<p>Actually, if Alex is not attending school, his parents are breaking the law because Alex is legally obligated to be in school until he reaches the age where he can legally sign himself out of school (unless his parents are going to legally sign him out of school to to a GED program or full time employment. IF another party informs the school of a situation, the school has the responsibility to act in the best interest of the child.</p>
<p>Since the TASC (formerly GED rules have changed in many states, Alex may not even be eligible to take the GED until he either turns 18 and/or misses his cohort graduation date). If Alex is willfully disobeying his parents wishes by not attending school, while it is not a nice option, parents should investigate taking a PINS (Person In Need of Supervision) petition out on Alex through their state family court (this way they have gone on record that they are aware of the situation and have sough intervention services).</p>
<p>“Actually, if Alex is not attending school, his parents are breaking the law because Alex is legally obligated to be in school until he reaches the age where he can legally sign himself out of school (unless his parents are going to legally sign him out of school to to a GED program or full time employment. IF another party informs the school of a situation, the school has the responsibility to act in the best interest of the child.”
-Then how is that taking on-line classes is even advertised over and over and they are part of public education (paid by taxpayer). Not sure how to connect the requirement of being at school and ability to take classes on-line.<br>
-And while " the school has the responsibility to act in the best interest of the child.", the great investigation is needed on the part of any outsider to be able to report the illegal case here, One would need to hire a PI to collect info. otherwise is not clear at all why and on what grounds this child is not at school, potentially, the reasons may be perfectly legal.
Again, OP can do whatever, it is NONE of my business whatsoever. I was asked for the opinion, so I expressed it. It is just an opinion and absolutely nothing else. I really truly do not care as I have very low opinion of the american k-12 altogether. And while it would be a topic for another discussion, I do not see how child who apparently is perfectly capable to learn at much higher level than american HS has to be forced to attend classes that might be much lower than his personal ability to learn. Everybody has his own ways. </p>
<p>If the child is on the school’s register as an enrolled student, then the student must attend school. If the parent wants to home school the child and no longer wishes to receive public education, there is a process to do that. Keep in mind that the school does not have to take on-line classes that are not sanctioned by the school itself, especially if the school is to grant credit for the class. </p>
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<p>No one has to hire a PI. We can simply call the parents, to inform them that the child is not in school. The parent will tell us the reason that the child is not in school and the return date. It is all documented. If the student is ill and will be out for an extended length of time,we work with the parent for the cild to receive home instruction (which we must also receive documentation that there is a medical reason that the student cannot attend school). If the parents are uncooperative to the school, the school has every right and is obligated to contact child protective services who will conduct the investigation.</p>
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<p>Yes, while you have every right to express your opinion does not necessarily mean that your opinion is correct or that it trumps city and state educational policies regarding attendance of students in public schools.</p>
<p>OP, I feel for this boy, and I want to commend you for trying to help. Especially when it comes to children who are in distress, we need to do what we can. Passing along info to his guidance counselor will help ensure that they stay on top of the situation.</p>
<p>There are mental health red flags all over this story. Where he may go to college is a back-burner problem at the moment. Yes, I think it’s okay to express concern to a school official, just understand they can’t discuss it back with you.</p>
Update: Yes, the mental health flags continue. My son saw Alex a time or two during Christmas Break, but got very concerned when he didn’t come back to school after break, wouldn’t answer texts or emails. He went to his house last weekend and finally got to see him and talk with him. He is not going to school, is officially “homeschooling”, which means the parents don’t have to worry legally that their son is not in school. My son also found out that A. did not apply to any colleges. The school guidance counselor has told the boy since freshman year that he is suffering from depression, which I agree with, based on what I know. And I am sure that his mother is frantic and perhaps does not understand that depression can be treated? We are all so upset and feel pretty helpless. I appreciate the many comments made.
Why do you have home schooling in quotes? Do you know what your state home school regulations are or how this family is trying to meet them? It’s not unusual for families to pull their troubled kids out of public school in order to home school. I understand it’s not the path that you’d choose for this young man, but you’re not his mother.
Did Alex say why he didn’t apply to any colleges yet? Maybe he and/or his mom don’t think he’s ready. It’s too bad you haven’t befriended the mom. I drive my kids and their friends around and always make it a point to say a few words to the parent(s). It makes it much easier to express casual concern. Does Alex think he’s suffering from depression? I’m not sure what you can do at this point except to encourage the friendship between the boys and listen if Alex wants to talk.
I do know that in the Asian culture, seeking help for any mental issues–including depression–is frowned upon. That can be an explanation as to why Alex hasn’t received any help or counseling for this issue. It’s truly noble to see how much you and your son care, but unfortunately you can only do so much.
Thank you for the update and it’s a shame that such a promising student is going through this in his senior year.
I took the quotes to mean that the OP is unsure whether any actual instruction/learning is going on, as opposed to what might have been called medical leave or just truancy in another era.
If there are homeschooling requirements, can you call the proper service and indicate that you think a homeschooled student is just “kept home” and not actually enrolled in a homeschool program of learning? You can explain you’re calling out of concern for the boy, who used to be your son’s best friend until he started missing school then was pulled out. This way, the state (children’s services or education supervisor or whatever) can make sure things are okay but it doesn’t rest on you and your son.
^ The only problem with @MYOS1634 's suggestion is that the state could possibly intervene in Alex’s family/education situation and negatively affect any remaining chances he has of enrolling in college. It is one thing to be concerned but it is another thing to directly get involved (I know it seems like you wouldn’t be directly involved but you would be).
If the guidance counselor/school is not concerned about the scenario, then there’s really nothing else that can be done. If they were concerned that Alex’s parents were not being truthful about pulling him out of school, they are obligated to report it. At this point, you can be concerned and talk about it but let the school handle it however they may want to. If they feel Alex isn’t receiving a proper education or is being a truant, they will deal with it.
My first question: does Alex’s mom and dad live in the US or are they living in Taiwan and China and is he living by himself or with a relative?
Assuming he lives with his mom and barely shows up for school and is now “homeschooled” makes me think of 3 possibilities:
His mom is emotionally abusing (or physically abusing) him and keeping him cut off from others as abusers do to maintain control or
He is working for his mom at some business
He is really homeschooled and mom does not want his absences to affect his ability of get a HS diploma.
So I would be concerned about #1. Not sure the best way to protect Alex if this is true.
As for “Only MIT will do” and “we won’t pay for college,” these are all typical empty threats that some Chinese parents hurl at their kids, usually in an effort to motivate them, so I wouldn’t pay it much attention. Disclaimer: I am Asian so I see what kind of comments some parents say to their kids.
Maybe Alex did not apply to colleges because his mom wants him to go to the local college so that he will have to live at home (also very typical for an Chinese family). Again, I would be worried about emotional or physical abuse. Maybe slipping him a piece of paper with the name, address and phone number of some sort of rescue house for kids of domestic abuse would be helpful? Again, not sure the best way to approach it or whether to stay out of it completely.
OP here, with a better update. Alex came to our house a few weeks ago, and I was able to talk with him for a few minutes. When I asked him if he would rather be at home or at shool at this point, he said he wanted to be back at school, but didn’t think it was possible because of all the absences. I took the plunge and got in touch with the guidance counselor, who was happy to hear about the change of attitude. The good news is that he came back to school this week, is taking on-line courses and a remaining required elective, is with his friends, and despite all the absences will graduate in June with his class. I don’t know what is in store for him next year, but I am hoping he gets help with his depression, and applies and enters college next year at age 18, instead of going as the troubled 17 year old he would be this coming August. Let’s hope.
This is only typical of some Chinese families. Typically those who are either from very rural areas where staying close is emphasized and/or from peasant/working class families where education, especially intellectual education beyond some genuflection is, in practice, not prized.
It is certainly not typical of the immediate or extended Chinese-American family I grew up in or those of most of the ones I knew…especially at my public magnet HS. This included most of those who recently immigrated or were first-generation like myself.
I also found it interesting as in a conversation from an older HS alum with one side of the family being Italian-American, what she observed about most of her Italian/Italian-American relatives was to keep her cousins local by discouraging them from considering colleges other than local commutable colleges, especially females.
They were bewildered and sometimes even outraged when her parents allowed her the freedom to choose to attend a top 5 LAC as it was completely alien to their own notions of children and colleges…especially if the kids are women.
On the flipside, her WASP side* of the family felt their Italian in-laws were a bit too narrow-minded, “old-world”, overprotective, and blinkered in their perspectives on higher education.
She's eligible to join the DAR through that side of the family.