<p>I'm wondering how much does the way one dresses affect their chances at making friends, or "looking like" the "typical" x university guy affect making friends? I dress rather preppy, but the other guys at my school don't, while the girls dress preppy. The guys wear these weird and loud t-shirts or american eagle/abercrombie things, while I do polo, burberry, brooks brothers, and mix it up with some lax shirts and a few Quiksilver/Billabong shirts. The typical guy is this handsome 5'11+ guy, I'm 5'2''. I don't have the kind of haircut that other guys have, with their wavy stuff girls love. My hair is combed over because I have no waves, and is modeled after Mitt Romney, who while I hate his politics, admire his hair. I'm also more intellectual than most of my school, I scored a 2010 on my SAT, the average is 1750, and this shows in class, and while I love being smart, think that socially these kids see me as "nerdy" or whatever, as I can talk in depth about an array of intellectual issues that I'd bet many here have no clue about. However, I am a party guy, played sports in HS, which I should have done at my school on intramurals, but I do not follow baseball or college basketball, which I think may have hurt me during my frat rush. I'm also musical, and play guitar really well, and kids at my school don't seem to care much about music. </p>
<p>How much is my inability to fit in at my school affecting my friend making potential. I made friends, tho didn't hang out with some of the kids in my college Democrats club. I am taking this semester off, and will be headed back in the summer. I would have joined more clubs last year, but they all met at the same time. Am I better off at a different school, with more open minded and interesting people, who also look for those qualities in others, more than the seemingly superficial people at my school? I mean I love my school compared to the cc I went to before, and thank God I got out of CC. But what should I do? Should I make an effort to "fit in," or look to a place I either fit in, or don't have to "fit in?"</p>
<p>GoldShadow, lets not pretend that superficiality exists. I’m not saying these issues come to mind first, like people saying “he dresses this way, I don’t like him,” but am rather thinking that SUBCONSCIOUSLY, things like this affect the situation.</p>
<p>Do you have any friends attending other colleges? If so, go visit them and get a feel for their campus environment. It could be that your current college just isn’t a good fit socially. Perhaps you should start looking around and visiting other campuses for a possible transfer.</p>
<p>By the sounds of it you should blend in pretty well with the typical college crowd…of course your height won’t help you and you will be looked at as the little runt (no offense), but besides that you should be fine. And most college guys listen to gangsta hip hop and stuff so they won’t care if you play guitar, but if you can work the “intellectual musician” role well then that can be a plus for getting some girls.</p>
<p>Don’t dress a certain way to become part of the crowd in order to make friends. True friends will adore your company for who you are regardless of how your hair is cut, what clothing you wear, or how passionate you are about athletics.</p>
<p>Is being popular your goal or making friends? You’ll make friends if you don’t stress out about having them. Trying to fit in will make you stick out because people will be able to recognize your agenda. If people judge you based on your attire or the way you handle yourself in class, **** 'em, they aren’t worth your time.</p>
<p>No one will care what you wear or turn you down as a friend based on what you’re wearing, as long as it’s ABOVE REPROACH. I.e., you don’t look like an absolute dork from his basement who hasn’t showered in days. Since you appear to at least have basic knowledge concerning some brand names, this probably isn’t you.</p>
<p>Secondly, do you actually want to blend in with all the other idiots there? You might. I certainly don’t.</p>
<p>“The typical guy is handsome… wavy hair”</p>
<p>Wait are you gay?</p>
<p>“My hair is combed over…”</p>
<p>Okay, false alarm. I just looked up Mit Romney’s hair. There are a few ways I can see it working, and many ways it probably looks strange (for a kid your age). Why don’t you just get it short and buy one of hundreds of hair products to put in it.</p>
<p>Dude, making friends basically comes down to your personality and what you put into it. First of all, stop getting into intellectual or academic debates with people. Lots of people do it, but it’s annoying and adversarial. Just be relaxed, comfortable, make a few jokes, get phone numbers, and call people up to hang out. You’ll figure it out.</p>
<p>Perhaps you don’t mean it, but judging from your post, you almost sound elitist and condescending (combed-over hair and comparing SAT scores). Are you giving off this kind of vibe around people and just don’t realize it? Personally I always think it’s annoying when people are always trying to prove how smart they are. To me it shows insecurity, and maybe that’s spooking off some people. </p>
<p>Perhaps you should think about transferring, see if a different crowd suits you better.</p>
<p>Ok, I remember you PM’d me your pic a while ago, and while you’re pretty average-looking, you might wanna switch up the hair…too much gel and it’s a haircut supported by many older people. I’m not telling you to change your style, or anything about yourself, but nothing wrong with getting a new haircut either. just an idea, thought i’d throw it out there. :)</p>
<p>So…what is this college where all the guys are handsome, have wavy hair, and are tallish? :D</p>
<p>and you did sound a teensy bit condescending…no one cares about SAT scores after high school. SAT scores get you in, but once you’re in, your personality, people skills, and smarts get you through.</p>
<p>You sound fine. The key is to not worry about appealing to everyone, or getting everyone to like you. You simply need to appeal to the group that you want to be a part of. So, acting loud and obnoxious might get you into the fraternity known for that, it won’t work in a more mellow, intellectual group. Yes, people judge you based on your clothing, appearance, and other factors, but as long as you are basically similar to those you’d like to befriend, I see no issues.</p>
<p>Keep trying clubs. If you go to one meeting and feel like you didn’t have much in common with any of the people there, try a different one the next week. Rinse and repeat until you find people you like. It took me until part of the way through sophomore year until I developed a solid group of friends, and they all came from different places. Once we happened to find each other, it was great, but finding similar people is always going to be the most difficult matter.</p>
<p>You admire Mit Romney’s hair? That’s the most bizarre thing I’ve read in a while. You should take a look at John Edwards’ hair. It’s not wavy and look pretty good. The plastic Ken doll hair Mit Romney has really is not very attractive and shouldn’ be admired.</p>
<p>Loosen up a bit because you sound like you have a pretty rigid personality. I went back and reread your original post and it was a bit contradictory. You imply that people at your school are very superficial yet you dress in Polo, Burberry, Brooks Brothers, etc. You want people to be open minded yet you feel that the people around you are not up to your academic standards. I have two son’s and I honestly think that both of them would be horrified to have their hairstyle compared to that of Mit Romney. Either take a buzzer and buzz it to a short crew cut (the way most college guys wear it) or let it grow out a be a bit shaggy like a surfer style. To be compared to Mit Romney at the age of 18 or 19 really isn’t something most guys would take as a compliment.</p>
<p>You have a couple of choices. Transfer to a new and bigger school where you’ll find a more diverse group and a larger student population to find your niche. Or, you could go back to your previous college with a different attitude. You should start the new year in a new frame of mind. Ideas: Go to the gym to workout regularly; accept people for their personality rather than their IQ; pick an elective or two that will have a wide range of students within the class–such as psychology, a music class, an art class, a phys. ed class, etc.; engage yourself in the classroom (without projecting hints of obnoxiousness and closed minded opinions) in a way where the other students will want get to meet you;
join a community service orientated club; and maybe even consider rushing for a frat.</p>
<p>By reading your posts on cc, there are many things about your demeanor that are sending off bad signals. First, learn to accept the fact that you are extraordinarily short. This alone ensures that many people won’t take you seriously but f**k it because there’s nothing you can do about it. Just laugh it off because life’s not fair. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>I haven’t seen your picture but from what other posters have described, you look kind of weird. What 20-year-old admires Mitt Romney’s sense of aesthetics?? Get a new haircut and lose the gel, only limp bizkit fans still gel their hair. </p></li>
<li><p>I like nice clothes too but you’re not at Princeton or Cambridge, so just rock jeans and a sweatshirt if you want to “fit in”, there’s no need for Burberry in a 9am lecture.</p></li>
<li><p>Also, what is this all about:
No intellectual would ever describe themselves as such to start with. Also it’s terribly unbecoming to boast about your SAT score, especially when it’s a 2010. It’s great that you enjoy intellectually stimulating discussions but you should be able to discriminate the right topic of conversation and apply it to the right social situation. The “bros” in Hollister shirts don’t want to hear about your political leanings. Try following the NCAA tournament; you should’ve made a bracket and gotten into a pool. That would’ve given you common ground with other guys at your school and would’ve been a decent convo starter. What I’m getting at is that if we can see through your pretense through the internet, then everyone in real life can as well.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>a true intellectual would be able to understand his social problems and make attempts to better himself as a person. a true intellectual might even realize that happiness doesn’t come from burberry or your height or your popularity. you think all these things will make you happy, but you won’t be happy till you can love yourself. who would love you when you don’t even love yourself? and you’re petite, you don’t even have that much to love :p</p>
<p>some things you just can’t change. you can’t grow taller and you can’t force other people to be impressed by intelligence. when you stop trying to prove yourself to your classmates, you’ll find the very same classmates enjoy your presence a lot more. your classmates can sense your insecurity and it’s up to you to change that.</p>
<p>some of you do have great suggestions, and I will buy some blue jeans, which I lack in favour of kakhis, and wear fewer polo shirts. I probably look too much like an “egghead.” I cut my hair the way I do because I don’t have shaggy or wavy hair, and the mushroom made me look shorter. but I may just wear more hats. But tell me, how much is going too far? What is the line between “being myself(or the closest thing to it)” and “selling out?”</p>