<p>So is Paula80 another student posing as a parent, or vice versa?</p>
<p>A month ago she asked about her suitcase for her dorm. Now she talks about her daughter having trouble with bad roommates.</p>
<p>What gives?</p>
<p>My son had a roommate who often had his girlfriend sleep over (in one room). My son didn’t mind a bit. But the two of them did not have actual sex with my son in the room. Apparently, that crossed the line into “icky” for all three of them.</p>
<p>totally normal part of college. lol. i’ve heard about this “roommate” so many times.</p>
<p>The OP was a student posting about her dorm bed and risers at NYU. Now suddenly she is a mom. This may be a student posting as her mom. FYI.</p>
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<p>I am not a prude, by any means, and I don’t consider the boyfriend sleeping over “shocking,” but I do consider it wrong – if it occurs without the roommate’s express permission. As you pointed out, he lives on the same floor, so there is no reason why he has to sleep there with the girls. (It’s not as if he’s driven hours to come visit his girlfriend.) Even if they are only “cuddling” and “sleeping,” the boyfriend is imposing on the roommate’s privacy rights. She now has a male in her room – and whether she knows him or not – is she is the least bit modest, she has now lost the ability to get dressed in her own room. You may not care about having a person of the opposite sex in your room overnight, but I know many girls who would be uncomfortable in that situation.</p>
<p>If the roommate is willing to let the boyfriend sleep over, fine - no problem, but if she objects, then it is the roommate and her boyfriend who need to change their ways or go find another location, because the roommate is paying for a double room, not a triple.</p>
<p>This is ridiculous.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter to grow up. My roommate brings a girl over EVERY night, and sleeps with her in the same room as me, EVERY night. Do you think I care? No, of course not. Why? Cause I’m not a 3 year old, that complains about every little thing my roommate does, and has to call daddy to fix the problem.</p>
<p>This is a really pathetic.</p>
<p>Couple of questions:</p>
<p>Why does she care? She’s an adult. Does she really have that big of a problem with a male sleeping 6 feet away from her? Is she really THAT afraid of guys, that she can’t stand to have them anywhere near her, when she is sleeping? I’m mean, it’s not like the guy is even there for her. He’s interested in her roommate. He could care less about your daughter. Why your daughter would freak out over this is beyond me. Unless of course she is jealous of her roommate, and figures if shen’t is getting any then nobody is. This is pretty childish stuff. I can see a 12 year old having a problem with this, not an 18 year old. She’s old enough to drive, old enough to vote, old enough to smoke, old enough to have orgasms, but not old enough to be in the presence of a male? That’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>Why do you care? Your daughter is an adult now. Are you going to keep trying to fix her problems when she’s 40? Let her breathe for chrissakes. It’s not let this is a big issue anyways. OMG! Someone of the opposite sex was several feet near my daughter, let’s call the cops! Seriously, man, I understand you love your daughter and all, but it’s college. Boys are near girls. It happens. And so what that your daughter’s roommate isn’t best friends with your daughter? Your daughter can’t make other friends? Does her roommate really have to be her only and most closest friend? Give me break.</p>
<p>My advice: Don’t do anything, at all. Parents really shouldn’t be getting this involved in their college daughters’ personal lives. (I’m actually surprised that she told you these things. That’s really weird.) Just leave her alone, and let her do your thing. The only thing that parents should help their college student with is paying the bill. That’s it.</p>
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<li> Girls like to ***** and vent to their mothers. Generally afterward they hang up and are as happy as can be while the mom sits worrying.<br></li>
<li> Girls get boyfriends and ignore their girlfriends. It is a fact of life. That is why it is better to have lots of friends rather than just one best friend.</li>
<li> Learning to deal with difficult roommates is a great life lesson and will help down the road when she has to deal with difficult co-workers, neighbors, etc…</li>
<li> Things turn out best for those that make the best of the way things turn out (OK I stole that from Art Linkletter but it is really true).</li>
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<p>Hellicopter Parent.</p>
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<p>Awesome another 18 year old kid with all the answers and the complete certainty that they are right and everyone else doesnt get it.</p>
<p>This is the Parents Forum. For the most part, you are interacting with people who have two to three decades more life experience than you. Go out, have a kid, raise them for 18 years, and then come back and well talk.</p>
<p>Most college dorms require roommates to make “roommate agreements” and turn them into the RA outlining guest policies and what each roommate wants. If your daughter’s dorm doesn’t do that, tell her to go over all of those things with her roommate. </p>
<p>I’ve found that it’s actually WORSE to live with friends because you will find something that annoys you about them and the friendship might deteriorate. I was randomly placed with a roommate freshman year and we absolutely hated each other, we rarely talked and just slept in the same room. I made so many other friends on the floor because I never wanted to be in my room, so it turned out to be a good thing!</p>
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<p>haha…loved this post</p>
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<p>You’re paying the double rate to live in a triple and you don’t care? Amazing.</p>
<p>^Of course not, his parents are probably paying.</p>
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<p>yes, it is the parent’s forum. this parent is asking what to do about a situation her 18 yr old child is in. some 18 year olds are trying to provide a perspective of the situation from a college students point of view because if this mother does decide to involve herself in her daughters situation it will effect her daughter. has her daughter expressly asked her mom to get involved? if not then the mother should probably not be getting involved in her 18 year old’s life because it is now her chance to make decisions and develop relationships independently. if so then the mother should probably not be getting involved and should instead be giving her daughter advice on how to deal with the situation as an adult, because her daughter will have to learn how to confront problems like this throughout her life.</p>
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<p>i agree. as i stated before I think that as long as the roommate is ok with it, I dont think there is any reason he should not be able to sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend. all I meant by the end of my post was that from personal experience, most girls I know at college are used to the situation and would not be uncomfortable with it because it is so commonplace. however, in the beginning I explained that if the roommate is uncomfortable with the situation she should discuss it with her roommate in a respectful way (no yelling or calling out or anything) and that if they cannot come to an agreement they should go to the RA and ask for a room switch. But what I did not understand about the original post was that it seemed like after the roommate told the girl off for the first incident that it was not repeated and the girl instead just sleeps at the boys room. I’m not sure if this is a correct assumption or not but if it is then I don’t see what the problem is anymore.</p>
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<p>Why would I care? Whether she’s there or not, I still have to pay $10K/a year to dorm. She doesn’t effect me at all.</p>
<p>As an aside, can the last two posters please look up the difference between “affect” and “effect”? Every student should really know the difference by the time they get to college.</p>
<p>Now wait . . . picking apart people’s grammar? Really? There are grammar mishaps and misspellings all over CC . . . along with the rest of the internet. Many’s the time I’ve thought to myself, “Wow, did that person really just type ‘rediculous’?” Or “alot”? (Sometimes they were parents!) “Rediculous” is like nails down a chalkboard to me, but the purpose of this forum is to share information, not nitpick, so I let it go. I suggest you do the same or, if it really bothers your that much, take it to PM.</p>
<p>Wow…how many women in the parents forum would really be comfortable sleeping in a room with a strange man (even if he is in bed with a roommate)? Am I really the only one who would absolutely be unable to relax under these circumstances? I’ve been to conferences with female co-workers and shared a room on occasion and I can’t begin to imagine that I’d be expected to put up with a man sleeping in the same room if my “roomie” happened to get lucky at happy hour.</p>
<p>I know that “this is college” and it happens all the time but why would anyone assume that just because a male is a student at the same university, that he’s automatically completely safe for a young woman to share her room with; particularly if he’s been drinking? </p>
<p>What about privacy? I know that college girls often sleep in a cami and underwear or pj shorts and generally they should be able to choose who gets to see them dressed like this. Is she just supposed to stay under the covers until the guy finally leaves or is any kind of personal modesty something she’s just supposed to “get over” since she’s in college now.</p>
<p>Why should college girls have to put up with situations that most grown women would never tolerate?</p>
<p>^they don’t. if they discuss it with their roommate and voice their discomfort with the situation they can come to an agreement on the subject or ask for a room switch. nevertheless, most girls tend to not consider it a huge deal/tend to be ok with it (particularly if its one consistent guy who they know/have met, rather than a random collection of different guys). obviously not everyone feels the same way and everyone is entitled to be comfortable in their living situation. that said, it is up to the individual to confront any discomfort she may have, not her mother.</p>
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<p>And it’s up to mothers (and fathers) to teach their daughters (and sons) common decency in matters of intimacy and interaction with other people. Sadly, it appears that hasn’t happened for these college kids.</p>