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</p>
<p>I would never be allowed to use my own car! LOL</p>
<p>blossom
LOL</p>
<p>You are right that we need to be more straightforward
we always had those rules about cleaning the car after use
but we are definitely guilty of not spending the energy to make sure
the rules were followed.</p>
<p>For tk it’s always an emergency
I have to go right now since I promised this
and now I’ll be late etc…</p>
<p>I will try the borrow from a friend theory.</p>
<p>TK’s mom: advice from our swim coach. Procrastination on your part is not an emergency on mine. My kids hate when I say that…</p>
<p>This situation reminds me of a friend of mine, with boys in then-9th and 11th grade. They had attitude problems, constantly complained, etc., so she went on strike. For two weeks, she came home from work, locked herself in her bedroom with a microwave, small fridge, and a TV, and left her boys and hubby to fend for themselves. After 4 days her boys were apologizing through the door; after 10 they were writing “thank you for being such a great mom” notes, and after 14 days they (including hubby!) figured out how to do their own laundry. She finally came out when all three of them serenaded her from out on the street. True story. :-)</p>
<p>That’s awesome, sky.</p>
<p>I <em>do</em> like something I read once described as a Navajo idea if child rearing: Help them tread the path but use only a feather to direct them back when they stray.</p>
<p>Blossom: I like the idea of direct communication, but things become complicated when a global personality trait needs to be addressed. And sadly, sometimes kids do need to stumble and even fall to learn. The biggest mistake is to take their behavior personally.</p>
<p>Mythmom- I don’t have all the answers. But I have observed that even the snarkiest teenager responds better to “here are the rules” than a game of cat and mouse where some days dad is a soft touch and can’t say no (and mom grinds her teeth and pouts) and some days mom is the soft touch and it’s dad who grimaces in pain. While the kids quickly learn which parent to manipulate when, and over which issue- so they feel like this is a terrific system, there tends to be less conflict when the guidelines are spelled out and not open to negotiation.</p>
<p>And money is its own topic- but I found that separating the money talk from the discipline or chores or homework or other boundary issues worked best. Kids learn too quickly how to manipulate the money if it gets bound up in every other area of conflict.</p>
<p>Skydivemom, are you sure that wasn’t Mrs. Piggle Wiggle?
[Mrs</a>. Piggle-Wiggle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs._Piggle-Wiggle]Mrs”>Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle - Wikipedia)
;)</p>
<p>If these kids were all raging hormones and stressed out then they wouldn’t be able to function, yet somehow they go to prom, hang with friends, shop, or anything, like work</p>
<p>Are these rude children treating everyone badly? No they are not. They somehow manage to be kind and sweet and listen to many other people in their lives.</p>
<p>So we should accept no less then decency at home. Sometimes my husband will come home all crabby at me. I give it a minute then say I am not the world and I give him a hug and tell him to take ten minutes and we start over. </p>
<p>With my daughters it was do you really mean that or would you like to go out and come back in? And if i lost my temper, I would take ten and then apologize. .</p>
<p>I understand getting mad, being frustrated and taking it out at home, but it should never last or be acceptable as a daily occurrence.</p>
<p>Blossom: I wasn’t disagreeing with you or taking issue with your posts. I’ve enjoyed many of them over a variety of topics.</p>
<p>I see things a little differently but doesn’t everyone? I never felt my kids tried to manipulate me about anything. I felt that we were allies in trying to maximize their potential, and they mostly thought that too, except for a year blip with DS.</p>
<p>I am very anxious about the future, and the kids help me by pointing that out.</p>
<p>They are 22 and 24 now, so most of this is moot for me.</p>
<p>My son is a little of #1, doesn’t do 2, pretty much the rest describe my kid as well. He doesn’t ask for a lot of new stuff, though he does tend to get it anyway!</p>
<p>My kids know they need to go to college. If I didn’t pay for it, they might not go. S1 had a nice full time job and sometimes said he could just skip college and do that. I have a SIL who never went to college and I’ve seen where it’s gotten her (nowhere).</p>
<p>Not everybody has to go to college, but it sure can’t hurt. I’ve given my kids everything they’ve needed in life and I’m not about to stop now. I raised them to go to college, and maybe it’s more important to me than them right now, but they will go because so few people really ever go back. It’s too hard to give up the full-time earnings once you start. They can do whatever they want after, trade school or whatever. A year after the graduate they are on their own (that’s my plan!).</p>
<p>So, they are ungrateful now, but I suck it up because I know someday they will realize how lucky they were. I think they do know now, but aren’t going to give us the satisfaction of letting us know! I know they have to know they have it good, because they have friends who really don’t and I’m sure they have told my kids how lucky they are…so they know. They just aren’t showing it…(I hope!)</p>
<p>As far as 5,6–you need some rules and some punishments, pulling out of college payment now seems over the top. Maybe cell phone or TV restrictions? Maybe stop buying food he likes? Make him go food shopping next time he uses the car?</p>
<p>8,9 Don’t let him USE the car without giving you gas $ up front. Make him buy a gas can, fill it (his $), and keep it in the garage to use next time he leaves you with no gas.</p>
<p>omg sky, I am SO doing that!! I just need to get my hands on a microwave first!!</p>
<p>I agree with njf, especially the bit about kids not giving us the satisfaction of knowing they know how lucky they are.</p>
<p>Emerald - Mrs. Piggle Wiggle sounds hilarious! My friend is actually a literature teacher, so she may have been inspired by those books!</p>
<p>you are best off letting him go off to college, fend for his own, and he will be grateful to have you around</p>
<p>I am a 19 year old and my parents did spoil me too but I turned out decent because I was trying my best to do right. Sometimes you need to make a stand and tell the kid to do stuff on his own, put down the law, it is tough but you will need to do it.</p>
<p>Not sure if this is still getting traffic, or if this comment belongs here, but this is how I got my kids to do laundry. It is the ONE chore they have done consistently since middle school. It is one chore you can make the ungrateful ones take on. Simply stop doing it for them. </p>
<p>Back in middle school, S1 had plenty of clothes, but there was always that item that I hadn’t washed and he HAD to have. Hey, there are plenty of clothes, so I saved up until the hamper was bulging, this way they could wear more then the favorites over and over. One day he wanted something washed (and I’m sure he asked with attitude) and I said NO, I told him, there is the washer, if you want it done, do it yourself. So he did, and he has since middle school. Pretty much the same scene occurred once S2 hit middle school. I told him, hey S1 can do his laundry you can too! I am not washing a specific shirt when plenty more hang in the closet.</p>
<p>I did some of their stuff, but they took the primary role, and since they got to HS I haven’t really touched their clothes. It helps that the laundry is upstairs so they don’t have far to take it. S2 even bothered to wash his football stuff a lot of the time, though if it was particularly filthy I rinsed it outside and washed it.</p>
<p>My hubby does a lot of his laundry too. Mainly is because he is particular about it and when we got married I shrunk a few t-shirts by not hanging them to dry. I might have wrinkled some dress shirts by drying them instead of hanging them when they were slightly damp…Maybe once or twice something got a little pink…</p>
<p>So, show the kids how to do their laundry. When they want that certain outfit clean they will wash it. If you have to, shrink a few things!</p>
<p>Laundry is a VERY easy chore to learn and do, and one they will need to learn before they leave for college anyway. The only problem is the cry of “whose stuff is in the washer?!”</p>