<p>OP, I have only read your first post. Let me tell you this - take a big step back and relax. You are bring unnecessary stress to you and your kid. </p>
<p>Believe me, I have been in your shoes. How about seeing your child writing an essay, which was due by mid night, at 11:57 PM? That was after spending three hours at HS helpping out on a project? I made a big fuss that I would probably regret it for a long long time. </p>
<p>based on your post, your kid has good grade and test scores etc. Trust him/her. Give them a credit card for application fees and leave them alone. I did exactly that the 2nd time around with DS and the whole process went w/o any stress. Both DD and DS are very happy at their schools now.</p>
<p>To all the parents whose child are applying for college this time of the year. Everything will work out when May 1st comes. Pushing and fighting with your child does no body no good.</p>
<p>"bring unnecessary stress to you and your kid.</p>
<p>Believe me, I have been in your shoes. How about seeing your child writing an essay, which was due by mid night, at 11:57 PM? That was after spending three hours at HS helpping out on a project? I made a big fuss…"</p>
<p>So glad I am not alone. DD is last of 4 and driving me crazy. Has two days left of school before break, we leave for week-long out of town visits early Saturday morning and she asked two teachers today if they would be okay with writing her recommendations (she originally asked tow different teachers). Guidance counselor needs her to physically sign that common app form and although there is no snow yet falling, SCHOOL IS CANCELLED for tomorrow and knowing the prediction of five inches of snow followed by sleet and freezing rain, it will be closed Friday as well. So my glee at her having a free day to start her common app and supplements turned to horror as I realized that the counselor’s forms wil most likely not be submitted until after the Jan 1 deadline. So happy she’s my last!</p>
<p>The kids will end up where they end up. No one is holding a club to their heads telling them “you much apply to six, eight, ten colleges.” The OPs student is in pretty good shape, if more apps get done great if not…well???</p>
<p>I have an acquaintance with a very intelligent, but scattered, child who organized his time strictly for him throughout the fall of his senior year, and heavily revised his essays to elite schools (she is a professional writer). He complained bitterly about her interference, but was admitted to one of said schools. Now, practically every time he has an assignment due he’s on the phone to his mom, pleading with her to write/rewrite his stuff at the last minute. So she is now the one complaining. But I think she made her own bed, and also that she has done/is doing him no favors.</p>
<p>Kids have to grow up, and that sometimes involves making their own mistakes or falling short in some way and learning from the experience.</p>
<p>I only read the OP, and I’m a student (Senior as well), not a parent, but I wanted to add my opinion because of some things I have realized recently. </p>
<p>I would try to find the best balance possible between reminding him to get this done and leaving him alone. </p>
<p>I have actually really enjoyed these past two years, but Senior year has been more crazy than I could have ever expected, in good and bad ways. I’m sure you know that.</p>
<p>In the past couple of years, I have realized how much I rely on my parents for things. They really are NOT the type to baby me to death, and I did literally almost everything for myself when it came to applying to colleges. However, there have been other times that I now wish they had let me fall on my face and learned my lesson. So I would try to get him to finish at least a few of them, but if he misses the deadline on a couple and later regrets it than that would be a good wake up call. Even if he does really like those schools, if he’s anything like me than he would have sent the application in by now if he REALLY likes them. Maybe he’s different, but I know I was motivated to submit my top few choices in plenty of time.</p>
<p>Also, he may just get down to the wire before submitting everything. My friends and I are very good at procrastination, even if does cause more stress!</p>
<p>ETA: Sometimes hearing the truth is annoying. I know I would get irritated at my parents asking multiple times a day if I submitted my last three applications. I’m not perfect, and I snapped at them several times. On the other hand, I feel like, at 18, I’m old enough to realize they’re right and have a reasonable conversation about it instead of becoming angry/snapping at them/procrastinating even more.</p>
<p>Jingle, I’m not sure that supporting a child in the application process necessarily leads to a dependent college student. My son has been completely independent with his work throughout high school–occasionally asking me to proof and essay, help him brainstorm an idea or quiz him for a test. But he’s managed his own time adequately–I’d have to say well. But somehow this process–the stress, the stakes, the reality of leaving home–have him struggling more. If I help him now, I don’t expect him to start calling me next year whenever a paper is due–if he hasn’t done that for the last four years, why would he start doing that now?</p>
<p>Just to be clear; for my daughter, it’s not that I worry she will need my help. It’s more that when I look at the caliber of students she goes to school with, I am impressed with their amazing self-discipline, and wouldn’t want to be a student competing with them!</p>
<p>chai, well, the situation I described is sort of extreme–but I teach at a good university, and I’ve been surprised how dependent many students are on cellphone life-coaching and academic advice from their parents at an age when I think they’d be better off managing a little more on their own. You’re right that this is more likely to be part of a longstanding pattern than something that originates at college-app time.</p>
<p>Anyhow, your S sounds like he’s coping pretty well; he’s already got the Common App done, and there are still two weeks before most schools’ RD application deadline, so he has time to write the other essays over the holiday break. Of course it would be preferable both for you and for him if he were super-proactive and had everything already submitted. I just think the best way to “support him in the application process” is probably to give him some space. </p>
<p>I must say, when my S was applying last year, I was glad that one of his favorite schools did not require an essay at all.</p>
<p>My son just got waitlisted at MIT, one of his top couple of schools, the only one he applied to Early Action. So now that the uber reach dream school didn’t happen, I guess he really does have to fill out those other apps…</p>
<p>Jingle, I appreciate what you said about “Just giving him space.” I’m sure that’s exactly what he needs, yet it seems to be quite challenging for me to give it to him.</p>
<p>I know some kids who have done early decision (or early action) who have not done any work on any other applications, and won’t until they hear about the ED (with EA, they usually don’t hear until after the RD deadline). It could be hard to concentrate on regular applications if the level of hope and anxiety is high for an early decision decision school.</p>
<p>I honestly think everyone is right on this issue! Meaning, we all have individual kids with unique needs and styles, dealing with individual situations. Even as a parent of 3, I have dealt with extremely different application dilemmas, and my response has been different for each as well.</p>
<p>So hands off for some, temporarily targeted assistance for some, the main thing being supporting but not enabling, I guess. Parental anxieties usually come from a place of caring, and in the end most of us know when to rein them in and when to let them guide our interactions.</p>
<p>I started a near identical thread this time last year. My son decided to apply to 12 schools and, of course, waited until the last minute to get his applications in. And here we are…son just finished his first semester of college at one of his reach schools and looking back it’s easy to see how out of proportion my stress level was about the whole process. As DadII said, it really all does work out. Son is happy, just finished with a 3.75 GPA. He already has a large circle of friends, is having fun. He’s right where he needed to be. Trust that things will work out the way they are suppose to and try to relax.</p>
<p>Thanks MomLive, and so true! What a difference a week makes. Last week, S was denied his ED, took it well and banged out his essays this week for a reach and mostly Meet…with a couple of safeties thrown in. He was sent two EA, one for honors and scholarship; won’t know about honors for the other till March. He also asked me to order a t-shirt that says, “Can you ask me ANY other question?”. He said the kids at school don’t talk about ‘it’ much, but the MOTHERS…that’s the ONLY thing they ask about…He said we all need to refocus. That was my chuckle of the day.</p>
<p>Note to self, mom of a junior, since we will be doing this next fall.</p>
<p>I need to be sure DS has an admission in hand from a rolling admission school by mid December - someplace DS likes that DH and I also think is perfectly fine.
If DS goes on strike or uses delay tactics to finish apps for other schools he has said he is really interested in, remind myself that this is his thing and that the rolling admission school is a perfectly reasonable fallback plan.
It’s worth a try.</p>
<p>Reality:
See you all here at this time next year when I am going crazy about DS not finishing supplemental essays for applications.
Except for the kids who have a clear ED choice and are admitted ED, I think most of us end up in this boat.
Good luck and best wishes to the parents of this year’s seniors!</p>
<p>Yeah, I can laugh now…but in the midst of ‘all that tension’; I had to get the holiday card photo done. You can imagine me with the camera in his face…“SMILE!” let’s just say his younger sister was a big help in getting him to smile! Was so tempted to finally send a christmas letter with what I REALLY want to say!</p>
<p>Last year at this time, I asked my son whether he wanted me to “nag” him or just leave him to his own devices. He wanted me to “nag.”
We all survived; now we’ll see if we can survive winter break…</p>
<p>Yeah! S hit send on all apps today…Harpy Mom is Happy Holiday Mom. Rooting for you all from the sidelines. Now I’m going to try my best not to think about ‘it’ until March!</p>