<p>?Snowplow</a> parents? overly involved in college students? lives - Lifestyle - The Boston Globe</p>
<p>Interesting - hopefully this is not us.</p>
<p>A good article. My parents were helicopter parents when helicopter parents weren’t cool, although they stopped short of contacting professors or employers. My father, in particular, was the “need to be needed” type until the day he died. Overall, they really didn’t do me any favors and sometimes even made things worse, and my first years out of college were much more difficult than they had to be because of this. I’ve tried to back off from my sons gradually and I think my S1, a college senior, is a lot more confident and responsibile than I was.</p>
<p>My best friend is a prof in the school of ed at Marquette. She routinely has parents calling to complain and/or try to direct where their daughters will student teach, since they don’t want them in “bad” schools. This is interesting since the mission of MU and the mission of the ed school specifically have students teach in the public school district. </p>
<p>A relative teaches at Columbia and jokes that every time a student gets less than an A+, which they’ve been used to getting all through high school, he first sees them sobbing on a chair outside his office waiting to talk to him, and after the meeting counts the minutes/hours until the call from parents. </p>
<p>I once called my D’s school about a dorm issue which in retrospect I should have let unfurl naturally. They (public state school) gently rebuffed me and suggested I wait and then call if necessary, which was exactly the right call. </p>
<p>I’m helicopter-y with a tendency to deny it, and have considered but never yet dipped into snowplow territory.</p>
<p>“Schiffrin says one study of college freshmen and sophomores has shown that on average, students are communicating with their parents twice a day — and about three-quarters of them felt that was appropriate.”</p>
<p>Wow, I need to phone and call my son or maybe send him a text. I am WAY behind in my quota! :D</p>
<p>What frustrates me about this trend is how much pressure and snark you get in the early years when you aren’t this parent… like you are a child abuser.</p>
<p>This was in today’s Chronicle of Higher Education, written by a prof at a community college in MA. While I generally agree with her, I find her tone rather condescending. Maybe its just me. [The</a> Problem We’re Afraid to Name - The Conversation - The Chronicle of Higher Education](<a href=“http://chronicle.com/blogs/conversation/2013/11/11/the-problem-were-afraid-to-name/]The”>The Conversation: The Problem We’re Afraid to Name)</p>
<p>My mom is super overbearing when it comes to my life, but not when it comes to my grades. It may be because I have good grades, but I still don’t appreciate the micromanagement. I have to call about where I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going, or else she’ll call the police if I don’t keep in contact with her about every little thing I’m doing. I can’t wait to transfer this spring, believe me!</p>
<p>^^No kidding I’m lucky if I hear from the boys - even via text once a week, I’d welcome once a week…I’m hugely behind on my snowplow quota.</p>
<p>Don’t you know if you don’t hover over your child and plow their way through college for them they will grow up to be delinquents and miscreants?</p>
<p>I appreciate both articles referenced in this thread. Particularly hilarious (and shocking!) was the story about the mom listening outside the door when her son was being interviewed for a job. </p>
<p>I would love to share these articles with a mom at my son’s school who managed to find ways to “help out” at the school every single day, every single year because she admittedly could not bear to be away from her child during school hours. The staff was delighted when her son finally went on to middle school.</p>
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No surprise given how many freshmen commute from home.</p>
<p>Turtletime is absolutely right. For some reason, you’re expected to intervene in every little thing and attend every game, performance, recital, etc. when the kids are young, and are criticized for not doing so. It’s no wonder some parents don’t know when to let go.</p>
<p>Told this before. The family home of one of D1’s freshman roomies was about an hour or so from school. The mom got a job across the street from the college, commuted daily, to be close. Expected to join her D for lunch.</p>
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<p>My user name is no accident, but even I think that’s way out of control.</p>
<p>That’s up to the parents. We’ll see how it plays out. I knew some of the worst helicopter parents ever, and most all of their kids have turned out spectacularly well despite all those who tut tutted. Yes, one dad went on a leave of absence and accompanied son to MIT, getting an apartment nearby and making sure son was on track. Kids making millions now and Dad is rolling in it on the other side of the country. Don’t know if that helped, but that was one kid who got through freshman year with A’s. Not one of those kids with the overinvolved parents flunked out of school or had problems, in fact most were avoided. I remember one mom, whom I particularly despised as she would kick anyone out of the way for her kid, sneering and dissing those parents who were so afraid of sending their kids who did have some issues, (ADD, on the spectrum, LDs, mood disorders) and still doing so. She was right there for that kid, go to the school at exam time and renting a hotel room, so son could study with her and hubby’s help for finals. Most of the kids she scoffed about did have problems and have to come home. Hers is working at top mgt consulting firm. So I’ve seen it pay off. I wish I could have done more of it. Couldn’t with all of the kids and issues we had.</p>
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<p>My d is at a local college. A lot of communication sounds like this: “Hey, I’ll be gone on xx. Can you stop by the house and feed the cat?” or “There’s mail for you. Be sure to pick it up when you go home to do your laundry.”</p>
<p>I have about the least helicopter-y parents you can imagine but even I communicate with my parents probably twice a day. Mostly my dad. Mostly about sports. Or my mom will text me something I got in the mail. </p>
<p>In the age of fb and texting, I don’t really see twice a day communication as helicoptering.</p>
<p>I don’t get it. If college profs and administrators are so put out by parental involvement, why don’t they simply not respond to the email or phone message?</p>
<p>cptofthehouse - WOW, WOW, WOW! Now that is some extreme stuff! I have known my fair share of helicopter parents but taking a leave of absence from work and renting an apartment takes the prize!! And a close second is renting a hotel room in order to help kid study. </p>
<p>I’m actually not surprised by the parent’s behavior, I’m more surprised that the kids allow it. Most kids I know (even ones with extreme helicopter parents) would freak out if the crazy, controlling parent moved nearby!</p>
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<p>That is the AVERAGE? Could someone tell my daughter that my desire to communicate once a week isn’t really asking too much? ;)</p>
<p>Dwhite, my close friend’s husband helped their son through finals and papers all five years of college and he barely squeaked through, I have no doubt without dad renting a hotel room and making him toe the line periodically he would not have a degree. He went to a school without a great 6 year grad rate anyways. BUt parents were determined he get his degree and he did. He bummed around for a few years afterwards, but now has a great job (courtesy of dad’s connections) and is doing just fine. I don’t think he could be where he is on his own, but with mom and dad hovering over him, he’s doing much better than most of his peers. My friend admits it freely that their son needed a lot of help and they hope he is on his own by now, but will stand by to help as long as they can.</p>