<p>I think you are onto something with the 'antisocial' comment. My D was moping a lot this semester at HS because the majority of her friends from last year had graduated and suddenly she was friendless. Not only that, the friends who had graduated were "engine" friends who got everything going, made plans, rallied people... So she was accustomed to having a choice of plans presented to her and just picking. This year was an adjustment but she has learned to plan ahead, call people more, cultivate new friends.</p>
<p>My friend's D went from queen bee of the HS in senior year (a school where she's known all her friends since kindergarten) to miss anynymous in college at a school of 7000+. She was miserable!! A year later, she had adjusted. With her it was the same, she was accustomed to a full life and lots of action with zero effort... But she pulled it together.</p>
<p>Maybe you D is just going through the transition like these two examples?</p>
<p>Good afternoon!! A must confess, Ive had a night's sleep and are ready for a new day. SBmom you are right my D is very similiar to your friends D and your D--although she did the legwork for preparing for college--the reality of college is hitting her in the face. I thing, after doing some research myself LATE into the night, she will understand transferring or quitting is not as easy as it sounds. I hope that she will follow thru with new plans for meeting with counselor at the health center, talking to her RA and finding a volunteer position she mentioned last nite will help her. She is going to attend a church tomorrow because she attends church here at home. There is a long list of things to do and see and accomplish in college--but you have to put some effort into the process. I confident and hopeful that this weekend will bring new positive insight for her future!!!! I have a S that, thru this weeklong situation with D that I have been putting off. Time waits for no one!!! I will continue to keep everyone informed about the process and do still hope for suggestions, ideas, etc. from all. Just having others with similar situations to bounce thoughts off of has been a Godsend. Thank you!!!!! </p>
<p>"...I just told her to get the wheels rolling and get the heck out of that school. Im not as strong as I thought I was or wanted to be for my D..."</p>
<p>Sure you are, Buckeyemom! You've listened to her, you've advised her, and you've given up some of your peace and harmony to let her vent. These are classic <em>dump</em> phone calls, and you've provided a great service to your D just by listening when she's needed to unload her troubles. That's what you do, especially during the first year.</p>
<p>Here's a tip, though. You don't always have to pick up the phone. We went through this last year with our D, and there were some nights when I just didn't want to get sucked into the drama at 10:30 at night. Whatever it was could (and did) wait until morning. Usually, I'd get an email the next a.m., and sometimes, I'd wait until the afternoon to respond, either by returning her email or by waiting until she called again. Usually, she'd rehash the drama, but then, she would fill me in on how SHE dealt with the situation! Yay! That's an easier phone call to take. And, I think there was a certain air of pride on her part that she was able to pull herself through without help from Mom & Dad. </p>
<p>If your D is going to transfer, she'll know when it's the right time. All you can do is support her, but give yourself some distance when you need to protect your own boundaries. If you're not there all the time, she'll reach out to others, and it may push her into a more mature self-awareness in terms of relying on her own personal resources. It's gradual, but she will become more self-reliant and able to deal with her own problems. I'm not saying to abandon her. Just build in a one-day delay in-between the phone calls. And, give yourself a pat on the back for doing a helluva job so far! :)</p>
<p>Is she at a very large school? If she is a shy type a large school may not have been the best choice for her. A quiet person can get very lost in a big school. If she joins a club or two or gets involved with the school somehow she should adjust. I would encourage her to go through the end of the year. I would also encourage her to go to the counseling office. Most colleges offer free counseling and are used to adjustment problems. My DD took advantage of the counseling when she first went to school and she was having problems with a bit of urban culture shock. It did wonders for her.</p>
<p>Hi Buckeyemom. I have been reading most of the posts her and I think you are getting some good advice. However only you know your daughter and are in a position to reasonably assess what she is going thru and what the best choices are going forward.</p>
<p>However I will offer my 2 cents. First it seems that she needs to change roommates NOW since this seems to be a source of much anxiety. This shouldn't be too hard to do. She's only 1/3 thru the first year and this change could make a big difference to her by the end of the year. She needs to be proactive on this.</p>
<p>She shouldn't be upset with her first term grades. The C in chem is a common grade and 2 A's and a B are good. Being an engineering major she will probably taking another chem course, a couple of physics courses and 3 more maths. They will be challenging but then she will be getting into her ME classes and things should be fine. If not she will know engineering may not be for her, but I seriously doubt this will happen.</p>
<p>Shyness seems to be a bit of a problem too. I would think that being in an engineering curriculum should be a plus. Some of her intro engineering classes will have only a few co-eds and perhaps she can get some friends there. Encourage her to try to start an informal study group with some other engineering students. OSU has a chapter of the Society of Women Engineers(<a href="http://www.acs.ohio-state.edu/students/swe/%5B/url%5D">http://www.acs.ohio-state.edu/students/swe/</a>) which seems to be quite active with regular meetings, technical and social events. Suggest to her to check this out. She sould meet some like-minded engineering students there too.</p>
<p>Finally, many have commented on the size of OSU and I suspect that at such a huge university many can be intimidating looking at it as a whole. But these universities are broken down into hundreds of individual department, some being smaller in size than larger LAC departments. According to their web site, the ME department limits enrollment to 200 students each year, a much more managable number. The department typically awards about 150 BSME degrees a year according to the CoE web site.</p>
<p>If your daughter wants to continue in ME, she will probably have to transfer to another large state university(Penn State, Purdue), smaller public university(OhioU) or a private college(Case, Rose Hulman). If cost and size is a consideration, Ohio U might be a possibility for her to look into.</p>
<p>I hope things begin to work out for your daughter this quarter. If she is proactive with her roommate issue and gets involved with an organization such as SWE, perhaps things will begin to turn around for her. </p>
<p>Buckeyemom: From your last post you are recovering. Keep it up! </p>
<p>Also, Sluggbugg's point is a good one. With all kinds of phones, e-mail, IM, and the works, we are acclimating ourselves to the concept that communications have to be instant, unless you're too important (or think you are) to return messages immediately (if at all). Leave a little time before replying. </p>
<p>Finally, send your D a copy of the famous Allan Sherman song "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah". You might even listen to it yourself.</p>
<p>Society of Women Engineers is a great idea! I'm sure she will meet like minded folks there! That's what I meant to say when I tlaked about my experience in Arch school a hundred years ago. It is isolating to be a minority.</p>
<p>As a former RA, I suggest caution Buckeyemom. The "stick it out to the end of the school year" advice can be tough for a depressed or sad kid. You know your child best. Is she usually slow to warm up to new things? If not and she's still not connecting with anyone, it's time to investigate. Why is your daughter choosing to be isolated? What aspect of college life is most difficult? Are her classes overwhelming? Maybe a significantly lighter schedule second semester would be a good compromise. Most RAs are well trained to spot kids with adjustment issues and are in the best position to help. It's their job. Is it possible to visit for a weekend? If you get up there, spend time with your daughter, meet her dorm mates (RA), and still feel worried, you may consider making a change sooner rather than later. I don't mean to worry you, but I've seen some sad situations.....flstudent's mom</p>
<p>Oops, I only read page one and just realized that missed 4 pages of conversation before I offered my 2 cents. It sounds like you have things covered and are making good progress....Sorry...I think I should hand this site/screen name back over to my son.</p>
<p>buckeyemom - you mentioned a couple of days ago that you had e-mailed the RA. Did she ever get back to you? I'm probably not the only one who has been wondering.</p>
<p>Yes, I did hear from the RA: "Thank you so much for letting me know about what is going on with D. I really didnt have any idea that she was so unhappy. I will be doing winter quarter meetings with all of my residents and I will be sure to discuss specific tips for meeting new people and fitting in at college. Thanks again. I will do my best to handle the situation!" was her response.</p>
<p>Also D told me she stopped by and talked to her about getting involved. D is meeting with the SWA tomorrow and has made some plans for looking to a couple groups. She does have the information about transferring and said she will give herself a deadline to make her mind up! I am prayful for whatever decision you makes. This site has been a godsend for me. Thank you all and I will continue to let you know what is going on.</p>
<p>Very glad to read your most recent update, buckeyemom. Now you have another vantage point into your daughter's life (the RA) if necessary...and the RA will now be in a position to do her job; assist your child in connecting with others at OSU. One of the hardest things to handle when someone you love is floundering is the "not knowing", and hence we often project what could be happening. For some reason, I personally tend to project more on the negative side......by engaging the RA you now actually have real information to work with....real actions going on, ie the RA stopping by to chat with your daughter....and so, you now have more positive things to think about, talk about and new things to hear about....</p>
<p>I definitely use the measuring stick of "what is the intent" of my actions, in this case you are only trying to help your daughter have more options, not fewer, so, reaching out is a good thing. Best wishes...</p>
<p>Buckeyemom, that is good news. Keep us posted on how she is getting along. The SWE meeting today is with Proctor and Gamble according to their web site. There is a lot on the site including a photo album. It seems that they have a lot of fun together.</p>
<p>I'm coming into this discussion late, and I admit that I haven't read most of the posts. But I feel that I should response since my daughter went through a similar first semester and has now transfered to the University of Maryland (but has not started classes yet). In our case, we supported her decision to transfer early on, since we were the ones who pushed for Dickinson, she had misgivings from the start. But she agreed to give it a try and we agreed that she could transfer after her freshman year if things didn't work out. Well, she knew well before semester break that she wanted to transfer and we supported her (it's called flexibility). Luckily, she was accepted at Maryland rather quickly and so things are hopeful now. I'm glad to read that your D's situation is also improving. Our D actually did quite well in her first sem. and has great grades to show for it. She felt much better and had made a few friends by the end. But she still knew that she would never want to spend 4 years in Carlisle, and that she just didn't click with most of the kids on campus. She's always been a good, hard-working kid, and has shown a lot of maturity through this. So there was no reason to stand in her way. I hope all works out well for your daughter.</p>
<p>Well, she is out with friends from high school who attend OSU and she is going to be involved with some other weekend activities. I steered her from coming home this weekend to allow her to get involved on campus. She will get a break from the roommate as they are going away for the weekend. I suggested she get to know the remaining suitemates during this time. Just wanted to keep you all posted. Thanks!</p>
<p>I really feel for you. My daughter's first semester was really tough on all of us. A lot of things worked against her -- health issues, homesickness, being in a particularly grinding program at an already demanding school, adjusting to another part of the country, etc. I was starting to think it would not work out and the night before she returned to school after Christmas break was really pretty rough. But she decided to transfer out of the program she was in and into regular freshman courses and she is like a new person. She is happy and she likes it there. I can't believe what a change has occurred in a few weeks. I think that making a proactive decision really made a difference. But I still vividly remember how I felt just a month ago and I feel for any parent in that situation as well as for the students who go through that.</p>
<p>Hello everyone, D came home for visit and she is doing pretty darn good!! We talked all night for two days straight about college and the adjustments. She has done some proactive things to turn it all around--she said she is up for the challenge!! Suitemates have opened up as she has also, so a little time and patience is making a big difference. Stilll going to met with a counselor and has a mentor, so I am hopeful for the future!! I will keep you all posted on the process!! I look forward to hearing from everyone!! Thanks again, I don't think I can say that enough!!</p>