<p>I discourage my children from associating with, let alone dating, lessers. Times change, and not neccesarily for the better, so it is always important to let your children know, anectodally at least, of better times.</p>
<p>I have often shared with my children an impactful story from my own youth. When I was 8, we had THE most dreadful nanny. During a Saturday morning walk through in the Park, she tugged at my sleeve to draw my attention to some insignificant animal or other. Then she looked me in the eye. Direct eye contact! Needless to say I smacked her right across the cheek, summoned the driver, and called INS. Goodness I was a precocious little rascal, thankfully my societal awareness was predictive of future success. I just knew it would be!</p>
<p>When I was in college, I dated folks of a different faith than the one I grew up with–made my folks pretty uncomfortable, especially when we went for counseling with the rabbi about potential marriage. In the end, many years later, I ended up marrying the only in-law who doesn’t have a post graduate degree–only a bachelor’s (he took 7 years to get that degree at our state flagship U and along the way, did many, many odd jobs around campus). He and we are very happy & just celebrated our 25th anniversary. He’s also of a different faith than I, but it has never been an issue for him, me or our kids.</p>
<p>I do not believe the media assertions that the biggest crises facing our nation today are joblessness; failed fiscal and monetary policies; a failure to develop reliable, clean, renewable energy sources; and an expensive, outdated miltary complex. </p>
<p>The biggest crises facing our nation today are the insolent lower and middle classes. This whole social mobility fad is vastly overrated.</p>
<p>I have leaned something here. I actually thought they just bought new dishes each time, like at home. So they wash them and reuse them? It doesn’t seem entirely sanitary to me. Is there some methodology to identify the prior diners? I should, at a minimum, have a right to know who I am sharing a plate with.</p>
<p>Look on the bright side. She could be dating a punk rocker who brings over the entire band with instruments and cranked to 21 amps to crash your house and broaden your musical horizons beyond that of stodgily dull classical music. </p>
<p>Of course, that’s assuming the ears of you and the rest of neighborhood survive… :D</p>
<p>Oh frabjous day, calloo callay, Stats has joined the fray. :)</p>
<p>For those who’ve been reading CC for a few years–isn’t it a pity that Stats wasn’t around when the thread about good schools for hobnobbing with snobs was running?</p>
<p>OP: if your daughter’s grades are good and she’s enthused about school, then that’s the important thing. If her grades are dropping and she’s skipping class, then feel free to blame the boyfriend, be he a non-college-student dishwasher or a brilliant engineering trust-fund student.</p>
<p>I saw this on the Cosby Show!! Remember Vanessa was dating the dorm maintenance /janitor guy! He was a little older than her. I assume he didn’t go to college, but he might have had tech school training. As I recall the guy was not divorced and didn’t have any children. Cosby described it as being served a perfectly cook steak with onions and mushrooms on a garbage can lid because Vanessa spent so much time emphasising all the things she was worried they might not like and forgot to mention what a great guy he was. Ask your daughter what it is that has attracted her to this guy. Look for the steak.</p>
<p>OP, this boy being a dish washer who isn’t in college means nothing about who he is or what he’s capable of, and it’s unflattering to you that you think it does. If this is all you know about him and you’ve already judged him as unfit for your daughter, that is ugly. </p>
<p>As an aside, Daniel Gilbert is a Harvard professor who does amazing research and has written an international best seller about it. He was a high school drop out.</p>
<p>It’s not the dishwashing, but I’ll be honest and say I would be concerned in this scenario. If the kid has similar values, goals, and level of ambition, then things might be fine. Maybe times are tough for him/his parents and it’s the only job available. If, however, that’s as high as he aspires, doesn’t value education, and has no ambition, I’d hope the breakup comes sooner rather than later. Too many differences that seem “fine” at 20 cause many difficulties as life goes on.</p>
<p>She could be dating a college dropout who is sleeping on the floor in friends’ rooms, returning Coke bottles for food money, and getting weekly free meals at the local Hare Krishna temple. Only positive is a passion for calligraphy. In so many words, no chance of any kind of success.</p>
<p>We know he washes dishes. Does he also clean his house? Cook? Do his own laundry? Do the yardwork? Do home improvement projects? I married someone with a PhD. I might have benefited more if he was better at some of the other things that I listed.</p>
<p>Dabnus Brickey was Vanessa’s boyfriend on The Cosby Show. He was head of maintenance and had spent some time in the army. He was also 28 to her 18.</p>
<p>Good one pea. I married my husband because he could fix things and he was fun and I was tired of living alone and fixing things and dating renaissance guys with multiple degrees who didn’t know a Phillips head from a slot screwdriver but could quote philosopher kings until I was exhausted. I conveniently forgot to ask him about his “college pedigree” which I found out into the relationship was not as “exhalted” as mine. I’ve been happily married for decades (and he appears to be happy, too.) I’ve enjoyed the comments and I really hope the OP posted in jest.</p>
