Hey Parents, I think I need parent’s advice when talking about my depression at college. Even though the school I am going to wasn’t my top choice, everyone says it is still a well known school and has a lot of school spirit. I expected college to be much different, I wanted to restart my social life over. I have yet to make any friends and I eat alone everyday. Even though I am surrounded by a lot of people but I still feel very alone. I know it has only been a few months, but still it really does suck seeing people doing things together and going out on the weekends. It’s so bad I actually hate the weekends and I don’t think a college kid should hate the weekends! I try to make friends and talk to people, but it seems like they really don’t want to be friends with me. I hate seeing how my high school friends are enjoying their college experience and I am not. I don’t know if I should transfer or not. I am actually going home for halloween because there is really no point of me staying here.
I want to give you a hug. Hang in there. I was absolutely miserable the first semester of college. I didn’t get along with my roommates, I missed my friends, I just couldn’t get into the swing of things. It really took me until about Jan to find my niche and to feel comfortable with all these new people. And when I did, I found some great life long friends. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I bet a lot of kids at your college also feel that way, but are pretending that all is great. It does take time - just remember that.
Now in the short term, perhaps you could try to join a club where you may find students with similar interests. Or perhaps start or join a study group, or get involved in community service. Try to meet people outside of your dorm or your classes. Just because you haven’t found a close friend so far in a class or in your dorm, doesn’t mean there is no one you will connect with. If you want to go home this weekend, do so. A home cooked meal and a hug from your mom is good medicine.
How about a job? If you get a job at a fun place on campus (fast food, coffee cart in the library) you’ll be interacting with other students will still trying to find your group.
I feel for you. But you don’t have to eat alone. Learn to say “Is it okay if I join you?” I promise no one will ever say no. But you also need to try to find your tribe - clubs, classes whatever. You are going to have to work at getting to know new people. It’s not easy and it will feel forced at first. But eventually you will find friends if you make the effort.
This should be taken more seriously. Depression can be a extremely serious illness. I would go see the campus mental health providers for starters and a GP. You may also need to see a psychiatrist if the depression is prolonged in order to obtain proper medication. This has been going on for months not a few days. Plus there are other reported clinical signs by the OP that appear troubling and in need of the proper medical attention
@collegegal123 hang in there! Are you in a northern climate and feeling the effect of the colder weather and darker days? By all means try to get help at the counselling center if you need it, that’s what they’re for.
A school with a lot of school spirit doesn’t always work for everyone, if a lot of the activities center on sports etc. Good luck with finding your place and people and sending positive thoughts your way.
Talk to your parents when you go home. You need to figure out if you are just unhappy due to circumstances which you can work to change. You have gotten some good advice on how to change things. OTOH, as Tiger says, you may have clinical depression. Clinical depression is a disease and you may need help, even medication, to cope with it. Your parents should be able to help you figure out what is going on and whether you need to meet with a professional. You can also call the college counseling center, but it may take some time to get an appointment.
Your high school friends may also be having some adjustment challenges, but just not talking about it. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Look around and you will see others who are alone. Look for them, not the ones in groups and ask to share a meal.
I know lots of kids who were pretty miserable their first semester and then with new classes or something else different second semester became very happy. And others who switched colleges after the first semester and were happy at the new place.
It will get better.
- Go to the campus mental health provider ASAP. This can and will get better, but it starts with getting some help.
- Totally ok to go home on the weekend.
- Similar to other people here, I did not always just love love love college all the time. Lots of people did seem to be enjoying their weekends and doing things together on the weekend. I was not a partier or a joiner, so this was a much slower process for me. It took at least until my second semester to find a few friends who enjoyed simple things...going to the movies, out to eat,etc. It always felt like I should be going out to parties and enjoying mobs of people, but in reality I know I am just not wired like that. Admitting that to myself was the first step in being ok with a different kind of social life.
- If you had lots of friends in high school, just remember that you had years to build those friendships. New ones and a new world will take time.
- I second the idea of getting a small part-time job. It gives you a sense of structure, belonging and fills some of those hours. You could also meet some really interesting people.
Lots of great advice here. Also, please, please, PLEASE do NOT compare your situation, and your feelings, to what you see on your friends’ instagram feeds (or other social media)! I can guarantee you that what you are seeing isn’t always real, or doesn’t tell the whole story. Many of your friends and acquaintances are likely struggling in similar ways, but putting up a front. So please, don’t pay attention to social media. Find the things that make you happy and pursue those things. Go speak to a counselor, join some clubs, get out of your dorm and spend time in the campus coffee shop, library, or other campus areas where you can come in contact with a lot of other students. And by all means, go home for a visit and get some love and support from your parents.
Thank you guys I really do appreciate your advice and your positive comments. I don’t know about the counseling there are some days where I think yeah it’s okay for me to go but there are other days where I feel embarrassed if I go to counseling… I think I am going to apply for a job at the starbucks near me and hopefully meet some people. I just can’t wait until this semester is over. 
If you had diabetes would you be ashamed to see an endocrinologist?
Don’t be embarrassed to go to counseling. Just talking to someone a couple of times to get some tips on how to handle this can be a big help. It doesn’t mean you are weak or that something is wrong with you. The worst thing that could happen is you waste an hour or two of your time. The best is that you get some tools to help you get back to enjoying college.
One of my kids, who is definitely out of the mainstream, found his people in the gaming club. Another in music and political groups and as a barista. The third one found friends with the guys on the hall. But it took the first two some time before they found the right fit.
What would you tell a good friend to do? Or a loved one?
Be your best friend. You deserve it. You deserve the best life and care possible. That care might very well be a trip to a counselor at school. Even if it’s just to hear that everything will be OK. They are in their offices waiting to hear from the myriads of students who face varying degrees of difficulty at the beginning of the school year. Go do it. Today. And get back with all us moms tomorrow. 
Please see a counselor! It will be confidential, so nobody will find out if you don’t tell them. In our family, my three kids and I have ALL seen counselors. They are so helpful! They won’t fix your problems, but help you figure out solutions for yourself. And if think you need meds, they’ll recommend seeing a doctor.
I do not suffer from depression normally, but the last three months have been very traumatic for me, so I am taking anti-depression meds temporarily. They are helping me to move forward.
Hugs!!! Everything will be OK!
It’s funny @collegegal122 , for YEARS I was the one telling everyone else to seek help. Two years ago I finally went to get help myself after going through a rough patch. My first reaction as I left the doctors office was, “I wish to God that I had done this way back in freshman year of college.” SERIOUSLY that was more than 40 years ago. Don’t wait that long.
Before my DD left for college we had several conversations about social media posts. Who would post something that showed them sitting in their room alone? Or being homesick? No one. So, what you see it only the good stuff. Please remember that! What you all face today with social media and the internet is very difficult to navigate.
Please do not be embarrassed to go to counseling! It’s what they do. You will not be the first student to come to them as depressed as you sound nor will you be the last. You seriously sound like you need it!
I love the idea of a job. If not for belonging, but also to fill some time when you may be letting your mind wander.
Hang in there!
Mathmom is totally right. You don’t have to eat alone. Find someone else eating alone and ask to join him/her. Also do you live in the dorm? Try to make friends with people on your floor. A simple smile and hi can open doors. I went out of state for college and didn’t know a single soul, also couldn’t go home on weekends. Most of the people I made friends with were kids in my classes. Making friends with those in your major is the easiest, because you share the same interest. Try sitting down next to someone who isn’t talking to anyone, smile, say hi and start talking about the class/homework. It’s a good way to break the ice. If the person is friendly, sit next to him/her again next time. If not, sit down next to someone else next time.
OTOH, I did go to college in the stone age, before there were cell phones. Nowadays it seems like as soon as someone sits down he/she will immediately whip out the cell phone and ignores everyone else. Went out for lunch with DH the other day and the couple next to us sat like this the entire time, didn’t say a word to each other:
http://citizensofculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Texting-at-dining-table1.jpg
Btw this is the new “hanging out with friends”, you’re not missing much 
:
http://www.thekeyclass.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Checking-Smartphones.jpg
I recognize similar feelings from times in my life – I wasn’t very social as a kid and had to learn to be more socially effective. Here’s my guess for things that would help:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to focus on a) the depression; and b) learning social skills that will help you learn to create conversations that might develop into friendships. This stuff is highly useful. Go to counseling but ask for cognitive behavioral therapy as it is the only form of talk therapy that works with depression. Sometimes they have social-skills oriented training or groups for folks who are shy. You need not be shy but may need the skills.
- Consider anti-depressant medication -- for this you need to go to health services (maybe also for the CBT referral).
- Practice the social skills with people coming out of class.
- Join a club of folks with like-minded interests. The debate team, chess club, ... . Sign up for intramural sports (this works if you are decent at sports but not if you are going to be the worst person playing).
- Read *Helplessness* by Martin Seligman. This provides a really interesting approach to thinking about what I will call reactive depression. There may be newer or better books out, but I this one is terrific.
This stuff can and does work. It takes time, which is why the anti-depressant medication may be a help when you are working on the skills etc.
I have read that half of college students seek counseling. Nothing to be embarrassed about though I understand your feelings. It really is pretty “normal” to be seeing someone for therapy, and many of the people you see doing things in groups who seem happy are seeing someone as well. Good luck!
Hello Collegegal122: My older daughter experienced something a little different than you, as a freshman she was really homesick. She spoke to her first year advisor and her RA, and they recommended being busy. So she joined intramural soccer, and women’s boxing (went once and quit), several clubs and service organizations. She didn’t stick with all of them, but did stick with the soccer and a service organization. She made friends in the service org , traveled on a service trip with them the next summer and is an officer now.
I know this for sure. There are kids on your campus who would want to be friends with you if they only had the chance to get to know you. How do you meet these kids? How do you get to know them? If there are activities on campus that interest you, join them. Join some you aren’t sure you would be interested in. It is a great time of your life to stretch yourself! I think getting a job is a great way to start!
If you don’t want to talk to a counselor, there are other people (your advisor or RA) to talk with that would have ideas about where you can meet people. It might be an easier place to start than counseling.
Come back here and tell everyone how you’re doing. I will be hoping to hear that you’ve settled in and are doing well.