<p>Well, let’s not diagnose you all the way to the asylum. How about taking small steps to change your behavior?</p>
<p>You have noticed negative reactions on the part of others. Are you willing to explore whether this is prompted by your attitude and/or actions? </p>
<p>If this is a frequent scenario in your life, you should scrutinize it sincerely. No one wants to think of himself as inadequate, but we can’t all be good at everything. Some poeple have the social gene, some don’t. Those that don’t neeed to acquire better skills - they are like the player in the orchestra who is badly out of tune. Social life doesn’t stop at college, it develops and multiplies. Do you think offices don’t have cliques? Do people get promoted because of their social skills as much or more than their technical skills? How many businesses are built on referrals? So many that, if you refuse to get moving in the social area, you will be paying for it for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>You might start by having someone video you in a social situation. You seem like an observant person; what does your body language say about you? </p>
<p>Another thing to work on is consistency. If you are friendly one day and abrupt the next, people get the wrong message and think something’s wrong with them. Be as upbeat as you can muster on a consistent basis, and don’t let the attitude of others bother you. You can change, and they will respond.</p>
<p>This sounds like eigth grade, not college. They are acting like bratty children. Who cares what they think? I take an attitude of pity. Like, “There are those poor, developmentally arrestede boys, let’s see…where should I sit?” </p>
<p>If someone’s behavior is enough that you let it linger in your mind, you’re not ignoring it. You can train your mind to sweep a room, factor in what you want to focus on and block the rest. It takes practice but it’s so nice when someone will say, “You know how so-and-so is always giving dirty looks?” and you can honestly say you have no idea what they are talking about.</p>
<p>"You have noticed negative reactions on the part of others. Are you willing to explore whether this is prompted by your attitude and/or actions? "</p>
<p>midwesterner, I am almost certain it’s prompted by something about me that they don’t like. It could be my attitude, my body language, something beyond my control, etc.</p>
<p>"Some poeple have the social gene, some don’t. "</p>
<p>That’s something a lot of people don’t understand.</p>
<p>“Do people get promoted because of their social skills as much or more than their technical skills? How many businesses are built on referrals? So many that, if you refuse to get moving in the social area, you will be paying for it for the rest of your life.”</p>
<p>I am paying for it already.</p>
<p>"You might start by having someone video you in a social situation. You seem like an observant person; what does your body language say about you? "</p>
<p>I probably come across as arrogant and aloof. I would much rather come across as introverted and shy. That way I can continue being myself but without offending anyone.</p>
<p>Wow… is social circumstances really that hard to deal with?</p>
<p>Lemme give you some advice: DRESS LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. If other kids are wearing polo’s and jeans, dont go wearing tucked in shirts and sweatpants. This will save you much much social headache.</p>
<p>Sad as it is, your appearance will determine if others make fun of you 90% of the time. If you look normal, why would anyone bother to mess with you when they dont know you? People initially make fun of people because of appearances (nerds, overweight people, gays, etc…).</p>
<p>Without comment on the specifics of this post, I will add that it is good to note those who make fun of others who are different. You’ll want to avoid them at all cost. </p>
<p>The people worth knowning are the ones who are confident enough to be themselves and are not threatened at all by those who are different in appearance.</p>
<p>Gaiden, from what I can tell, while you don’t actively try to be hostile to people, you might be putting out a vibe of hostility. As much as it might suck that you have to deal with it, you live in a community and a social system right now. You don’t have to like it, but until you can have an apartment by yourself where you work from home, you’re going to have to deal with people in life that you’re not friends with.</p>
<p>SO, here are some ideas from a person with a painfully shy best friend:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Try to be friendly, even if you don’t follow up on it. If people make eye contact with you, smile at them, even if they aren’t smiling at you. Acknowledge the world around you; nothing puts out a vibe of hostility more than the angry-focused-staring-where-you’re-walking.</p></li>
<li><p>For the guys who you said seem to dislike you for some reason, try calling them out on the attention. When they look at you, say in a non-hostile way, “Sorry, do I have something on my shirt?” Again, NOT in a hostile way, but in an “Oh, people are staring, why?” way.</p></li>
<li><p>You say you don’t want to make any new friends, you’re happy with the ones you already have. Well, not wanting to be FRIENDS with someone doesn’t mean you can’t be FRIENDLY, or even just polite, with them. You can acknowledge the people around you, maybe smile a bit while walking around, without declaring your platonic lifemate love for them.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Try being a happier person on the outside, it makes you seem happier and friendlier on the inside!</p>
<p>embord, it’s true that I can be friendly to people and still not be their friend, but I fear that if I am too friendly they will misinterpret my friendliness and get nasty when I fail to reciprocate accordingly.</p>
<p>Depends. Some people do better in an academic setting and others do better in a work setting. The former types will become more miserable after they finish school, and the latter types will become less miserable after they finish school.</p>
<p>Snobs, jerks, and narcissists will almost always get worse after college. However introverts can probably deal with this better, because they do not have to seek their approval. Although it’s not a completely correlated trait, extroverts tend to seek the approval of others more than introverts, who mainly mind their own business and don’t really care what anyone else around them thinks of them.</p>