<p>Mentoring someone else also raises his self-esteem. He is a sensitive kid and might be suffering a little in that department.</p>
<p>From your description, has this trend been developing over many years or is this a new development since 7th grade? If this is a new development and he is in a new school like a jr. high, it may be important to develop closer contact with his teachers.I found that my child who floundered in jr. high was because I did not take an active approach with the teachers. You can call them every week. Let them know the grades you expect and talk with the teacher how exactly this can be accomplished. I would get the guidance counselor involved too.How exactly can we get his grade up. It doesn't make sense if a child gets all A's in elementary school, now gets all Cs and Ds in jr. high. If there are some fundamental problems with the school work you could try some advanced summer programs to improve his skills. One son of mine did that summer after 8th and 9th grade.How we approached it was, son saw himself as a fine mathematician and we explained to be that now you have to go to the extra intensive classes to compete.
As I have raised 3 boys my thoughts are the age from 13-16 is a delicate period. I would not pine for what he is not but would strive to improve his self-image every day. Make that your personal challenge and take every small victory with satisfaction. 'You would make a terrific student council rep.. why not try it?!'I would not be critical, be interested in little victories and maybe the are some fundamental insecurities he may have, but I'm SURE you know all this. Do not bother him over the small things, save your battles for the problems that really matter to you.<br>
I understand we all want to improve situations but please don't be disappointed in your son. A positive self image in worth 10 high SAT scores.</p>
<p>Hi Achat! I was wondering, did you have a turkey for Thanksgiving? Or a duck or something else? And what spices do you use. I've been wondering about this but haven't seen yo around to ask.</p>
<p>I had cornish game hens. No Indian spices. Thanks for asking. ;)</p>
<p>No spices!!I was hoping get a few tips!</p>
<p>Oh dear, I just read my post CANGEL. I didn't mean to sound critical in that second paragraph. It just turned out looking that way! Sorry, I can see you are extremely good parent!!!!!</p>
<p>
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the age from 13-16 is a delicate period.
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<p>That's an understatement! And you're too polite, bhg. I think it is a positively revolting age. Previously sweet-tempered boys get jolted by surges of testosterone and all of a sudden they are angry and want to bite something.....ANYTHING! Ahhhhh, mum looks tasty! Grrrrufff!</p>
<p>What a nightmare! Cannot imagine how Jamimom does it with so many to look after! She's going to heaven on a rocket, don't you think?</p>
<p>Cangel; on the tutor idea--try to find someone top-notch. Someone who might keep you enthralled with the subject. (When we told my older S that we were hiring his old Calc teacher for younger S, he said, "That guy is a real confidence booster." He was right.)</p>
<p>And since he's at a small private school, will your S get a chance to go out for football? I will second carolyn's observation that football does a good job of absorbing testosterone. It helps boys make sense of themselves--even if they are benchwarmers. It gives them instant, credible social status. Would he consider football camp the summer before freshman year?</p>
<p>Oh, cheers, you made me cackle right out loud!! I adore boys, but you're right! It was just your wording. Thanks for that. I've been nail-biting about EA--the waiting is killing me even if my sweet baby boy seems calm on the surface, and I needed the laugh!</p>
<p>Me, with the four brothers and surrounded by construction men for 25 years; the 'boyness' of my own two continues to amaze me. </p>
<p>Starting with the boy toddler's initial obsession with vehicles, progressing to military paraphenalia, then on to balls and sports, culminating in a gift for sports statistics. </p>
<p>It may as well be Greek! Who can believe our Hs have anything to say to us? I have NO interest in most of the above obsessions. I can tell you what the rugby or football score is--and I know the rules--but don't ask me what the last play was! Who cares? H! He and Ss talk about certain plays in basketball games that happened in 1999! </p>
<p>Huh?</p>
<p>Men and women obviously have little in common at their core. I think men have learned to be great fakers, pretending to be interested in female topics. I love them for it!</p>
<p>For another laugh about underperforming boys, there's last month's Vanity Fair article about JFK. Talk about a recalcitrant student....:)</p>
<p>I agree with BHG. Emphasize the good. Be encouraging and supportive about what is not going so well. I believe I blew it with the oldest one in that regard--pushed too hard in some areas, over reacted (much emotion) to the things that disappointed me. I'm different now with his siblings, to their benefit, I think. We'll see. The youngest one is a LOT like her oldest brother, already chafing at doing the homework in first grade (got lucky with her older sisters, people pleasers who have had virtually no homework issues so far). She already told me she doesn't want to go to college (she's six years old!) But she thinks maybe art school would be okay. I can't believe I'm having this conversation already with a six year old. . .</p>
<p>I can't believe how alarmist some of you sound. What's the big deal about dropping from A's to B's and C's? What's wrong with NOT being the class brain? Is it against moral values to go from a GPA of 4.0 to 3.0 or even 2.5?</p>
<p>According to some of you, I should have been on Ritalin during undergraduate and graduate school.</p>
<p>And how did I learn . It was the first bad argument with my oldest fourteen year old son. He decided on the morning of the last day of school to use the brand new electric shaver I gave him to shave his head into a mohawk. I bought the shaver for him because I was afraid he may scar himself with his first shaving tries. I saw him after school and flipped.First because I couldn't imagine any child of mine in a mohawk haircut.Second, because of the mess and ruined shaver in the bathroom.My son was so angry at me for getting into a steam.He swore at me and told me he hated me. After I cooled down I realized what upset me the most was not the hair but being yelled at by him. What I didn't understand was that in his 14 yr old mind he was Jerry Seinfield, a top notch comedian and he HAD A RESPONSIBILITY TO HIS FANS, that is classmates , to do that bizarre last day of school stunt.I cooled down and after that let him have his space. And today, 10 yrs later he is SUCH AN AMUSING PERSON. He really is incredible and witty and so much fun to be around. I learned.
The entire point of this is to let you know that 8th grade is just the beginning. You too will have your battles with your son. And I learned that is is very important to be supportive and tred delicately. You know, if your boy is in a private school he has a lot going for him.But I would make a pest of myself with the teachers. - Not my son, the teachers- find out what exactly he needs to do and stand over him until he does it. And I think private schools are tougher than public so you may have much work and may have to either have a tutor or look into intensive summer programs. Just sit down with him and say, what do you really think you are good at or what do you really like ? And if he says it's something he is getting a c in tell him you and I know that you need help so you can get higher grades.GOOD LUCK!!!</p>
<p>MISTEE; Oh I'm sorry, that is SO funny! Exciting times ahead with that little one! LOL</p>
<p>Ummm... I'm a teacher, and I don't think you should make a pest of yourself with the teachers.</p>
<p>jhsu; I totally understand you . I guess it's money for me. I learned that you can have a child who can miss out on Merit Finalist- which translates into scholarships, full ride scholarships- because of a c here and there. I'm sorry but when you have 4 and one has excellent scores, you want and need the good grades so the oldest gets a scholarship.</p>
<p>What I mean is keeping in touch. I got quite a bit of suppoort form the teachers when we went through this. I guess it's how one defines pest. No, we had a working relationship. I am very grateful for the effort the teachers made to help.</p>
<p>Cangel,
Before you start counseling, change schools, sign him up for the military...etc...might I suggest the possibility that there are specific variations in your son's learning which might account for his decline in performance over time and for his apparent "laziness." Small private schools typically do not have the personnel to evaluate kids on either end of the spectrum of school function (big schools might not either!) and you might have to look privately-- but it might be worth it. Some kids who do "fine" in the early years of school are great at taking in information, but then 4th grade comes along and they have to start "putting it out" and the problems start...</p>
<p>While there could be "motivation" based reasons why a kid is disinterested, unengaged, etc...if you buy into Dr. Mel Levine's approach- you pretty much will see that there is a "Myth of Laziness"--</p>
<p>Cangel, get to know his friends, and shift your focus from academic to social, where the rules of parenting begin to evolve toward parenting older adolescents in high school. Teen boys are hugely influenced by two things, their male friends and girls, two areas where you have very little direct control. You think you do, but you really don't. It's natural for him to shift his focus from academics to all of the angsty crap that high school boys go through. He's distracted from the straight line of school and homework. He's going to try on many new identities until he finds one that sticks. Prepare yourselves for the many incarnations of HAIR, from blue hair to bleached hair; long, Slash look-alike hair, to a shaved head; from the goatee, five o'clock shadow, Bohemian thing to pimped-out, mutton-chop sideburns...and, that's just the hair! Clothes, particularly shoes, are interesting. A 16-y/o friend of my son's is wearing girls' jeans this year because they're tighter, and it's part of his Indie image. My son is a junior in h/s and will be 17 next month. Lately, he's a metrosexual, rummaging through my husband's closet for pinstripes and Bill Blass ties. All you can do is guide your son through these identities by establishing boundaries, and be prepared to push the boundaries out when required. Don't plan on having an identity stick until he's maybe, a senior, and then, he'll continue to try on new identities throughout college. He's only in eighth grade. What you're seeing in him is the reality of adolescent malehood. Grades are important, but guys need to develop their social engines, too. How you handle that is right up there with how you learn to deal with roller-coaster grades throughout high school. It's not just about his grades, anymore.</p>
<p>jhsu; could you please chill? This is the parent's forum and this is a parent's conversation. AS you are unlikely to have any experience raising children as yet, your opinions should be especially supportive, IMHO.</p>
<p>Besides, I did not see one suggestion for ritalin. Testing for LD or processing differences should not be equated with drugs! Untimed tests, better understanding maybe--but not drugging. Relax.....</p>
<p>bhg: LOL about the mohawk but mere mortals wouldn't have been able to contain themselves. Loved the bit about his OBLIGATION to be Jerry Seinfeld. </p>
<p>Older S had his head shaved for betting against the Sox. Not my favorite look but hey...if that's the worst I have to deal with, no problemo! :)</p>
<p>Slugg: Well said. Boys are pack animals aren't they? If they don't figure out how to fit into the pack, it can be a lifetime of feeling like the outlier. Girls can choose to be outliers with less social/financial consequence, IMHO.</p>
<p>BHG:</p>
<p>Loved the story, too. My S reports that some of his friends are urging him to grow a pigtail! No way. </p>
<p>Jhsu: Nobody is interested enough or foolish enough to prescribe medication of any kind for you. We leave that to your GP.</p>