Creeper working at the dining hall, school won't do anything?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>So, the man who washes the dishes at my school's dining hall is a serious creep. He leaves guys alone, but he's always waving or winking or smiling at girls, and it's unnerving. He's tried grabbing my hand before, told me he misses me, and will even go so far as to come out of the kitchen while I'm eating, stand right in my line of view, and stare at me. It makes me sick.</p>

<p>I've complained to my RA several times before, and she told the Director of Student Services twice, but he never did anything about it. It's not just me, though, he stares at a lot of girls, and nearly every girl at school thinks he's a total creep. My RA finally told campus police two weeks ago when he came up to me and BLATANTLY started hitting on me, telling me I'm "so beautiful," and asking for my name. They said they'd take care of it.</p>

<p>I ignored the staring all last semester. I got rid of my plates as fast as I could after I was done eating because I didn't want to give him a chance to talk to me. I look the other way when he's trying to catch my eye, and if he says something to me I mumble some hurried response before I run off. But him hitting on me is just too much.</p>

<p>I don't know if campus police did anything--I know they probably talked to him, though I don't know if he'd understand it. He still stares at me, though. Luckily I've been able to avoid running into him when I get coffee (he always waits for me to get coffee before getting his own). </p>

<p>If he says anything else, is there anything I can do? I feel like the school's just letting it happen, and I know a lot of girls complain about how much of a creeper he is, but he seems to seriously single me out. He usually only stares at girls. It makes me really uncomfortable and I'm tired of feeling stressed every time I go to eat.</p>

<p>If it continues, what else, if anything, can I do, if the school won't take matters into their own hands?</p>

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<p>threaten him or the school to take legal action?</p>

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<p>Sounds like you have a crush =).</p>

<p>But in all seriousness, if the problem is THAT bad, and no one is doing anything about it, I'm sure you could go and eat at a different dining hall. Unless, your school only has one. Then, just eat with a huge group of friends, and put away all of your trash together, so you won't feel as uncomfortable if you have a group of friends around you.</p>

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<p>make sure you tell him 'no' -- that you're not interested in him, that he's scaring you, that you'd like him to leave you alone. apparently, if you're not a minor, it's not sexual harassment until you say 'no' and it still continues.... from what you've said so far, it sounds like you've been hinting, but never blatantly saying anything.</p>

<p>if you say no and it continues, yeah, that's harassment and you have a genuine case somewhere, possibly :P</p>

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<p>
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threaten him or the school to take legal action?

[/quote]

That's a little much, and I doubt anyone wants to go through all that just to get rid of a weirdo <_<</p>

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<p>well it all depends. if it bothers her that much, it may not be going too far. if anything one could hope that it would at least get someone in the university to act and get the guy out of there if that's what the op wants.</p>

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<p>Is there another dining hall in your college? If so, eat there sometimes. And whoever mentioned eating in large groups - another good idea. Never eat by yourself in that specific dining hall. Always eat with another person, or with a group of friends. That way, if he starts harassing you, you'll have other people there to back you up.</p>

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<p>If this is making you feel unsafe and you've all ready complained verbally, it may be time to write a letter and send one copy to the Director of Food Services and another copy to the Dean of Students or President. Perhaps your friends who have witnessed this behavior over time will be willing to write up a letter describing the behavior and all of them can sign the letter. If verbal complaints don't work, the next step is a written complaint. Written complaints must be addressed because it leaves a "record" and must be placed in a file. Place the letter written by your friends and your letter in the same envelope.</p>

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<p>I agree with nysmile, try writing a letter. If you can, maybe get your friends to write similar letters with their experiences.</p>

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<p>Find out who handles sexual harrassment situations at your school. The human resources manager should be able to tell you. Let that person know in writing what has been going on including the fact that no action was taken after you reported the man's behavior. Copy the dean of students, head of food services, and the university president. You should not have to switch dining halls to avoid that guy.</p>

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<p>act creepier than him. ie. wipe menstrual blood on your face the next time he approaches you</p>

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<p>I'd hate to see how you'd fair in the real world. Not once have you mentioned that you've personally approached him and told him to discontinue his actions. Running to mommy (RA and school board) is a weak approach to solving a personal discomfort. For one, this is not a serious problem. So what, the guy is starting and you and calling you beautiful. If that makes you uncomfortable then you probably are extremely sheltered.</p>

<p>If he has been talked to and is no longer verbally hitting on you (or that you're giving him the chance) then what is the problem? You're going to complain about him staring at you? That's not legal ground to complain.</p>

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<p>If Joe the studly football player called you beautiful and always stared at you I bet you wouldn't be complaining</p>

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<p>Calm down. I'm tired of girls complaining about "creepers" all the time. Get over it and ignore it.</p>

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<p>Go through the usual routes that everyone else has mentioned above.</p>

<p>If that doesn't work, write the administration and threaten to take legal action for sexual harassment. That usually gets them to pay attention.</p>

<p>To those of you saying that she should just ignore it or that it's not an issue either didn't read the original post, or are out of touch with today's world.</p>

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<p>
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If Joe the studly football player called you beautiful and always stared at you I bet you wouldn't be complaining

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</p>

<p>I opened the thread to say the same thing. If he was a hot young stud you probably wouldn't be complaining lol. Just reject him straight up like you would any other guy you're not attracted to.</p>

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<p>it sounds like this has been going on for some time, and you have tried to ignore him before, but that obviously doesn't work. anyone who tells you to just ignore him hasn't dealt with creeps before. they'll just continue, thinking it's okay, since you're not saying anything. i actually never really knew how to deal with creeps either, except go to a new area, hoping to never see them again. and i have tried ignoring, but they act like they don't get it. some things i think you should try though, is to give him a really angry and mean stare, like this guy just killed your whole family, and you want revenge, and if he don't back off, he'd better watch his back. just don't say anything, stand still, and keep staring at him angrily until he shuts up and goes back to the kitchen. i don't think you said in your post that you asked him to stop talking to you too. try that, though i doubt it will work. but i would just avoid that cafeteria entirely, and eat off campus or another area.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I think tomorrow I might say something to him. He's still doing it as of this morning.</p>

<p>And the point isn't that he's not hot, it's that he's about 40 years old, and it's creepy. If he was 20 it would still be creepy because of all the incessant staring he does. I don't like being stalked when I'm eating, and our school does have two campuses but it's ridiculous to have to shuttle to the other campus just to eat at the other dining hall.</p>

<p>He'll literally find excuses to come out near the coffee counter when I'm getting coffee. One time I waited until he'd gotten coffee, and he decided that the trash can right next to the counter needed to be adjusted, and then just leaned on it and stared at me.</p>

<p>I'm not being one of those whiny girls that thinks every guy is creepy. I know girls like that, and I'm not one of them. I would like to eat in peace, though, without worrying whether he's going to say anything to me or just keep up his staring bit.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I'm not being one of those whiny girls that thinks every guy is creepy. I know girls like that, and I'm not one of them. I would like to eat in peace, though, without worrying whether he's going to say anything to me or just keep up his staring bit.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>No, you have a right to be concerned and sketched out.</p>

<p>@BeKindRewind: Joe the studly football player would still be considered creepy, no matter how good-looking he is, if he did what this man does.</p>

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<p>Please ignore those telling you that this is somehow your fault or not an issue. The legal standard for harrassment revolves around the "reasonable person" test ... you get to define what makes you uncomfortable (as long as a reasonable person might also find it uncomfortable). Staring, unwanted comments, and waiting for you certainly sound like actions that should be stopped if you want them to. The best case is if you tell him his actions are making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop ... but even that is not required ... if you go to authorities on campus they should help you. You should not have to go to a different dining hall to avoid him, you should not have to change timing of trips to the dining hall, or change how long you stay, or any other action because of him. He needs to stop or he needs to moved to a new location. The one who is misbehaving must change ... not the victim.</p>

<p>PS - to those telling the OP to just deal with it I hope as a brother (to a sister), son (to your mother), friend (to a female friend), or significant other (to a girlfriend/wife) your view of someone harassing the important women in your life would be much more supportive. Women should not have to live with creepy behavior directed at them.</p>