Your post makes good points @Postmodern , and I am kind when I reply to kids. I remember that thread last year, and your posts made me think. Right now there are quite a few posts with kids pointedly asking what they did wrong. I don’t think any of us needs to be nasty about it, but if kids are looking for answers, I tell them what I know. (As you are aware, I created a post in the admissions forum about this topic, but I only just saw your post today.) http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/2067880-why-you-didnt-get-in-p1.html
Parents and students on that thread have both said it is helpful.
MANY kids and parents read those “why didn’t I get in?” posts, and there is almost always a way to get something good out of something bad. If a student is genuinely stunned about no or few acceptances and is looking for answers, I think it’s okay to be honest. I think people are always try to understand where they went wrong. But yes, being kind is important.
I had the conversation with my daughter this morning. I drove her to school to steal an hour of privacy. She has done extremely well with acceptances thus far. What happens today takes nothing away from that. I tried my best to reinforce that. I am assuming she won’t get a yes. Celebrate the successes and move on from the others. That is my message to kids today who get the news that breaks their heart and makes them feel less than the amazing person that they are.
@Postmodern My post was not meant to imply other posters should not give input. I just feel that it is the job of the moderators to determine what is appropriate to post, what is against the TOS and what needs an intervention. No need to chastise other posters who may have a different approach to input than you choose.
Don’t see posters “taking joy in kids disappointment”. Nor can I agree that is is necessary or appropriate to criticize other posters or posts… To say a post or poster “deserves” to be criticized seems against the purpose of this thread. Different posters have different posting styles, which is in part what makes this an interesting community. If a student wants to vent about their admission results without feedback, there is a great thread available for that http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1844201-say-it-here-because-you-cant-say-it-anywhere-else-venting-thread-college-edition.html
There’s a problem if a student regards a college’s business decision as an indicator of the student’s worth or self-worth. It’s not an emotional choice on the part of the college, let alone a statement of worth. That’s the first objective fact that should be imparted to all college applicants.
Second, the college in question would choose all of the (hundreds of) worthy candidates, including many of the rejected ones, if they could do so without compromising class size. These institutions are greedy, and it really annoys them not to be able to accept all of the highly qualified candidates. To be even considered in the final or second-to-final round, which our students very well may have been, is right there an indication of enormous worth.
It’s the responsibility of parents and counselors to educate and prepare in that manner ^ and not to play into (and thereby indirectly promote) an emotional orientation to it all. We need to help them not to be overly invested in one or two “dream” colleges, but to be invested in a fine education, period, and if there is a fine safety or match on the list, they will more than demonstrate their “worth” to that institution, to the world, to their families, and to themselves.
Hoping for good news for a LOT of folks today. The waiting is the worst part.
The smartest thing I decided about this site…long ago…was to stay far away from the Chances section. It’s that place most likely to be where folks crush dreams…or encourage them when they shouldn’t be.
I would hope that my perspective as an old timer here is a decent one…and I try very hard not to be critical…and basically state the facts. This is particularly challenging over in the financial aid section where folks ask about finances…and really…schools are likely not to be affordable. No money machines!
I wish I could double-like garland’s post #51. Shades of the meta-thread.
Re the objections to postmodern’s original post: “These arguments sound very well, but I can’t help thinking that, if they were reduced to syllogistic form, they wouldn’t hold water” [Ruddigore]
Thank you everyone for your consideration and points on all sides. It may be selective perception but I do think the tone has been more constructive this year. I am not claiming this thread had anything to do with that, just glad to notice it, and grateful to be part of this community.
To those that supported the premise of the OP: Thanks!
For those that claim they have not seen the posts I was referring to: It took a lot of self-discipline for me to not replicate them here because I thought they would be more incendiary than helpful. It also would have appeared hypocritical, as many took my thread from last year. I apologize for that choice or I would have provided evidence.
For those that claimed "I can post anything I want and criticize any poster I choose, but you, Postmodern, should not, in fact here is a thread for you to be ignored in", I respectfully refer you to Garland's post above, far more articulate and economical than any I thought of.
In closing, please be assured I created this thread with the best intentions and not to single anyone out for any specific behavior.
