<p>Not meaning to be critical, so please don't take it as such, but do people read all the posts before they add theirs or do they read the first post with the question and respond? The former could cut down on the redundancy that seems to occur with respect to observations or suggestions, and might spark some new and different comments to be added. Just my $0.02</p>
<p>Oops - I confess when I posted I didn't realize the thing had gone to two pages. So, I guess my answer is "no, I didn't read all the posts". If I had, I wouldn't have posted. I think you and NJres covered it.</p>
<p>My intent is certainly not to get people NOT to post-- there are lots of wonderful suggestions and contributions. It would be great, though, to hear new or expanded ones, rather than repetitive ones.</p>
<p>I feel for you, buckeyemom. I'm going through a similar situation with my daughter. For awhile there, it seemed that she was intent on coming back home (we live 2600 miles away from her college), no matter what the ramifications. But after the initial emotional jolt, I'm thankful to say she's decided to finish the school year where she's at.</p>
<p>Sometimes it's just a matter of allowing our kids to work through it themselves while providing as much emotional support as possible. I laid out the options to my daughter, including what we were willing and not willing to do, and she made the decision. Of course, I made the option of coming home as unappealing as possible. But I would have honored her choice if that's what she had wanted to do, albeit with a heavy heart.</p>
<p>Good luck to your and your daughter. Please let us know how it works out.</p>
<p>Maybe it's depression and she needs counseling, maybe it's the environment, and maybe it's just that she's having trouble knowing what to say to strangers and thus beginning friendships. There are books out there, in self-help sections of bookstores, on how to talk to people you don't know, how to keep a conversation going, etc. I could look up some of the names or you could browse through a bookstore or Amazon if you think that this sort of thing might be the problem.</p>
<p>Well, I emailed the RA and am waiting her reply. She seem very approachable whenever we see her, so I feel pretty good about the email. I did let her know that my D does not know that I was emailing her but that I did suggest my D talk to her. I am very grateful for all the suggestions and comments from above. Time will tell the story. I will let you know when I hear back from the RA and will keep checking back to this thread!!!</p>
<p>Thank you all</p>
<p>Since you only live an hour away there must be people from her high school who also go to OSU. Maybe she could look some of them up and get together at least for meals. </p>
<p>One way some kids who live close to a university get out of the loop is to come home too frequently. Maybe her twice a month visits are too often and she doesn't feel part of a group because she leaves when the most time is available for socializing.</p>
<p>Sometime too frequent contact with home is not good either.</p>
<p>So much good advice! I'm glad your daughter is confiding in you about her adjustment (although I how how hard it is to see all that pain). We all face times when we have to decide whether to stick something out or cut our losses. Please remember that she's learning something very important as she works this through. I work at a college counseling center, and I'm aware that many students have trouble deciding how/whether to change their behaviors in some way or change their environments. Please remind her that there's not likely to be a perfect solution, but that you will support her good judgment regarding how to proceed. I hope you'll mention to her that counselors are available to help her sort out her options. (Yes, this has been mentioned before, but I had to put in a personal plug).</p>
<p>Jasmom, thank you. I have mentioned the counseling center to her. She just needs to break out of that shell. College is a big transition, from teachers to friends to subjects, etc. so I don't mind the mentioning of the counseling center again--this information helps others as well as me!!</p>
<p>Cruella-there are a few students from her high school at OSU (one is a girl who loves to party--she comes home every weekend to go to clubs-- and a young man who she has gone to the bookstore a couple times with. And there is a new married into the family first cousin who has just graduated from OSU and still leaves there. They have done a few things together--my daughter does want her to think she has to be her entertainment. I probably didn't mention the my D is also thinking about moving to the other side of campus as an option--but coming back home seems to be at the top of her list. I am reminded from reading other posts that I don't want her to come back and go to school here and later think that I don't have any confidence in her ability to hang in there with different situation is life. I'll agree with whatever decision she makes--she has my support "infinite%". I just want her to give the school, the students and the experience a little more time.</p>
<p>Buckeyemom,
I empathize with your concern and frustrations having to deal with this at a distance. Agree with Jamimom about the right fit for each child. Sounds like the support systems are in place but D needs to be more proactive to take advantage of them. If more on the shy side, perhaps a smaller/intimate college setting would have been a better fit. In the meantime, continue what you have been doing to support her. The first yr is always a transition...academically and socially. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Buckeyemom: One thing that i picked up from your original post that I didn't see specifically addressed - unfortunately your daughter is allowing her roommate to set the tone for sociability of the two of them by agreeing to keep the door closed. Somehow she should do her best to get an agreement to have it open at least part of the time, except when they definitely need quiet for studying. In a large university a new student still will have a chance to become part of small groups based on her floormates - but not if they feel that she's unsociable. Dropping in and out of dorm rooms is one aspect of sociability for newcomers, and here's where the RA can help, including dropping hints to a few floormates to make specific efforts to drop into the room when the door is open.</p>
<p>My own college experience was over 30 years ago. But I was very unhappy at my first LAC. It was a bad fit and I hadn't visited the campus before enrolling. I left at Thanksgiving and talked it over with my parents-- went back and packed and left the school before Christmas. Lived at home and took an office job to earn money while applying to and visiting a new set of schools ( for entry again as a freshman). Went to a new school of a very different type and location the following fall and was very happy and successful there. When going to interviews the second time, I found that ad coms respected my insight gained into who I was and what I needed in my education.</p>
<p>I'm going to reiterate what many have said above because I think it's important: there's no shame in transferring. Please let your daughter know this in the strongest way possible. She may be relieved to hear that you would not hold it against her if she decided to change schools.</p>
<p>If she thinks there is any possibility that she might want to transfer for next fall, she should go ahead and apply to other schools NOW. That way she will have some options open to her at the end of this semester. Let her know that it is fine if she changes her mind again and wants to stay at OSU === sometimes just knowing that you can leave makes things better.</p>
<p>oops, nevermind.</p>
<p>I know one of Garland's children had a successful transfer after a year in a large university that just was not for her. There is no shame in transferring, just a pain in the neck, and something I feel that in most cases should be borne by the student. That ended the business in our household.</p>
<p>Dadofsam--it is true that the tone has been set by the door begin closed and the fact that she doesn't interact often with the other suitemates--she will keep the door open and the light on when she coming in to the room and notices that the light is out and door closed and her roommate is in there! and she keeps it that way. Have not heard back from the RA as of yet--</p>
<p>Don't get me wrong if my D wants to transfer I can accept that--I a can see that it is not as easy as she may think. She said she emailed the transfer office about it-but she has not heard back.</p>
<p>carolyn that you for the heads up about doing something NOW for next fall</p>
<p>I agree with RA & counseling center advice above.</p>
<p>If it turns out that it isn't a serious issue, just her feeling 'out of it' and disaffected, volunteering is such an easy way to get connected and feel better. </p>
<p>I also agree that having no time for anything outside school work sounds odd... If she is the sort of student who can earn a free ride I would not suspect all her time would be eaten up by class work unless she is moving very sluggishly or sleeping a lot (i.e. depression.)</p>
<p>Good luck and let us know what happens.</p>
<p>I was an RA and I'm not sure a call from a parent is appropriate just yet. Give your D a bit more time to find a niche for herself. I think a casual chat with the RA is a great start.</p>
<p>A good conversation starter might be: I need to switch rooms because my roommate is depressed and isolated and bringing me down. (FYI We had an extraordinary roommate situation this past semester. My S downplayed the boy's problems until the nasty end. Some kids are reluctant to judge another student too harshly. Your D's roommate situation could be far far worse than she is letting on).</p>
<p>Another conversation starter might be: Which sororities or clubs would fit my personality?</p>
<p>Also, I agree that her load is too high if she doesn't have time for socializing. Switch into a couple of smaller, discussion-based classes--where it is easier to get to know other freshman. She should schedule a meeting with her advisor to talk this over. </p>
<p>JMom is right, Ohio State is HUGE. MASSIVE! Probably not at all uncommon for freshman to feel overwhelmed--meaning their counseling center would be busy with MANY students feeling the same thing. Also meaning they would be adept at concrete solutions--they'd have to be. (OSU First Year Experience is still hsoting Meet and Greet events for new students: <a href="http://fye.osu.edu/events.html%5B/url%5D">http://fye.osu.edu/events.html</a>. Also, I see the Younkin Health Center has a three session Mental Skills Group workshop program. <a href="http://www.ccs.ohio-state.edu/%5B/url%5D">http://www.ccs.ohio-state.edu/</a>)</p>
<p>If your instinct tells you that she can survive this, then I think you are right to ask her to try one more semester--based on your faith in her. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>buckeyemom writes "I can hear in her voice that if there was someone or a couple people she could talk to hang out with she would more stick it out." My heart goes out to your daughter because sometimes the loneliest place is in the middle of a crowd of strangers. As has been said there is no shame in transferring; for some students a smaller U or LAC is a better fit because you are in small classes where you'll get to know your fellow students and your profs. I also think you need to be somewhat outgoing and assertive to be comfortable at a large U and this may not describe your daughter.</p>
<p>However a few comments and suggestions. First, I don't think you should call the RA (although you said you already sent email, so maybe the cat is out of the bag). I would have been mortified had my parents contacted my RA or prof; your daughter is an adult now and she needs to be taking some of the steps on her own. Helping students adjust is exactly what the RA is there for, but a key to success at a large U is identifying where you need help and then going out and getting it.</p>
<p>Second, I wonder if your daughter has taken advantage of ways to meet people. I know it can be hard to meet students in the large classes but thats why the dorms have a host of activities both on the dorm floor and for the hall as a whole such as dances, BBQ's, trips to see a play or show, etc. And I would guess groups of people would have gone to the football games. When I was in the dorms people would go down to meals together, and especially at the start frosh year when nobody on the floor knew anybody else there would just be a scrum of people going down and everyone would sit together. And even in classes you can ask someone to study together or to quiz each other before a midterm; if she is in science classes, its common to get together to write up labs.</p>
<p>On the whole, though, it sounds like a mega-U just might not be the right fit for your daughter and that she would be happier at a smaller school. Even so, maybe you can sit down with her and brainstorm a concrete list of things that she can do to make the rest of this academic year more enjoyable. Instead of trying to solve "loneliness", break things down into specific steps. Such a list might include joining people on the floor at meals, joining 2 or 3 clubs AND attending the meetings, talking to the RA, going to dorm events, going to office hours of at least 1 prof each week and asking a question, etc.</p>
<p>Pyewacket, your situation sounds exactly like mine (only I'm the freshman now). I left before finishing my first semester. How did you apply as a freshman again? All the colleges I've talked to say that I have to apply as a transfer, but I'm reluctanct to do that. I'd love to hear more about your experience.</p>