<p>Transferring doesn't necessarily solve your problems. Sometimes you just bring your problems with you. Look inwardly and see what you can fix with yourself and then embrace your college experience.</p>
<p>You have my sympathy, but I just want to bluntly offer a new point of view here.</p>
<p>If you're having difficulty establishing new relationships, there's something amiss about how you perceive other people, or most importantly, how you perceive yourself. Why -not- appreciate the solitude for a while - learn about yourself, why you do the things you do, your optimism vs. pessimism, spirituality, whatever. Identify and form a personality and recognize the parts of yourself you're willing to share with others. Hopefully by that point you'll have developed enough confidence and self-respect to start initiating conversations with people you're interested in, and will hopefully be interested in you.</p>
<p>No one's interested in a close-minded person with little to no self-esteem, lost and confused, waiting for someone to pick up their social life. People respect you when you start respecting yourself. </p>
<p>It's not going to be easy, but learning about yourself is so rewarding, and part of that learning experience is being in social situations with other people, who might one day, reflect your own problem back at you.</p>
<p>Don't be too afraid of seeming too forward or clingy. If you're always the one inviting someone over in the beginning, get through it for a while. Some of my relationships have been completely initiated by another person who was interested in me although I wasn't too interested in them. As time passed on, we got pretty close, and I don't resent them at all for starting the relationship - I actually appreciate it. </p>
<p>No offenses intended, and good luck with your college experience. </p>
<p>firewalker - I appreciate your posts. People have to learn eventually. Hopefully they won't be so ignorant or naive as to put themselves in situations where they'll be completely destroyed.</p>
<p>For high school, I went to an all girls boarding school</p>
<p>at first i was SO miserable because the majority of the people there were powerhouses of money and mostly day students</p>
<p>i also had lacking social skills and am probably the most quirky person in the world</p>
<p>but just talk to people i mean seriously who cares if they think youre weird</p>
<p>now i go to Duke and making friends was so easy because i learned that you just have to talk to people</p>
<p>
[quote]
Stop caring about others and learn to appreciate solitude.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You can appreciate solitude while also appreciating that some parts of life are better enjoyed in the company of friends, than by yourself. I don't understand why so many people come to the conclusion that "I don't have any friends and I'd like some" also means "I am utterly incapable of spending any time by myself or finding anything to entertain myself while alone and I depend on others for every single aspect of my life". It's pretty ridiculous. How do you know the person in question doesn't spend 95% of their time alone, and their grand idea of social interaction is hanging out with someone for 2 hours once a month? You can't honestly expect people to not want any kind of companionship, ever, just because - horror of horrors! - they don't want a bf/gf.</p>
<p>Here's the scoop: I know a beautiful, smart girl who had no friends and thought nobody liked her simply because she wasn't a party girl. She's just not an extroverted sorority chick. This makes her more appealing. She also lives at home, which doesn't help. Anyow, I was one of the first people to actually talk to her (and this was second semester already), and she hangs out with me and my friends all the time now. So your not doomed if you're shy and haven't made friends yet.</p>
<p>im feelin ya cwatson, that's my kinda thinkin</p>
<p>
[quote]
I am in no way advocating mindless or immature sex. I am simply pointing out that sex doesn't have to be the evil you make it out to be and its not particuarly problematic when two conscious adults just want to have sexual fun without further commit. I would contend with your remark on pop culture in that while 'hip hop' may display many sexual images, culture still has a fairly conservative stance in sex outside of a romantic relationship. Also, I have no respect for that type of degredation towards women shown in the hip hop culture.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I've never said that sex was evil...
[quote]
Agreed. Do some research and you'll find this to be quite true, actually. The only 100% method of preventing all that undesirable crud is abstinence (of course, not that they'd ever tell you that in a 'modern' sex ed course).
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That's what I said, that abstinence was and is the best method of preventing a lot of 'undesirable crud' (by which I meant, unplanned pregnancies, STDs, emotional trauma, etc.). Why would I ever have any problem with sex between married couples? You said that by stating the truth -- that sex isn't 100% safe, is supporting a 'sheltered lifestyle', I already dealt with what I thought of that fact, and so I won't beat that dead horse.</p>
<p>And I would disagree that culture still has a 'conservative stance' towards sex outside of a romantic relationship, but I can understand your difference of opinion, and I have no real statistics with which to back up my view except maybe this: something I remember reading recently (within the last year) that over 90% of Americans aged 20 and older already had one sexual relationship with someone else. This may prove that sex before marriage has certainly become more popular as of late, but it doesn't do much against your assertion that culture is still 'conservative' towards sex outside of a romantic relationship. </p>
<p>
[quote]
The only reason you are so easily able to defend abstinence with "its not 100% safe" evidence is because abstinence is culturally acceptable and people aren't going to scrutinize your evidence.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Abstinence may be 'culturally acceptable' as you call it, but it sure isn't popular. I've had to write long posts regarding such a view on other places throughout these boards regarding the subject. And there is no evidence to scrutinize really, disregarding rape of course, abstinence is the only method of birth control with 100% success rate against preventing pregnancy and STDs. </p>
<p>
[quote]
I have heard of and seen (by no means a global perspective) far more harm come from consiencious(sp?) drinkers than from people who excersize safe-sex ; contraception, etc. Even though it may be true that responsible drinkers are much less safe statistically that responsible people having sex, you would have to provide considerably more evidence than "its not 100% safe" to deter people from drinking, which is culturally acceptable.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'm a teetotaler, and I'm also no big fan of others getting drunk (another topic which has caused some debate among others at CC).</p>
<p>Hi Firecracked,</p>
<p>I understand how you feel. I'm a parent and I remember feeling very isolated at the college I went to. I wound up getting involved with sex, drugs and alcohol--the wrong people and the wrong relationships.</p>
<p>I feel silly even commenting on that person who keeps posting "grow a spine, find a boyfriend." and other critical one-liners. Anyway I'm sure you have more substance than that.</p>
<p>If I had to do it over again with the perspective I have now, I would do a few things:</p>
<p>1) I would find the college's Hillel. I am Jewish, you may not be. But the point is that there are religious and cultural groups where you can bond with people of your ethnicity, which can be very helpful.</p>
<p>I was not that religious but Hillel's have a lot of fun events that deal with culture as well. </p>
<p>2) Another thing to consider is to do some research on the dorms and see if you can switch to a different area. Being that BU is so large, this can give you an opportunity to start again.</p>
<p>BU has a lot of different kinds of dorms, including the smaller brownstones. Different types of dorms attract different personalities. Take the initative and talk to a counselor about your isolation and express the need to find a dorm with more like-minded people. </p>
<p>3) The thing that rings the loudest for me when it comes to you and your situation is that you don't have time to do a lot because you are a committed student, and we all want you to keep going with that. So my #1 advice to you is: Find or form study groups with other committed students in your major and/or class. </p>
<p>These are the people who are on the same track as you, who also don't have time for tanning salons. It may be trial and error, feel out who is lifting you up and who is dragging you down and adjust accordingly until you're hanging with the right people for you.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and let us know how things are working out!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm a teetotaler, and I'm also no big fan of others getting drunk (another topic which has caused some debate among others at CC).
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That's cool, Vail. But combining that with the all-up-in-your-own-head thing you've got going, yeeeeah...</p>
<p>It's fine not to be the typical boneheaded male, but it's nothing wrong with being the guy you can casually hang out with either. Right now, you're neither.</p>
<p>1) MP3 players: DO NOT walk around campus with earphones in your ears. You will miss opportunities to interact with people. Do the opposite. Get an MP3 player with external speakers and walk around campus playing your favorite quirky music just loud enough for someone to hear if they are 6-8 feet away from you. SOMEONE will hear it and say, "ooh! I also love The Xyz's!" and then you have found a friend that you have something quirky in common with - or someone will hear your music and say "Wow! What's that?" and then you have found someone looking for conversation and possible friendship.</p>
<p>2) already posted: "Even if you're not religious, religious organizations are also a way to meet good people....and some of these people may also turn out to have the same academic and non-academic interests as you...."
In my opinion, the people who are active in the religious organizations on campus are more likely than average to be NICE. They are happy to see you at their events. They probably have a variety of more "social" events and more "religious" events. Go to a social event event or two. I predict that they will be welcoming to you. </p>
<p>3) Outdoorsy activities. If you like the outdoors at all, again, in my opinion, the people who are active in the low tech outdoor activities like camping and hiking are more likely than average to be NICE. </p>
<p>Once you have your first good on-campus friends, you will meet their friends, and your friendships will blossom from there.</p>
<p>As a girl, you should have NO problems! ;) Go walking around the campus living areas, you'll find your invite to ap arty</p>
<p>Everyone around the country is learning the secret of how to get what you really want in life. Here it is:
<a href="http://www.thesecret.tv/%5B/url%5D">http://www.thesecret.tv/</a>
This will change your attitude and your life! You will have the friends you want and anything else that you want.</p>
<p>Vail,
You approach the argument with the unsubstantiated notion that sex is bad, when, unless proper measures are not taken, sex is a very good thing; perhaps the best in the world for many (biologically, at least). You come forth casually saying we should just abstain and rob ourselves from sexual experience. </p>
<p>Like I said with the drinking, try and rob kids of icecream (heart failure is the #1 killer, whudya thunk that was dangerous!!!). Scare tactics (its not 100% safe; wth is!??) work against the ignorant, but fail miserably against informed people.</p>
<p>The fact of the matter is that people who get tested, use protection, and make sure their partner does the same are very safe and probably much happier than someone who builds a wall around their genitals.</p>
<p>All your really doing is just preaching to a crowd that won't get on their knees for his holiness' wishes. Have you made the choice to abstain solely because of the slight dangers sorrounding conciensious(sp?) sex?</p>
<p>
[quote]
That's cool, Vail. But combining that with the all-up-in-your-own-head thing you've got going, yeeeeah...</p>
<p>It's fine not to be the typical boneheaded male, but it's nothing wrong with being the guy you can casually hang out with either. Right now, you're neither.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I've dealt with your kind before jaso9n2, and I've learned not to care what you think of me. And from your recent "intelligent" posts toward me over at the other topic, it appears that any attempts to correct you (however polite they may be) will only be met with the same immature name calling and character attacks that I've come to expect from the more 'enlightened' people on this board (including yourself, just so you don't get any ideas). </p>
<p>It's a good thing I don't have to worry about debating with you anymore, shame you couldn't keep up with me in the end.</p>
<p>cwatson, for future reference, it's customary to actually read the other guys' post before responding, and at this point I'm convinced that you're not even reading my posts because you keep saying the same darned things. It's like I'm typing to myself. </p>
<p>(Not) Nice chatting with you.</p>
<p>Vail, I have reread your posts and I think mine respond to yours properly. Please take to time to refute my claims that abstinance may be robbing people of pleasure without much risk.</p>
<p>whatcollegeare you attending anywhoot?</p>
<p>I really think you should just try to hang pout with guys who like to do waht you are used to do. Try to open to new friendships or try to hook up with a girl who you relaly like and your expirience in collge will deinfatley improve.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Please take to time to refute my claims that abstinance may be robbing people of pleasure without much risk.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'll do it for him. Abstinence until marriage is 100% safe, and does not rob you of anything in the long run, unless you're one of of those people who say they want to have sex with at least "x" many people, in which case you are a pretty sick individual. On the other hand, I've hear/read the stories of many people who practiced "safe sex" and still ended up with STDs and/or pregnancy. But then again, people like you see nothing wrong with abortion, so maybe it doesn't really matter.</p>
<p>I think you should just start talking to more people, do more activities where you can meet more people. You will eventually find good friends.</p>
<p>i don?t belive that anybody feels part of anything, ever. You can be conformist and just stick to the mold but I belive that if you give yourself a little bit of time you can get to know people like yourself. In life you can count real friends with the fingers of your hand and with one or two you can consider yourself lucky.</p>