Does social life/torture get better after college?

College Life
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<p>■■■■. Stop whining. I agree with some other people on this thread, there is no way in hell that people are going to treat you this way if you aren’t doing something to attract it. And maybe the only reason you say you don’t want friends is because the ones you have right now aren’t really your friends or something. Tell us more about your situation. If you have no interest in being social, why does this stuff bother you? If it bothers you maybe you should learn how to be social so it stops happening.</p>

<p>I’ve known a few people like you. They complained about how nobody liked them and how they were so much smarter than everyone else and blah blah blah. Haha, and usually it was because they were freaking rude when other people tried to start up conversations or invite them anywhere. Get over yourself.</p>

<p>I know it’s hard to tell a person’s tone from a forum post so let me emphasize that I’m not attacking you or anything, I’m just being blunt and I actually really want to help you but you have to help yourself first and grow up.</p>

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<p>“Tell us more about your situation. If you have no interest in being social, why does this stuff bother you?”</p>

<p>It has nothing to do with being a loner or wanting to be social. I have feelings.</p>

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<p>Your entire attitude could affect how you see people. Most aren’t out to get you… they have their own problems to deal with. In college, I really don’t even waste a thought about who likes or doesn’t like me - there’s no time to worry about such silliness. </p>

<p>As stupid as it sounds, you really should look for answers internally… ask yourself if you would want to be friends with yourself, and why or why not?</p>

<p>Do you look reasonably presentable (for a college student)? How do you act towards people and what vibe do you give off? When you see people who you know, do you ignore them, say a reluctant “hi…”, or give a friendly and enthusiastic “hi!”? Or maybe you’re just quiet and people don’t know you as well as they should? You should be asking yourself these questions, and others like them. </p>

<p>And don’t worry too much about trying to please other people or live up to their expectations. If you’re fine with how you act right now, then s’all good. There’s no need to change :p. Hakuna matata.</p>

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<p>Unfortunately some people have a hard time ignoring people who have no interest in being their friends. That’s just the way the world works and either I adjust to it or suffer the consequences.</p>

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<p>In my opinion social life is kind of insignificant after college. I mean, all through school you’re forced to be around all these thousands of people. You’re pressured into making friends and fitting in- it’s how you survive. Frankly, after college your main concern should be starting your career. You’re not going to necessarily be worrying about fitting in with different groups and what people think about you. Having a few close friends is great, but it’s not like you will constantly be around this childishness. Depending on what kind of job you get there might still be peer pressure, but at this point it’s all about making your career happen and getting on with your life. Life will be so different because you will mainly be worried about yourself and your life, not all of these high school-ish games. </p>

<p>Plus you’ve got so much life ahead of you. Just because things might not be working out for you right now doesn’t mean that you don’t have plenty of room to grow and for everything to get better.</p>

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<p>“It has nothing to do with being a loner or wanting to be social. I have feelings.”</p>

<p>But if you don’t care about people and you think 90% of people are arrogant jerks or whatever, why do they hurt your feelings? Like what is a specific instance of someone doing something mean to you on purpose? You said people stop talking when you come into the room but that’s probably your imagination. Give a more concrete example.</p>

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<p>"Do you look reasonably presentable (for a college student)? "</p>

<p>1 Sky Pilot, how are college students supposed to look? I thought I could dress any way I wanted and still be a college student. Think about it.</p>

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<p>Gaiden, more or less I mean looking clean/hygenic/healthy and not wearing clothes that are dirty, filled with holes, wrinkly, etc. I added the college student part because “reasonably presentable” in a work setting would mean business casual, whereas in a college setting “reasonably presentable” could mean sweatpants, etc. More comfortable clothing :p. Sorry for the confusion ;).</p>

<p>But yes, you have a point. If you want to go running around the campus naked then yes you would still be a college student (until they expel you…). :p</p>

29

<p>You think indifference can’t be interpreted as hostility? </p>

<p>You do need help :P</p>

<p>It’s not even a matter of “ignoring” people when they talk to you. You don’t have to do as much to come off as hostile. Your body language, tone of voice, length of answers/expressed interest, can all convey hostility if you are taking a stance of “indifference.”</p>

<p>I am really shy and what do most people think when they meet me? That I am mean, snobby, arrogant…etc…all the scum of the Earth, as you would think.</p>

<p>Normal social conventions require you to smile warmly at people when you enter a room, wave to one or two maybe, respond to questions or comments with again, a nice and welcoming demeanor, and in general, EXPRESS INTEREST IN OTHER PEOPLE. Being “indifferent” to people means you don’t “like” them, it means you don’t want to be friends with them or get to know them…which you said yourself. That is indeed a hostile attitude and can certainly come off as such. </p>

<p>Good luck…I feel it will be an uphill battle however.</p>

30

<p>some of what you wrote reminded me of my older sister who has social anxiety disorder. one of the things she always complains about is that she thinks everybody is looking at her because she looks weird or that people don’t like her or that people are talking bad about her or that her teachers don’t like her or friends are only hanging out w/ her to be nice. she’s paranoid a lot and me and my other siblings never see what she sees.</p>

<p>back to the question, it’s probably easier and more beneficial to change your response to these people than to hope your surrounding changes, just as several people here have already suggested.</p>

31

<p>“Being “indifferent” to people means you don’t “like” them, it means you don’t want to be friends with them or get to know them…which you said yourself. That is indeed a hostile attitude and can certainly come off as such.”</p>

<p>umpc11, maybe it means that I am indifferent because I am not feeling well, or because I am shy, or because of some reason that has nothing to do with hostility.</p>

<p>I’ve met a lot of people who have ignored and not been nice, and I never felt the need to force them to change their behavior. If someone ignores me, I ignore them. It’s that simple.</p>

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<p>This. 10 char.</p>

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<p>Where in this post did I say you were stupid or that you had to prove anything to me?</p>

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<p>All I did was ask for a some examples, not because I think you’re making it up, just to try and figure this out. Don’t discount that it COULD be your imagination though. When I had really low self-esteem I too thought that people were always talking about me/looking at me/didn’t like me but when I got more confident I stopped being paranoid like that</p>

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<p>"When I had really low self-esteem I too thought that people were always talking about me/looking at me/didn’t like me but when I got more confident I stopped being paranoid like that "</p>

<p>I understand but I never said that I think that people talk about me or look at me. The incident that I described is something that I have observed, not something that I imagined.</p>

<p>By the way, if you stick out like a sore thumb it is possible that people do talk about you and look at you. Did you consider the possibility that perhaps you were socially awkward and annoying, that because you were socially awkward and annoying people singled you out, and that once you overcame your problems people had no reason to single you out? I think it’s possible that you were never paranoid. Or maybe you were, but since I don’t know you I can’t tell.</p>

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<p>What incident? You walked into a classroom and “everyone stared at you” right? Newsflash: People usually turn around and look when someone new enters the room. So I meant that you could have been taking it the wrong way when I said you could have been imagining it.</p>

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<p>Wow, I’m beginning to understand why people “torture”/make fun of you. It’s cause you’re a d i c k.</p>

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<p>“What incident? You walked into a classroom and “everyone stared at you” right?”</p>

<p>No, not everyone. Just a group of guys who obviously don’t like me. I see them talking as I enter the classroom and as soon as they see me they stop talking, give me dirty looks and follow me with their eyes. Their behavior is obviously not friendly.</p>

<p>"Wow, I’m beginning to understand why people “torture”/make fun of you. "</p>

<p>In your last paragraph you told me it was all in my head and now you are contradicting yourself. Your screen name is very misleading :).</p>

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<p>"umpc11, maybe it means that I am indifferent because I am not feeling well, or because I am shy, or because of some reason that has nothing to do with hostility.</p>

<p>I’ve met a lot of people who have ignored and not been nice, and I never felt the need to force them to change their behavior. If someone ignores me, I ignore them. It’s that simple."</p>

<p>Gaiden, I said in my post that I am shy myself…and that I know what it is like for someone to think I am mean and arrogant when I am really not like that at all. So, you are preaching to the choir ;). My friends warn almost everyone they introduce me to, “It’s not that she doesn’t like you, she’s just shy.” Yes, if someone ignores me, I ignore them, etc. </p>

<p>But, and here’s the catch: not everyone is like us. </p>

<p>Not everyone understands what it’s like to be shy. The problems of shy people do not occur to them, just like it is not occurring to you that some people are not shy and therefore don’t understand YOU. If an outgoing person is indifferent to someone, it often means they don’t like them. So, they assume the same for your behavior.</p>

<p>Also, some people just assume the worst in any situation, whether they’re outgoing OR shy. People do this to protect themselves for embarassment or trying too hard. “Oh, he might not like /me/? Well I’ll make sure he knows I don’t like /him/.” Etc.</p>

<p>Shy people often put people off and it’s no-one’s fault. It’s just the way it is.</p>

<p>Social conventions are what MOST PEOPLE DO. If you diverge from what most people do, well, sorry, tough luck. It sucks to by shy, or sick, but life deals everyone a bad hand somewhere, at sometime. You have to learn to overcome it or simply deal with the consequences of choosing not to.</p>

<p>Though, if the only people that give you a hard time are a specific group of guys, I would just ignore this specific group of guys. It seemed like more of an all-encompassing problem from your original post.</p>

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<p>“some of what you wrote reminded me of my older sister who has social anxiety disorder. one of the things she always complains about is that she thinks everybody is looking at her because she looks weird or that people don’t like her or that people are talking bad about her or that her teachers don’t like her or friends are only hanging out w/ her to be nice. she’s paranoid a lot and me and my other siblings never see what she sees.”</p>

<p>I second this. I think it’s worth keeping in mind that you might be interpreting other people’s signals inaccurately. Just like people might think you’re hostile when you’re simply not interested in making friends, you might inaccurately assume that they’re being jerks, etc., </p>

<p>Although they’re rare, you might have some personality disorder like schizoid or paranoid. If you’re interested in figuring yourself out or getting help, you should read up on these and consider whether you have similar traits.</p>

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<p>To Gaiden, perhaps they give you dirty looks because they think you’re being a snob to them. You say you have no interest in making any friends or being social, and that’s fine if that’s how you want to be, but people may interpret that as your being stuck-up and/or arrogant and self-centered. If they’re only giving you “dirty looks” and haven’t spoken to you out of turn directly, I don’t think you’re necessarily being treated badly by them. If you’d really like them to stop, why not try saying hi? If you genuinely don’t want to have anything to do with them, then ignore it.</p>

40

<p>"Although they’re rare, you might have some personality disorder like schizoid or paranoid. If you’re interested in figuring yourself out or getting help, you should read up on these and consider whether you have similar traits. "</p>

<p>Wasn’t John Nash a paranoid schizophrenic? :slight_smile: As far as I know no one is chasing me…</p>