@calmom thank you. That’s 100% how I feel.
@socaldad2002, my message was that this student will be on the other side of the Duke campus (50% tuition reduction!) and won’t see Mom until he needs something. Mom will be busy working.
Right now, he’s ~18 (?), as he progresses through maturity, he’ll appreciate Mom being on campus and may or may not run into her.
You mean Purdue, not Duke 
Late to the discussion here…I agree with many parents here that I would have had discussions about what you were willing to pay and your expectations much earlier. There is a lot of mixed signals to the kid here.
Some parents may not agree with my view about what I was willing to pay for my girls, but they knew since they were in 9th grade (maybe earlier) what was expected of them. I was willing to be full pay for top tier schools, but if they were not able to get into one those schools then they would had to get merit scholarships to second tier schools or go to our state school (I wasn’t going to pay for any out of state public school). Once they matriculated they also knew what GPA they had to maintain in order for me to continue to fund their education.
OP - your son seems to have some good options, especially if he is able to get into Purdue. If he were to get into MIT or CMU for CS and you weren’t willing to pay then I would say maybe you should reconsider, but Purdue vs NYU/BU/NE, not so much.
My kids feel very fortunate that they were given the privilege of a college education and graduating without debt. Several of their classmates and many friends and relatives graduated with debt that has affected options available to them.
You and your H and ex H have no need to apologize or feel any guilt about not wanting to pay $300+ K for the education of a young man when he has many sound options that the family is willing and able to pay for.
I think he knows he is super priviledged (re: the thread with the kid who is low income and has no help). I don’t think he’s taking it as hard as I thought, and I feel so much better. He’s chatty. Excited about that job away from home.
My H was very low income and put himself through college and grad school too. And look where he is now. At his HS reunion, his former classmates couldn’t believe their eyes and ears, since my H lived in a trailer park when he was a kid and didn’t have a father (died).
I came from another country for graduate school, with nothing. So he has those examples, but it’s hard when growing up priviledged to really “feel” it. Growing up is hard to do.
Calmom and others, brilliant posts.
I’m only writing as a parent of a CS grad. If my son could have gone to Purdue for $15,000/y, We would have jumped at it.
Is your son seriously set on CS? How much thought has he given to his future career? If he wants CS, should he attend IU to complete this major? Will he be OK if he goes to Pursue but in a different major?
At this point, he wants CS. He was interested in coding since he was 11, taught himself by taking online classes, first at code academy and then other places; then got into the hackaton circuit; opened a CS club at school etc etc. All of his work is in CS.
Purdue gives you two options, the second one he chose is Computer Information Technology. But he doesn’t want to go there. I think he will get into CIT for sure. Not so sure for CS, but I think he has a chance. If he doesn’t go into CS at Purdue he’ll likely go to IU.
If your kid is really certain he wants to do CS and want to go into technology when he graduates then it probably isn’t as important where he goes to school, as long as he is a very good coder. On the other hand, if he thinks he may change his major (or career) then he should go to a school with more options. Most students change their majors (a few times).
Ah, to me that is wonderful news. Your son is passionate about things he likes, and it is would be great for him to study the field that he loves. It takes a special person to love to code.
My son is applying for a job now (he’s in His 30’s). wHAT he will do is more important to him than the name of the company
Purdue CIT is more of a semi-technical business-based major aimed at managing computers, software, and networks, rather than more technical roles of designing, developing, and testing them. If his desire is more technical, then data science or computer engineering would have been better second choice majors. However, data science is also more competitive like CS, while computer engineering means enrolling as a first-year-engineering student, then earning a high enough college GPA to get into the major.
Yes I do know that about the majors .
Only if the student has specifically listed that as an alternative, and for a CS major, the liberal studies option (what you are talking about) makes no sense. It’s a potentially enticing option for an intended CAS social sciences or humanities major, but that’s not OP’s son. (Also, the stats of those students are still in the overall numbers. It doesn’t change the basic analysis.)
[quote=“socaldad2002, post:116, topic:2077659”]
Re: not waning to go to the college your parents work at, i get it. His whole life he has lived in the same city as the college his mom works at. Some kids want to go away for college, not in the town you grew up in.
I have a close friend who works for a middle tier CSU and they are encouraging their HS senior son to live at home and commute to the same college his dad works, which would save them tons of money.
I can understand this kid’s reservations about this. It’s way to close to home, figurateluve and literally. Sometimes cheaper is not always better but your family needs to decide what is feasible for your family.
I agree with both of the above.I live near Evanston and those were my thoughts
One thing that could make local schools more appealing is possibility of semester abroad.
For Engineering/CS, it is tougher due to rigorous course sequencing … but often it is possible if planned out carefully with that in mind starting freshman year. If not, then some kind of summer liberal arts program before or after freshman year could be a nice way to use some of the cost savings.
Second the semester abroad! Our friends’ kid is a CS major at the local Big Research U and spent a year living and studying in Geneva… he had a blast and also will graduate a quarter ahead of his classmates… and already has a job offer with a low six figure salary and a signing bonus. Lol, and now that kid plans on rooming at mom and dad’s house while working… It was not that way 4 years ago - he eagerly moved to the dorm his freshman year and hated it so much he moved back to the house he used to hate as a HS senior. Now the parents are trying to figure out how to kick the all grown up, highly compensated chick out of the nest. Lol.
“Now the parents are trying to figure out how to kick the all grown up, highly compensated chick out of the nest. Lol.” - Charge Rent 
One idea is to start low, increasing by $100 increments each month.
@BluEyeL I’m very late to this thread but here’s my 2 cents. Don’t feel guilty and be proud of the fact that he is graduating early and has a position with a non-profit. Although his grades may not be where one thinks they should be, he has demonstrated initiative and the rejection from NW ( I’m sure did sting) but it opened his eyes to the competitive world of admissions. Living on his own will help him grow as an adult and he will come to understand the financial gift being offered to him. I think what you can help him understand now is if he wants CS/engineering, the opportunity Purdue offers (should/when he gets accepted) given its’ ranking in this field as well as other universities he should consider. My son recently graduated from this field and now works for one of the FAANG companies. He has stated that these companies are becoming very particular when it comes to recruitment and what schools they will recruit from. Although many have said his stats won’t get him into elite schools, my son’s take is schools will look at the high stats but they also want well-rounded individuals with leadership/teamwork capabilities as well as initiative.
Just read through the thread…so many responses in such a short time!
OP, I’m sorry you had a rough time with your son but it sounds like things are largely, if not entirely, resolved. Glad to read that you seem to be feeling better.
To the people who jumped in saying that, if the son gets into Purdue and, if not, IU, there’s no question that he should attend, it all comes down to expectations. If the messaging in the home had always been that acceptance into Purdue was the goal due to its strong CS program and 1/2 price tuition/‘low’ cost and that IU was second for the same reasons, it would be hard to hear that the son was (at least initially) angry that he couldn’t go/apply elsewhere.
Since he was permitted to apply to NU and that, if admitted, told that it’d be covered, expectations were created and, when he wasn’t accepted, it seems reasonable that he would push back about not looking at other privates. In addition, the idea of going to Purdue and/or IU might feel a little anti-climactic. I agree that the in state schools are wonderful options for him; I just think it depends on what our kids are led to believe are options as they make their way through their high school years.
Yes, the messaging along the way could have been better but I’m sure we all can reflect back and wish we’d done something differently. Again, OP, I’m glad things are better between you and your son.