<p>Seek help from a professional than can meet with him. Read post #3 (MyLB) and post #4 (GTalum) over and over again untl you do what they say.</p>
<p>He might not be taking his meds regularly. How do you know he is cutting? Has he told you? Being so close I would schedule an appointment with his at home psychiatrist.
We were in a similar position a number of years ago and we did not handle it well. We should have listened and observed better and brought our student home earlier.
Our priority needs to be health not school.</p>
<p>If this were my child, I would bring him home immediately. He needs to get his mental health in order before he takes on the stress of college. If he is cutting, he is not coping well. He is crying out for help. Get it for him please. I know how much you must be hurting over this, and I feel terrible for you. He needs you to be strong now. Life doesn’t always go according to plan, but the health of your son is more important than any degree. He can always go back to school. Get him well and happy first.</p>
<p>I’d bring him home at once. I’m sure his college would be amenable to him taking a medical leave while he gets stabilized. When he’s ready, when he is able, which might be as soon as next semester, he can go back.</p>
<p>I’d also bring him home immediately. Additional medical/psych evals and treatment are great, but when it comes to the fact that your beloved child is at the point of cutting (again), that calls for immediate action…under the care and monitoring of a loving parent, imo.</p>
<p><em>Bring him home.</em></p>
<p>DS’s history is very close to your sons. He was diagnosed as a junior in HS. I knew what it was because I’ve struggled with it over the years myself. When it came time for him to start looking at colleges there was with a twinge of fear in me which I tried to keep to myself. I encouraged him to go away and live the ‘college experience’ but in the end he chose to stay close to home. I was so relieved. I think part of him was fearful of getting to that place again and being far from home. I also had that same worry.</p>
<p>Is it too late to get your son closer to home? Perhaps he wasn’t ready to leave and did not realize that until he actually left. I think most freshman who go away experience that. However, for someone battling depression the realization is enormous and sometimes overwhelming. </p>
<p>The unfortunate fact here is that due to privacy laws the schools are going to be reluctant to share information with you. Information is your biggest asset in helping him. Exposure to him is as well. That doesn’t mean you are going to coddle or helicopter him but it does mean that you keep an eye on him in ways which parents who do not experience this with their kids don’t have to.</p>
<p>I wish you all the best. Hang in there. We are viewing my son’s decision to stay close to home as a decision which could change at any time. Just as we will view his decision to go away. Depression is such that things can and do change and flexibility, understanding, and patience are the greatest gifts you can give him even if he can’t come back.</p>
<p>FWIW, DS has down days. But because he has his family, friends who remained in town for college, his doctors, and his own space those days are just that, days. I’m convinced if he lacked these things those days could turn into weeks or worse.</p>
<p>Thank you for taking your son’s depression seriously. As a person who’s suffered you have no idea what a healing gift you’ve given him.</p>
<p>1) Your S needs to sign a waiver with Health Services to allow them to discuss his medical information with you/H and have a document on hand you can fax to a hospital if things take any worse turn.
You need a health proxy on file somewhere so that you can work with health care professionals on you S’s behalf.</p>
<p>2) Call the ADA compliance officer (perhaps after the release is in place)-- he needs reasonable accommodations. This might include extra time for exams or during the stressful final exam, it may be medically necessary for him to defer one or more exams and space these out rather than potentially magnify symptoms. Stress can make symptoms much worse.</p>
<p>Will he agree to private counseling with a behavioral pyschologist off-campus (so he has no uncomfortable feelings or stigma) about using the campus facilities? Meds without behavioral guidance cannot be a good situation. The school can make some recommendations-- obviously he’s not the first person with this medical condition.</p>
<p>If he enjoys visits from loving parents-- and you can swing it…brunch on weekends?</p>
<p>Best of luck and huge hugs!</p>
<p>An hour is nothing. I’d visit him tomorrow, and take it from there. Maybe he needs to come home, or maybe he needs to come home every weekend, or maybe he needs you to visit him there every weekend…but you need to sure you’re comfortable with whatever counseling is in place, and be sure you really know how he feels. You’re very lucky he’s so close… the minute you see him and talk to him your instinct will tell you what to do…I think.</p>
<p>check you own health insurance to see if he is covered to see a therapist near his school.
Go and visit him ASAP. Then talk to the available therapists within walking distance for him. Set things up and let him know that he needs to either follow through or move home.</p>
<p>I would work out letting him stay at school in some cases, but not this one. Your son has been suicidal. He just recently cut himself. These are deeply serious issues. It seems to me his safety comes first…then college. I would bring him home in a heartbeat–get him well and then worry about college. The pressure parents feel to have their kids at college within the typical time frame is unfortunate, imo. At the very least, have him take a semester off and live at home to evaluate the situation and monitor his progress first-hand. Why take chances. You want him alive? Bring him home. (Meanwhile look up the stats on male college-age suicide.)</p>
<p>It sounds like you need to bring him home. Being away at college can only be a good experience if someone is in the right frame of mind. Go up and see him and have this talk but do not let him feel that you are disapointed that he may need to come home instead let him know how precious he is to you and that you want him home so that he could get his medications right and see a therapist. I personally think that kids who are depressed get far more out of school and life when they are living at home and attending a school nearby. </p>
<p>Hugs to you and many hugs to your son. It is not an easy road but you need to listen to your heart (I want my son alive).</p>
<p>If that were my son I would go get him, bring him to the psychiatrist, and if they judged it necessary have him admitted for inpatient treatment.</p>
<p>Immediately if not sooner.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to sound harsh but this is a crisis. If your son were bleeding or otherwise physically injured would you think twice about getting him medical treatment? This is as dangerous and potentially life-threatening as a physical problem-but unless you have lived through it most people don’t understand that.</p>
<p>I wish you the best-he can make it through this but he needs help.</p>
<p>Bring him home if you can. Cutting is very serious and a sign that his depression is getting worse. The most important thing you can do is keep him alive. My D had a friend her senior year of high school who was in treatment for anxiety and depression. The friend started cutting herself; when the therapist found out, the therapist recommended immediate hospitalization.</p>
<p>Cutting is actually pretty common, at least in our area. I don’t think it is always related to depression. I think it is a stress-reliever, calms anxiety, and is often a contagious behavior. It can even have an OCD flavor. Some do it for attention, or cry for help.</p>
<p>Kids here don’t think it is a “big deal” and that it is helpful. (I am not agreeing, but passing on the attitudes I hear, which are, perhaps disturbingly, quite casual.) Hospitalization seems a little extreme. (Daughter says drinking and driving is more self-destructive but those kids are considered “normal”)</p>
<p>But a background of depression and previous suicidal thoughts are certainly a big concern. On the other hand, I have read that 50% of the students at my daughter’s college are on antidepressants, and out of 15 dorm mates freshman year, I would say 7 wanted to go home all the way through Christmas. Of those, two actually did.</p>
<p>I watch kids come home from college, and commute to a local state or community college, and they are so much happier. One study said that 1/3 of 18 year-olds are really ready emotionally and academically for going away to college, and that may be an overestimate.</p>
<p>We have a child with chronic health problems who goes to school an hour away. When things aren’t good, I may go in 4-5 times/week to support her, and there are also times when I pick her up, take her home for the night, then drive her back for class the next day. And one semester, she did have to take a leave in the middle of the term.</p>
<p>It may help you to see him, and giving him that kind of support may help him get through a hard time and launch him.</p>
<p>It is such a hard transition for so many.</p>
<p>If he does end up needing to leave, I’m sure you will be able to frame it in positive terms, as a good move, and not one reflecting failure. Good luck!</p>
<p>One other thing: 20-30% of people taking anti-depressants find that they do not work after a few months. The serotonin receptors receive more serotonin from the meds, and in those people, the body reacts by decreasing the number of receptors, which lowers the levels again. Many change meds every once in awhile, or increase. Withdrawal can be tough and meds should be tapered much more slowly than most MD’s recommend.</p>
<p>Bring him home, don’t wait till its too late.
We just buried 23 year old from our church. Devastating.</p>
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<p>I’ve got to tell you that is the most disturbing thing I’ve read on CC the entire time I’ve been participating. Cutting is not normal. Emotionally healthy people don’t cut themselves to get through tough times. Sorry, don’t care where you live but it is not normal by any stretch of the imagination.</p>
<p>^^ absolutely agree. I have known one that was cutting herself pretty regularly. She died before she turned 14.</p>
<p>“Emotionally healthy people don’t cut themselves to get through tough times”</p>
<p>No, but there are different varieties and degrees of severity of emotional unhealth. IIUC cutting ALWAYS needs to be treated by mental health professionals. I am not sure that it always requires hospitalization. </p>
<p>I would agree that in this case, combined with all else that has been mentioned it would make sense to bring the young person home and have them treated. I am not a psychiatrist, and I would not prejudge the issue of hospitalization.</p>
<p>Tried to edit to add that I apologize if my post was shocking. I agree that it is shocking, but it reflects a reality for many kids, and many of them do move on quite well. I personally know 3 kids who “cut” during high school, who are now in college and doing fine.</p>
<p>The intent was to offer an alternative view that was less dire. The son is not cutting now, at least, the parent did not say so. It is always possible that he is homesick in a “normal” way, despite his past situation. </p>
<p>Only the parents and medical people can evaluate this particular situation. Visiting the son would be part of that, and taking him to the MD for evaluation.</p>
<p>Again, I was absolutely not saying that these behaviors or attitudes are healthy, and if my child had that history, I would be on campus in a flash to see what was really going on if depression seemed to be recurring, or to help prevent it from recurring.</p>