Hi all,
I don’t know whether to cry or throw up. My son had a tough semester Spring '18 and was put on academic probation for Fall '18. He is still struggling this semester and dropped 2 classes in an attempt to finish strong, but it isn’t looking good. We see a combination of missing class, waiting too long to ask for help, and poor time management as the main causes. In the summer, he was diagnosed with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder in addition to mild levels of depression and anxiety, which has affected is ability to get to his am classes and following a “normal” schedule. He is extremely passionate about his program-Aerospace Engineering and doesn’t want to do anything else. Here’s what we’re thinking.
If he squeaks by this semester-we require therapy appointments during break to see if he needs to go back on medication for his depression/anxiety. Follow up also with sleep Dr. for additional review of progress.
If he doesn’t get the minimum GPA required, meet with him and advisor for consideration of major change and eat the Aero E credits he has already earned. The school has a reinstatement program after a semester off, I’m not sure if we could appeal based on his sleep dx or not.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Could he get a medical withdrawal for this semester, and take next semester off to get this under control? Since he has a diagnosis and saw a physician, the school may be accommodating. Do they know about the diagnoses?
At my DD’s school, the office to contact would be the Dean of Students.
Work on the withdrawal asap. Two years ago, we were able to get a very last minute medical/mental health withdrawal for one of our sons. Regular withdrawal was over but medical went to basically the very last day. Then, get him the help he needs and don’t worry about school. My son has been out of school for two years and has finally found a therapist he relates to and is talking about going back to school.
I had a student take some kind of medical withdrawal after the semester had completely ended. It eradicated her record for the semester entirely, so even things she was passing were tossed. It was an all-or-nothing kind of thing.
I’m not sure how changing majors would help his situation. As for “requiring” him to do things, he’s an adult. You only have so much leverage at this point.
Hi Techmom,
I found this on the school’s site. Undergraduate students on academic probation who are granted withdrawal during Period Three will be subject to academic dismissal at the end of the term. So withdrawal wouldn’t help much that I can see. However, I did find this about incompletes, anyone have any experience with this? “Finals Week - Students should not expect to withdraw during Finals Week. When a situation beyond a student’s control precludes completion of final examinations requests should be made to course instructors for Incompletes rather than withdrawal during Finals Week.” Worth trying?
Thanks.
Get all your paperwork together regarding his sleep disorder, depression and anxiety. Make an appointment with disability services and ask them for advice as to how he can best help himself or you help him. Then ask what the school can do to help him. Hopefully this will lead to disability status and a bit of leeway with classes. If your son can make the meeting or even part of the meeting (wouldn’t want him to miss class because of it) that would be great.
Generally, you have to be passing at the time you request the incomplete. Many/most schools have a policy that you can’t take an incomplete because you are failing a course.
Hi Sylvan,
Aerospace engineering is one of the harder programs at his school, so changing to mechanic or electrical (he has experience with both) was just an idea. Requiring certain things from this guy are challenging. He is an adult, but we are supporting him 100%, so expectations on communication and organization I feel are ok. He’s hesitant to go to therapy or to ask for help, so it will be non-negotiable going forward.
Thanks,
This student needs to meet with the Dean of Students ASAP. He needs to explain his medical issues. He needs to get information about taking a leave of absence. He needs to get information about medical withdrawal possibility.
He needs to line up his ducks.
In addition, make those medical appointments…try to get him seen ASAP.
Really, taking a semester or year off to get his other issues under control is way more important than anything else.
College will be there when he is ready and able to return.
This 100%. I hope he can get a medical withdrawl and come home. Getting him healthy is more important, IMO. Hang in there. I am sure this is tough on you.
If he’s not making it to class, he won’t be able to pass. To me, this shows he’s not ready to take on the responsibilities of being in college as it is the most basic responsibility of a student - go to class. Maybe he can’t handle it medically, but until he can school is just not the right place for him.
If he’s in his 4th year, there is no where to hide - no easy classes, no underwater basket weaving, no rocks for jocks.
Call the schools, get the options. If financial aid is an issue, make sure you understand how that will change.
My son’s school had a similar rule and he had been on academic probation. However, you should try to find out if being granted withdrawal includes medical/mental health withdrawal as opposed to withdrawal because you just aren’t doing well. My son was able to get it. Colleges want their students to succeed and, if you are open with them, most want to help. It is worth making the call or sending the email to see if he can qualify for a withdrawal and not a dismissal. What’s the worst that can happen if you call? They say no and then you are in the same position you are now. Please contact the school and get the documentation together.
@Cyclonemom – there is such a thing as a retroactive withdrawal if your son was diagnosed after the beginning of the semester. I agree with techmom99 that colleges want their students to succeed and that most will work with the families in such a situation. Like she says, get your documentation and start dealing with the school. And I’m sorry for what you’re going through – and for what your son is going through. As badly as you feel, he probably feels ten times worse…
If not already done, you and he should familiarize yourselves with the school’s academic probation and related policies, like what GPA he needs to earn to avoid dismissal and get off academic probation, and what grade replacement policies there are for repeating courses, as well as withdrawal (medical or otherwise) policies.
If all else fails there are educational lawyers to consult with. If he doesn’t want to go to class then there is a good chance he won’t want to go to an internship or work later on. Do whatever you need to, to help your son. Forget about him being an adult. You are still the parent. I wish you the best.
Did you have any signs of this in years 1, 2 and 3? Were his grades OK in years 1, 2 and 3? Maybe something else is going on, like drug use, if he is suddenly not getting to class, but was in years 1,2 and 3. With aerospace, the hard classes would start in year 2, and if he got through those, maybe he is trying to get out of engineering altogether, but I don’t know. You say he is passionate about aerospace engineering, what does he like about it? Mechanical engineers often work for aerospace firms, so it may take some work to understand why he is doing poorly, and how his credits may transfer to other majors or another easier school. Is he at a very competitive engineering program or an easy going one?
I guess I don’t see why you have to be overly involved, actually. If he flunks out of engineering, he is not alone. He can try a different major at a different school, and even work his way through. I would not familiarize yourself with any of the rules, let him learn from the consequences.
He is depending on you way too much as a fourth year college student. Flunking out is completely normal in aerospace engineering. I personally know about five kids that happened to, at Cal Poly, U of Colorado and MIT.
Some changed majors, some became technicians, some worked in pizza joints for a while to figure out new life plans.
Life happens. You cannot live your son’s life. It is very disappointing though when he is pretty close to the end.
I think he is trying to tell you something. He is NOT that passionate about his major, I bet. He is trying to please you.
I know a kid who got to the very end of a forestry degree, at Cal State Humboldt, and dropped out in the eight semester, came home and worked in a store for two years. He hated forestry, and he just finally threw in the towel.
I would definitely go after the medical withdrawal if you have the documentation for it.
Another consideration is that for many, but not all, engineering jobs, a GPA of 3.0 or higher is required. Lower than that and it is mostly the much smaller companies that will consider him.
It might be that this kid just hates his major and doesn’t want to do it anymore, but if a student fails out, their opportunities for the future may be more limited.
More importantly, the OP, as a parent, needs to take whatever action necessary to protect her son’s life and health. With our son, SOMETHING happened. We are only now, 2 years later, starting to find out what it was that caused his educational downfall, but if we had not intervened, worse things than failing out of school could have happened. He is healing emotionally, slowly, and is starting to speak about resuming his education. If we had left him to his own devices, I don’t want to speculate on what could have happened.
In general, I agree with you that parents should be pulling back as kids approach graduation, but would you ignore a friend who was obviously suffering and struggling and tell him to man up and handle it? Our parenting has to adapt to the child. Some kids need very little assistance getting off the starting blocks, some seem to be launched but have (hopefully, temporary) setbacks and others struggle to some degree and always will. Sometimes, kids move from category to category.
It may be that the OP’s son will not become an aerospace engineer, but, hopefully, he will continue to grow and mature and become an adult.