<p>No matter what your decision may be, what you do will likely not be as extreme as some families across the Pacific Ocean do :)</p>
<p>Google “asian parents education fever”, an article from bbc.com has something like:</p>
<p>"A huge proportion of that income - 70% of Korean household expenditure, according to estimates by the Samsung Economic Research Institute in Seoul, goes toward private education, to get an educational edge over other families.</p>
<p>Families cut back on other household spending “across the board,” said Michael Seth, professor of Korean history at James Madison University in the US and author of a book on South Korea’s education zeal. “There is less money to spend on other things like housing, retirement, or vacations.”</p>
<p>Also,</p>
<p>"Last year an estimated 40,000 Chinese students travelled to Hong Kong to take the US college admissions exam, the Scholastic Assessment Test (SATS), which is not offered in mainland China.</p>
<p>Chinese education company, New Oriental Education, organises SAT trips to Hong Kong for $1,000 (£627) on average, and parents spend up to $8,000 (£5,020) on tutoring."</p>
<p><<<
Husband thinks that the high priced liberal arts college is a waste of money, and went to bed grumpy
<<,</p>
<p>this would make me strongly lean towards the cheaper school. no way would I want to listen to a grumpy H for four plus years because of whatever repercussions from all of this. over the next five years there will be many unexpected expenses. I wouldn’t want to be listening to: i told you so, every time money is needed for something else. </p>
<p>You have another child going next year. what if that school doesnt give great aid? You cant let child one choose his dream school and then say no to the next child.</p>
<p>Another way of thinking about this is repayments. From a quick online calculator, 200k of student loans works out to about $2,300 a month for 10 years. I know that you’re unlikely to borrow this much, but thinking about monthly costs brings home the real cost.</p>
<p>I am in agreement with those who suggest going to the cheaper school. I have two relatives who sent their daughters to “dream” schools and are now graduated. Neither family was big savers and live paycheck to paycheck but were doing OK before the loans came due. One sold their house because they could not refinance and were unable to pay the loans and the mortgage other is gettting help from MIL. You say that your family has been frugal financially, so I suggest you lead with your head and not your heart on this decision. Your son will be disappointed, but as the saying goes he will “thrive where he is planted.”</p>
<p>Given the level of disagreement in your home, I would post the schools. I truly think the CC members will help either you & son, or husband, feel better about the decision.</p>
<p>Had I posted my son’s 2 good/full-pay acceptances, vs his “free” choices, I suspect most everyone would have advised me to pay for 1 of the former. There was a big difference. I don’t know how great the gap is between your son’s choices.</p>
<p>OP said the family has large savings, perhaps even enough to send both children to expensive schools. The question is, are savings divided so that some portion of the money is dedicated to education, or is it all in one general ‘savings’ pile? Are there dedicated retirement funds, and enough of them? Are the parents young or older, in thinking of how many years are left to potentially continue working and saving? If the money is not earmarked, it might be good for the parents to do this as an exercise, tag emergency funds, money that should be for retirement, money for necessary household remodeling and repairs that may have been deferred by frugality, but needs be done eventually, etc. Then see how much is really left for education, and calculate 2 children at high-priced colleges with the overlapping years price decrease, but also figuring inflation into education costs. I think, given the $52,000 figure OP quoted, it might be on the order of $330,000 or more that they need, out of savings and earnings. Figure how much annually can come from earnings, and the rest needs to be in savings. OP mentioned being loan averse, so probably will not take large parental loans. It wasn’t clear to me if the $52,000 ‘we’ pay includes the student contributions from savings/work/loans, or not. If so, then parents would need far less than $350,000, maybe $260,000. These are very rough estimates, BTW. Just to get an idea of the order of magnitude of money involved. Perhaps family has already gone through these calculations and that is why H is so grumpy. </p>
<p>If the family has not saved much for retirement specifically and plans to go the expensive schools route, should start moving max allowable into retirement for the next few years to get somewhat better FA. If one parent happens to be self-employed, it is possible to move larger amounts than if a salaried employee. </p>
<p>Even the CoA may drop when the second kid goes to college next year, you are not likely to spend less than $52k per year for your kids college education. Unless you have a very deep picket, I don’t see how one would afford at least $250k education expenses in 5 years with $100k annual income.</p>
This is a very different formulation from, “We just can’t afford this high-priced school.” There was another recent lengthy thread in which a parent initially thought the family would and could pay for expensive schools, and then had to deal with very seductive merit awards. Responses ran the gamut, as they did here.</p>
<p>Spending a lot of money makes me grumpy, too. The air fare we’ll have to pay for our summer vacation makes me grumpy. But we’re going anyway.</p>
<p>I agree with M2CK. I can’t imagine how my husband would feel if I sided with our teenage son over an issue that would cost us, as a couple, such an enormous amount of money. It can have a large impact on your current lifestyle, the college choice of your younger child, your son’s young adult life if there are loans to be repaid, and your retirement. </p>
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<p>I understand it’s difficult to separate emotion from practicality when making college choices, and obviously your son does as well, but this is an important business decision that’s going to affect all of you for a long, long time. And not only you, but a younger sibling as well. This is not a child who’s thinking with the level of maturity required to make this decision. You started this thread by saying that you think saying no is the right option, you’re just having trouble doing it. You didn’t say you thought it was wrong, or that you were undecided, you just can’t, for whatever reason, say it. Even after continued discussion, your husband thinks the higher priced school is a “waste of money.” You can allow yourselves to feel guilty and spend an additional $120k over the next 4 years, plus whatever your younger child’s college costs, or you can go with your initial inclination and choose the more affordable option. </p>
<p>I wish people wouldn’t so reflexively side with the father in this situation, when we really don’t know how much money there is for education, and what the long-term expectations were for this kid. I have sympathy for people who realize, even belatedly, that they can’t pay as much for college as they expected without unacceptable financial sacrifices. But I have a lot less sympathy for people who have the money but are just grumpy because their kids aren’t eager to accept a better deal to avoid paying for an expensive college that isn’t “worth it.” Since we don’t really know which it is with this family, I’m hesitant to jump in with both feet on either side.</p>
<p>Here’s a crazy idea. Suggest that your son defer going to the dream school for a year, and tell him to get a job and save up for 1 year. If he goes for this, then you know he REALLY REALLY wants to go and it’s not just because the school is a ‘brand name’ status symbol for him.</p>
<p>Also, can he fully articulate why he is so set on the dream school? What does it have that the other schools do not?</p>
<p>As parents, we went through the NPCs before putting down a school on the application list. We should know how much we can afford from the beginning. I would let my kid pick the school as long as it is affordable to us. If it is really not affordable or we need to get a huge loan for it, it should not even be on the list for consideration. So, if we can afford $52k a year, I would not force my kid to pick the one at $22k per year. For me, $22k per year is pushing the limit, and yet, I did not make my kid pick the $10k one (or those schools offered automatic full ride to her). The real question is whether the OP can afford that $52k per year considering a second kid going to college next year too.</p>
<p>I don’t think we need to know those details when parents start a thread by saying that no is the right option for them. If they don’t think a particular college is worth an extra $30k/year, that’s a personal decision. It’s not my business to know whether or not they have savings or retirement accounts they can raid. How can we possibly know if they “have the money” to pay an extra $100k or more out of pocket for college? We have to go on the information they give us. And I would be hard pressed to side with the mom here, especially with a son who seems to be playing the mom against the dad. “Clinging to his stuffed animal…for luck”? Really? Personally, I’d keep him home for a year to give him time to mature a little before sending him off to school. I think Momb2k has a great idea there. Let him get a job and give him time to think about his options.</p>
<p>I’m with Hunt. “Grumpy” is a subjective term. I’m grumpy about the costs of things too. I complain too. And I pay it. But not if it were to put us on the limb financially, again subjective words. Every family has their threshhold for financial risks and “affordability”. </p>
<p>Oh come on! This is a kid that is clearly a high achieving kid. Making him work at a minimum wage job for a year instead of going to college is a silly idea that would not remotely help with the cost. And that would mean both kids would overlap for 3 years instead of 2. It is difficult without knowing the actual schools involved, but for a finance/business kid a top 10 LAC may well open more doors to a high paying career than some other schools. If so, the kid may make enough $$ that the elite is worth it. Only the OP can answer (and taking younger kid into account as well).</p>
<p>I can really see an 18 year-old forming a permanent rift in a relationship with a parent who has decided that he is not worth spending the cash that has been saved for this purpose on him instead of a fancy vacation, a new fancy car, or other trappings of an expensive lifestyle. Family finances are odd things, and in some families how the money is spent IS seen as love. That’s not something this group will justify with a “worth it” or “not worth it” judgement. Of course, if the money isn’t there and we’re talking about loans, it’s a very different situation.</p>
<p>I don’t think keeping the student home a year is a good idea at all. But overlapping 3 years instead of 2 would help the college costs situation, not hurt.</p>
<p>OP should do any needed home upgrades now to decrease EFC somewhat. If the roof needs replaced and AC is on last legs, take care of it now. Won’t help this year’s FA package, but will make a difference in the future, assuming their savings are well over parental cushion so they can afford to do these things and pay for college. If they can’t, then is a sign that they probably can’t afford the more expensive school. Any needed repairs that have been postponed will likely have to be done before they are done paying for college in 6 years. So do them now while it has the extra impact of reducing college costs. Get more for your $$.</p>
<p>This thread recalls our family’s situation about 7 years ago.
Family income about the family, frugal lifestyle.
Son REALLY wanted to accept offer from very high ticket school, perfect for his major.
Was offered small merit award but would have required loans on our part. (If we’d had cash in hand, it would have been different)</p>
<p>It was brutal for us to tell him no. He did brood for a few weeks. He attended an instate public, then a private for grad school and is thriving now 3 years into career in his field.
Best of luck to your family.</p>