For Parents: A question from a student.

Parents Forum
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@3puppies “@Much2learn, do you believe those “religious conservative parents” you refer to in post #37 truly believe they are “hating an entire group.””

Sometimes. It depends on which religion and which group of religious conservatives you are talking about. I didn’t have a particular group in mind.

“Or that they have even thought about any level of evidence for one religion compared to another?”"

No. There is no evidence in the scientific sense, so it is not possible. However, they do know about the “evidence” they are given in their religion. They just do not think critically about it. It is true because others say so. If they are tempted to question it, the group will put a stop to the questions.

"These people when pressed, don’t believe they hate others at all, they just want nothing to do with them. "

Again, it depends on the two groups you have in mind. Christian conservatives for example are taught to say they do not hate others, even if they are behaving as if they do. So I agree this is what they would say about gays.

If it were conservative Muslims or conservative Jews, I am not so sure.

“They have no need for any discussion about any other religion because THEIRS is right, period, and all others are just wrong.”

I see this as a defense mechanism.

My son brought home a religious book from school two weeks ago. I said I don’t believe it, and the best way to for him to know for himself whether it was true was to read it and ask questions. People who are really confident they are right aren’t afraid of the imaginary. They know the truth/reality is on their side. They are not afraid to discuss facts and evidence. I am always open to changing my mind.

42

OP, what is your relationship with your parents? Are they involved? Hands off? Do they listen to you? Are you wanting to pull them in?

Some parents do tell their kids where to go and not just due to finances. A habit of control? Thinking they know best? You are lucky in that since your folks won’t be paying, you can do whatever you would like. You just want their input.

I have tried very hard to just offer ideas to my kids. We have plenty of money so that hasn’t been an issue. Instead I have been free to ask them questions like “is this school too small? too geographically isolated? too homogenous? too hard?” I have tried to keep my opinion under wraps and just raise issues. My husband has been another story! He hasn’t told the kids where to go, but makes it clear what he is thinking. (I think the kids do the opposite…that’s how they know what to pick.)

If you are wanting some parental input, OP, ask. Lay out your possibilities.

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I agree with @Lizardly. I think that a parent asking thoughtful questions, and encouraging the student do develop a substantive rationale for which school is the best fit can be very helpful.