<p>Math professor about to present an extra difficult problem: “Alright guys, are you ready to do the nasty?”</p>
<p>I had an English teacher in high school who would wrote [inappropriate word for crap] on the board while trying to explain why some sentences are worse than others. Then he paused and went, “Hmm, that probably shouldn’t be up there… <em>scribbles it out</em> Nobody saw that.” Then every time he tried to make the same point, he’d gesture towards the scribble.</p>
<p>“forget the politically correct nonsense, who would you want to take to bed?” -AP Lit Teacher
“Your mom is really hot” -AP Physics teacher to a friend of mine (he’s like 50 and married lol)
“Fluffernutter! Thats a lot of SHIFT” -AP Macro</p>
<p>i have an interesting group of teachers but i love them all</p>
<p>In order to remember that Producer Surplus is above Consumer Surplus my Econ teacher says</p>
<p>CS Lewis
PS I love you</p>
<p>My Chamber Orchestra conductor (trying to get us to play louder): “It’s ff! It’s not just forte, it’s ef and forte!” (said it like effin’ forte…)</p>
<p>My Psychology teacher (who was also my APUSH teacher and went on crazy socialist rants… best teacher ever): “That’s what having kids does to you. They take your soul, and then you lose any motivation to do anything but eat.”</p>
<p>Also, I can’t remember any specific quotes right now, but my Econ teacher is really funny. He wants to name his son Sitting Bull.</p>
<p>My Chinese teacher speaks sort of broken English (she can actually write and read excellently - she’s just not a perfect speaker). I have a whole list of quotes that she’s said, but I can’t find it right now. Sometimes we can’t understand her when she says certain words though. Some examples:</p>
<p>“blah blah blah silver” <em>pronounced seewell</em>
“…Sea World?”
“No! Silver!”
“Sea wall?”
“No! Silver! Silver and gold!”
“OH Silver!!”</p>
<p>“blah blah blah rose” <em>pronounced loshe</em>
“Lush? Lotion?”
“Rose! Flower!”
“Oh! Lotus!”
“No! ROSE!”</p>
<p>Also my APUSH teacher was so chill and laidback and hilarious. Here are some quotes from her:</p>
<p>“When you’re writing essays, you need to know…words.”
“When I was little, I used to, like, go to farms with my family and we used to punch goats in the face! It was so fun!”
“They have this zombie killing game and I’m so addicted…I just can’t stop.”
<em>on a painting of a baby</em> “Yeah, this baby’s really not that cute…be cuter!”</p>
<p>She was also pregnant and was hilarious when talking about her baby.
“Get out, you little ■■■■■■■!”
“Sometimes he kicks me and I just punch him back and he kicks me back and we just fight…so if you see me punching my stomach, that’s what I’m doing”</p>
<p>My calculus teacher puts the coordinate (2,10) on the board and says “It’s a band number” and looks at the class like we’re crazy for not understanding. “It’'s a band number because the horn is always two-ten (like tooting).” Hahaha, and then when we use the F2 key on our calculators he goes, “The F2 key, that sounds like some sort of foreign bird. The F2 key swoops down onto the branch…”</p>
<p>From my USH teacher:
“Squashmollashed”- can mean drunk, insane, or crushed in battle
“John Adams was the less successful cousin. Sam got his own beer.”
“Every morning when I wake up, General Washington is right there next to me… I have his bust on my dresser.”
And he also tears up discussing Meriwether Lewis’ death.</p>
<p>My AP Lang teacher is crazy but for whatever reason I can only think of one thing she’s said.
“Don’t sign up to read Don Quixote in Spanish no matter how close you are to getting your minor. It’s awful!”
She also loves reading us articles from The Onion.</p>
<p>“I’m not a chef, I don’t cook grades!”</p>
<p>“I love teaching chain rule because it’s the one time I can say F-U (f of u)”</p>
<p>“If Santa walked through that door, I’d shoot him in the head.”</p>
<p>“We don’t need to call Einstein for this!”</p>
<p>@WeInDaNOLABaby. That reminds me of my Physics teacher. He’s from Kenya and his English isn’t the best when speaking (or writing). He’s constantly adding r’s and n’s onto words that end in vowels. Plus, he uses a mix of American and British spellings so it can get very confusing. Like, he’ll mix meter and litre so I kinda get confused as to what language he’s speaking…</p>
<p>“A quizam, it is it bigger than a quiz and smaller then an exam!”</p>
<p>“They could of said that they saw a squirrel wearing a monogrammed sweater with my initials and I would have been found guilty (my teacher was talking about the Salem witch trials)”</p>
<p>The second one is probably off by a word or two, but…</p>
<p>My teacher gets a lot of drunk dials from students for some reason. He doesn’t even give out his number.</p>
<p>One day he randomly decided to let us listen to a few and we tried to figure out who they were (most were last year’s seniors). Then we heard someone we recognized: our school quarterback, who was in class with us at that very moment. ;)</p>
<p>“A neutron walks into a bar, and the bartender says: NO CHARGE!” </p>
<p>or the happy face and sad face parabolas, for like positive and negative a values.</p>
<p>“They used to call me light bulb in high school. Wanna know why? Because I always said, ‘watt?’”</p>
<p>“Let’s kill two stones with a bird.”</p>
<p>’‘No, you will never use this in your life, but YES, you have to learn it, SAT requires it.’’</p>
<p>Student 1: “It’s __'s birthday. Can we sing Happy Birthday?” Student 2: “Wait, can you sing Happy Birthday in Swahili?” Teacher: “Sure. Here it is.” <em>points to “nitakufanyia kitu ujute maisha yako yote” written on the board</em> Student 3: “Don’t believe him. That’s not Happy Birthday, it’s an insult I asked him to translate for me.”</p>
<p>Teacher puts on Youtube video and struggles to put it on fullscreen. Teacher takes it off fullscreen after getting it on and rewinds to the beginning. Class sees top comment and cracks up laughing. Teacher: “What’s going on? What are you laughing at?” Class: “Nothing.”</p>
<p>After video
Teacher: “Okay, what was so funny?” Student: “Look at the comment under where you have the mouse.” Teacher: “Oh.”</p>
<p>hahaha, teachers are hilarious</p>
<p>she stapled a mcdonalds application to the back of my final exam</p>
<p>Stats teacher during our scatterplot unit:</p>
<p>“What starts with a ‘d’ and ends in ‘irection’?”</p>
<p>Class: “Uh…” <em>nervous laughter</em></p>
<p>“Direction!”</p>
<p>It was really funny because he didn’t anticipate that it would sound like it did.</p>