Exactly. We can’t make this decision just based on whether he can join a frat. We are going to base it on whether or not the harassment ends.
Wow I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. I don’t agree on him changing all these things to avoid this. It needs to be dealt with. If the girl felt so threatened she would have gone to the police and her “friends” would have encouraged her to do so. She got hurt so she is retaliating. Sadly we are living in a cancelled culture and a frat doesn’t want to deal with any negative drama. Please please stand up for him and this situation. They will just track him down and it won’t end.
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This isn’t “cancel culture” . This is a university which has to follow federal guidelines if an actual complaint (does not need to be a police report, just to a member of the university administration) is made. And the frat isn’t avoiding “negative drama”- they’ve got an insurance company (which pays out in cases of a slip and fall, a drunk high school kid falling out a window at a party, a fire started by someone’s candle) which sets the guidelines on how to AVOID legal and financial liability.
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Oh please. You can’t just do this without any proof. You can’t just kick him out of a frat based on hearsay. Stop allowing people to get away this crap. Stand up for what is right!
This is also harassment going on here which is wrong. Just because it’s girls doesn’t make it right or ok. By not fighting this and standing up to it you are basically saying it’s ok and they are right.
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He didn’t get kicked out of a frat- he hadn’t been admitted yet. And none of us know the facts- even the OP has admitted that the drinking, etc. suggests that her son wasn’t quite himself when the original incident went down.
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We can only comment based on what the OP said. There is no reason to lie as you wouldn’t get actual help in that situation. If her son is lying to her then not much can be done about that. But my opinion is based on what she said and what she said is going on. And that is harassment. To the point where he didn’t get into a frat (I assumed kicked out my bad) because of this is wrong and slander. The fact that he had to switch dorms is intimidation.
Hence why I said “kicked out of the frat”
I honestly don’t feel like we can fight the girls. It’s their word against his and since they feel comfortable lying or at least stretching the definition of the word “assault” into something that most people don’t logically consider assault, I am not convinced that they would not expand upon the lie and make things a lot worse for him. For now he is laying low in hiding and if the harassment doesn’t stop he will have to transfer. However I’m hoping that the girls will drop this and move on to new dramas…they should get bored with this particular victim soon enough, especially since there is no real basis for any claim of assault and they don’t seem to have an interest in taking the exaggerated accusation to the adult authorities.
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I just worry that those girls are the type to harass him even if he does transfer.
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This happened during the pledging process. He had made it past rush week and was a new pledge. The girls verbally complained about him to the frat twice, and the frat dropped him as a pledge.
Gotcha. I don’t think it matters either way. If he was a pledge or initiated. Still sucks either way for him.
Yes it was horrible and he was publicly humiliated in front of dozens of people, including a girl he had invited to the party as a date. 
You need to remember that we are only hearing one side of this issue and a guy’s mother is hardly going to be objective. I do credit the op with acknowledging that her son shares some responsibility for creating this problem.
I’m getting really uncomfortable with all the talk about “crazy” or “unbalanced” girls on this thread. That’s what the defenders of every man who is actually guilty of assault say. As a collegiate member of a fraternity, I STRONGLY suggest you never refer to young women as “females”. It’s a suggestion of misogyny on your part and reveals an eagerness to blame a multitude of young women who are “victimizing” poor college guys. That attitude needs to stop.
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If he were initiated they would not have turned on him so fast. They stand by their brothers. They actually would have helped him fight it and heard his side of the story, but as a pledge, forget it, they had no allegiance to him at that point and he didn’t really try to defend himself to them or be up front to them about this girl either. Of course he didn’t know she would do that and stalk him either. Something to consider if he stays there and tries to rush next year. Come clean and own it.
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Agree. Online stalking is a crime so he needs to document everything with screenshots etc and not engage. If there was anything to this that was against the school code of conduct, it would likely have been reported. This is not a situation where she is trying to keep it to herself but has engaged with a group of friends to perpetuate her accusations which are completely unproven. As far as the fraternity goes, a whisper of an allegation is enough for a house to rescind a bid in many cases. This is just self preservation. I am so sorry this has happened to your son.
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Agree plus it is not unusual to depledge a pledge because you find out something type didn’t know prior to extending the bid. That is the purpose of pledgeship - either side can opt out.
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we need a diff pov
To clarify, if he rushes another fraternity, he’s eventually going to encounter the same people again, because those are the kinds of students they attract. It already happened once. They’re all connected through social media. I wouldn’t suggest doing the same thing again, or this woman is going to keep following him…(scary). If he’s already made some decent friends, best to just keep it that way, and cut the parties to zero.
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There’s a lot of speculation on this thread, which is to be expected. And why I reiterate my advice to get a good lawyer to understand the situation and the consequences of a particular course of action. Would reporting the harassment be a good thing, putting the situation on the record, or a bad thing, triggering a presumption of guilt? Reported to the school or to the police? What actually is the son’s culpability here, if anything? What other actions make sense? Will lying low make the girls leave him alone, or so you need to stand up to them? I don’t think anyone can definitively answer for the OP which is why I think it’s a good idea for the OP to consult a lawyer in real life.
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