<p>Just based on the info provided by OP, it is unlikely that ‘Alex’ will be admitted by MIT. To succeed in this kind of admission system, both nature and nurture may be needed (for MIT, the gender would help to a little bit as well.) To put it bluntly, his parents are not “qualified” to be parents of HYPSM - not because of Alex himself, it is because of them.</p>
<p>Not it really matters, is the mother from Taiwan - the more “westernized” part of “China”? – Taiwan is more westernized because, for example, a semiconductor company in Taiwan, TSMC, helps manufacture all the major processor chips on our favorite iPhone 6 so that Apple will not become too dependent on Samsung for iPhone’s important components (assuming here that we accept the view point of most developed countries (including UN?) that Taiwan almost is, or at least will be, a part of China.)</p>
<p>Not relevant to the Alex’s case but it is funny anyway. It is often said that, even though Apple and Samsung are the only two remaining “worthy-to-mentioned” smartphone market major players and they fiercely compete against each other, when Apple sells more iPhone, Samsung will also earn more money because Apple relies on it for so many of its components - Samsung just does not earn as much money if it were its Galaxy phone that is selling better than iPhone.</p>
<p>Keep in mind the many of the full-ride merit scholarships are based on leadership potential, and although strong academics are usually required as a ticket to be considered, extracurricular, service, integrity, and overfit fit become the qualities they often look for once these kids with impeccable academic records start competing with each other. This kid should work with his Counsler to find merit-scholarship where there is some fit more than just the free-ride. Clearly he has challenges to overcome, maybe there are scholarships out there that look for brilliant kids to nurture… </p>
<p>Very difficult situation. You should be commended for your concern. </p>
<p>Like most children of unreasonable parents, the boy’s options are limited. </p>
<p>I would speak to the boy. </p>
<p>If parents can and won’t pay, the ONLY options are schools that will offer a full ride. </p>
<p>A 16 year old, cannot sign loans. There are many complications for a 16 year old without parental approval. </p>
<p>The University of Pittsburgh Chancellor’s Scholarship is a complete full ride that he may have a decent chance of getting. Maybe other posters can help him with others. </p>
<p>If college needs to be delayed until he’s 18 and of legal age, and has to work to save his own money, then if he should just self-study and try to do as many APs and CLEPs to get his general eds out of the way. Than hopefully college can be done in 2-3 years at an instate public flagship. </p>
<p>To get into MIT the boy needs to show passion in some activity and the ability to take advantage of the evironment he is in. Does he have these?</p>
<p>17 year olds can sign loan papers, but many other docs have to be signed by parents (such as vaccinations and health forms). Yes, ironic isn’t it? I have to sign many docs for my daughter but she can sign some for loans without me even knowing.</p>
<p>In this case, I think I’d provide help as I could - pointing out college deadlines, helping him if asked - but him having to take a gap year because he misses deadlines or otherwise doesn’t complete applications is not the end of the world. He’s 16. His family wants to do it their way. They will learn that it doesn’t work that way, and he may have to reapply next year. I think everyone needs to encourage him to go to school. High school.</p>
<p>My daughter has a friend who is a year younger. My daughter is in college and now this girl has applied to go to the same college 2000 miles away. It will never happen, but if it encourages friend to finish high school, to actually take the required classes, then I’m all for it (friend needs some encouragement to attend high school classes and her parents allow her to miss too many). If OP’s friend only will apply to a college because OP’s son is heading there, great. It doesn’t hurt anything and may get him to understand that forms, tests, scholarships, applications are important. Really, 17 year olds understand that better than 16 year olds.</p>
<p>OP here. Thanks for the comments. My son saw Alex at SAT testing yesterday morning, which is the first time in a few days. DS is keeping the communication open, telling him his friends miss him, please come back to school. The kid’s parents (not much contact with the dad) have put so much pressure on him that he just sort of closes down every so often and stays home. I do wonder about how many days he can miss and still graduate, but it would be comical for the youngest valedictorian with more APs than anyone ever to not walk at graduation, wouldn’t it? Yes, the counseling dept. knows about him. I feel squeamish that my son is sort of the link to school and normalcy. The mother’s expectations and what that is doing to her kid weigh heavily, especially for a child younger than grade level. I am hoping the next time Alex is at our house, I can talk with him. In the meantime, I have to tell my son not to shoulder too much responsibility himself.</p>
<p>I really do understand the other side of the coin you’re dealing with. Your son (and you) wants to help him and there is no good concrete way to make that happen. It’s an emotional tightrope that neither of you can walk… Truth: you simply can’t help in an involved way in many situations without really overstepping boundaries (which you don’t really know)… And you and especially your kid cannot stress over it. There are lines. Sometimes just being a safe sounding board and decent advice if you have it is the best option.
We’ve had a ton of kids around my dinner table during the HS years. And dealt out tons of parental advice. It comes free with dinner (they all knew that upfront–LOL). It’s difficult not to “adopt” a kid when you think you can help them in some way… But you can’t do anything but give advice and gentle prodding and a semblance of moral support. They still have parents and a life away from your reality. But your advice can make a difference–so don’t scrimp on it when a good opportunity arises–just watch the boundary lines.</p>
<p>Alex needs to understand in order to attend any college that he must first successfully complete high school. His excessive absences may be cause for him to not have enough seat time in order for him to pass the classes needed in order for him to graduate. In addition, if he keeps missing school, the GC is a mandated reporter and will reach out to parent(s) in order to get Alex back into school. If Alex still does not come to school, GC, teachers and any other adult in the school is mandated to call child protection services and have parents charged with educational neglect. I am sure that his parents will be saying oh joy when that happens.</p>
<p>While you may not “see him going to Ga. Tech, Clemson, NC State” and his mom has this MIT or bust mentality, the reality is that Alex will go to school where his grades and his money will take him. Since his parents are not paying for any school other than MIT, ALex must make sure that he can snag a scholarship to the local college and if he can live at home, commute to school and work a part time job for miscellaneous expenses. DIrect Alex to the financial aid forum to the automatic scholarship threads and start charting his course.</p>
<p>“his parents are not paying for any school other than MIT,” - I’ve been thinking on this. I have a glimmer of hope that these are the words the teen is hearing, but they are not the parents full sentiment. Sometimes teens focus on one part of the message, not the whole thing. Not sure how you’d find out (maybe you can’t). Maybe the GC will learn more.</p>
When I read this paragraph from OP, I wonder which parent, the mother or the father, did more damage to ‘Alex’.</p>
<p>I also wonder whether there are more parents who behaves like this mother, or more parents like this father. I do agree that both parents are “bad”, and both put unjustified and unreasonable expectation and pressure to this poor kid. I am more concerned about the emotional wellness of this kid rather than his college plan. Hopefully, he is mentally resilient enough before it is too late for him to get out of this toxic environment.</p>
<p>I somehow suspect that the root of the problem lies on a dysfunctional marriage and family (“not much contact with the dad”, is it between the son and his parent?). To the CC parents: We should wish our offsprings to have a good luck of meeting his/her SO who is capable of being in a healthy relationship and starting and maintaining a “functional” family. Otherwise, it will likely even hurt the next generation.</p>
<p>Seems like the restrictions stated in the first post are even more restrictive:</p>
<p>Alex’ mother: only MIT is acceptable.
Alex’ father: will not pay anything for Alex’ college.
(and the parents are divorced, which probably means that they don’t have any money anyway due to spending it on lawyers to sue each other)</p>
<p>Which probably means that Alex’ choices are:</p>
<p>a. If the parents’ combined income is low (for MIT financial aid to give enough grants), and he gets into MIT, he can go to MIT.
b. Wait until he is 18 and no longer needs parental signatures for college paperwork, so he can attend a full ride merit scholarship college without it being vetoed because it is not MIT.
c. Get a full ride merit scholarship and get his father (if cooperative in evading his mother’s MIT-only restriction) to sign all necessary college paperwork while he is under 18.</p>
<p>ucbalumnus, according to OP’s post on the bottom of the first page:</p>
<p>
Unless the father or his hired lawyer is a very good at grabbing money in a divorce and the mother side (likely with her parents’ support) is incapable of protecting her money, there may be some money for ‘Alex’ in my educated guess. </p>
<p>I would guess what the mother said “only MIT or else” is likely not a “real threat”. When the reality sets in, she will most likely change her mind in the end.</p>
<p>When DS was in elementary school, one of his classmates, a girl, was from a single mom family. The mother and father happened to be from Taiwan and China respectively as well. The father just walked away from the mother and the daughter and lived in another state when their marriage did not work (and they even did not bother to file and complete the divorce. - the father just moved out and never contacted the mother and the daughter.</p>
<p>When we met them, the mother’s parents were still alive and relatively well-off so they helped them out. The mother even did not have to work. After a decade or so, after her parents had passed away, I heard she could not so easily get financial supports from her family and she needed to work. It was also a very sad story. The mother seems to be “normal” but her only daughter seems to be extremely quiet. I think we have never heard her voice before even though my wife was talking to the mother quite frequently (both kids were in the same city-wise orchestra for young kids at that time.) She might even sit next to my son in the orchestra for a few months then and it seems they never talked to each other - very strange indeed because the kid in that age range tends to love to talk.</p>
<p>I would be concerned about the absences, in that they can be a signal for abuse or for depression (or other mental health problems, in part caused by the parents). This needs to be checked for Alex’s sake.
It could also be that for Alex, going to school = graduating = going to MIT or failing, so he stays home to avoid the issue.
In any case, Alex should apply to several colleges beside MIT. Case Western Reserve is “free to apply” and has no supplement, so it’s easy to add to the CommonApp.
I agree Alex should investigate full ride scholarships. in addition, can your son check to see how Alex would feel about staying an extra year enrolled in HS, not graduating, but taking dual enrollment classes (if possible) and building his EC’s (which are crucial for schools such as MIT - not sure his parents understand that.)</p>
<p>My children are friends with a bright, hardworking brother and sister whose single mother often leaves them to their own devices. Their mother is emotional, immature and selfish. I try very hard to maintain a cordial relationship with her because of her children. During one of our conversations she whined to me that her son was unable to continue his beloved sport at college because he could not afford the small monthly amount for his insurance. She pays NO expenses for the child, who has a full academic ride and works part time for his spending money. Surprisingly, the mother is able to afford to get her nails done and get drinks at bars. Hmmm.</p>
<p>There is a lot more this story and even though the situation was COMPLETELY none of my business, I did intervene on behalf of the son and emailed the coach directly and offered to pay for the son’s insurance. I told the coach that I did not want the family to know about my offer.</p>
<p>The coach emailed me back and told me that he was not aware of the full nature of the problem and that he was able to find funds so the son was able to continue the sport. The point of all this is, as that I feel that it wouldn’t hurt to bring this matter to the attention of the guidance counselor or a trustworthy teacher. Don’t say anything negative about the parents, request anonymity and hopefully someone at the school can help guide the child.</p>
<p>I don’t think it will hurt to tell the GC what you know and it might help. I also would read post #30 again - Sybbie is a guidance counselor and knows what she’s talking about! This kid needs to make sure he doesn’t jeopardize his graduation and he needs to have some financial safeties in case his parents don’t come through.</p>
<p>I also think his chances of getting into MIT are extremely slim - they care a lot about the whole candidate - good grades and scores is not nearly enough to get in.</p>
<p>I did not read anything but OP.<br>
"Do I mind my own business " - IMO, yes. Any outsider has to stay away from any other family business no matter what this business is, exception is breaking the law (like child abuse or something of different illegal activity). Since this is not the case, this situation is none of the concern to any outsider. Actually, I learn that it is very important to be very careful advising your own kids, the process is a “very tight rope”, extrememly fragile and I have done but it took lots of time and patients (with my own kid). </p>
<p>I’d be concerned about this kid’s excessive absences, lack of engagement at school, and young age. Are you sure he is even ready to go off to college? There could be issues of maturity, mental health, drug use. Hard to say what is going on.</p>