<p>Fortunately, a lot of the immature high school behaviors stay in HS. Many do seem to grow up as they establish a new life, new friends, etc. Hope that happens for this girl. Hoping even more that they end up at separate schools!</p>
<p>Can’t your daughter do something with her cell phone to “block” this nasty girl? I am not technology-inclined, but I think she can probably do this.</p>
<p>Five girls from my senior class went to the same college - about 6000 students - and I rarely saw them even though we were friends in high school and really liked each other. We just went our separate ways.</p>
<p>Yes, I would hate to think that my D has to decide her college based on this girl!</p>
<p>She sounds downright nasty, or maybe has a personality disorder?
But I hope this comes across gently…Why give a toxic person so much of your energy?? You’re not the one in high school with her, and yet this girl clearly is having a huge impact on both you and your daughter.
Encourage your daughter to move on in her thinking and to focus on what is best for herself. A person like that would probably be thrilled to know how much distress she has caused not only daughter, but her mother, too!</p>
<p>This is as good a time as any to start learning how not to give power over to others. Besides, even friends from HS who go to the same school grow apart as they find their separate niches. It might be hard at first but eventually it will be a non-issue.</p>
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<p>Really? No one has a spine in that school? She can dictate anything simply by having a tantrum? It’s impossible to even block her text messages?</p>
<p>Maybe Obama should put her in charge of health care reform or Afghanistan!</p>
<p>LOGICAL: It sounds as though this other girl is consistently nasty and often public. Teach your D to realize: Others will “Consider the Source” when the source of rumors, etc. is the other girl. Encourage your D to trust enough in the common sense of others that they, like she, will decide something is amiss with that miss. Then she might feel freer of the girl this year.</p>
<p>NOT LOGICAL: Guided Visualization: Ask your D to close her eyes and imagine a protective shell around her whole body, like a huge egg with herself floating inside it. Between herself and the eggshell it’s filled with a white or golden light. The shell coating is a vibrant, bright cobalt blue (protection). When she has to walk near this toxic person, if she imagines this she will look either so confident or so zoned that nobody will mess with her.</p>
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<p>Why does anyone give her their text information? Why don’t they block her texts?</p>
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<p>Why does your daughter care about this? People who are friends of your daughter will think this young woman is extremely rude and won’t allow this person to speak ill of your daughter when she is not around.</p>
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<p>It is absolutely crucial that everyone learn how to deal with people who will “not take no for an answer.” Especially young women. It may involve hurting someone’s feelings, enduring an public tantrum and so forth but an adult has to learn to put up and enforce boundaries.</p>
<p>IMO, if this girl were truly so horrible and generally disliked, she would not be in any position to make your daughter miserable. I’ve never known high schoolers to have a problem with shunning somebody they really didn’t want around. I suspect that this girl has some qualities that make her appealing to some of your Ds mutual friends, despite all her negativity. I’ve seen this many times…popularity is not dependent on a kid’s “niceness”; someone can be extremely mean and obnoxious, but funny and interesting at the same time. So it’s my guess, that the problem has more to do with your daughter taking a stand in not associating with this girl, she may have to choose at times whether she wants to be part of the group and tolerate this girl, or bow out when the other is around. She doesn’t have to like the people her friends are drawn to, but someone is letting her in (even if they ***** about her behind her back) and she has to decide what it’s worth to her to ignore this girl. </p>
<p>As for college, your daughter has to learn to take control over her own associations. Unless she is going to the college with other friends in the circle that she hopes to keep close (in which case she would have to make a choice), there is no reason she should have to see this girl at all.</p>
<p>What everyone else has said, plus more:</p>
<p>Throughout her life, your daughter will be dealing with the ridiculous…high school, college, and jobs. If you extrapolate this situation past high school, you can see how silly it would be for your daughter to let this girl dictate where she goes to school.</p>
<p>Daughter lands a great, high-paying job after college, but wait! So does the nasty girl, at the same company! Should daughter choose unemployment instead?</p>
<p>If you think about it, adults run into bizarre people like nasty girl on a consistent basis. They just don’t realize it because they’ve figured out, internally, how to let it roll off. Your daughter just hasn’t quite figured it out yet. Now’s a perfect time.</p>
<p>Start by encouraging her to attend the college of her choice, and by deleting unwanted texts. It gets easier the more you do it, and soon it will be second nature.</p>
<p>In my opinion the only question is whether it is likely that your D and this girl will end up in the same ECs in college and if they have always, thier whole lives, ended up with the same group of friends…sometimes things are like this and just not worth it.</p>
<p>Obviously your D deserves to understand that she doesn’t have to “put up” with people like this in her life, but some people figure this out more slowly than others and if you read the “how is your child adjusting threads” and whatnot from the start of this year, or look into it, freshman year in college is a tough transition. </p>
<p>Your D should go to the college she wants to go to, obviously, with no concern for this girl. But, if this girl is going to follow your D around, or if it is concerning enough to your D that she wants to go to the other school, then just as much as she needs to learn to deal with other people and walk away, THIS might be her doing that.</p>
<p>Ultimately the decision is hers, is just the main thing, and she can’t make the wrong choice. The start of her making the right decision about people like this is her boing given the choice NOW in how to handle it. I’d just support her whichever way she goes, because at least she’s starting to realize she needs to make some choices about people like this. It’s a start.</p>
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<p>College isn’t high school. Her fellow college students don’t have a history with her. They’re unlikely to be cowed in the same way.</p>
<p>There was a documentary out a couple of years ago, something like American Teen, about a high school in rural Indiana. Anyway, one of the principal “characters” was a girl like you describe. In the “what happened later” segment at the end, it was clear that she had grown up a lot in college, and was nothing like the disruptive, destructive person she was in high school.</p>
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<p>I came up to my college with 2 other students from my same class. I never saw one of them again and I saw the other one only sporadically. You’ll go your separate ways. The D needs to learn not to give the girl ANY power. Which means that the response to her texting is either “Please don’t ever text me again” coupled with blocking (if that’s feasible), and nothing more. No drama, no upsetted-ness over it. People like this just want a reaction.</p>
<p>As was mentioned earlier, we’ve been going through a situation like this on steroids – involving violence and the police, so here’s my advice for what it’s worth.</p>
<p>if the girl isn’t dangerous in the physical sense, let your daughter choose her school and set her boundaries. Block the cell phone, unfriend her on Facebook, make her disappear completely. That should eventually cause her to get the hint. Although, frankly, I’d have my daughter keep her acceptances and scholarships private, but that’s just me.</p>
<p>Now, if the girl is a danger to your daughter’s safety, pick another school. We would have saved ourselves untold grief if we had separated our daughter from the Freak Family for high school, but live, learn and all that.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>To the OP…my daughter has a “friend” that is very similiar…throws fits if she is not included, shows up at people’s houses trying to track them down, etc. She is most likely going to the same school as my D…one with about 25,000 students. My D had major reservations about this as well, but after talking to friends that already go to that school, they have assured her that if she doesn’t want to see the friend, she won’t…I think what your D is probably fearing is retaliation from the “friend” because she has probably witnessed it in the past and doesn’t want to be the new “whipping girl”…I would have her go to the school that she wants to go to…Have her look at the BIG picture.</p>
<p>“Your D should go to the college she wants to go to, obviously, with no concern for this girl. But, if this girl is going to follow your D around, or if it is concerning enough to your D that she wants to go to the other school, then just as much as she needs to learn to deal with other people and walk away, THIS might be her doing that.”</p>
<p>I agree, Poetgrl.</p>
<p>Sometimes there are people in this world that just push your buttons or annoy the heck out of you and your daughter should be given the support to make the decision as to how passionate she feels about this situation. I do agree that more than likely she would never have to see this girl in college unless she chose to. </p>
<p>But if they choose the same major that could change things. DD is currently a senior in college; there is a girl on her research lab that drives her bananas - all of the other kids feel the same way…but they still have to see her regularly. Now DD is applying to grad schools and hoping beyond hope that they don’t end up in the same lab at the same school. Did someone say they are supposed to grow out of this in college?</p>
<p>“Did someone say they are supposed to grow out of this in college?”</p>
<p>^^^^LOL…I was REALLY hoping that the girl drama was going to end before college…please, please tell me it does!!!</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there are always people that crop up that you can’t stand in one way or another. Hopefully they are few and far between. Sometimes it is best to get away, but I would have a hard time, personally, deciding on a college because someone (even my worst enemy) was going to be there. I know others who would definitely not go because they would not want to even run into someone. </p>
<p>I am all for call blocking etc. I would prefer avoidance techniques if possible.</p>
<p>However, in the short run, if the person is not physically dangerous, or a documented nut case, there is always the approach my mother used to call “reverse” psychology. (She was not a psychologist or psychiatrist, just had a pretty good EQ in many cases.) Mind you, this works with some oppositional types, but not for all, and it is admittedly, very manipulative. In this mode, you tell the difficult person that you want to do X (when you really want to do Y) so that they pick Y. This is when the choice is like what movie to go to. Then you can act all disappointed (for show). Too much attention? Beg for more. It usually is such a turn off that they disappear of their own accord. WARNING - this is for really annoying difficult people, but not for those that should probably have a psychiatric diagnosis. Proceed at your own caution. Obviously for something like the college, it is too risky to attempt, and NOT recommended (just for surviving the balance of the year stupid social stuff only.)</p>