<p>girls are icky, date boys instead.</p>
<p>I’m not a big fan of going on “dates” until after you’ve slept with the person anyway - or gotten more serious if you’re the religious type (I prefer informal ‘hanging out’ stuff initially that avoids the whole money question).</p>
<p>But anyway, my thoughts:</p>
<p>Personally, I was probably on the poorer side of my college class but I had a job and honestly was liberal with my money and do not care about buying my friends and people I like stuff every once in a while. I do not care much about money as others.</p>
<p>However, I do not like being taken advantage of. Now, there are pretty much 3 categories of girls/ situations at the bar or wherever you are influenced to pay for something that can happen.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The girl does not expect you to pay for her/ her drinks. This is usually my favorite. ;P</p></li>
<li><p>The girl expects you to pay for her/ her drinks, because it is a test to see how interested you are in her and if you care enough about her to jump through traditional dating hoops. Its like getting flowers - she wants them because it shows you are a chivalric man, but she doesn’t care that much about the free items, really.</p></li>
<li><p>She wants a free lunch, free drinks, and/or a self-esteem boost, and is not interested in you in the slightest, but wants to try and seduce and manipulate you out of your money, to prove to herself that she is attractive, brag to her friends, and/ or save money and be cheap.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Number 3 is prevalent enough to cancel out the potential benefit of assuming she is a number 2. So screw it, I’m not going to pay for a stranger to do something.</p>
<p>The one exception that I didn’t mention is that if the girl is broke, i.e. makes significantly less money than you, then perhaps you might want to consider paying. But eh, I wait til we’re officially dating/ more together.</p>
<p>I see no legitimate reason why the guy is even required to pay the first time apart from being obligated by the inertia of archaic mores. Ideally the girl should at least make a sincere offer during the first few dates. Once a relationship gets rolling, the guy and girl should alternate.</p>
<p>I’m a guy and I pay for the first date mostly because “tradition” is strong and I see no reason to rock the boat over 35 bucks and a girl that I potentially might never see again. </p>
<p>I’ve been lucky with my relationships though. The girls I’m usually with are happy to pay, it’s a non-issue. Does that make them “non-traditional?” If so, then good. I like girls who don’t just sit there like Victorian dolls and expect the guy to do everything. Girls who initiate are sexy.</p>
<p>Re: Buying girls drinks in bars
Almost never. On principle. I’m into neither snagging bar-whores nor one-night-stands in general so I don’t see the point. You<em>of</em>eh is right in a sense. I refuse to pay (either with drinks or dinner) for a girl’s time/attention/companionship/sex/whatever.</p>
<p>Caille, ok, thanks for the post</p>
<p>here is a situation and tell me how you would react</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You are at your favorate bar, which has dancing also. You are thirsty and as you go to the bar from the area that you are sitting with your friends, you spot a lovely looking girl, just your type.</p></li>
<li><p>You don’t get your cold beer, but instead ask the girl to dance.</p></li>
<li><p>You have a great dance with the girl and a wonderful talk with her on the dance floor. It turns out that she never goes to bars but came to this one because she was celebrating a new job obtained by her friend.</p></li>
<li><p>You are now really thirsty for a cold beer, but you get along so well with this beautiful girl that you prefer to continue talking and dancing with her - she is very much your type and you realize this more and more.</p></li>
<li><p>You both are a little tired of dancing and now you are really really thirsty, but ask her if she wants to sit down with you and your friends for a while. She accepts and you are really happy that she has shown some interest - and consider this to be one of your luckiest days.</p></li>
<li><p>You sit with her in the area reserved by your friends and things couldn’t be better - she gets along great with everyone. You admit to yourself that you have never met a girl as wonderful as this one.</p></li>
<li><p>But you are really dying of thirst and can wait to have that cold beer that you were going to get about one hour ago.</p></li>
<li><p>You decide to get up and buy yourself that beer at the bar, which is about 40 feet away.</p></li>
<li><p>What do you do at this time?</p></li>
<li><p>Do you not ask that wonderful girl if she would like a drink?</p></li>
<li><p>Or do you just get up and buy a beer only for yourself then come back and drink it in front of her while you are sitting down - knowing full well that she is probably dying of thirst with all that dancing that she did with you?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Looking forward very much for your answer and remember - this is a girl that you think “might be the one”.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>^ The poster did say, almost never–buy a drink for the girl. But I guess that this time would be an exception and as a polite gesture. I don’t see a problem getting a drink for a girl in this scenario.</p>
<p>JohnAdams,</p>
<p>Your hypothetical illustrates no flaw in my reasoning. If there is even a hint of expectation that I pay for some girl’s drink as implied payment for her reciprocation by giving me attention, companionship, or sex, then I won’t. Categorically. If I’m genuinely interested in her personality and she doesn’t expect me to pay for her, then yeah of course I’ll buy her a drink as a nice gesture. </p>
<p>The relevant feature for me is whether buying her a drink constitutes some kind of tacit transaction. If she would be interested in talking to me regardless of whether or not I buy her a drink, then I would gladly pay as a friendly gesture. I’ve had girls buy me drinks that way.</p>
<p>peter_parker,</p>
<p>/me nods</p>
<p>In that situation, tell her she looks really thirsty and you’re going to get her a nice cold refreshing drink. Bring her back a tequilla shot, and go dance some more.</p>
<p>Hey, if you want to buy a girl a drink, go for it.</p>
<p>The point is, there are girls who use you for drinks. Even if they use you for drink and sleep with you later, they still used you for drinks.</p>
<p>If there is an expectation that I must buy a round for complete stranger, because I have a member and she has a pair of boobs, then forget it. As an upstanding citizen, you may owe strangers respect and common decency, but I don’t owe anyone at the bar, let alone a perfect stranger, free drinks.</p>
<p>Girlfriends and friends, sure – not someone who you are trying to buy rapport or intimacy with.</p>
<p>Caillebotte, for god’s sake, the poor girl is thirsty, will you buy her a drink or not?</p>
<p>stop overanalyzing the situation.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>but peter parker how do you know if the girl is using you for drinks or really really likes you?</p>
<p>after all there are a lot of very good “actors” out there.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>youofeh, but what if the girl doesn’t drink tequila and only wants something for the thirst like a cold beer?</p>
<p>and besides, isn’t it YOU that claimed that you NEVER buy girls that you don’t know a drink?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Brando, so you don’t see a problem buying a girl a drink in this scenario?</p>
<p>what if this scenario happened very often to you?</p>
<p>would you continue to buy drinks to other girls if you were put in the same situation over and over again?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That is one of the sweetest things I’ve heard. You are very lucky, madam.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>No. You might like someone a lot, but as this thread shows, your feelings might not necessarily be reciprocated and you have to keep your guard up.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Regardless of whether you’re a guy or a girl, it’s always good (for yourself) to have the other party like you more. With what you said about “truly liking” someone, how do you even quantify who likes the other “more”?</p>
<p>Of course she doesn’t want a shot of tequila…that’s the whole point…you’re not giving her what she wants, what she expects, what four other guys gave her already that night. And when I said drinks I meant beer, a cooler or a normal “drink” not a shot. Not saying I buy girls shots all the time, just saying I’d do it in the odd situation.</p>
<p>
You’re out of luck if you want me to actually respond to your digressive hypothetical. Re-read my posts if you care about what I personally would do.</p>
<p>youofeh, now that is a good one. You are going to force a shot of tequila on a girl that has never drank any tequila and is dying of thirst. A girl, by the way, that you have gotten along very well and has shown interest in you. A girl that you see as very special and that “could be the one”. By the way, this particular girl had just gotten to the bar so this would be her first drink.</p>
<p>good one, you are really good at this stuff I see…</p>
<p>you will do very well out there kid</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Caille, yes, I have re-read your post and know EXACTLY what you would do. You would get yourself a cold beer, bring it back with you, sit down in front of her and drink it without mentioning anything.</p>
<p>At this point you would leave her no choice but to tell you that she is going to get a drink herself. So she gets up to get her drink - and that is the last that you will ever see of her. And why would she leave?..because she could not believe that a gentleman could behave in the manner that you have behaved with her.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Most of the time I will not get a girl a drink, but in the case that JohnAdams described, I would.</p>
<p>How about this. </p>
<p>You ask the girl to buy you a drink! =P</p>