For different Purdue perspective, my D is a sophomore and LOVES LOVES LOVES it there. We are paying out of state tuition and to us it’s worth every dime, so to have the gift of in state tuition there would be a dream.
Your S is going to have to work hard in CS at any school so you might want to talk about GPA expectations now.
In the case of remarriage, the step parents are expected to contribute, if needed. When the college comes up with your COA, (i.e., when it’s not just list price, you’re asking for aid,) they include all resources- bio and step parents (incl the bio dad’s spouse, if remarried.)
You aren’t asking for FA, so it’s mostly moot. But the fact the stepdad is willing, not fussing, is nice. Let’s leave it at that.
Yes, the NEU situation is water under the bridge. You move forward from that. You took a harder look at finances, how long it took you to rid your own debt, the exact status of your own retirement, major debts, job security, any other kids in line for college, etc. “We considered carefully and these are the guidelines” or limits.
I agree some of OP’s comments hint she doesn’t quite understand it all. You can look up college costs (total cost of attendance/COA) on their web pages. But also, when you initially said “elite” and “east coast,” many CC posters mean “tippy tops.”
In addition to concerns about costs, you need to be sure he knows what his targets look for- not just what he wants. The NEU rejection can be for any number of reasons. But you want to ensure he knows what the next targets are looking for and that that shows in his own app and supps, the whole package. It’s not just stats or ECs.
You haven’t mentioned any other kids, between you, current husband and ex, is there anyone else that needs college budgeted for? That could obviously change what’s actually available.
There are many private colleges (that are not the super-selective ones) with list prices approaching that, and many out-of-state public universities that exceed the OP’s budget even though they may not cost that much.
I’m not sure what kid would want to go to a college that his mom works at.
$40,000 a year (give or take) seems like a lot of money for a HS grad to earn at a nonprofit. Maybe it’s just for a few months and the pay works out differently…? My coworkers daughter graduated from Duke and works for a nonprofit organization earning about $35,000 a year.
You have piqued my curiosity…
A practical one? As long as the school had the program he wanted, my son would jump at a 15K/year education with a 25K/year budget and the option to pocket the difference.
I think the OP has stated her position and makes more sense now.
Instead of gifting an extremely large gift for the privilege of going to college. (OK, I am a little jealous here… Lol)
I would let him make his own way and maybe use that money to help him along the way. He doesn’t need a Tesla as his first car out of college. My beat up Corolla in college built character… ?.?
I would spend some of that money for a tutor to get his study skills and organizational skills up. He “needs” to be all in and willing to put in the extra work for CS especially at a place like Purdue. Otherwise, he might not make it.
Do you know how many students attend Purdue? It’s not exactly Deep Springs.
OP, everyone sends mixed messages, we are only human. Maybe your kid isn’t where he thinks he wants to be but he is in a great position.
How are you going to give your son a solid budget so he knows where he can afford to apply if you don’t get concrete numbers from everybody involved before apps go out?
If you and your spouse will pay $40k and bio dad will pay $12k, the ~$5500/year federal student loan gives him $57,500/year. If he works summers he can earn another $3k. That gives him the $60k he’s looking for.
You made a mistake. You feel guilty. Every parent here has made a mistake, some worse than others. We are humans, we aren’t perfect. Stop beating yourself up, and have a serious conversation with your son. He needs to understand the parameters clearly.
Your son’s stats are good, but they are simply not good enough for NWU or any college of that caliber. His stats are probably on par for schools like Syracuse, which I would say is about equal to Purdue, but costs as much as NWU. Given that, I personally see no reason to fund anything over 15k a year at Purdue. He isn’t going to get any exceptional merit offers at other schools with those stats. Frankly, Purdue sounds like an excellent choice for a student like him.
I know this sounds harsh, but there are a lot of people with kids who are great students, but when it comes to schools like NWU, many people just don’t understand how much more competitive other applicants are. I think this was also a case of unrealistic expectations.
Toss your guilt out the window, seriously. If you’ve spoiled him, that’s on you, but you can put a stop to this right now.
You need to read this article.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/12/college-dreams-say-no-avoid-student-debt.html
@nicole20. Good friend of ours teaches at UChicago which is much smaller then Purdue. Her son goes there. They never see each other. She doesn’t “bump” into him at all. But once in awhile they do meet for lunch or dinner.
Getting a discount like that is huge for the type of education and opportunities that will be afforded him. Lucky kid.
Note that the article’s author started giving the talk about college cost limits (and the bad consequences of heavy debt) while the student was in 10th grade. Putting the limit on before the expensive dreams get built up is likely better than having to tear down the expensive dreams at a late stage.
So he will be working before he starts college, great. But what about once he enrolls. What will he live on? Are you saying you will pay tuition and expect him to pay his living expenses from his earnings?
If that’s not what you are saying, what are you saying?
Cost of Attendance is more than just tuition. $25K/year will pay tuition, but what are your expectations for where the rest of it will come from?
Too bad. With a 50% tuition discount, he should jump at the chance.
@nicole20 I imagine if all of the children of Harvard, Yale, and Penn (and Purdue too!) employees would LOVE to go to school where their parents work! I personally know of dozens of kids who are attending the schools where their parents work; Ivy, state directional, State flagship (although parent works at local branch and child transferred after 2 to main) - some as professors and others who work in offices, support positions, food service, etc… Those discounts are too good to overlook. What a ridiculous, naive, and somewhat entitled comment!
@Nrdsb4. Great article. Sending it to a friend that kids a junior.
My friend works at a state school and the kids go there. They love the perks. Some perks are the kids occasionally get to use the parent’s parking spot. Also, parent takes kids to eat out once in a while.
I think ma y of you are being overly harsh and critical of the poster. I can see her perspective and can relate to letting her child apply early to the dream reach school, and agreeing to pay an exceptional amount for that college. And only that college.