<p>Do you think this is a reaction (or over-reaction) to how our generation was raised? </p>
<p>By no means am I complaining, but my parents certainly weren’t hovering, making sure my feelings weren’t getting hurt, that I was passing classes, etc. By the time I was in college I don’t recall ever talking to my parents about what classes I was taking, if I was on track or my grades. </p>
<p>I had more of the Mad Men parents then The Brady’s. </p>
<p>What will the backlash be of the kids raised by hover parents when they have kids?</p>
<p>I agree with you and maybe it will swing back. My parents were completely out of touch with my life; as a result I learned some lessons early, but I also made some decisions that were not well thought out and I might have done better in some areas if I had had more parental interest and involvement.</p>
<p>I agree with the reaction statement above. My parents essentially let us raise ourselves and didn’t seem to care what the consequences were. I try not to be too much of a helicopter - but at the same time I try to give my kids more of myself than my parents gave me.</p>
<p>I’m curious to see how our kids raise their kids too. The thing that scares me is that as my friends start becoming grandparents they seem far too invested in their grandchildren - tranferring their helicoptering onto them. I wonder how those kids will fare.</p>
<p>My D thinks I am a helicopter parent because I am on CC. :)-</p>
<p>My helicoptering efforts were not quite as successful. When D went to CTY as a middle schooler, I wanted to talk to the RA to get her telephone number in case of emergencies - she was embarrassed that I would even think of such a thing. She was upset and did not call us for the entire period of her stay in CTY. Question is how do we ensure that we are not in either end and give them their space while at the same time are assured about their performance and safety.</p>
<p>I think it is good not to judge. I have two kids with medical conditions and am sure I have been gossiped about. Better that than to violate my kids’ privacy by explaining my behavior.</p>
<p>Some kids, who are actually very independent, and some parents, who are actually quite detached, may still behave in ways that result in these labels, out of medical necessity. You just never know.</p>
<p>The stories about parents getting motel rooms or taking leaves of absences make me suspect some issue going on that observers aren’t aware of.</p>
<p>I have never been the type to helicopter over physical safety issues, like driving or sky diving or staying out late (so long as I know where they are and what they’re doing.) I didn’t volunteer in the school constantly or participate in the PTO, or at least not after that one awful year when the first was in K. I never knew what classes my kids were taking each semester in college or their grades unless the topic came up in conversation. I’ve never gotten involved in their college life much at all, since I only need to know what they want to share with me and that they’re healthy, passing their courses, and on track to graduate.</p>
<p>The funny thing is, many people see me as a helicopter type of parent with my youngest now, and with my older ones when they were younger, because I was all over them about school work and behavior/politeness/ethical/moral stuff. Admittedly, I also did a lot of traditional mothering as far meals, baking, laundry, ironing, homework monitoring, and attendance at their concerts and games. But to the degree they matured and showed me they were capable and responsible of handling their own affairs, I had no trouble backing off. The older ones went away to school and handled everything beautifully, and are now well-launched. </p>
<p>In contrast, my kids’ peers who were not hovered over nearly as much when they were younger, seem to be the ones now that are really needy, dependent, and lacking in confidence and adult coping skills. They are living at home, or attending school close to home, and relying on their parents for everything. The parents are driving to the college to do this thing or that thing for them all the time, and need to give the student input on every little decision. I like to believe I did my job thoroughly and taught them well when they were minors, and that’s why they are competent and confident adults now.</p>
<p>I try very hard to not be a helicopter parent, even if I’m on CC - ha ha</p>
<p>My boys both are deaf. So up until high school, I was complimented even on what a great advocate I was for my boys. Now that they’re in college and even when they were in high school, it’s hands off. Our high school had the expectation that parents should back off and let the kids work it out. Which I agree with by and large. Perhaps an advantage for them is the fact they needed to advocate for themselves since they generally were the only kids in their school with hearing loss. But I do fret at times hoping that they have the accommodations they need, and are doing well in school, etc. It would have been nice to have an instruction manual! CupKSDad - I have the same exact question!</p>
<p>Well I might contact my parents 2x a day, but its either for routine stuff. One difference is that a 5 minute conversation every other day avoids 45 minute phone calls . . . . ever. Also, I’m very independent, so it’s not like I would ever tell them enough to make a decision for me anyways.</p>
<p>I was never a helicopter parent and then my kid got sick (skull base tumor). Since then, I’m a bit more of a helicopter parent simply because I am trying to help her manage it all. For the first time, I’ve really got involved with her teachers whereas before I pretty much stayed on the sidelines. </p>
<p>I’ll be honest and say that I hope my kid picks the college closest to us but am not forcing that on her. There’s already so much kids have to deal with in the whole growing up process and with her additional issue of dealing with her tumor, I just want to be more involved. I don’t think I’ll ever go to the extreme of some parents (e.g. renting hotel rooms, an apartment, etc) but I do think that I’ll keep a very close on her for several reasons.</p>
<p>I don’t know cpt, part of me wonders what it would be like if I had any one of those newly minted, heavily helicoptered kids as a direct report. Maybe I have and I don’t know it so that would be a good outcome (that they have cut the apron strings by early 20s). I always thought my parents helicoptered abit too much, but compared to these days, I guess they were appropriate. In these respects I did try to model my parents in terms of attachment/detachment.</p>
<p>I do not understand the need to keep kids close to home. A lot of us moved 10,000+ miles to come to the USA (not to mention different culture, people etc) at a time when there was no internet and cost of calling home was $3 per minute. Granted I was a little older since I was coming for graduate school. If at all anything, I would imagine that the world has shrunk and it is easier for kids these days. I personally think it is good for kids to go far away and fend for themselves. Will help toughen them out.</p>
<p>I have to laugh at the pot calling the kettle black. So the parents are the only ones who are anti-intellectual? Anti-intellectualism is actually rife among the teachers in our schools. I have not found them to be a particularly intellectual, intelligent, or analytical group of people. Their educational backgrounds are mediocre. Some of them think it’s funny to tell parents on back to school night that they became a teacher because their grades weren’t good enough to do anything else, or that there was a cute girl in the school of education they wanted to meet. In our community, the parents ARE likely smarter in general. As for parents’ knowledge of pedagogy, it doesn’t take a trained teacher to spot ineffective instructional methods. There is just so much nonsense that passes for “teaching” these days. One of my favorites is this idea they have that a large part of teaching involves asking the child to pull vague, unformed and uninformed ideas from his brain and put them down on paper and then call it “knowledge.” Put some good old-fashioned facts and information in that brain first. Otherwise it’s garbage in, garbage out.</p>
<p>BTW, I am not talking about college professors, about whose preparation I have no complaint. As for the comments about the novel Invisible Man, there was a CC thread that debated that controversy, and it seems that pretty intelligent people on this forum agreed with the parent who complained. The fact that there were a few girls in the town who got pregnant is irrelevant to an individual, concerned parent looking out for her own child’s well-being and screening for appropriate reading material at a certain age.</p>
<p>TheGFG, in some respects, I’ve seen what you are talking about. My daughter has had some superb teachers and then others were - shudder. At open house night, one of her English teachers spent the entire time bagging on Math and how she hated it. One of my degrees is in mathematics so I did not find her complete lack of support for math or STEM for that matter too comforting.</p>
<p>I try to curb these tendencies, and I think it’s the technology that makes this all too easy. When you had to stand in the hall to wait for a pay phone, or it was long distance to call home, it was much easier to separate. Now you hear about kids and and parents texting and calling all day long, and no, I don’t think that is healthy. A couple of times a week should be plenty, if the kid doesn’t have any issues.</p>
<p>Love that story about Pinky. She moved to an apartment near West Point so she could watch him and make sure he studied. Helicoptering certainly didn’t make him a mama’s boy, did it?</p>
<p>My daughter told me that a student’s father came to school and stayed in the hotel for finals period to support his child, who had a mental health disorder.</p>
<p>I recently read a Dear Prudence column where a young woman was in despair about what to do to stop her mother from posting comments in online articles the woman would write for her job. The mother, who’s screen name made it obvious she was the author’s mother, would argue with commenters who disagreed with the author. And she would not stop when asked.</p>