<p>I don’t necessarily disagree with the OP’s conclusion, but some of the analysis is off, and that undermines the persuasiveness. Penn State is not “way better, not even close” than Drexel for business. Drexel does very well. And, honestly, I don’t hear the kinds of falling-through-the-cracks stories about kids at Drexel that are all too familiar at Penn State. I don’t know any parents of Drexel students who don’t admire the university, and I sure can’t say that about Penn State.</p>
<p>If you take away the large cost differential, a rational kid could very easily choose Drexel over Penn State. Many of my kids’ high-performing high school classmates did just that – Penn State is surprisingly unpopular here (in the city, not the 'burbs). I’m not saying every rational kid would have to choose Drexel. There are plenty of good arguments for Penn State, too. It’s football team is a lot better than Drexel’s. (Drexel’s is funnier. The only Drexel Football Team is a comedy improv group.) But the educational/career superiority of PSU (or TCNJ) over Drexel isn’t a given at all.</p>
<p>Parents are not obligated to spend the same amount on each child’s education, IMHO. They are obligated to help the child find, and if at all possible finance, the most appropriate education. That is a different thing for many students. Fair does not always mean equal. I’d go nuts, and so would my kids, if I spent the last twenty years making sure I spent the same on each. They all get their needs met. This is a very individual thing, but the parents have every right to decide this isn’t the right way to educate their daughter given the extreme difference in financial obligation. I also think offering her the difference in a bribe is inappropriate. She’s getting an education. I also think they have an obligation to advise against/keep her from going into unnecessary personal debt. A graduating Sr. has no concept of how much that debt will anchor them as a young adult.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the comments. Interesting range of responses. They are helpful.</p>
<p>I guess we are being a little bit tough on this issue. It’s just that in my family 100k is a boat load of money that could take years if not a decade to save - and longer for my kid. Life changing money. For us the cost differential is huge without a commensurate improvement. Yes the co-op is good and is the only positive thing drexel has in its favor. The other schools do have great job placement for biz majors.</p>
<p>My wife feels more strongly about the boyfriend going there being a big problem.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think that we should just let her go, but every part of my revulses at the thought of paying 100k extra for a mediocre school that is not better. I do not see the value, which is something we always told her about Drexel.</p>
<p>I am worried about:
if she falters it will be our fault
her resenting it will increase likeliness of faltering
the impending ‘I will hate you for the rest of my life’ comments</p>
<p>Currently we have said a strong no without wavering. Being a parent is not easy.</p>
<p>My biggest concern now is how this plays out the next day or two… and then the next year or two…and then the next decade or two…</p>
<p>However it turns out, you have my support. You know the pitfalls both ways. It is tough being a parent. The emotional part can tear your heart out. </p>
<p>None of your worries, by the way, are truly your fault. It’s the D’s perception of fault and we love our kids so much that it doesn’t matter whether that fault is real or not. I am wearing a lot of guilt from stuff like this.</p>
<p>My heart is really heavy for you in this process. I have worked with “youth” for about five years now and it would seem that almost every year I have someone who goes to a school based on a relationship. Sometimes they work, most times they don’t. I’m not typically as worried when it is a boy following a girl (as I’m dealing with right now with a guy I’ve served with for five years) as the other way around. I’m concerned most of all with the potential for her to have so much emotion/identity/security wrapped up in a 18 y.o. +/- boy and where HE wanted to go to school. I really like a couple of the options on here to have her maybe stay at home, take a year going to a community college, getting some of the basic classes out of the way that way and saving you a TON of money. At the end of the year, how is her relationship with the boy? Are they even dating? If she’s done well, and they are still dating each other, I’d say send her to Drexel AT THAT TIME. I think that might be a happy medium that would show her you’re more than willing to support her in her desire to be there, but it also helps you to stash away some funds this year to help with the tuition bite. Additionally, you’ll see in the first year what the boy is really made of integrity/character wise.</p>
<p>Discussed staying at home for school last night. Doesn’ seem to work for her.</p>
<p>We want her to pick the school so she has ownership of the decision, within boundaries that we’ve defined. So we won’t force a stay at home decision for her.</p>
<p>My niece graduated from Drexel a year ago with a non engineering / hard science degree. She came out owing 105K. She did receive some financial aid, but obviously not enough. I think she went to Drexel because of the prestige of being accepted to a great private school that was out of state. Looking back, it made no sense for her to go to Drexel for her major.</p>
<p>Long story short - she is trying to pay back 105K in loans working 3 part time jobs: retail, lifeguard and babysitter.</p>
<p>I just want to reassure you on a couple of points- kids falter Freshman year (and afterwards) even without a pre-existing anxiety disorder. Kids decide they hate their college in October of Freshman year even if they could give you a list of 20 very specific and highly nuanced things that they loved about the school 6 months earlier. Late adolescents engage in all kinds of wishful thinking (this BF will make my life so much more fun and entertaining when we get to college; I won’t be homesick at all if I’m at college with him; Drexel is going to be like Disneyworld but better) and there really aren’t a lot of facts that you can throw at her to make reality hustle onto the scene.</p>
<p>But you can still be the parent. I think you get to say, “We will pay X per semester. The rest is on you.” or, “We will pay X per semester but will not be able to help you out with incidentals or clothing or concert tickets or whatnot so you’ll need to get a job for the rest”, or, “We will pay X for college and if your loan burden is too heavy when you graduate for you to afford an apartment and your loans, you can live here with Mom and me for $350/month to cover utilities and food until you get on your feet”.</p>
<p>To be honest- I think offering help with a house or other long term financial inducements is a mistake- both because it’s too abstract (who the heck even wants to own a house at age 18- and spend weekends mowing the lawn or caulking the tub like her parents??? Eeesh!) and because it obviously didn’t work. So I think you’re on strongest turf by stating simply that you love her, you want her to get an education, you wish you had millions in the bank but you don’t and so you are prepared to allocate a certain amount to her education and she needs to figure out how to finance the rest. So if it means living at home for a year and commuting to community college and then living at Drexel for three years, or heading to Penn State, or some other plan… you are all ears.</p>
<p>And the boy? A red herring in my opinion (and I have raised both sons and daughters.) Of course she wants to follow the BF; but my guess is if it weren’t him it would be someone else. So try not to demonize the poor guy too much!!! Although it would be great if he’d tell her that he thinks they should attend different colleges… but that’s another story. Who knows what HIS parents think about your D?</p>
<p>It seems to me you have said to your D that the "rents will spend $x on you with X being the amount paid for sister’s education. </p>
<p>So, if she goes to Drexel and spends all of X, SHE won’t get a contribution towards grad school or a down payment on a house from you. If she goes somewhere less expensive, she does. Am I missing something?</p>
<p>If not, then YOU set this up. It’s not a matter of saving one red cent FOR YOU. It will cost the same. You GAVE HER THE CHOICE of spending $x NOW or part of X now and the rest later. </p>
<p>Now, you are revoking your offer because she wants to go to school with BF. I’d be angry too. You WELCHED big time!!! </p>
<p>I can see saying it’s not worth it to pay for Drexel IF you hadn’t said if we don’t pay for Drexel we’ll give you the money to make up for it. THAT was the mistake, IMO. The way you’re coming across to me is that you’ve said we’ll spend some fixed some on you but WE will decide HOW it’s spent. Now, certainly you have a right to say that, but it doesn’t sound as if you said it upfront.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this helps the OP but wanted to share this example.</p>
<p>My DD has a friend at Univ of Delaware who has a boyfriend at Penn State. The two visited each other on weekends all year. The relationship is still intact and the girl is transferring to Penn State.</p>
<p>I would guess that most HS romances to fade at college (note the “Turkey Drop”) but in some cases, they don’t. If your DD is happy at PSU - whether or not the BF is still in the picture - she may choose to stay. If they break up, she still may want to transfer - that would be telling, wouldn’t it?</p>
<p>Perhaps you can appeal to your DD to try Penn State for one year and, if circumstances are the same, she can transfer to Drexel. I don’t know anything about transferring between the schools (and esp with the Drexel co-op program), but from what I hear, in general, it might be easier to transfer to a school where you were accepted the previous year (don’t quote me on that, just what I heard from a few examples recently).</p>
<p>I don’t know anything about Drexel personally, but it seems to me to be getting a bad rap for no reason. Kids are graduating from all kinds of schools with debt and no current job offers. And what makes the school “mediocre” – usnews rankings? That’s not much of a measure.
Also, just because the older sister didn’t seem to get bang for the buck, it does not necessarily follow that the younger D won’t. The smaller private school experience might be just what the younger D needs to thrive.
Not saying the parents don’t have the right to set financial parameters. Just seems to me you are “looking” for things to dislike about Drexel and not paying the other schools the same disservice.</p>
<p>Here’s my take. My son was also accepted at Drexel, as was his GF. Both chose the college independent of each other. The GF was given almost a full ride. Son was not, he got $11,000/yr. merit aid with a minimum gpa requirement. We appealed the finaid but were turned down. GF is going to attend Drexel, son is not. We had told son upfront, Junior year, how much we would put towards college and the rest would be up to him to take out in loans. </p>
<p>I felt like it was our responsibility to expose him to many colleges and let him make the decision in regards to his future, both financially and academically. It was easily apparent that loans of $60,000 from Drexel was a dealbreaker for him. He actually took the time to figure out what that monthly payment would be.</p>
<p>The hole that you have dug yourself into, IMO, is that you did not tell your daughter outright how much you were willing to spend or what your criteria was. I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with some facts and figures in front of you. Good luck! This site may help: [How</a> Big a Loan Can I Afford?](<a href=“Blog - Get Ready for College”>Blog - Get Ready for College)</p>
<p>My Niece did have a co-op experience/job at a small newspaper. Her career goal was to be a photo-journalist. I am not exactly sure what she received her degree in - English, communications or something like media studies. It just seems to me that Drexel is known for its engineering and hard science programs. I think my niece would have been better served at another (and less expensive) college. She was the oldest grand-kid so I think there was some bragging rights with the parents that she was going to this private college. And at the time who knew that the Great Recession was about to begin? </p>
<p>It may make sense to take on debt if one was graduating with a engineering degree from Drexel, but not for a business degree. Also, if your daughter wanted to change majors she might have a wider selection at another college that isn’t as engineering focused as Drexel.</p>
<p>Caringdad, you need to explain to your daughter that the ecomony we now have is very different than the one that your older D had when she started college. Money is tighter and none of us have the same economic security that we may have felt prior to 2008-09. Life isn’t fair and it is unfortunate that you cannot provide the same level of economic assistance as you provided your oldest - you are still offering to pay for college, just not one so expensive. Trust your gut feeling that Drexel is not the best economic choice for your family financially.</p>
<p>These are not new concerns for the OP, nor are they new to the DD. With the free app to Drexel it’s not like the OP had a lot of control. He voiced concerns, spoke about perceived value, etc. The DD should not be demanding $60k when she knew her parents were opposed to begin with. Some parents give a specific dollar value at the beginning of the search, while others are willing to pay more for a perceived value. It’s not up to us to tell the OP what this value is. For some it’s an Ivy, for some it’s a LAC where your student gets lots of individual attention, for some it’s a program with great history of success for specific careers or into grad school. I see this as the OPs call. Will your DD be peeved…yes. Will it be the last time…no way.</p>
<p>Personally I would feel like caringdad, and very much like caringmom, who is apparently more than adamantly against the 2 kids attending college together. I am breathing a deep sigh of relief that our D, who has been with her BF most of senior year, will not be attending the same college as her BF. They applied and were accepted to 2 of the same New England universities (as well as numerous others) Both will leave NE and head in opposite directions, they each just committed this week. That having been decided, I worked hard to keep my mouth shut about where she decided to go, particularly in relation to the BF’s decision.</p>
<p>I would actually be most afraid that you will have paid $120 k extra, and there is a HIGH likelihood that this relationship will end after prom, or late summer, or next fall, and she may be MISERABLE. Of course I have no idea, but realistically there is a big chance it will end. I have seen my daughter through a bad breakup, and I cannot even imagine if she were at the same school with the ex – even with 10,000 other kids.</p>
<p>I would be tempted to say, if you really want to go to Drexel, can we wait until Jan.? Or go elsewhere for a year, and see how you feel at that point? I don’t know. I don’t envy you, caringdad.</p>
<p>The issue is not that the OP has a budgeted amount. He does not want to pay that amount for Drexel. Not worth it to him. It’s his money and his right. Also will be his consequences. It’s a bad place to be because saying this outloud to a bunch of people who happen to like Drexel, for example, and paying or have paid full price for it, is not going to have him looking good. I’ll never forget a grad student who made a disparaging remark about Duquesne University in an elevator with one of the Deans present. That CMU kid had no idea who the guy was. A year later, he was interviewing for a professorship there–the dean told me about this as we were heading out to lunch that fateful day when that kid made those remarks. He did not get the job. </p>
<p>But these are the issues, and you make your own decisions. I can tell you that I would prefer to spend my money on some schools over others, so I know what the OP is feeling.</p>
Wow! I’m going to have to agree with you here, cptofthehouse! For the record, my statements for the purpose of this thread have been regarding the OPs right to ‘perceived’ value and how that is different for everyone.</p>
<p>I agree, but can you imagine what a slap in the face it is to a person who is scrimping, saving, borrowing and is so proud his/her child is at Drexel, for someone to say this? It’s one thing to say I can’t afford $X, but to say, I can afford it but not for this school because it isn’t worth the money can be insulting.</p>
<p>I don’t know if the answer would be the same if the boyfriend issue were not there. The OP and wife have strong feelings, probably justified, that the driving reason for Drexel is the boyfriend. </p>
<p>I know a number of parents who refused to pay for a school they could afford because they felt it wasn’t worth it FOR THE REASON THE KID WANTED TO GO THERE. One kid’s reason for picking a school was that it had the fewest school days in the calender. One thought Hawaii would be a cool place to go. Another parent I know just flat out refused to consider a school after suffering through 9 hours on a plane with transfers to get there. But to say the school itself is not worth the money is not a smart thing to ever say. Someone’s feelings will get terribly hurt.</p>