How can I convince my mom that I don’t need to apply to HYPSM?
My mom had me much later than most people have their children. As a result, she understands very little about how college admissions work nowadays (for reference, she thinks that receiving college mail == being admitted). Recently, I realized that I have no interest in applying to the big, big name colleges. The admission chances are slim and I don’t want to waste the time applying because I wouldn’t even be interested in going if I got in. I’m much more interested in going to a LAC.
The application fee doesn’t matter because I’m probably eligible for a waiver. She also doesn’t care about helping me get into my dream school; she’s not willing to help me with apps after I told her I don’t want to go to an HBCU.
What should I do? Should I just BS the application?
If your mom will allow you to apply to the schools you want, then you should apply to hers as well as yours. Make sure you have some safety schools as well.
Chances are high that you won’t get into HYPSM so there is no need to worry about whether or not you want to go. Once all the acceptances come in, you will have a much easier time talking to your mom. Don’t BS the applications. You never know whether your needs and desires might change along the way.
You said your mom won’t help you with apps. What help do you need? If you let her know that you have changed your mind and are willing to consider what she wants as long as you can also apply to the schools you like, perhaps she will change her mind.
The most important thing is to make sure that all the schools you add are places you can actually afford. Run the NPC and find out what you might be expected to pay. There is no use being accepted to a school that you can’t attend because you don’t have the funds.
Also remember that the big prestigious schools also have the most generous financial aid. If you are qualified, it makes sense to apply.
@gallentjill My problem is that, without applying to the colleges that she wants me to apply to, I would already be applying to 8 (including matches and safeties). She wants me to apply to 6 more colleges that have ridiculously high acceptance rates and I’m not interested in going to them in the first place. Most people on CC probably probably wouldn’t consider 14 applications to be a lot, but it makes a difference to me because that’s a LOT of essays (she’s already made it clear that she expects my college tuition to be paid for so that means I have to look at outside scholarships == even more essays), senior year is supposed to be really tough at my school, and I don’t want to attend those schools in the first place.
Plus, what happens if (big if) I get accepted to those six schools? She would undoubtedly force me into going, even if I got accepted into a school that I like better.
I would rather take the extra time from applying to all those colleges and use them to make the essays really good for the colleges I actually want to go to (the help I’m looking for is for my essays, btw. My mom isn’t much of a writer).
I thought about applying EA to some of the schools, but like all of them have REA and I want to apply ED to my first choice -_-.
You have financial considerations…right? So…why are you applying ED anywhere.
You know…you are talking about the Ivy League schools like they are all the same. A school like Dartmouth, for example, isn’t all that different from a rural LAC…the difference being that Dartmouth has grad programs as well.
What are you looking for in a college? What can your family pay (sounds like nothing)?
What is your SAT or ACT and your GPA.
And you know…your first post didn’t make a whole lot of sense. On one hand you say your mon wants you to apply to HYMPS or the like…and then you say she won’t talk to you because you are not willing to apply to a HBCU.
I understand the bind you are in. If you can’t talk your mom into letting you take those schools off the table, I don’t think you have much of a choice but to send the application. If she won’t contribute anything to your education, she will still need to fill out the FAFSA for you so that you can get any FA. My suggestion is to try again to reason with her, but if that fails, do what she requires – because, honestly, what choice do you have?
Try to do as much as you can over the summer. Think of it as preparation for the incredible stress of pre-med.
@thumper1 Pomona (my dream school) meets 100% demonstrated financial need. And even if they don’t offer enough aid that’s a reason to decline an ED offer.
And my mom isn’t interested in all the Ivy Leagues, only cares about the ones with a big name (Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia).
I want a college with small class sizes, good diversity, good student abroad, and lots of language class offerings. I’m interested in CS so in those terms the school isn’t really important but I want to go to an LAC specifically because I have a lot of interests outside of CS, so I like the freedom they give you in that sense, plus I could use the writing and communication skills. And yes, my family is broke lol (Questbridge ftw…).
I have a 3,8UW and 33 ACT.
Don’t get me wrong-- I’m pretty sure my mom still expects me to apply to an HBCU, and I /know/ that she really wants me to go to one (she gives me a talk about it every other week). But I think she also wants the prestige of being able to brag about one of her kids going to a super elite (and well known) school. I think she let up on the HBCU thing because I made it clear early on. But with the HYPSM thing, I wasn’t against it until more recently (doesn’t every freshman dream of going to Harvard?).
Will you be doing questbridge? I am not very educated about how that works, but I believe you can do ED through questbridge? Pomona is a questbridge partner so there would be no harm in going ED there. If you get in, you won’t have a choice and so your problems will be over.
If you go through the questbridge match, will your mom allow you to rank the schools from the list that you are most interested in? You can rank up to 12. If all of them are schools you would be content attending and you are accepted to one of them, your problems are over.
If you have no ED acceptance, and at that point you are still sure that you wouldn’t want any of HYPSM, there are things you can do at that point. But I would really leave the door open.
Has she run all the NPC’s for these schools? Have you run the NPC for Pomona? That’s where you should start. It’s not like Pomona is at all a sure thing either. I wouldn’t get your heart set any any one path. If you like LAC’s, also check out colleges that change lives and the little ivies. If you need a bunch of aid to make this work, you probably want to apply to a bunch of schools and have clear pictures of the numbers ahead of time.
If questbridge is an option for you definitely check that out.
My kid has a 34 ACT, a 4.0 dual enroll GPA and a unique extracurricular profile. He’s probably not applying to ivies and we probably cannot afford even if he were to get into one.
What is an HBCU? I have been on here 11 years and never seen that!
Good for you for having such a clear idea on where you want to go and wanting to keep applications down. I also wondered if you might do Questbridge.
Ivies have great financial aid but so do a lot of the top LAC’s. Pomona is a reach for anyone so make sure you have others. Amherst has great financial aid but is also a reach for anyone. Colleges that Change Lives website is a good resource for LAC’s.
But it sounds like you already have a list of schools you want. I think LAC’s are a great choice.
Is there anyone who can educate your mother about options that are just as good as Ivies, like top LAC’s? The problem seems to be that she doesn’t really know that much about colleges. Is she from a different culture originally? I don’t want to stereotype !! But…some cultures really do have schools where you have to go if you want to make it and when they have kids in the US don’t really understand our system.
So sorry you are dealing with this. I would seek outside help through the guidance counselor or even a regular counselor to help your mother understand.
Schools other than LACs offer much more than the major- do not assume LACs are the only option to get a great liberal arts education. Do discount public flagship U’s, especially your instate schools.
Because you are fee waiver eligible, you probably need money to make college happen. Therefore you need a bottoms up approach to make sure that you have an affordable option. This may be applying to the honors program at your state U). With the exception of Mudd, your list of Georgia Tech, UMich, NYU, Carnegie Mellon, USC, Harvey Mudd is none of your other schools meet 100% demonstrated need. This could leave you without any financially feasible options.
Remember for Questbridge (which is not a lock), you will need the income and assets of both of your parents. Are you still low income when you factor the income/assets of both of your parents (this will be the same situation if you apply to the Ivies/Top LACs).
Perhaps your mother wants to to apply to some HBCUs because she knows that you may be in line for some full ride merit scholarships (Howard only does competitive full rides). Again, you need an affordable option because you will most likely have to follow the money.
OP I know from your other thread that you really like Pomona and are debating between ED and Questbridge. I think this is a perfect situation for you to contact the Pomona rep for your state and contact him or her about this question. https://www.pomona.edu/admissions/visit/admissions-staff. That doesn’t exactly help with the question of convincing your mom. But as has been suggested, if the Pomona admissions staff recommend you apply via Questbridge then maybe you can compromise with your mom by ranking a few HYPS. Tagging @nostalgicwisdom for feedback on Pomona QB.
@corinthian I may be wrong, but it seems like a danger for OP to rank any schools he doesn’t want to attend because if he is matched, he will be committed to attending.
@gallentjill I agree that OP shouldn’t rank schools she doesn’t want to attend. (OP’s other thread says she’s female.) I wasn’t sufficiently clear but what I meant was that if they could compromise on a couple that OP is open to, then rank them below OP’s top choices.
I like your avatar… from the episode where Piccolo learns to drive a car, if I remember correctly.
You are attending the college, not your mom. You should make it clear what your interests are in a college and why you like particular colleges. Hopefully you can show your mom that Pomona and other LACs are excellent colleges where grads generally have excellent outcomes that may better assist you with your goals and interests than HYPSM, even they don’t have the same name drop power. It may also help to have a talk with a 3rd party as a reference to correct misinformation and answer questions, such as your HS guidance counselor. As others have said, it sounds like finances are a concern, so it’s good to run NPCs and check how well the school meets need. Fortunately, many excellent LACs do meet full need, including Pomona.
How do you feel about Barnard? Maybe it would give you the LAC experience you desire, while giving your mom the assurance that your diploma will say Columbia University on it.
Also, fwiw, both Barnard and Pomona offer a domestic exchange with Spelman, if one HBCU semester would be of any interest to you and/or satisfy your mom’s desire for you to have that experience…
I have to say I have always been intrigued by parents (and students) who talk about HYPSM. The universities are very different from each other. Makes me think that people focus on the “Ivy” or “elite” part and not what the universities are really like.