calling all parents!: how do I make my dad care?!

Parents Forum
101

<p>Feeling overwhelmed and confused (along with all of your other emotions) is to be expected. Feeling angry an unwilling to give up your expectations doesn’t make you spoiled, just human. However, you need to move forward without self pity and make life work for you. </p>

<p>I would suggest you make a list of things to do. And go through them, check off your possibilities and then you will have some basis for making a decision.

  1. As I have suggested previously Call the Honors Department and talk to them. Then you will know if that is a possibility, now or in a year.
  2. Check this list [Space</a> Availability Survey Results 2009](<a href=“http://www.nacacnet.org/PublicationsResources/Research/SpaceAvailabiltySurvey/Pages/SpaceSurveyResults.aspx]Space”>http://www.nacacnet.org/PublicationsResources/Research/SpaceAvailabiltySurvey/Pages/SpaceSurveyResults.aspx) for colleges in Florida that may still be accepting applications.
  3. Look on the internet for free adolescent counseling in your area. There may be a toll free number available if there is not something close enough to get to.
  4. Sit down somewhere quiet and look at your finances
  5. List your choices for your self. write down pros and cons of each choice.</p>

<p>Come on Jigfeet! YOU CAN DO THIS!! :)</p>

102

<p>I am so sorry, this just sucks, but in a way it’s good that this happened now before you lose the full ride opportunity. Take a deep breath and move on. </p>

<p>I think that you need more intellectual stimulation than you can get from a community college. Here’s what I recommend. It’s a modified version of earlier plans. Call it Plan D.</p>

<p>The idea is to defer admissions to Iowa, take some classes at Harvard Extension, online if need be, as a non-degree student to allow you to build up credits without losing your eligibility for a free ride somewhere that would give you the full high quality college experience. At the same time, qualify for matriculation at Harvard Extension if you need to take the slow road. </p>

<p>1) Defer your acceptance to Iowa for a year. Bank it.
2) Carefully look through CC posts on free rides and call each one if you have to but find out the maximum amount of college courses that you take as a non-degree student without losing your eligibility to be a Freshman.
3) Carefully check out the Harvard Extension school. They have posted their course offerings for 2009-2010. They have plenty of online courses if you don’t want to or can’t move to Cambridge. [Harvard</a> University Extension School](<a href=“http://extension.harvard.edu%5DHarvard”>http://extension.harvard.edu)
4) Take their on-line placement tests for writing and math NOW. </p>

<p>In order to get accepted to a degree program there, you need 3 classes including EXPO-E25 Academic Writing and Critical Reading . If you didn’t place into that you should take EXPO-E15 Fundamentals of Academic Writing in the Fall and EXPO-E25 in the spring. Both of these are offered online. THESE FILL UP REALLY FAST, so register on Aug 3. The online web conference classes are $1100 ea. Take maybe 2 other classes in the fall, they range from $900-$1100 ea, plus you’ll probably need to buy books, etc. You can probably complete 6 classes for $6000 over the course of the year, if that doesn’t hurt your eligibility. Get your DAD to pay for this. It’s probably comparable with Community College but these classes are probably harder and more substantial. </p>

<p>You can also self-study additional AP’s that you haven’t already taken and prepare for CLEP exams for free. Your goal should be to start your Freshman year with your full ride or otherwise with as many credits as they will allow you, maybe even a year’s worth. This way you don’t really lose time. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

103

<p>Jigfeet, what you are facing is very, very difficult. We all know this, hence the overwhelming numbers of supportive posts. The only way out is it is just as difficult, maybe even more so, but in the end, you will have the life YOU want: get away from your father. Start making plans now, whether that means getting a job or finding a college in Florida. Right now, especially with yesterday’s news, it seems daunting, maybe even impossible. But know this: this scene will play out over and over, for your entire life, unless you remove yourself from his influence. I don’t mean never seeing him again; however, you need to make your stand for independence without relying on him for anything – and I mean, anything. When you return, it will be on your terms, not his.</p>

<p>How big is your 529K, and who has the information for it? If it’s large enough to cover a full year, including all expenses, check out the link expatme provided. And then transfer to another college next year if you don’t like it. The only problem I see with this plan is that somehow you need to sever financial ties with your family so you can apply for transfers or FA at the present college without being affected by their financial status.</p>

<p>In the meantime, please call Iowa. Ask them how you attend, this year or next (deferred), if your parents refuse to pay a dime for education. Since you’ve already been admitted, explain that you are in an emotionally abusive household where college is being used as a means to control and demean you, and that you cannot count on anything. </p>

<p>This is a difficult situation which calls for difficult action. If you want to realize your dream of going away for college, you may have to do some things you initially don’t want to do, such as working. Keep in mind your goals. Keep in mind that you are enabling your future. </p>

<p>And good luck. You know everyone here will be rooting for you.</p>

104

<p>I like ClassicRockerDad’s plan, although I don’t see how it will help for the following year. Your father will continue to pull these fast ones. The sooner you realize it, the better off you will be.</p>

<p>The best part of CRD’s plan is that it will buy you time while you continue to study.</p>

105

<p>JIg
There is reciprocity between the FL prepaid 529 plan and state schools in other states. This could reduce cost for Iowa considerably.</p>

<p>Also, there seems to still be room in honors program at FAU. Lynn U also has openings. While Lynn is private, they can be generous with merit aid.</p>

<p>I’d suggest trying to talk with your school guidance counselor (if your school still open), and have/her help you make some calls. It would be great to have some sympathetic help with an adult who cares about you.</p>

106

<p>Bookworm, aren’t some 529 plans for in-state only? I know this was the case in the early days.</p>

<p>Jigfeet, DEFINITELY look into the 529. My D’s education in MA has been partially funded by an open 529 plan in SC (and we live in PA).</p>

107

<p>Just to clarify, in my D’s case, the 529 is paying for private college. I understand that your FL 529 may be restricted, either for in-state or public universities.</p>

108

<p>The FL prepaid plan can be used anywhere. FL state colleges are relatively inexpensive. When applied to other state schools, they don’t cover full tuition (or dorm, if that was paid for), but can reduce tuition by half. When applied to an out of state private college, paid for 2/3 of a year.</p>

109

<p>I am not an expert in 529 plans, but if I am not mistaken, even the pre-paid tuition ones can be used in other states. You just get the money back instead of having tuition payment guaranteed. Find out what kind of 529 plan you have. Then talk to the financial folks at Iowa about how you can use it to go there.</p>

110

<p>Momwaitingfornew: She has a 34 on the ACT. This is very valuable. The idea is to make forward progress while still maintaining her freshman status, which she maintains by not matriculating anywhere. This would preserve her ability to apply in the upcoming year as a freshman to a school like Pittsburgh or Alabama that offers top students a full ride. If she can get a full ride, Dad loses control forever and jigfeet gets the first rate education she deserves. This upcoming year would be a gap year for her. Furthermore, by qualifying for a degree program at Harvard Extension by satisfying the entrance requirements (but not matriculating in 2009-2010), she has a very low cost option for a high quality non-traditional education in case the full ride doesn’t come through. </p>

<p>She can also live at home and do this online if she’s not ready to move out.</p>

111

<p>Harvard Extension does not count as transfer credits?</p>

<p>I agree that the 34 ACT is very valuable, and she was accepted at some fine schools. I’m just trying to find a way to get her out of her father’s control. The best news so far is that untapped 529. </p>

<p>It completely boggles my mind that a parent would sabotage his child’s bright future.</p>

112

<p>I don’t think it counts if she’s not matriculated into a degree program and she keeps the amount of credits below certain limits set by the schools she wants to apply to. She’d better check this all out first, but I’m pretty sure this would be ok.</p>

113

<p>In FL, best to fill out a simple form and send to FL 529 program; they pay the college directly.</p>

<p>If I was OP, I’d call all the state schools in FL and see who has openings. I don’t know if her family paid for room & board, but at least her tuition would be fully funded. Even if the better FL colleges have no openings, she could begin at FAU or others that have openings now, and then transfer.</p>

114

<p>I just called the Honors Program, explained that my dad will not be able to afford the upcoming tuition and asked for monetary assistance or just advice, and she said that there is nothing she can do for me, as they have already given out all of their scholarships. She then transferred me to Fin Aid. I explained the same to financial aid and received a similiar monotone response.
I then called another individual at the Fin Aid office and tried saying my dad was having job problems (…does parenting count?) and he will not be able to afford as much tuition. She told me I have to wait 12 weeks to see if his status changes, and if not then perhaps they can help me. In the meantime, I would have to take out loans. So she told me about all the loans I would have to take out, while all I thought of is the debt I would acquire. Majoring in English for a possible career in magazine editing or publishing of some sort will definitely not equip me to handle a 120k debt out of school…or ever. I just don’t feel that it would be smart of me.</p>

<p>I have been digging around my mom’s files for my 529, but all I see are delinquent notices. Fantastic. I see one paper from 2001 that gives details of the plan, it says Purchase price: $10,231, however, another paper from 2000 says Purchase price: $9,120. I also know that my plan only works for Fl in-state public schools, and even then only guarantees me 4 years tuition. It can’t be applied for out of state; I simply just get back the money that was put in and it can be put towards whatever school I choose.</p>

<p>I contacted the link provided for FAU-Wilkes Honors College, however, at this time I have received no response. I will call them…
OK, they said that they are still accepting applications, but their housing has a waiting list as it is full and they require all students to live on campus. So I would have problems with that. They also said they have only 20 concentrations, which I assume is a significantly lower number of class options than a community college would have. AND, even with my prepaid plan, she said tuition would come to around 16k. However, she doesn’t work in fin aid so she could very possibly be wrong. The honors college also excells in Biology and other sciences, which gives me the impression that if their 20 concentrations basically favor that area, the English division would be lacking. However, I would not stay there for all 4 years. I would definitely transfer after I get my gen ed done and finally go where I want to go. (hopefully).</p>

<p>Which brings me to my problem. Well, one of many problems, of course. Do I go to scott community college in IA, with larger class selection, and where my brother–my only family–will be close by, and I will have to get an apartment, and I will know the area (which is rare since I have moved every 2 years of my life to a diff state), or do I move to a random spot in Fl–where I know nothing/no one–to an honors college which is bound to look better on transfer applications, and live in a dorm, and have a selected number of classes that don’t seem to cater toward my major anyways? I truly do not know which would be better or what I should begin doing, as they are 2 completely separate paths. Iowa=apartment hunting tomorrow. Florida=application completing/praying tomorrow.</p>

115

<p>Jigfeet, use the contact info and account number on the statements to call and see how much money is in the account. Also, ask specifically about out-of-state schools since the plan may have been altered since first purchase.</p>

<p>Also, go ahead and ask your mother about the details. Explaining that the money will be lost forever if not used for your education might light some fires under your parents.</p>

116

<p>If your brother is not weird/abusive, I say move to Iowa. Consider a gap-year to keep yourself in freshman status and apply to colleges with 100% aid to strong students. Alternatively, go to CC and have 2 years to figure out where/how you can transfer.</p>

<p>Remember that college doesn’t have to start right now this year. You can get a solid undergrad degree at a non-name university that you can afford and go big for grad school. Your career is out there regardless of which university you end up attending (or what year). </p>

<p>Annika</p>

117

<p>Jigfeet, just in case you don’t fully understand the point of maintaining your non-matriculated status: the vast majority of financial aid is awarded to entering freshmen. Transfer students are often, but not always, out of luck, and you will be considered a transfer student if you go anywhere full time. As CRD pointed out, your ACT score is currency that become instantly devalued in terms of FA once you matriculate at a college, whether community, public, or private.</p>

<p>If you go to live in Iowa, you might want to consider working full-time and taking one or two community college classes per semester just to keep your study skills active. </p>

<p>One drawback to a gap year will be a lack of health insurance since parents cannot continue coverage of dependents over 18 unless they are full-time students.</p>

<p>From financialaidfinder.com:</p>

<p>"Under new laws, the parents of so-called under-age independent students may still have to provide income and asset information on financial aid applications even if they don’t officially claim the student on their tax return forms.</p>

<p>While it is difficult for students under the age of 24 to establish independent status, the possibility is worth pursuing if you are having extreme difficulty getting your parents to contribute to your college expenses or even signing your application forms. Be sure to see your financial aid advisor if you have questions about changing your status due to special circumstances."</p>

<p>I would say the current refusal to pay a cent for your education might be a special circumstance IF you go off and live on your own for a year. Note that they cannot claim you as a dependent on their tax forms.</p>

<p>And last, don’t lie to the FA office about your father being out of a job. Once the lie is discovered – and it will be – you can get your entire acceptance rescinded. Be honest.</p>

118

<p>“If your brother is not weird/abusive, I say move to Iowa. Consider a gap-year to keep yourself in freshman status and apply to colleges with 100% aid to strong students. Alternatively, go to CC and have 2 years to figure out where/how you can transfer.”</p>

<p>I know that you’re hungry to have a fulltime academic experience next year, but do realize that if you take a gap year and work, you also can be learning in other ways. You can be reading on your own, taking a community college class or two and/or taking interesting, low cost classes at local museums, etc. Learning isn’t just confined to university and college settings. People who love to learn find plenty of ways to feed their minds throughout their lives including when they are no longer in degree-earning programs.</p>

<p>If your plan is to go to a 4-year college immediately after a gap year, then make sure not to take too many for credit courses at community college during your gap year or else you’d have to apply as a transfer, and your chances of aid would be reduced. My S was told by colleges not to take more than 4 courses during his gap year. Check with colleges that interest you to find out their requirements for you to be admitted as a freshman.</p>

<p>Keep in mind that the more you rely on yourself instead of your parents, the more likely you will be able to make your dreams of a college education come true.</p>

<p>While your parents appear to have saved some $ for you to be educated in Florida, I think it would be a mistake to rely on that money because your parents simply can’t be trusted to follow through. The better option is to move to Iowa unless your brother is abusive or otherwise severely troubled. My guess is that if you announce that you’re moving to Iowa, your parents suddenly will act like they’ll support your college education in Fla. No reason to believe them, however, since time and time again, they’ve let you down.</p>

119

<p>jigfeet: I think you should adopt the attitude of “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. Bad though your situation is, you still do have some options to get an education. Do not allow yourself to get sucked into negative thoughts and self-pity, even if they seem justified. </p>

<p>If you will be more comfortable in the neighborhood of your brother and go to community college in Iowa, then go there. At this point, I don’t think you should be too worried that it is a community college. It seems to me the most important thing for you right now is not so much where exactly you get your education, but that you become financially and emotionally independent of your father.</p>

120

<p>Oh - there are plenty of smart, hard working students at community college. Many are highly motivated students who are attending CC for reasons similar to what yours would be. I take classes at community college for fun, so I’m speaking from experience.</p>