<p>I know a couple who started dating at the beginning of high school and applied to some of the same colleges. As far as I know, they are still together and attending UC Berkeley without any problems. But they were a really close couple and have been in a serious relationship since their sophomore year.</p>
<p>helenback, thank you for my laugh of the day! 14yo enjoyed the story, too.</p>
<p>I know a couple who dated throughout HS and just began their freshman year studying the same major at the same smallish college. Too soon to tell how itâll work out, but they are both really committed to their studies.</p>
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<p>I do know of a young couple who headed off to undergrad together and are still together six years later. One is attending law school and the other medical school at the same university. My daughter roomed with the girl for two years and did once mention that for all they might not have had as broad a social experience at college as people who were single, their experience worked for them. My husband and I have had dinner with them a number of times over the years and they have always come across as being mature - certainly more than my daughter was at the same age.</p>
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<p>Best thing your husband could have done. A talk would be wonderful as well but this was simple and to the point. :)</p>
<p>It probably was the best thing my husband couldâve done, because he looks like heâs going to throw up any time the subject comes up.</p>
<p>Helen, thank heavens he doesnât have to have âthe talkâ with a daughter!</p>
<p>At some schools, including where our D2 is , the health center has âcandy jarâ type glass containers on the coffee table in the reception room. One is generic ibuprophen, one is asprin, one is cough drops and one is condoms.</p>
<p>But no free candy! I can see why Helenâs son was disappointed.</p>
<p>Suffice it to say I am sitting on the sidelines at our house and keeping my mouth zipped. I will be glad to listen if someone wants to talk. Both have geographically diverse lists with some overlap.</p>
<p>At this point in senior year, there are too many unknowns to even contemplate the what ifs.</p>
<p>Free candy is always good. :)</p>
<p>Your college kids most probably will have sex, so if you are not ready for grandchildren, make it easy for them to get reliable birth control.
Colleges used to have discounted BCPs available to students. This ended two years ago. So, parents of daughters, tell your daughters if your insurance covers BCPs. It will save them hundreds of dollars, and give you some peace of mind.</p>
<p>Not a parent, but a few examples:</p>
<p>My sisterâs friend dated her boyfriend, who was a freshman in college, throughout her senior year. They met on a mission trip somewhere. She decided to join him to college, but I think it was generally a good fit for her, near enough to home, as sheâs close to her family, bot not too near, gave her lots of FA since sheâs NMF, and so on. Her parents werenât worried because sheâs very religious and the two havenât so much as kissed. I guess itâs working out for them, as theyâre getting marriage. 19 and 20 seems very young to me, but again, her parents are quite happy.</p>
<p>A different two of of my sisterâs friends dated throughout their senior year in high school. They went to different colleges, as the girl could go for free to the local college because her parents there, and the guy wanted to go away, to go to school with his twin sister, and to go to a college that was very highly ranked, especially within his field. But theyâve stayed together. Because she doesnât have to pay tuition, she has money to go visit him, and time, since they have different breaks. And they spend time together if theyâre both at home. Itâs lasted through their freshman year, and heâs headed back to college now to begin his soph year.</p>
<p>My best friend dated the same guy from 7th grade to sophomore year of college and that was when they ended up breaking up. Everyone was completely shocked, we all figured theyâd get married. A year later sheâs bought a house with another guy. Not a bad story to share with someone considering going to a certain school just because of a boyfriend.</p>
<p>Sorry OP, Iâm distracted by⊠âThe immediately moved in togetherâŠBut as others have said, we do not get to vote.â</p>
<p>I think I DO have a vote. If I am paying the housing cost there wonât be any cohabitating wtih girl friends. UghhhâŠat least I hope and pray there wonât.</p>
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Really? How would you know?</p>
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<p>Me! I dated a boy who was a year older than me, beginning my junior year in hs.
We dated all through my junior year / his senior year.<br>
Then we were long-distance my senior year / his freshman year away (ah, the days when a long distance call was expensive and you waited til after 11 pm to make it!).
Then, I attended the same college he was at. I know in my heart I didnât choose that school for him, but no one will ever believe me to this day. My parents were not thrilled with him and the fact that weâd be there together and at one point, they threatened to not let me go and make me stay home and go to WashU (we lived in St. Louis at the time). But, I guess they swallowed it and let me go away.</p>
<p>Yeah, he was all over me for the first part of freshman year, though I did join a sorority, make girlfriends, etc. He refused to go with me to a winter formal. I sobbed and then went ahead to find another date. I asked the person who is now H :-). I broke up with the first boyfriend on the strength of just one date with now-H and the rest is history. Yesterday was our 23rd anniversary.</p>
<p>Honestly, I can truly say that in my heart I didnât go there âforâ him. I know I went there because the school and programs appealed to me on other dimensions. </p>
<p>My best friend in hs also did the same thing as me - dated a guy a year older who went to SMU, and went to SMU (turning down William & Mary, her dream school and a perfect fit for her) to go there. Unlike my story, it was a disaster. SMU was so wrong for her. The guy transferred out and moved back home, and she was stuck at a school she hated without him. She wound up transferring to W&M as a junior and loved it.</p>
<p>I think the moral of the story is that you really have to be clear in your heart that you are picking a school that is right for you regardless of whether someone else is there. In my case, I knew I was picking a school that was right for me on many other dimensions, and so ultimately it all worked out. My friend didnât do so, and she really did follow this guy there, and so her situation didnât.</p>
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<p>I did. Today is our 19th wedding anniversary! :)</p>
<p>Every year, there are a bunch of these threads. This one is probably the most rational one ever.</p>
<p>I think the answer is generally that (a) maybe it can work, (b) maybe it wonât, (c) if thereâs a problem, it wonât necessarily be a lifelong one, and, most importantly, (d) there is no strategy a parent can use to influence the decision that doesnât run a huge risk of backfiring in any number of ways. (One of the worst cases: You visibly oppose it, and wind up with the opponent as a son-in-law.) </p>
<p>Whatâs more, at least in the cases I have observed personally, kids are actually a lot more rational than we give them credit for. They know in their hearts that these relationships are not necessarily permanent, even if they would die before saying that out loud. Even if they are living together, they want their own friends and life. They donât want to miss things. They donât always make exactly the choices we would make in their place, but they do make considered choices. And when they find they have made a mistake, they usually go about fixing it.</p>
<p>I suspect that lots of kids let the presence of a girlfriend or boyfriend influence their college choice. I also suspect that in most of those cases, the relationship does not survive the first year of college, like most pre-college relationships. Or, if it does, it does not survive the end of college. And, in the end, that it doesnât matter much â the college is not wrong for the person who chose it, he or she gets everything he or she needs and wants out of the college experience, regardless of the gf/bf.</p>
<p>We let all kinds of dumb things influence our kidsâ college choices: what the food is like, the bathroom configuration in the dorms, how close it is to home, whether the name sounds silly, how it is ranked in USNWR. The presence or absence of a particular sex partner isnât a whole lot dumber or more misleading than any of those other factors.</p>
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<p>In order to be near my boy-friend who was doing his surgical residency, I didnât go to the best doctoral program to which I was admitted. Those were the happiest years of my life, though I see now my decision clearly limited my occupational future. </p>
<p>Unfortunately our relationship ended in heartbreak when his parents ferociously objected to us marrying. I probably should have known we had no chance, but love has a way of clouding oneâs judgment, or making any miracle seem possible. Iâm not sure Iâd trade the years we shared for any career either. </p>
<p>JHS said it best. As painful as it may be, I think we just have to let these life dramas play themselves out. They oftentimes teach lessons as, if not more, important than those learned in the classroom.</p>
<p>My wife and I started dating the summer after high school when her family moved to our town. Went to college together, lived together, and just spent last weekend in San Francisco, celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. It can and does work outâŠ</p>
<p>In retrospect, I probably would have been better off going to CA to be with my (now dh) in grad school. But I desperately wanted to go to school in NY. It all worked out fine, but in fact, it turned out NY contacts werenât useful in CA, and CA was a hotbed of interesting arch at that time.</p>
<p>I started dating my best guy friend from HS halfway through my freshman year of college. Almost got married, but came to my senses. Dating him didnât really limit my social activities. Other things did, and those had nothing to do with our relationship.</p>
<p>Met DH junior year of college at a Model UN conference, did the long-distance phone thing for a year, then got engaged and moved to the same city.</p>