<p>There is a girl in my D's senior class who is a misery. Wherever she is there is trouble and grief. She starts rumors about others, goes "crazy" screaming if she is not included in others plans, and is a horror show. Very pushy too.</p>
<p>The trouble is my D and she are deciding between the same 2 colleges....and my D does not want to be at the same school as she is. I feel so disheartened that it may come down to my D deciding to go to her less favorable college in order to avoid being at the same school as this other girl.</p>
<p>I take it that your daughter is friends with this girl and does not want to be friends with her anymore. She needs to learn how to have the friends that she wants and not have friends that she doesn’t want short of going to her second choice of school just to avoid someone.</p>
<p>She needs to let this girl know that she doesn’t want to be friends with her anymore. She can do it tactfully but if this girl won’t take the hint then she needs to have a difficult conversation with her. They both need to go to whichever college they most want to go to and the presence of the other person there shouldn’t even factor into the equation.</p>
<p>The whole college culture is different than the HS one. Presumably your D has chosen colleges where those antics will not affect her. I would make the college decision independent of the other girl and not let anyone know the decision until after May 1st- too late for the other girl to tag along. If they end up at the same school there should be a way of getting housing in a different dorm- with even only a few thousand students there should be options. Housing may understand a desire to meet new people instead of any from the same HS (a less diplomatic approach could be used if needed and fate puts them near each other). Your D will have a whole new set of people to spend after hours time with and can ignore her if she is there. This girl will be a nonissue if ignored, something to practice the final semester of HS.</p>
<p>^^wis: so interesting that you should bring this up; I’m just telling you, from personal experience, that there are some schools that will not accommodate the separate dorms request if they place housing totally random by computer; been there; done that…worked out ok here but it’s not an automatic that they separate HS kids…</p>
<p>There are people who are put here to teach you - this girl may be one of them for your daughter. She’ll have to learn to deal with people like that at some point. It may as well be in college.</p>
<p>Trust me when I tell you that you cannot ignore this girl…people have tried and she makes your life a living h***. She continuously texts, badgers you about where you are, and talks about you in front of you (to embarrass) as well as behind your back…and people learn that if you confront her it is not worth it. she will not take no for an answer and your life is made miserable if you even try to go against her in any way. People are afraid of her.</p>
<p>She is not the 'typical" that ypu need to learn to deal with - she is truly toxic and dangerous.</p>
<p>With that said, both schools are sizeable but my D feels that a country is not big enough for the 2 of them and I don’t know if I disagree with her. She is impossible to deal with!</p>
<p>That’s terrible, but who are the people who are tolerating this girl? She must be getting some reward out of that behavior? I would think she would be shunned into irrelevancy. In college, she may be.</p>
<p>I had an ex-boyfriend who thought this. It’s a long story but he tried to make arrangements for me to move out of the country so that he could live here. He was the one with the problem, not me.</p>
<p>Random dorm assignments chances of ending up with a HS classmate are small- then they could do some accomodating. I disagree about ignoring this girl- literally pretend she doesn’t exist. Let her behavior flow past you type of thing. Your D needs to learn not to give this girl any power over her. It sounds like she is sensitive to what is said by her- be above that. At worst your D will suffer through the semester letting this girl matter. If this girl is impossible to deal with- don’t. Pretend she doesn’t exist. Never respond to anything said by her or from her via another source. Change the definition of what is considered polite and rude in this case. Shunning by one can lead to others following her example and diffuse the power others give her. Your D needs to learn that she is in charge of herself, not anyone else’s opinions of her. This social circle will dissolve with graduation, rise above it, don’t worry about being a social outcast if life within the social circle is that bad. Who knows- others may follow her or she will discover other good people who have been unworthy of this girl’s attention/jealousy.</p>
<p>Pea: that sounds like a story for another thread…can’t wait to hear this one…</p>
<p>Questbest: it’s very hard, but you have to impress on your daughter that college is not high school…and if this kid is harassing your daughter, it may continue even at two different schools… zoosermom brought the authorities in…is it that serious? or is this just a typical HS thing?</p>
<p>agree with wis as well…but hard to do in HS; college will be fine…</p>
<p>Wis75 is right. Ignore her. She doesn’t exist as far as your d is concerned. If d becomes involved in refuting statements, etc she gives this girl the power. If this girl is as unpleasant as you say, other people will figure it out and won’t give her the time of day. Don’t dance with her.</p>
<p>I went to a college that had about 1400 students. Two other girls from my HS class went there also. I literally never saw one of them. The other one I eventually saw one semester because we had a class together. That was it. </p>
<p>I gather that the schools they are considering are considerably larger. I wouldn’t worry about it.</p>
<p>Your D should select the college she wishes to attend and ignore this other girl. I understand that the girl might be an ‘in your face’ type but your D shouldn’t let herself be controlled by the other girl which she would be if she let the other girl essentially dictate her college selection. </p>
<p>There’s a good chance that even if they attend the same college they’ll see each other very little and have to ‘deal’ with each other even less - likely never. This other girl will discover that she’s in a completely different environment than HS and that her antics won’t work for her as they must be somehow in HS. She’ll suddenly become a smaller part of a larger crowd and a crowd that’ll be less likely to tolerate her juvenile antics.</p>
<p>Your D needs to stand up for herself, not let this girl ‘win’ by dictating your D’s life, and learn to handle obnoxious people like this. Every time she caves to the girl the girl ‘wins’ a little bit. It’s time to quit caving. Your D shouldn’t worry about rumors that come from this girl since I’m sure most people at her school know what this girl is like and will discount the rumors. The texts can easily be ignored by never answering them and preferably never reading them. The girl has no choice but to ‘take no for an answer’ if the person truly says ‘no’ and sticks to their decision to say ‘no’.</p>
<p>My daughter went to a very small school with a kid who was her friend in HS. Since their interests were in very different fields, they hardly saw each other, unless they actively tried to get together.</p>