Since it isn’t a financial hardship for you, I’d be in the camp of allowing her to go back but with an agreement in writing about GPA expectations. I would also add in that if she parties next semester, that not only does she come home for community college, but that she needs to start a payment plan to start paying you back for the wasted tuition. Financial skin in the game could be a good incentive.
As a freshman composition instructor, yeah, my ears perked up at the mention of editing her papers. Nooo! The professor needs to grade HER work, not her parent’s. Yes, students can go to the writing center for help, but in my experience, that’s not a place for editing–that’s a place for working on analysis, structure, development, etc. to help the students do those things, not to fix their run-on sentences, or whatever might be meant by “editing.”
I don’t want to teach my students’ parents how to improve their writing; I want to work with what the STUDENT wrote.
Thank you for listening to my TED Talk. 
The goal is not to “break” your daughter, but to enlighten her as to the proper priorities at this stage of her life.
Important to express understanding & a degree of forgiveness as your daughter is a human being who just took her freedom & independence for a fun ride. Now it is time to convey that with freedom & indepence comes responsibility, and that everything is correctable with good disciplined habits.
She is still your child. And you are still her parent. So there was a bump in the road. Learn from it together & move on in a positive direction.
Before my girls went off to college we had an agreement on what kind of GPA they needed to maintain in order for me to continue to pay for their tuitions. We also had an agreement what is the GPA requirement for them to live at their sorority house (.5 higher than to stay in school). My kids knew I always kept my end of my bargain, so they knew I was serious.
I take it OP never had a conversation with the D about their expectations. Because of that, I would let the D go back to school with very clear understanding of what would happen if the D couldn’t maintain a certain GPA and I would follow through with the consequences.
I would advise the D on how to do well in college (go to classes, go to office hours, ask professor/TA to review paper outline/content), but I would help with editing her papers or help with her studies. The D should do that on her own.
Every year about this time we see a lot of posts like this. You are not the first parent to have to deal with this.
My kids knew if they lost their scholarships based on gpa, they’d have to transfer. It wasn’t just that I thought they should have that gpa, it was that I couldn’t have afforded the schools without the scholarships. One did fall below the gpa required but she took care of the appeal and she worked out how to get the gpa back above 3.0 in one semester (she was like 0.05 below).
OP needs to decide if her daughter has a realistic plan to get back on track. If it is making up one or two classes, it’s realistic. If it is retaking all her classes and new classes, that’s unrealistic.
So sorry to hear you are going through this with your D.
As a parent of HS Seniors, no one in college yet, I wonder about situations like this. In particular: how does the school handle it? Does an advisor sit down with her to map a way out? Does anyone ask her why it happened? I know about academic probation, but does anyone try to help a student before it gets that far?
In your heart of hearts, do you feel she can succeed next term by focusing harder, or do you think there is something else in her way?
@TimeFlies2 your students have a lot more freedom than they did in high school, and the advisors have far less power. Sure, there’ll be offers of assistance after a bad first semester, but acceptance of that help is entirely up to the student. Many students will try to manage on their own. Change is hard, and you’re asking a student to do thing B when thing A has worked for the last 4 years at least.
It depends on the school, but I think most just send a letter saying you are on academic probation. Most schools would be in the same position as the parents and not have the whole picture until final grades are in. Bio teacher might realize her grade in bio is low but wouldn’t have any idea about creative writing or history.
The student has to go ask for help from the adviser, from the writing lab, from the professor.
I would give another chance with a specific GPA that needs to be achieved after the second semester. Be aware that if you give yourself access to Canvas you will give yourself a lot of stress, as she will miss assignments. Maybe not the first few weeks, but it’s going to happen (perhaps with the excuse “the professor drops two homework assignments, so that’s just one I was planning on dropping anyway”) So, if you have access be prepared to be annoyed from time to time. I would personally just set the GPA she needs to get and then leave it to her to get that done and not have the Canvas access. Not worth the stress for you, plus ultimately she needs to learn how to manage her work. Good luck to you and to her with whatever you decide.
In addition to the many other suggestions, I will just add that perhaps acknowledging that you also could have helped her be more prepared to handle the challenges coming her way. It sounds like you were a pretty actively involved parents throughout high school and the paper editing comment makes me think that she did not have a lot of opportunity to fail and recover prior to heading off on her own. That might explain her desire to “go it alone”. I am not saying you are at fault for her bad grades, of course, but I wonder if owning your part would give you a place to work forward from together. Where you both have expectations. So she would have her requirements and you would also have your…“I am not going to edit your papers…remind you of assigments…give you wake up calls, but I am here to support you and we will keep our communication open and transparent next semester.” I think letting her know that you could have done a better job developing her resilience, but this is a great opportunity to grow and develop that grit. And that you believe in her. If you don’t, you probably should not be sending her back. Good luck to you both!
While she is on break, sit down and help her pinpoint resources she can utilize once back on campus. Have her type up a list she can refer to. That is good and appropriate support from a parent to a struggling college student, not editing her papers.
As far as how schools handle it during the semester, I can tell you about mine. I don’t know how common it is. I work at a state college where retention is always worked on to keep numbers up. We have an online report portal where we are supposed to give early warnings for students in trouble. This goes to the student and also to advising. It also could go to a support network if the student belongs to it, like EOF, or Disability Services. Those folk get in touch with student. Reach out to have them figure out a plan. HOWEVER, the student may or may not connect with that support, and may or may not follow up on plans. Nothing is required, but support and notifications are there. So, at least here, we try to reach them before final grades.
That being said, it’s not always successful. I have several students who may fail or possibly pull out a D, generally from not doing stuff, or doing it entirely wrong because of not following many-times repeated directions and instruction. Students who work at it, use the writing center, use other prepared resources, meet with me regularly, attend class, take notes, etc., will have at least a C even if writing is really hard for them. D’s and F’s almost are always at least partially a studenting issue, and we really, really try to address those. But like I said, it’s not always successful.
@Schoolformythree I am a faculty member and first-year advisor at a university. I do not feel comfortable sharing specific student (even anonymous) anecdotes, but I do feel comfortable sharing general information that may be helpful to you and your D, if you do decide that she can return in the spring.
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The transition to college is challenging for many/most students, and she does have the opportunity to develop new skills (either at the current school, or with some time away before returning, or at a new school) that will allow her to be successful with the expectations (and systems) of college that may be different from what she is used to.
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One of the biggest changes for many students in the first year of college is the timeline. For many in HS courses are a year, so there is time to figure out what is expected and how to improve and meet those expectations. College courses are on a semester (or trimester system). This is a tighter timeline, and if students are struggling at the start of the semester there may not be the time to catch up before the end of the semester.
From talking to my friends who are HS teachers, it sounds like at many High Schools students can resubmit work to raise their grade. Also that deadlines are fluid, and that student receive at least partial credit for late work. Not saying that this is the case at all High Schools, but some version of it may be at some (it sounds like), and this is not always the case in college. My experience of college courses is that you may get a low grade on something, and feedback on what to improve, and the expectation is that you will apply that information to the next assignment, but that the grade earned on the first assignment will stand, without opportunities to make adjustments and resubmit. .
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College is her job right now, and a good criteria for returning is to make sure she agrees to that. Students should always go to class (unless they are very ill, or have a legitimate reason [that the professor/you/their advisor would approve of]), always do the reading, always do the homework, and should take advantage of office hours and tutoring/learning centers. Often college student will let themselves “off the hook” for going to class. Go to class, sit in the front, talk to the teacher/TAs, take advantage of opportunities for extra sessions. Many students think that that tutoring/office hours/learning centers are only for students who are struggling, but the college GPAs of students who take advantage of these opportunities are overal higher than they are for students who don’t.
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In college FERPA (https://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html) is followed. This means that professors and advisors cannot share information with you without explicit consent from your child. Where I teach there is not blanket FERPA waiver. Each request for information has to be made by the student and the parent/guardian, and professors/advisors are not permitted to share information unless there is a request for specific that information.
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Even at colleges that use Canvas, most do not require all faculty to use it, or to consistantly update assignments and grades even if they do. I have some collegues who do not use Canvas at all, and others who only use it to upload the syllabus and documents.
There is also a multiple password system where I teach, and every time you login to Canvas from a different location there is an additional login step from your phone. The university also instructs students that they cannot share their login information with anyone (including family). Even when they do (against instructions) there is the additional login step. So, if it is similar at your Ds school, she may have to be on the phone with you when you try to access her confidential information, so that she can approve in the moment.
- Depending on the policies of her school, with a 1.3 GPA she will either be on Academic Probation (which will limit the number of credits she can take in the spring), or Academic Suspension (requiring her to leave school for a specified period of time before being allowed to return), Academic Expulsion after one semester would be unlikely, but that information should be available in the catalog on the college website… She should receive a letter from a Dean at her college detailing the specifics of her situation, and her academic advisor should follow up after that with advice and information.
It is is a challenging situation that your D is in, but one that many students have successfully come back from. As others have said, you know your D, and what will work best for her and your family. What I posted above is just to give you information and suggest questions your D may want to ask her school in order to figure out the best way for her and your family to move forward at this time.
This is not necessary true.
https://studentprivacy.ed.gov/frequently-asked-questions
While my kids were in college, I was able to talk to her advisor and professors without her explicit consent (it was over a very specific circumstance, long story).
Did OP’s daughter do well in high school? Is this a drastic change in functioning? How much support did she have from parents in time management as well as academics, and is the absence of that a factor?
I feel as if this situation may require looking deeper. What is really going on here, to account for such an abyssmal GPA? Undiagnosed ADHD or executive functioning disorder, masked by parental help? A new eating disorder, or depression? Addiction, a new drinking problem?
I would have a long cooperative talk with your daughter, treating her like the almost adult that she is. I would express concerns and come to a decision together. Would she agree to testing, or to going to a counselor? I do not believe a kid who previously did well, suddenly bombs for no reason other than partying.
Community college does not have to be a “consequence,” which sounds punitive. Perhaps she would be better off at home, working a part-time job and going to CC. One of mine came home and did exactly that and it worked out well. It was a mutual decision. (I never looked at my kids’ grades btw. If I needed to do that, I wouldn’t send them!)
The fact that you can pay, changes things a little. But I would not want to pay for two semesters of grades like this. I would not want loans for grades like this. You are not only paying for nothing, but paying for a negative. If she goes elsewhere, her transcript follows her but she could start fresh with a new GPA.
Your daughter may not want to tell you what is really going on. I don’t know what your relationship is like. I would have that heart to heart, and tell her you think it might be good for her to come home and start again. This can be done kindly and you can look at this situation together.
If you get the feeling that she actually NEEDS to come home because of some previously undiscovered problem, then you can insist and she will thank you later.
If she can convince you that she can return for another semester, and your gut tells you things are fine (which I cannot imagine), then sure, try another semester.
None of us can really advise here because we don’t have enough information and don’t know you or your daughter. Overall, I would be in the camp of bringing her home because I feel there may be more going on, but I could be wrong, and you and your daughter know best.
From OP’s original post which started this thread:
OP’s daughter “admits she was focused on social life and not studies.”
“…she wants to go out all the time and up late every night…”.
“I have a niece whose first couple of years in college, living on campus, were micromanaged by her grandmother, out of necessity. She likely would have failed out without the help finding resources, proofreading, etc. Grandma would never dream of contacting instructors, but she would tell her to contact them. Later, with maturity and getting her ADHD treated, she became more independent. She now is a very happy elementary school teacher and is appreciated by her colleagues and loved by her students and their parents.
Wealthy people employ life coaches and tutors for kids with ADHD. So why this double standard for parents who have to or choose to do the job themselves until their struggling kids find their footing?”
Exactly. I live in a mostly very wealthy suburb. There are a lot of parents who still provide tutors and exec function coaches while their kids are in college. They micromanage them. They let them get to the point where they are a bit more mature. They also help them slip into careers where they can use the skills they have and where their deficits just don’t matter. My neighbor’s kid who can’t get through an college level English class with its requirement for a long paper on Macbeth without significant parental help is the top salesperson for a pharm company. He doesn’t have to write anything that involves that kind of thinking. My daughters charming friend who needed her parents to monitor all her assignments for 3.5 years after being on academic probation. She works as a recruiter for a big placement company and does very well with clients. The academic projects she couldn’t deal with well don’t come up. These kids went to well regarded public schools. They are earning big money. The rich get richer because they know how to protect their own and get them to the place they need to be. Will this always work? No. But these parents aren’t going to have their kid live at home and go to community college unless it’s the last possible option. And this strategy pays off handsomely a good deal of the time.
College is such a huge shift in academics and responsibility, and yet the changes are hard to see. I’ve started giving out the book, “Will This Be on the Test?” to graduating seniors-- it’s a straightforward guide to helping kids make the academic transition to college. I wish I’d had it as a college freshman!
If it were my kid I’d demand a book report of that book, an itemized game plan, and definitely a job over the winter break (with as close to full time hours as can be arranged. She obviously doesn’t need a break from her hard work this semester. But she does need to see how important it is to work hard and steadily.
It could very well be that there’s something deeper going on here, but I think immaturity and lack of self-regulation is equally likely. If it’s the former I think she needs to stay home. If it’s the latter, I think it’s fine to have her go back under certain conditions.
OP, sorry your daughter is going through this. I don’t have any advice here, agreed with the advice to give your kid a second chance to improve her grade next year.
“Wealthy people employ life coaches and tutors for kids with ADHD. So why this double standard for parents who have to or choose to do the job themselves until their struggling kids find their footing?”
This.
Maturity does not come from merely the passage of time. Plenty of 25 year olds are still incapable of basic time management skills. It is in the student’s interest to acquire those skills as early as possible, so many parents do not think it is advisable to insert themselves into a situation to delay the acquisition of such skills, particularly if they will be unwilling or unable to do so permanently.