<p>I think you need to learn that work will expand to fill whatever time slot you give it. If you set aside an entire day to work, you will be working all day. But if you take a couple hours off to hang out with your friends, you might find the work takes only the afternoon. It sounds like you have a good work ethic, so you need to just trust yourself that the work WILL get done, and give yourself some time off. Even the most outgoing person can't make friends if he or she is shut up like a hermit.</p>
<p>Eh...well, I don't know. I know how you feel, firecracked. I've been through that and I've felt the same way. </p>
<p>I think phobo is right in saying, it's not like you're so ostracized from your peers, you just don't want out of your comfort zone. </p>
<p>One thing I'd say that you shouldn't do is treat college like it's your job. Working isn't living.</p>
<p>don't be afraid, it's college</p>
<p>just college, practice for the real world, so take some social risks and don't be afraid</p>
<p>
[quote]
whoever says sex is not 100% safe - obviously, nothing is. Yet, with protection, its well worth the slight risk. Saying things like that is supporting a sheltered lifestyle. Just because you grew up being told abstinence is the right way, doesnt mean it is the right way. But hell, I'm sure you've got more than one life to live.</p>
<p>Either that or its a lame excuse for not being able to get any or traumatic experiences...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>"Sheltered lifestyle" = not throwing yourself into bed with anything and everything that walks.</p>
<p>I see and I understand.</p>
<p>You call it sheltered, I call it self control.</p>
<p>Some people...<em>sigh</em> read my other posts in this topic cwatson, I advocate (and if you check other places in my history, you'll see that I've been advocating this until I'm blue in the keyboard) having reliable friendships, furthermore, I also recommended that the topic starter meet people in her classes and major (it works and has worked for me).</p>
<p>And just because pop culture told you that whatever you believe is the right way, doesn't mean its the right way, either. </p>
<p>"Get any" "get some" "get laid" is that all kids in this generation think about these days? ("Oh noes, I'm 12 and a half and I'm still a virgin!!!! I gots to go haves sex NAOOOOO!!!") Anyway, since it appears that since last paragraph is the extent of your reasoning ability about this subject, I see no reason to waste anymore further time with this topic.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"Oh noes, I'm 12 and a half and I'm still a virgin!!!! I gots to go haves sex NAOOOOO!!!"
[/quote]
</p>
<p>ROFLCOPTER!</p>
<p>Introverts ALWAYS have a harder time making new friends in a new place. You must learn some skills to make your future transistions easier.</p>
<p>Skill # 1: How to balance your life with the right priorities. You are working too hard. Full stop. Friendships take time and you are not investing it--AND you are selfish. Your friends want to go to the gym and you don't want to--so YOU are dropping them, not the other way around. Expand your horizons. Try things you normally wouldn't consdier. That is 75% of the college experience--classwork is 25%.</p>
<p>Skill #2: Seek professional help. You get free counselling in college--take advantage of it. Introverts have a harder time socializing. They don't read social cues as well. Go to the counselling ceneter and sign yourself up for therapy. The college counsellors see your problems ALL THE TIME. They can help you balalnce your life, deepen friendships, manage your workload in fewer hours. Change your college life --and your future professional life and get porfessional help this week--and next year too!</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Just to address some things brought up...</p>
<p>I don't really think that I have quirky interests; I just haven't really known anyone with the same interests. They're pretty specific, also. An example: I'm a big sports fan; I love watching sports. I've never met anyone who's as into sports and the intricacies of the pro-leagues as I am. I've met plenty of casual fans, but no one who knows enough to hold a conversation about it. Even a lot of the guys I've met don't really know what they're talking about. Perhaps, though, I'm not looking in the right places. On top of that, I love my local teams from home, and considering that I'm 1000+ miles away from home, there's not much chance of me running into fellow fans or anything. It's just situations like that with most of my interests.</p>
<p>At the beginning of my freshman year, I had a group of friends. But they all lived in the same dorm on the other side of campus, so they spent a lot more time together and became close. I was distanced, and they stopped inviting me to things unless I was around when they made plans. It sucked, so I stopped hanging out with them. I felt like I was putting more effort into being friends with them than they were with me. So then I was like 6 weeks into the year and all alone, and I felt like everyone had made their friends already. It's not like the first week of school I was all alone and decided to just be a hermit and lock myself away. </p>
<p>I don't go to the gym with my friends because I don't have 2+ hours every day to spend at the gym. It's probably my fault for taking the kinds of classes that I am - all of them involve writing lots of long papers with lots of intensive research and such. Some people can BS good papers, but I can't. They take me a long time. If I had known that I'd have lots of papers, I wouldn't have taken the classes that I did. Unfortunately, I didn't know when I signed up, and the onslaught of work didn't really start until after the deadline to drop the class. If I had the time, I'd go with them, but I don't.</p>
<p>The sucky part about trying to join a group is that people tend to talk about their other friends that I don't know or they talk about their past experiences that I wasn't a part of. That makes things a lot more difficult. </p>
<p>I didn't realizing posting on a message board was desperate. I actually was involved with a guy, but I got sick of it and ended it. I wasn't upset, but afterwards I realized that I didn't really have any close friends because I had been spending a lot of my free time with this guy. So I panicked and made this thread.</p>
<p>I actually had lots of friends in high school. I went to private K-12 school, so I had known all those kids since I was about 5 years old. We grew up together, did everything together. Again, with summer camps, it was the same situation. I started going to a summer camp at a young age and just kept going back with the same people. I've lived in the same house since I was born. I've always known the same people my entire life, so I've never really had to make new friends before. I was always the person with the established group that new people wanted to join. It's just a situation I've never really been in before. It doesn't help that I'm pretty shy and introverted around new people, either. I'm open around my friends and people I know, but I'm very quiet around strangers, and it takes me a long time to open up to people I've just met.</p>
<p>Thanks again for the suggestions.</p>
<p>Stop caring about others and learn to appreciate solitude.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Stop caring about others and learn to appreciate solitude.
[/quote]
</p>
<p><em>raises WTH flag</em></p>
<p>Is somebody hijacking firewalker's account? One minute its 'get a boyfriend', and the next, 'learn to appreciate solitude'.</p>
<p>Or maybe my powers of persuasion (or PoP as my brother likes to call them) actually worked and I was able to change firewalker's mind!! I guess its like in Neverwinter Nights, you click the "[persuade]" option, a dice is rolled behind the scenes, and you either get a "[success]" or "[failure]" result depending on the dice roll. In most conversations, you can keep on clicking the "[persuade]" option and getting new dice rolls until you succeed, however, if your Persuade stat is too low, then success may never be possible.</p>
<p>She's made it clear she's not interested in a relationship, so...</p>
<p>
[quote]
She's made it clear she's not interested in a relationship, so...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>...now she should be a hermit for the rest of her college career?</p>
<p>Bad conclusion, IMO.</p>
<p>Firecracked, meet people in your classes if you can, and once you get into a major, you'll start seeing the same people again and again as the class sizes get smaller and smaller, it'll be easier than ever to talk with them, especially while you're all slugging through the same tough course together.</p>
<p>Next semester, plan breaks in between your classes, I find that especially on test days, you'll find a lot of people in the same spot studying for the test. I enjoy going to these sometimes impromptu 'before test' meetings. For the Computer Architecture final a few semesters back, if I hadn't gone, I would've definitely gotten the last problem wrong, and it seems that every time I go to one now, I learn something new and it really helps my grade.</p>
<p>In fact, I'll probably have to skip Soccer on some days next semester just to go to these things on test days, I would've liked to avoid skipping one class to study for another, but it couldn't be helped...and besides, its only PE anyway...</p>
<p>Alas, I've gotta go do some other things now, hey, hope this helps!</p>
<p>ejr1: I couldn't help but notice that you said to the OP to 'smile, smile, smile.' I'm going through the same thing as the OP and I always try to be happy and energetic around people but that doesn't really seem to do much. Whether I look happy or sad, things don't really change. But I guess as they say, it's always good to put a happy face on for other people even if your not happy.</p>
<p>firecracked: working out at a gym shouldn't take 2+ hrs. I don't know what your friends normalyl do there, but an hour should be enough unless your body building in which case disregard this message.</p>
<p>Normally, the way that people get close friends in college is through their ECs. Look for one or two organizations that match your interests. That's where you'll probably find friends. It is late in the year to be doing this, so you may have to wait until next year.</p>
<p>ggghhgjhjgvhghvghvvgf</p>
<p>Ok...wow. Some of the people on this bored are insane. She asked for pointers on how to make friends, and I have seen some of you throw out "go have sex"</p>
<p>***?</p>
<p>Yes, learn to be a shallow, live for the moment, sex addict. Fill your social void with one-night stands. That's AMAZING advice...and after you are pregnant, you can join a lamanz class! omg! You'll meet friends there! That was the whole point, right? Or..even better, you can become close friends with your OBGYN when you are being treated for your 20 some STDs! Wooo!</p>
<p>
[quote]
"Sheltered lifestyle" = not throwing yourself into bed with anything and everything that walks.</p>
<p>I see and I understand.</p>
<p>You call it sheltered, I call it self control.</p>
<p>Some people...<em>sigh</em> read my other posts in this topic cwatson, I advocate (and if you check other places in my history, you'll see that I've been advocating this until I'm blue in the keyboard) having reliable friendships, furthermore, I also recommended that the topic starter meet people in her classes and major (it works and has worked for me).</p>
<p>And just because pop culture told you that whatever you believe is the right way, doesn't mean its the right way, either.</p>
<p>"Get any" "get some" "get laid" is that all kids in this generation think about these days? ("Oh noes, I'm 12 and a half and I'm still a virgin!!!! I gots to go haves sex NAOOOOO!!!") Anyway, since it appears that since last paragraph is the extent of your reasoning ability about this subject, I see no reason to waste anymore further time with this topic.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I am in no way advocating mindless or immature sex. I am simply pointing out that sex doesn't have to be the evil you make it out to be and its not particuarly problematic when two conscious adults just want to have sexual fun without further commit. I would contend with your remark on pop culture in that while 'hip hop' may display many sexual images, culture still has a fairly conservative stance in sex outside of a romantic relationship. Also, I have no respect for that type of degredation towards women shown in the hip hop culture.</p>
<p>The only reason you are so easily able to defend abstinence with "its not 100% safe" evidence is because abstinence is culturally acceptable and people aren't going to scrutinize your evidence.</p>
<p>I have heard of and seen (by no means a global perspective) far more harm come from consiencious(sp?) drinkers than from people who excersize safe-sex ; contraception, etc. Even though it may be true that responsible drinkers are much less safe statistically that responsible people having sex, you would have to provide considerably more evidence than "its not 100% safe" to deter people from drinking, which is culturally acceptable.</p>
<p>LOL @ some of the responses in this thread.</p>
<p>Anyway, however twisted this sounds, it's good to know I wasn't alone. If you truly love your college and city, then please don't transfer. At least you have those. You'll probably have the same problems at a different school and you may end up losing the college and city you love. I have found that changing locations does not solve problems like this, unless you have an attitude shift to go along with it... and that will take more time than it's worth. You might as well just stay where you are and see if you can have an attitude shfit there. I, on the other hand, hated the city,er, town, er, village that my school was in, and when all my friends ended up leaving me I had absolutely nothing. It was hard to love the college after that.</p>
<p>I would recommend start doing things with others that aren't quite in your comfort zone (i.e. going to the gym), bring up events that you might think others will like too and ask them along... it seems to make sense to do that. But then again, I did, and still ended up getting snubbed by all my 'friends'. So sorry, I don't have any real good advice. :(</p>
<p>Haven't read all this thread, but:</p>
<p>The first year of college can be a very lonely time for some - a huge adjustment. It doesn't help when you can't find the right person (or any person) to connect with. You are probably mildly depressed in addition to lonely. </p>
<p>First, seek out your counseling deptmartment. This is a great start. It will give you someone to talk with and sort things through with. You might also start a journal and start an exercise plan (go with those two friends to the gym once in awhile - exercise improves the mood.)</p>
<p>Second, stop studying in your room so much - go to the library or other quiet places on campus. You just might meet some people this way. </p>
<p>Third, try asking in your classes if there is anyone who would like to start a study group for the class. </p>
<p>Fourth, take a look at the list of clubs on campus. The best way to find people who are like you is to get involved with groups that share your interests. </p>
<p>Fifth, at some point you might want to consider finding a part time job. Working is a good way to meet people too. </p>
<p>Sixth, work on those social skills - saying hello to strangers, smiling, asking questions of others, ask to sit with someone else at a meal, invite someone in one of your classes to eat with you or get some coffee, etc....</p>
<p>Seventh, look for opportunities to get involved. Is the school looking for volunteers? Is there an activity coming up? Is there a professor looking for help in a lab? Tutoring? </p>
<p>This won't last forever. Hang in there.</p>
<p>One other thing: the best way to get to know others is to actually show an interest in them. Learn to start asking other people about themselves. People love to talk about themselves! I know you want to find people with interests that you share, but sometimes to break the ice, you have to show an interest in what they find appealing.</p>