<p>Are you at a disadvantage? Sure - knowing how to work the system to your advantage and to your kids’ advantage is an important skill and knowledge base. If your parents don’t have it, you are at a disadvantage - but not a fatal one. It’s one that you can make up for - especially in the internet age - by accessing the information you need, asking for help (mentioned above), learning the skills in other contexts, and realizing that others automatically have connections through networks that you are going to have to build for yourself. </p>
<p>Once you understand that the playing field doesn’t start out level, you can set about consciously making it more level.</p>
<p>Like many, I think we provided a good foundation, but ultimately the kid takes advantage of what you offer or doesn’t.</p>
<p>Our oldest was born with the thirst to learn. He taught himself to read before he was three. (We just told him what everything said, and he asked about everything!) He kept asking for more math so we got him accelerated in school. He got interested in programming and we let him loose on the computer and got him books about programming. He’s at Google now.</p>
<p>Our youngest was a lot more laid back, but I remember reading him endless books about World War Two history. (He, unfortunately for me, was not an early reader!) He taught himself in unlikely ways, reading all the extra material on computer games like Civilization - and learning a lot of history. </p>
<p>I think the most important thing we did was have a house full of books and when our kids got interested in a subject we did what we could to help them learn or do more with it. </p>
<p>College admissions these days aren’t what they were in our day, but if you hang around the parent’s area there’s good advice here.</p>
<p>Things have changed since I was a kid, but I think having a very informed mom(me) has helped my kids. My dad had an 8th grade education and my mom was a beautician. My mom told me I could not afford to go to college, but I figured it out(it was much easier in the mid-1970s to save enough for state school tuition)</p>
<p>I have neighbors who are college grads who do not ave the knowledge I have because I look up everything when I have a question. We all start out some place.</p>
<p>I worry about this a lot. That’s because if I’m at all involved in their success, am I also responsible for their failures? I know we tried to do all the right things. But, why is my oldest making such stupid choices? Okay, two out of three ain’t bad.</p>
<p>I don’t think you’re at all disadvantaged! I’m not a parent, I’m a student, but my mom is from Cuba and she’s helped me so much! I don’t think that just because our parents are from less advanced countries means that they don’t value education. My mom’s parents pushed her to just get a job right after high school but she went to college. She’s making sure that I go to college as well. Some of us just face more obstacles, good luck!</p>
<p>We were at the Wal-mart today where my girls were picking out school supplies. There was a boy there who I’d judge to be about 13. He was walking at a distance back from his mother who was grasping the school supplies list and putting things into the cart. She occasionally asked him something like “Do you want the blue or the green notebook?” – but mostly she didn’t. The kid seemed disengaged. I wondered if he actually knew what courses he was taking, when school started, etc. (He didn’t seem slow though – he just seemed like he had a really pushy mother.)</p>
<p>I found this really strange as I couldn’t actually imagine SELECTING my kid’s school supplies rather than having them do it. (Vetoing the 3 dollar notebook in favor of the buck fifty one? Yes. Taking the list out of my kid’s hands and walking around the store? No.). I thought of you all and the conversations about helicoptering.</p>
<p>So to the original poster, I’d say be careful what you wish for. Sometimes really well-intentioned parents can end up doing more harm than good. I’m a bit fearful for old Mr. “Mommy still picks out my school supplies” because I can see Mommy having a problem with letting go five years from now and instead picking his college, his major, his dorm, his roomate and eventually his wife. . .</p>
<p>I don’t think it is that surprising 13 year old boy wasn’t very interested in school supplies and the mother had to push along to get the shopping done. What 13 year old boy would be interested in buying school supplies in Aug? He probably rather be out playing soccer or basketball with his friends. </p>
<p>We have quite a few kids (boys and girls included) in the 2012 thread who are not engaged in buying dorm goods to get ready for college. They are apprehensive about going to colleges, but I am sure once they get there they will be fine. </p>
<p>In my opinion, that’s what parents are suppose to do, give our kids a bit of gentle push from time to time.</p>
<p>Momzie–my boys would have rather had their toenails pulled out one by one then go school supply shopping in middle school. DD and I picked out all of their school supplies because we like shopping. That doesn’t encounter doesn’t surprise me one bit. My boys would have acted the same if I made them come with me. Same with dorm supply shopping for our older ones. The only thing they wanted a say in was the computer they got, after that, they couldn’t care less. DD, on the other hand, has been planning her dorm stuff for several years :D.</p>
<p>I don’t know, Momzie, I find it a bit of a leap to go from picking school supplies to picking spouses. Then again, you’ve just given me an idea…</p>
<p>Several decades ago you would have been. Today, not at all; you have virtual mentors everywhere. With CC, and in more general terms, with Google and forums on specialized topics, you can readily find out most “insider secrets.” All you need is to invest some time searching and be willing to occasionally ask questions.</p>
<p>Ha I appreciated all of your guys’ stories. Made me realize that even though my parents don’t necessarily guide me through the motions of starting a career they indirectly help me through it all with the values they gave me. </p>
<p>And @LoremIpsum, sometimes I forget the potential of what’s out there-- just need to get off the surfing habit. Thanks for the reminder</p>
<p>I think of the boys’s life as a sailboat. They are up front with the sail, but we are in the back with the rudder, to help keep it from getting too far off course or chrashing into shore.</p>
<p>“Many parents and students come here to get that expertise from other parents - that’s the nice thing about the internet - knowledge that used to be locked in individual minds is freely available - you just have to look, ask and find.”</p>
<p>Excellent post. I heard a speaker give a speech to young adults one time who said the 2 things you can always count on are running and reading. Running because it teaches you to never give up and reading because any problem you ever encounter someone else has already gone through it.</p>
<p>That mom should get some credit simply for dragging her 13 year old along on the shopping trip. It takes twices as long and requires patience for eyerolls to drag a teenage boy on a school supply shopping trip. </p>
<p>I am now admitting that I made a dash through Staples and Target earlier this week. I picked up a bunch of cheap spiral notebooks, folders, pens, pencils, highlighters, and several packages of copy paper. It all goes into a closet in our home office, where everyone grabs what they need when they need it. </p>
<p>After years and years of dragging kids through the aisles with their weird lists of supplies in elementary school and middle school, I think they all get it. Nobody needs the experience anymore.</p>
<p>My high school and college kids shop in the closet for basics. Anything else they buy on their own.</p>
I appreciate your thought there, OP. Our children are not in fields that we know or participated in, although we applaud their choices to go in these directions. We don’t have professional or social contacts to help them. It is certainly easier on those who might have such connections, but that’s just the way it is. As parents, we are excited for their possibilities and listen to as much as they care to share with us about the steps they take all along their way. We’re a sounding board, and offer some “life wisdom” about how human beings <em>might</em> conduct themselves in small situations they encounter and describe to us. They have to put that together and figure out whehter our perceptions (from life experience) help them decide a small choice forward, or not. Sometimes our world helps guide theirs, other times they see no connection and just leave our thoughts on the table with polite acknowledgment.</p>
<p>What I imagine and hope is that there will be crucial decision moments in their careers when we won’t be nearby, perhaps won’t even know they are AT a decision point…but they will make a good choice because they will tap back into some core values we taught them (by modeling and lecturing…) all along as they grew up: honesty, hard work/tenacity for the drudge part of any career, vision and enthusiasm to “push hardest/go for the gold” when some opportunity does come their way, the courage to bounce-back after setbacks, be mindful of a healthy balance of work and home life. So I think we’ve given them some things to help them in the long haul.</p>
<p>The best gift they give to us is that they keep descibing to us what’s going on in their young adult lives. So while they are making their way, as someone above said, they know we “have their back.” Because they take the time and care to tell us what’s going on in their lives, we can offer some emotional support, even if we can’t make a phone call on their behalf. The oldest once told us in clear words that he appreciates that interest and emotional support from us more than any specific suggestions we ever attempted. We wish we could help more, but we can’t offer what we don’t have. At least we felt good to hear that something we’re offering does help him press forward in a difficult and competitive field.</p>