<p>Girls will be friends with who they want to be friends with, Paula80. Just because they had a great start doesn’t mean they will be in each other’s weddings, one day.</p>
<p>Don’t call the parents. If you do, it will make you look foolish. These girls are young women and sometimes we have to let our kids work out their own friend issues. Roommate issues can be difficult, and your D can pursue talking to her RA about what she can do, but this seems to be less about rule breaking in the dorm and more about your daughter’s feelings. </p>
<p>Perhaps if the roommate continues with being up till 4 or 5 each day she will not make it through the semester and your D will get a new roommate.</p>
<p>Suggest to your daughter that she go to the store and buy a doormat. place it on the floor in front of the door. Firmly tell the roomate, “that is your doormat, I am your roomate. Don’t confude the two and we will get along just fine.” Your daughter is not a victim. She needs to stop acting like one and stand up for herself.</p>
<p>I didn’t read all the posts, but I’m curious as to the number of responses that advise ignoring, staying out of it, letting the girls work it out, etc. I guess, my take on the situation is different. There are probably dorm rules about overnights. If these rules are being broken by someone who is disrespectful of a roommate’s rights to privacy and peace and quiet, then the rules need to be enforced. Stumbling in at 4 in the morning drunk is disrespectful if someone is trying to sleep. Let’s please not try and put a nice face on this. Where kids learn to disrespect is in the home and from their peers. Group living requires that people make an effort to not disturb those in close proximity. That doesn’t mean the place should feel like a tomb, but it does mean that there should be established quiet hours and rules that are enforceable. If the RA is consulted and the behavior continues, the roomie needs to go.</p>
<p>Let your daughter speak for herself. If this situation (which is pretty common in college) is bothering your daughter she will surely deal with it on her own terms. You should not under any circumstances call the roommates mother. That is not your business even if the girls mother did ask you to call. Could you imagine what would happen between your daughter and her roommate if she told your daughter that you called her mom? Certain things a parent must stay out of and this is one of those times.</p>
<p>to post #63: we all agree to that: that the girls need to respect each other, especially after hours.</p>
<p>We also all agree that the intrusion of a BF shouldn’t be happening.</p>
<p>What we don’t know is if the OP’s daughter is going to try to “work it out” with the roommate, whose friendship seemed so “promising”, or demand a switch. That’s really the core issue here: what to do when the relationship sours/disappoints.</p>
<p>Ignoring your daughter is not a crime nor is it necessarily rude if it’s not done abusively or in a ‘silent treatment’ manner. The roommate is not there to entertain your daughter. She is paying for her college experience presumably like your daughter is. I would advise your daughter to start living her life and forger about her roommate. If it’s against the rules for the BF to stay or if they are in a common room where her privacy is violated then she has a legit complaint which she could take up with the proper authorities. But if the roommate is bad simply because she’s not being a good friend or entertaining your daughter then she really has no recourse but to find better friends.</p>
<p>Listen to your daughter. Be supportive of her ideas for how to handle it. </p>
<p>Our daughter was in the exact same situation. The year goes by quickly and your daughter will learn and grow stronger from it. Your daughter’s friends will become her support network for how to handle it. Trust her - she will learn to deal with it just fine.</p>
<p>Talking to the roommates parents is extremely dangerous.</p>
<p>Giving your daughter advice, while not a problem, will inhibit her from learning how to solve situations on her own (and she will be facing many of them for years to come).</p>
<p>I didn’t read through all of the posts but I wholeheartedly agree with jpm50. My D was in the exact situation last year and she didn’t want to move because she loved the floor. The biggest issue for her beside how uncomfortable it was in terms of her relationship and the lack of privacy, was the door opening at all hours of the night since he lived across the hall. I was a sounding board for many tearful conversations. The RA did not help. My D didn’t want to take it further because she didn’t want to move or get the RA in trouble, although I constantly encouraged her to go the dorm director.
Somehow she survived the year. The relationship between the roommate and this boy lasted all year (it’s still going on). My D and her roommate barely talked by the end of the year. It is a definite learning experience. But I am very glad now that I never intervened directly. It was very hard not to want to rescue her, but she needed to deal with this nightmare by herself.</p>
<p>I don’t think that young people of today solve any problems on their own. Their first instinct when faced with a problem is to Google it. Adding your own suggestions to the ones they obtain online is not likely to do any additional damage.</p>
<p>If I have subpar grades (below 3.0 GPA) is it still possible for me to transfer to a decent school? Also, how can I make my transfer application stronger?</p>
<p>Listen, it’s really not that uncommon for a boy to spend the night. Many couples do it a few nights a week. Freshman year, when everyone is in a double (at most schools), there isn’t a great alternative. I do hear of couples having sex when the roommate is asleep and the roommate waking up, and that, I think is crossing the line. But honestly, this could be so much worse.<br>
Stay out of it, and trust that your daughter can handle it.</p>
<p>When they break up, the roommate will need someone to come crying to, and that someone will be your daughter. Then they will be best friends again. Just let things take care of themselves ;)</p>
<p>First of all, the fact that your daughter and her roommate picked each other online and seemed to get along perfectly but haven’t become best friends is farrrrr from unusual. Last year my hallmate and her roommate had done the same, they even coordinated bedsheets and room decor—one of them had moved out by the end of the first weekMy daughter just started college. Same thing happened to one of my best friends. It may be disappointing, but really isn’t the end of the world. </p>
<p>Second, obviously it is important for roommates to respect each others wishes. Has your daughter talked to her roommate since her angry calling out the morning after? Has the roommate let the boy sleep over since? Your daughter and her roommate need to sit down and have a conversation about some ground rules for living together–late nights, partying, playing music, overnight visitors. If your daughter and her roommate clearly disagree on having the guy sleep over, and neither is willing to compromise, then the next step would be contacting the RA to switch roommates. </p>
<p>Also, you say the roommate stays out to 4 or 5 every night. Stays out doing what? Getting drunk and partying? Doing homework? or just hanging out with her boyfriend?
If she is just staying out late hanging out with her boyfriend then I really don’t see the problem–you don’t want the guy sleeping over, so she is respecting your wishes by staying at his place instead. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I feel like its slightly ridiculous that you find this boy sleeping over so completely shocking and wrong. It happens in college. A LOT. like a lot. like i don’t know how else to say it…other than perhaps pointing out that my roommate and her boyfriend are contentedly snoring away across the room right now. I really don’t see the problem with the boy sleeping over as long as they aren’t doing anything other than just cuddling and sleeping. Some people have said things about how its horrible that some strange guy is sleeping over, but you said that this isn’t some strange guy, but a guy from your daughters floor. Wouldn’t your daughter be friendly with the guy? I just don’t see anything wrong with the situation at all, it’s so common in college. Everyone has roommates, and everyone has relationships at some point, and everyone has to deal with each others lives. </p>
<p>I also really don’t think you should assume that he is going to dump her.
Same to deposition, why is everyone assuming the guy is going to dump her?
It just kind of irks me, since I was in a similar situation freshman year. I came to college last year expecting to have fun and meet a lot of new people, never once did I think I’d have a steady boyfriend. But there was a guy on my floor who I ended up hooking up with (funny, the first time was drunk) and I slept there most nights (thank goodness his roommate was very friendly and understanding, and we all got along).<br>
But the point is that we are still together more than a year later. And that it seems inconsiderate for you to dismiss this girl’s relationship as petty and insignificant.</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity, if you were the roommates mother, would you want to know this was going on? </p>
<p>When my son was young, a playmate did some strange things at my house. I was debating whether to tell his mother or not, when a friend said “If you were his mother, would you want to know?” The answer was yes, so I told her.</p>
<p>I know we are not talking about children here but just sayin’…</p>
<p>Ok, to the OP:
You have to learn to let go. Doing this ^^^ (talking to the girl’s mother) is going to produce hell for your daughter. Why? Because this: Because in college everyone is 18,19,20,21 and so on. Because if you talk to the girl’s mother, the girl has friends and the girl will talk. And everyone across the hall… aged 20,21 and away from home for several years now will talk about “the new freshman, the one who called her mom to talk to her roommate’s mom” and your daughter will be ridiculed. Nice start for a new life huh?</p>
<p>I understand she JUST moved out which is why you feel the way you do. But she has to learn to deal with life situations on her own. And this type of things will happen A LOT to her or around her in the next four years. </p>
<p>So, like the vast majority of the people in this thread… I suggest to stay out of it, for your daughter’s sake.</p>