stay on the waitlist, and crossed out his two safeties. That left, ahm, EIGHT to mull over.
He informed us that for the next two weeks he wanted “silent time.” No discussion of any sort. None.
This turned out perfectly. On April 15 (also Tax Day- oh, what a day that was!) the silence was lifted. I asked on the way to school if we can talk about it now. He smiled and told us his choice, which was what we really hoped for not only because of our financial circumstances but because it was the perfect choice for his major, and a few other reasons. His sister, in the back seat, jumped up and down saying, “GREAT!”
This is our happy story. Fast forward and it’s still a happy story.
I share this here in the hope it helps you some during this time. Your daughter is asking for some quiet time. No doubt this discussion began long ago, so maybe a pause is the right thing for a bit. It was for us.
I reminded myself that if a kid is intelligent enough to have all these choices, they will think well at this junction.</p>