<p>See: sarcasm. </p>
<p>Secondly, stop assuming things wont work out for her.</p>
<p>Thirdly, stop this "shelteredness" charade.</p>
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See: sarcasm.
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<p>Realized. I also recognized the fact that there was some truth in your post.</p>
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Secondly, stop assuming things wont work out for her.
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<p>You stop assuming things won't work out for her unless she gets a boyfriend.</p>
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Thirdly, stop this "shelteredness" charade.
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<p>Gah! Shelteredness, what the heck? I advocate no dating while in college and suddenly that equates to living in a hermitage only coming out to go to the bathroom?!</p>
<p>It seems like all I do anymore is quote myself...
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Just meet people in your classes and major, particularly your major, since you'll be seeing each other more and more as the field thins out from the crowded 100 level classes to the barren 400 level ones (my morning 400 level computer science class has about 7 kids in it).
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<p>And if you read through my post history, you'll see many more examples of where I advocate 'reliable friendships', particularly through meeting people in your classes.</p>
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What she needs is companionship, and feigned or not, she'll find it in a boyfriend. I mean, she's desperate enough to make a thread on a college forum about it. Go figure.
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<p>You know, I'm constantly having people ask me why I don't just get a boyfriend, or why I think I don't want one, or - my favorite - telling other people that they think I really do desperately want a boyfriend and I'm just lying about it when I tell other people that I don't really care, because I'm embarrassed about the fact that I can't find one. Is "I don't really care either way" such a hard concept to grasp?</p>
<p>I don't understand why some people think everyone absolutely needs to be part of a couple, and that a boyfriend or girlfriend is the only reliable source of companionship you'll ever find. Even assuming that college-age guys are actually after companionship in the first place (which would be quite an assumption, judging by a lot of the stuff posted here), that's not the only thing they want. And it's a really horrible idea to have only a bf/gf and no other friends....friendships tend to last much longer, and that's probably an easy way to get yourself into the rut of always needing to be in a relationship because you feel worthless and lonely without one.</p>
<p>I'm sorry that college life isn't quite working out in the way you imagined...it's not as bad as the real world, and you're very early in your college career -there is hope! cheer up! =D</p>
<p>If you have serious problems in the majority of your interpersonal actions (read: if this isn't just happening with students, but also with teachers, co-workers if you've got a job, the cashier at the grocery store - anyone, really), then you may want to seek some help. A good place to start would be your school's counseling center (don't worry, there's no stigma about going there!). At any rate, you may find someone there to talk your feelings out with. They can also help you overcome some of your anxiety and shyness (yes, it CAN be overcome!) so you can step out of your shell and get to know other people. </p>
<p>College is a weird place. It's your job, in one sense, and your life, in the other, non-academic sense. The great thing is, as you go through more classes and get further along, you will see different kinds of people. As you specialize more and more into whatever major you choose, you'll find people who you will already have things in common with, so when you talk to them it won't be so odd (like the fact that you've chosen the same major, have the same kinds of classes and teachers, possibly have similar character traits that led you to the major, etc.). </p>
<p>And don't be afraid to look outside of your normal range for people to talk to! If there's a way to pursue some of your "quirky" interests (for instance: if you like anime, and there's a club for people who like anime), go for it - and see who's around. Also, those sometimes "cool" people in your classes sound like great people to segway into a relationship with. Just strike up conversations before and after class, slowly extend them - that's how you cultivate relationships. Be warned that not everyone you strike up a conversation with will become a good friend, so don't go into it that way. Just look at it as simply finding a person to talk to. The people who might best fit you may also be of the opposite sex; don't rule them out (I don't know, but somehow girls STILL get weirded out by talking to boys when they're in their 20s, it's like everyone is still in 3rd grade with cooties) - sometimes <em>they</em> may have more in common with you. </p>
<p>and for heaven's sake, DON'T "just go get a significant other". That is the worst form of self-degredation. I have seen WAY too many people take that route and end up worse off for it. Romantic relationships are emotionally and physically draining. You have to devote a lot of time to them - time that may come out of your academic work, and I don't think you'll want to sacrifice that. Good luck!</p>
<p>All that advice is pretty rich coming from you, Firewalker, seeing as you yourself are a loner at NYU and were complaining on the NYU forums that all the girls dont't like you - why don't YOU "grow a spine" and get a girlfriend before telling other people what to do?</p>
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She doesn't need a boyfriend to feel special, but if she found one, I'm sure she would. As opposed to girlfriends.
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Lol I always love your posts firewalker. You are so blunt and such a bastard (but in a good way haha)</p>
<p>Wow, some people on this board...</p>
<p>I complained that the girls here don't like me. Yes. You are 100% correct. </p>
<p>And thanks wilmington. :)</p>
<p>In response to BlahDeBlah's post:</p>
<p>I'm not saying she NEEDS to be in a relationship. What I've stated is, and I quote:</p>
<p>What she needs is companionship, and feigned or not, she'll find it in a boyfriend. I mean, she's desperate enough to make a thread on a college forum about it. Go figure.</p>
<p>Phobos-----I just want to say that you are such an awosome person ^_^</p>
<p>As far as transferring goes, I transferred after two years because I was unhappy with my school. It was the single best decision I have made in my life, no exaggeration.</p>
<p>Hey firecracked, I'm just curious what are some of these 'quirky' interests you have? I actually have similar issues; I'm pathologically shy and have incredible difficulty composing coherent conversation. People seem to regard me as kind of a vacuous or weird pretty face: perhaps like that girl in The Breakfast Club. </p>
<p>When I do talk-- namely when I'm drunk or force myself to-- people seem to find me engaging and funny. However, I lack self-confidence so I find it really hard to do so. People have commented numerous times that I'm handsome but I'm completely hopeless with girls. I can banter on occasion but I have no idea whether a girl likes me and how to take things to another level. And by 'another level' I don't mean just hooking up; I'm looking for a relationship, not a shallow passing interlude.</p>
<p>BlahDeBlah: Explain transfers having friends. I have far more friends here as a 3rd year transfer than I ever did at my old TTT worthless social sinkhole of a college.</p>
<p>I'm kinda shy too, and I knew that I would have to make an extra effort to make friends, so during the first week or so I really went beyond my comfort zone in talking to random people who happened to be doing stuff with me, and in being friendly to them. I guess I might have been a little luckier than you (the OP); I specifically chose to go to this school because I thought I would fit in better than at the other schools I got accepted to. I know what you mean about no one really caring about your (academic) interests; that was me throughout high school. It'll probably be easier to find people with the same academic interests as you as you take more classes related to your major. And then you have an excuse to talk to them about homework, or about your class, and you can start conversations from there. But before that, does your department have any student clubs? I know here there's at least an Undergrad Math Association and a Society for Physics Students, and they host lectures and celebrate pi day and such. </p>
<p>Obviously, it's a little harder to just randomly talk to people after the first couple of weeks. Does your school have (non-academic) clubs you might want to join? Seriously, if you make a few good friends, those friends will have other friends, and your social circle will expand. I hope this helps.</p>
<p>It might be helpful to create some "calling cards" to be able to hand out when the time is right. My son has done that cheaply on an internet site. The cards are very good quality and list his cell phone number and e-mail address. The interests he listed on the cards has to do with his passion as a drummer. He notes the type of work he can do (jazz, pit band, lessons). But he uses these cards socially too. It's a way that you could list some of your quirky interests, or just your name and contact information so that new aquaintances can get in touch.</p>
<p>I have had a similar problem as the OP. I am really shy around people that i dont really know well (especially women). As Senritsu said that making a few friend can make a huge difference in you social circle. All it takes is one or two friends and your social circle expands greatly. Not being able to make friends was one of my major fears about coming to college. Mostly because of issues that i had in high school where i transfered in my sophomore year because of family issues and didn't make any friends (or really talk to anyone about anything other than school work) for almost two years. So i understand what its like to be in your situation. </p>
<p>The only real way to start to make friends is to start talking to people. Clubs are a good idea but if your like me and nothing appeals to you then the easiest way to make friends is to talk to people before/after class about classwork and slowly move the conversations to more Non-professional talk. This has worked wonders for me and i have met a few good friends that way. </p>
<p>You can make friends just don't doubt yourself or think that your not "worthy" to talk to people. If i can make friends after being essentially two years behind everyone in the social department i have no doubt that you will be able to make some new friends before the end of the year.</p>
<p>whoever says sex is not 100% safe - obviously, nothing is. Yet, with protection, its well worth the slight risk. Saying things like that is supporting a sheltered lifestyle. Just because you grew up being told abstinence is the right way, doesnt mean it is the right way. But hell, I'm sure you've got more than one life to live.</p>
<p>Either that or its a lame excuse for not being able to get any or traumatic experiences...</p>
<p>Even if you're not religious, religious organizations are also a way to meet good people....and some of these people may also turn out to have the same academic and non-academic interests as you....</p>
<p>Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know how hard this is. For me, it was the opposite. An extrovert, I wanted to be popular. So, I came on too strong, and turned people off. They never had the opportunity to really get to know me. I was miserable. A Study Abroad opportunity came about and I decided to go. Had to return second semester soph year, and I decided after that I would transfer. Well, when I stopped not caring, and just settled down, and let "me" come out, I started making friends. I was approachable. That's what you need to do. You need to make yourself approachable. It's hard when you're shy and cloistered in your room. D is shy, so I know about that, too. Sometimes shy people have this invisible wall around them. So how do you eliminate this? Smile, smile, smile, and get out of your room!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D made friends on her floor, but this year I am hearing about lots of other people she has met and become friends with. Everyone in her initial group is still part of the group, but they have all expanded and brought in other people. Yet many of the people D met were through her activities. I ws worried that she stuck to her own floor group, and hadn't expanded beyond that, but in the natural course of time, and through her EC's, she has made more friends. And, yes, she has TONS of work - worst semester yet - minimum 2 papers per week. And she holes up, too, because of all the work. But, she makes some time to talk with her friends, even if only at the cafeteria. She works security and has met people in the trianing sessions. They talk at parties and functions, and are getting to know one another. Do you work? She did community service overseas, and met a lot of wonderful people who had that one interest in common. You don't have to meet someone who is just like you - but having one or 2 things in common is all it takes. D knew it was going to be hard for her - she lived in the same house all her life, so she went to the same schools with kids from kindergarten on. She had 4 VERY good friends, and about 5 others that floated in and out, and she was never the one who brought in anyone else. But when she went to college, she made the effort of going from room to room when she was moving in and saying Hi. A suggestion I read on one of these threads helped her, as well. I brought a folding dolly for move-in and we offered it to others. It really helped break the ice and she was popular right from the start! Get that dolly for the beginning fo next year. It went on from there. She was a bit isolated in her group last year, but this year, in a new house, with different kids (many of her friends moved together into the same dorm), she has definitely expanded her horizons. She is still closest with the ones from first year, but has become exceptionally close to others, as well. D is not perceived as quirky, and most people think she is this reponsible, mature, young lady, but she has this quirky side to her, too, and is a lot of fun. I know you are, too. I hurt for you, having been there, myself, but housing next year may be the difference. It was for D, allowing her to expand her people base. But what did it for her more than anything was becoming involved in community service and meeting people with that interest. You still haven't told us what these quirky interests are. Perhaps you could see about starting a club about one of these interests. BU is a large school - you certainly don['t know that there aren't others with your interests. Find out. Put a sign up on the bulletin board - "Wanted: partners for____." See if anyone contacts you. You might be surprised. Good luck to you. Cyber hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>Check out the shyness.com website for lots of useful info.
Shyness is, fortunately, one of the easiest emotional concerns to rectify.
In addition, visit your college counseling center, which probably has some services that would be helpful to you. There are many students who have similar issues, and more than likely the counseling center is equipped to help. I was a counselor at a counseling center, so am speaking from experience.</p>