<p>So much of what people force on us is really numbskull stuff, anyway. Those with the super major accomplishments seem to know better- or they’re too busy achieving. </p>
<p>A friend of mine would wait for the right moment to counter, “Oh, I’m sorry,” with a little sad and confused look, as if what had been bragged was unfortunate. Somehow she got away with it.</p>
<p>I have a Susan, too.</p>
<p>I do not really even know any of you people and I am always happy to hear about the good things that happen to you and your kids. Your achievements do not diminish mine or my child. So share the good news. Be proud of your kids and share with us all the good things that happen with them.</p>
<p>To me there is no small accomplishment for kids- they are all great.</p>
<p>My own experience seems vaguely relevant.</p>
<p>Me (many years ago, to Mrs. Friend-of-Parents): Oh, I got a scholarship to study in Canada.</p>
<p>Mrs. Friend-of-Parents: You are so lucky! … to find a place with low enough standards to accept you.</p>
<p>Well, this has been interesting. Now that I have known for more than a week about my D’s acceptance, I am beginning to calm down and return to planet Earth.</p>
<p>Most of the suggestions and expressions of support here have come from the best place of good will, and they have helped me a great deal to reflect and adopt a coping method. I am thankful for it.</p>
<p>However, there is also a darker side. Not just simple malice, but a judgmental streak that impugns my motives. Like I’m “fishing for complements” or “bragging”, when what I am feeling is happiness and above all, relief - all while worrying about alienating people close to us. </p>
<p>I exposed, openly, my feelings about a very real situation and I needed help. It was worth it, but I am going to be careful about doing so again. </p>
<p>I also appreciate the range of experiences that other people have expressed and shared.</p>
<p>My parents share my accomplishment with their friends and vice versa. It usually ends up in a “X is so great”, “No, haha, Y is also very talented” except in a really nice but embarrassing way. It’s kind of cute :P. </p>
<p>One half of the family is more antagonistic, so we avoid sharing with them. I think they were creeping on my linkedin profile and gossiping about it so I had to make it private. :eek: They are very zero-sumy. The other half is quite happy to brag about everyone and celebrate it, which is a nice positive force. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I actually know people who refused to share any details about what they/their progeny was doing in order to ‘prevent competition’. People are weird.</p>
<p>It was kind of funny for our D. She was asked to leave her private HS after JR year due to excessive absences due to chronic health issues (which caused her grades to drop). She took and got 100% on GED and started CC in what would have been her SR year. She was embarrassed. After 1st semester, she defied HS GC and applied to transfer to dream U. She had a rocky 2nd semester and was asked by U to submit spring transcript. She went away on a trip out of country for July and assumed she was rejected. To her a D’s shock, I greeted her at airport with an acceptance (even tho she had a W and an I in 2nd semester). When she saw her friends who were all getting ready to go off to their Us, including her dream U, she shyly said she would see them in Jan (as Spring admit). They said very matter-of-factly, of course you’ll be there–you said that was where you wanted to attend and you applied, we knew they’d be happy to a accept you. </p>
<p>She was very buoyed that they had even more confidence in her than she did or the HS GC.</p>
<p>It is hard to share happy news with people you believe of know will not appreciate it, so I don’t think I would. I enjoy happy news and am happy to celebrate in it, even tho it was hard when D’s path was very obscure for a while.</p>
<p>OP, it IS grand she’s headed for Cambridge. Sometimes, these threads just take off. You can be proud and excited. We’re just sharing some experiences.</p>
<p>We each have to decide. Some may question why we didn’t share, others will wonder why we did. Goes with the territory.</p>
<p>Alcibiade - I’m glad that you found some answers here that were helpful. </p>
<p>This is not a forum where everyone is going to agree with you and simply tell you what you want to hear. Posters here are going to get a myriad of opinions that come from all different points of view, cultures, walks of life, etc. I think it makes the forum stronger, more helpful, and genuine. I have Facebook to post things when I want pats on the back or ‘likes’ from friends. When I want honest opinions I know I’ll get them here. I take what I think applies to me, weed out what doesn’t, but I consider each response. There are many I don’t agree with that do make me think about a topic from a different POV, and that’s a good thing! Some make me frustrated or uncomfortable however I can often find truth in those or I wouldn’t react to them. </p>
<p>My advise is to take what advise you find personally valuable, however don’t necessarily discount dissenting opinions. We all come here from unique backgrounds that shape opinions on subjects. I think that wide variety is a rich resource here. It would be a shame not to post again because of responses received here. </p>
<p>My sincere congratulations and best wishes to your daughter.</p>
<p>^ and, on a forum, it can hinge on how we write something out and whether the others get it. Even when we think we are honest or modest or accurate or gentle, others don’t hear our inflections or see our facial expressions. Sometimes, we need a thick skin, other times we repost to clarify what we meant. That’s all.</p>
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<p>This is unfortunate. You yourself started this thread with an acknowledgment that you were “gloating” and “obsessing” and worried about whether you might become a bore or a snob to people around you. You put it out there. You should not be surprised when some people here react to you the way some of your friends and family have. You KNOW you are over the top and said yourself it is time to “rein it in.” It is disingenuous, and frankly pretty ungrateful, to call people ■■■■■■ or ascribe malice to their motives just because they don’t fawn over your daughter’s accomplishment or because they have a visceral reaction to you based on similarities to people they know in real life who are insufferable about their kids. There is lots of good advice here–if you are willing to read all of it with an open mind.</p>
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<p>ditto. </p>
<p>I get that there are different kinds of families. In our family it is seen as an obligation of sorts not only to be a sounding board for bragging but to read all the press and watch all the videos with an interested attitude. My sibs and cousins do this for me and I do it for them. That is how we keep from boring and offending the rest of the world. We are a cheerleading team for the next generation.</p>
<p>*This is unfortunate. You yourself started this thread with an acknowledgment that you were “gloating” and “obsessing” and worried about whether you might become a bore or a snob to people around you. You put it out there. *</p>
<p>Indeed.
One might even have the impression that this thread was begun to have a wider circle to brag about your daughter to. 
What I have noticed is that parents who are quite insecure with their own accomplishments feel more of a need to make sure that people know their children (&/or sig other) are successful- and bask in the glow by association.
This can be a chance to reflect and ask yourself where do you feel you aren’t being recognized and what can you do about it?</p>
<p>^^Well said. </p>
<p>“impugns my motives” ? Really?</p>
<p>I rest my case. Some of you spend too much time here.</p>
<p>Not sure what the “case” is that you are resting, but whatever. </p>
<p>People here have been polite and reasonable in helping you address your “problem.” Your response says more about you than about anyone else.</p>
<p>No, CC isn’t always pretty.
Very few of us get away without some disagreement, even an occasional scolding. At the very least, I know I roll my eyes at some posts. And some others are head smackers. It’s the nature of a public forum. And yes, hot in this here kitchen.</p>
<p>Anyone is welcome to share his/her happiness about college outcomes with me.
Anyone who needs to do <em>too much</em> bragging can send me a PM. I currently have room in my Inbox for 2. :)</p>
<p>Yes, I admit I have been here for years, although I didn’t find it until my oldest was enrolled in college. I find it can be very satisfying whether to encourage a student to cast a broader net, to get support for my own parenting foibles or learn how to reseason a cast iron pan.</p>
<p>I also take pride in utilizing my Aspie powers for good. 
I feel that since I do not generally sort information into Useful/Not Useful, I may have insights that cut to the chase & get at what could be the real issue. Although as other posters have noted, to do this through a screen can be problematic without the ability to read body language, although that isn’t one of my strenghts anyway. :(</p>
<p>My life, like probably everyone’s, has been a mixture of highs and lows. I tend not to talk about the extremes either way, except in the “right company”. To a acquaintance or stranger, my life probably appears unremarkable, and that suits me fine.</p>
<p>For my really brag-able moments, I’ve keep them to myself because my best friends have not been as fortunate as I have and I’m sensitive to their feelings. When asked by one friend if my son had gotten scholarships, I told her he’d received “some scholarship money” (her sons have huge student loans), not that he’d gotten a full-ride including room and board. When we paid off our mortgage, I didn’t tell anyone except my mom because there was nothing at all to be gained by sharing my good news with my friends who are struggling with bills.</p>
<p>One of my best old friends used to say, “They only throw rocks at trees that are loaded.” Wise woman, that one. It is very difficult for most people to be happy for the super successful. It just is. It is human nature to want everyone to have a bumpy time once in a while. The Germans even have a word for it: schadenfreude.</p>