<p>Agree with those who say to let her come home. I’m glad that you got the money back. </p>
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<p>This was the master move in my opinion. </p>
<p>Why don’t you just chill and let the counseling run it’s course. </p>
<p>While she may be immature, she may also be having some psychological issues. I think that you need to have a long loving fuse and you need to be patient with your patient. I don’t think you need to tell her what to do with her life or her time. I don’t think that you should punish her in any way. I don’t think that you should treat her like a kid. Just let her be, but insist on the counseling. That needs to be nonnegotiable. Everything else, should be non-judgemental and love should be unconditional and she should know it. </p>
<p>Maybe you should get counseling too since this must be causing great anxiety. </p>
<p>Assuming that she goes to counseling and takes it seriously, at some point, you will see changes. It could be in November, it could be next July. </p>
<p>There is no need to micromanage or plan or anything. Once the counseling has run it’s course, it will be come clear what needs to be done. Right now, you don’t have good information. </p>
<p>Hugs to you. Some of mine have and are putting me through emotional wringers. There really is no one size fits all answer. Whatever the reason, she is not in the frame of mind right now to focus on college. I’ve seen that happen with a number of very bright young people. If money is going to be an issue for college, it is wise to take a deep breath and make sure she doesn’t run through what she can get ioans, PELL (if applicable) and other aid. I’ve seen kids do that. A lot of them. My oldest is in his thirtys so a lot of his peers have gone through a number of schools, dropped courses, flunked courses, changed majors, whatever to a point when they finally decided they had a direction and were serious about going to college, they weren’t entitled to any more money. We see posts from kids who are in this predicament. Went to college, for whatever reason bailed, some numerous times, and now when they are set to go, they are on the bad list for getting any aid, so it’s one course at a time as they can afford it. Some even have loans they have to pay for simply not taking care of business within deadlines.</p>
<p>If your DD needs some time to come up with a direction, then that is what she should take. I suggest trying to get some kind of parenting/counseling for yourself for guidance as to how to handle the situation as having a young adult who is going through confusion and growing pains is a difficult situation, to say the least. Start looking for affordable resources in your area, as your DD may come to a point where she may need or could use help too. It’s not at all unusual for mental, emotional health demons to rear their ugly heads in young adults right about this time. We just pray that it’s a temporary insanity of sort and that this too will pass, but it can be quite a storm. Better to be braced for it than not. </p>
<p>And bless you too. It’s not easy. Some of these things take more time and different paths than we had hoped would happen.</p>
<p>I think you have a lot on your hands, your daughter is showing you with every decision she makes, that she is not ready for college. I am so sorry, it seems that your year with her was tough, this one will not be easier. Your daughter is very insecure and most likely, you will be dealing with a nasty break up as well. She will not believe you that making her life about him will drive him away, but I sadly predict that is what will happen. The best thing you can do, I think, is insist on a job and hopefully, community college. </p>
<p>The mom is college educated and made a very regrettable move. Sorry, you guys can shower her with faux hugs and kisses. Just like I’m sure everyone in her real life is doing, while they all talk crap about what a dumb move it was behind her back. The kid isn’t immature. She’s in love with her boyfriend. It happens. Yanking a kid out of college that misses her boyfriend was a horrible decision. Yanking her out without any sort of plan was even worse. The kid is a 95 percentile student, not some idiot at a regional college drinking beers and never going to class, who would take 6 years to graduate. I think the mom is scared to let go of her baby. The mom might need therapy. I’ll prob get banned for this but it’s accurate.</p>
<p>Missing her boyfriend doesn’t mean she’s immature. It means she’s a teenager in love. Big deal. Penny wise and pound foolish move. For $80,000 you could have had a happy daughter, at a great school, majoring in chemistry. Now you have a bright daughter with no plan, at home, who might now take 5 years to graduate…maybe 6. Who could regress and major in communications.</p>
<p>Defer at school boyfriend is at and make her jump into transferable core courses locally NOW. Send her to the boyfriend’s school in January. Sounds like a religious family. Boyfriend might be a really good influence on her?</p>
<p>@momofthreeboys Community and commuter colleges have fewer resources, crappy instructors and lower graduation rates than selective colleges, and most students who attend these colleges are not even college ready. Those who do graduate can miss out on the career opportunities that top colleges offer. A top percentile student in this ethos is going to regress. Send a 95 percentile student to a CC to “grow up”? I urge whoever thinks that to read a freaking book or newspaper once in a while. The NY Times education sections writes about this once every 2-3 weeks.</p>
<p>To give credit, before she withdrew, she called her 2nd and third choice schools and asked about the scholarships she had been offered. They were freshman scholarships with no transfer scholarship any where near that amount. The one school, the one her boyfriend is at, is a much bigger named school, but with $9K less a year in financial aid. If she lost the freshman scholarship too, there would be no way to make it work at all. The small LAC she was supposed to attend has the same name as a community college in our state. People are so much more familiar with the community college that every time someone would ask her where she was going, and she would say the name, they would say “oh, the community college.” This was bothering her too. The 2nd choice school, where the BF is at, said she can start in January and keep all her financial aid they already awarded. The 3rd choice school said she would have to re-apply to get the full-ride plus stipend so she would have to wait until Fall 2015 to start, and she could not matriculate anywhere in the meantime. And she has a year worth of AP credit at both schools. </p>
<p>Our EFC was 5800 or 6700 (there was a family change that changed it to 5800, but the financial aid package was rewarded when it was 6700). That is still not low enough for Pell or state grant. The LAC she was supposed to be at is notorious for scholarships. She also had a music scholarship, but had been in physical therapy over the summer for an injury and said she did not feel up to playing yet. The doctor had suggested she back out of the music, but she needed the money to pay for the LAC.</p>
<p>So there actually was some logic in her decisions. </p>
<p>And I do have a lot of anxiety. I blame myself. I am upset with her, but upset with me too. I really did not want her home another year. All we did was butt heads last year. I think she would have loved the LAC if she gave it a chance. And I know I screwed up. But I cannot go back in time to fix it. Oh, and she also already had a work study job at the LAC.</p>
<p>Poor form letting her even go to the school. Should have taken out loans for the big name school boyfriend is at. Were you hoping they’d break up? </p>
<p>I wish you luck. Get her into some transferable courses at local regional U or CC. She should qualify for high level math, science and english, which should shield her from the mouth breathers at the CC.</p>
<p>Maize…you are a college freshman…or so you say. Again, you are portraying yourself as someone who knows a lot more about college than you really do. College isn’t a race, and it certainly isn’t an elite college race. Some kids simply need a different path to attaining their degrees. This daughter might be one of them.</p>
<p>To the OP…counseling…a good idea. I hope it is family counseling so,that the parents and this young lady can air their differences, and end up at least sort of on the same page. Dad wants one thing. Mom was sure the daughter was going to fail, and the daughter wants a different route than either parent. This isn’t a good,scenario…at all.</p>
<p>Well I think you made the right decision in bringing her home. I think insisting she stay at a college where she is unhappy would not have ended well. It would have just prolonged the agony. Teenagers mature at very different rates and it does sound like she is not quite ready to spread her wings and fly. I am sure that her current relationship has a lot to do with it, and perhaps she just needs to experience a bit of what life is like in the working world. I would not underwrite her expenses while she is living at home. You can assist her in the maturation process by insisting that she assume adult responsibilities. In fact, it is my understanding that the vast majority of students do not do the whole “living on campus” college experience. Many commute from home and do just fine.</p>
<p>Perhaps her therapist can impress upon her the importance of not living her life for another person. I know it is hard for teenagers to hear these types of things from their parents. But given that you cannot predict the future of this relationship, she needs to be prepared for any outcome.</p>
<p>maize, the OP specifically requested that people not be jack***es in this thread. You may have read 20 books this summer, but you apparently need to work on your comprehension skills.</p>
<p>“One of her issues that led her to leave the small LACs was that she got invited to a party, and people are drinking at the party and someone was even smoking cigarette.” Even smoking a cigarette? My kid complained that the smokers on the high school bus reek of it when they get on the bus. It’s hard to imagine how sheltered your daughter has been if seeing some students drinking and one smoking caused her to freak out and have to withdraw from college. How could this have been such a shock? What were you expecting? </p>
<p>The saga with the boyfriend does sound like immaturity, but I would not call the above issue immaturity. </p>
<p>@NROTCgrad “This falls under the “none of your d*mn business” category. Who are you to tell anybody they should take out a loan?!”</p>
<p>I get it, I’m not in your guys parent forum club. I’m just a dumb teenager. All I know is in 2036 my 95 percentile daughter won’t be sitting on my couch because I sent and then yanked her out of a college she didn’t want to go to. I also won’t be punishing my daughter for two years, sending her to a grimy community college until she grows up i.e. falls out of love with her boyfriend. And I won’t refuse to take out $80,000 in loans because I grasp what opportunity cost means and the difference in outcome of a selective school a student is motivated at and a less prestigious school a kid hates. But carry on, I’m sure some of you are frantically emailing moderators to ban me. Then your life will be better. Sure.</p>
<p>Or, maize, you may end up with a special needs kid or one with severe mental illness who has to live at home with you forever. So don’t be too smug.</p>