<p>Centh, didn’t see your post. Good to know she likes it. It is on my list to try for both my kids.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions/feedback. The note taking is related to readings/homework/labwork, not to lectures. Those are taped and notes are available for them. For some reason, maybe related to the small size desks in large lecture halls, she doesn’t take her laptop to many classes with her. Or maybe the profs discourage it…idk.</p>
<p>I love the Smartpen and have been offering to buy her one for a year! She doesn’t think it’s something she’d use since the lectures are already taped (not a gadget hound like her mom!). But, if anyone if considering one, Costco has a great deal on a 2 GB one right now - regular retail is $199 and their package is $169 and comes with about $60 of accessories. I’m so sad we don’t have Costco in NY…hopefully you do, shawbridge!</p>
<p>I just ordered it from Costco online. Thanks. I’ll give it to my daughter and let my son see if he wants one as well.</p>
<p>Shawbridge–finally remembered to speak to my daughter about the scan programs…she uses a PC, can’t imagine changing to a Mac. 
She says Nuance (who Im sure you know b/c of Dragon) sells the voices and they can probably be used with ghostwriter, too. That’s the best thing about the new text to voice, stuff, that the voices are better and it’s easier to listen to. I’m sure you know this. She likes to be in charge of as much of her own accomodations as possible, for various reasons. Let me know what you think about the pen!</p>
<p>On the PC, there is Kurzweil 3000. Ghostwriter has better voices, apparently, than Nuance. My son has a Mac and can use both the Apple side and the PC side. So Dragon/KnowBrainer/UniVoce are loaded on the Mac side, Ghostwriter on the PC side. We’re going to get jott ([Jott.com</a> | Voice-to-Text Notes, To Dos & Reminders. Voicemail-to-Email and Text Message. Update Salesforce with a Phone Call.](<a href=“http://www.jott.com%5DJott.com”>http://www.jott.com)) for him to dictate emails from the phone. It also seems that his campus runs entirely on email, so I am going to get him a smartphone. I want one with UMA so that he can connect through the WiFi network in his dorm (or other campus building) for free.</p>
<p>Things seem to be going pretty well. Audiobooks / scanned readings to be “ghostread” seem to be coming or on their way. There is lots of work, but the mother of his close friend brought her son out to visit relatives in the town where ShawbridgeSon attends college. They took him to dinner, along with their cousin’s niece and roommate. The mom said that he looked very good, healthy, excited about a couple of his classes, enjoying meeting people, and his key extracurricular activity (Debate Team). Was tired on Saturday night and had them drive him to the dorm at 9:45 (had a busy day with debate tournament and needed to do a lot of work on Sunday, but became very tired at 9:45). Incidentally, this meant missing the alcohol laden party to which he’d been invited.</p>
<p>Active participation in Debate Club and Ultimate Frisbee team, but when there is a conflict (as there is every weekend), my boy picks the life of the mind.</p>
<p>How are your kids doing?</p>
<p>D is still struggling, one month in. She likes her classes, her job, and the dance group she’s joined, but has no friends. She told a family friend over the weekend that she intends to leave at the end of fall semester and come home to community college.</p>
<p>Yes, I know it would be stupid, she should stick it out, there is help available, etc etc etc. Bottom line, we cannot force her to stay, and as of now, she is determined to leave.</p>
<p>After a little bit of a bump to begin, I think son has settled in beautifully. I feel really good about how prepared he seems to be for the work (so far) in what was said to be a challenging schedule. He also seems to have made at least one good guy friend (and really, it’s all you need) and between them they are both getting to know other people, the campus and whats what. </p>
<p>Son is no angle, but I also know that freshmen boys arent exactly welcome at some of the upper class parties. He’s learned it’s best to be in a very minimum group of guys but traveling with a gaggle of freshman girls. Unfortunate, but true. Yes, I admit it sounds a little pimpish, but the truth is, he’s really quite responsible and it’s probably a lot more like his looking out for them in a good way (and doesn’t hurt the boys aren’t kicked out - because with them, go the girls!). His ingenuity moves with him from the classroom to the club house. </p>
<p>Of course, I also accept the fact that this seemingly nice balance he’s created could all blow up tomorrow, especially since he hasn’t had a real academic test of any kind yet. But that’s where having been tested in other ways that gives me some confidence that he will handle it.</p>
<p>I am SO looking forward to seeing him parents weekend! The texts are great, the occasional quick phone call special (seriously I don’t think any of them have been longer than five minutes at most), but I honestly can’t wait to simply have an unrushed with no “I gotta go” conversation. Here’s hoping for really wonderful weather!!</p>
<p>LasMa… it is really quite early to say I think I am going to transfer. Is it that she hasnt seemed to find her niche with friends or that she doesn’t like any of the people who are there? There is a huge difference in my book. Some people can make friends with a rock. My son got really lucky, but another friend of his from HS who is at the same college feels like everyone has a best friend but her. Truth is, everyone is faking it a little at the beginning. As others fall back to earth, your D might find things very different. Just encouraging her to keep an open mind is probably the best you’re going to do. Thing is, I wouldn’t encourage her transferring home for CC, but looking at other options and still living on a campus even IF closer to home. While my son is happy, if son truly wanted to quit, I am pretty sure he knows it wouldn’t be a done deal to just move home on such limited criteria as friends. Those are not always instant, especially when everyone is trying on their new shoes all at once.</p>
<p>LAsMa - I wanted to transfer, too - or at least commute - at this stage of the game. By thanksgiving I did not. Took a lot of adjusting and making friends took a long time but it happened. Just had a weekend reunion (annual event) of college girlfriends…we’ve been doing it for nearly 20 years. My parents told me I could not without giving it a full year. Didn’t even take that long. She won’t have instant friends at comm college, either - and its starting new…again. Has she thought about that?</p>
<p>LasMa, I wonder if the right strategy is to say, </p>
<p>“Look. It takes a while to fit in and make friends. We’ve found lots of examples of kids who hated the first half of their freshman year and now love their schools. So, what you need to do is to prepare applications for transfer to some other schools comparable to yours and, if you are really unhappy, when you get in to one of them, then we can consider things. So, let’s make a list.”</p>
<p>This might help her confront the reality that she’d a) be moving someplace else and have to start over; b) it will be a lot of work; and c) she needs to think about the education she’ll be getting if she transfers. All of these will probably make it easier for her to entertain staying until she either comes around or doesn’t.</p>
<p>Modadunn, I (the dad) am nearly a phone call a day, but there is very little personal content. This is because I had so much to do with helping him build his reading/writing skills over the last few years and in working with disabilities bureaucracies. He doesn’t call his mother, though he asked me to thank her again for the apple crisp she sent with his friend’s mother. </p>
<p>Last night, my son called for help in refining his argument for a debate tournament over the weekend. We spent an hour on the phone. Partway through I was able to find out if he was sleeping OK, whether he’d contacted his professors about testing accommodations, etc. I haven’t heard one thing about friends, girls, parties, general happiness, health, etc. Any (meager) information we get on that score is coming through other sources. He did say that the introductory econ class, although interesting, was painfully slow and that the math was coming back after his gap year but surprisingly slowly. I’m on tap for another call tonight to help refine another argument.</p>
<p>The problem freshman have is distinguishing between extreme discomfort and a genuine problem that needs to be fixed by transferring. College freshman are essentially in a state that is not unlike a displaced citizen, refugee, or recent immigrant - as an analogy. Adjustment takes time, true friendships take time. </p>
<p>I have used the 1-10 pain scale in reverse with my kids to help them establish a ‘pain’ point during their first semester transition, with 1 being total and complete misery and 10 sublime happiness (they never are 10s, trust me). I ask them to give me a number that generally describes the state they are in and if they have trouble with that we break it down to academic, social, health, etc. Generally even when they have complained and said that they want to leave (my D gets quite dramatic sometimes), they will still say they are a 5 - meaning it’s not great but ok. Ask your D or S to give their situation a number and you and they might be surprised to find that they are really doing just fine! If they give a number lower than 5 consistently over a period of time then you need to start seriously considering the transfer!</p>
<p>Shawbridge: In relaying to others what I know from talking to him, I realize that even in our succinct (to spin things positively) conversations, I learn a great deal. He called yesterday on his way to work-out to tell me about getting some of his labs back in his Bio class. He used to do this in HS all the time so I try to throw in a question or two without it coming off as interrogation.</p>
<p>Lasma does your DD have friends who stayed in your area and are attending the local cc?
My friends kids both started out at the CCs and both found it very hard to make friends at them. Students are from varied backgrounds, they are there only when they have class, etc.
One thing that helped with my DD was to remind her that no one back here was frozen in time while she was away. In other words, her high school friends have all moved on too…They are spread out all over the place in terms of CC and four year schools.<br>
A student from our HS posted recently on the drama teacher’s fb about wanting to come home.
He wrote back something great. I’m going to have to paraphrase because I can’t find it again. Basically he said that the student should hang in there. Times of changes are times of great personal growth. It will take a year to figure out if the new place is a good fit or not.<br>
Is there a famly friend that she will see over the holidays at all that can give her some similar advice? I’ve found my kids listen to my friends more than me!</p>
<p>My kid isn’t making new friends at the CC either, but she’s making efforts.</p>
<p>LasMa, your DD will get to see some beautiful fall colors very soon! I hope things work out for her.</p>
<p>My D cried so much the first three weeks that I began to think she’d never adjust and I worried that we’d made a horrible mistake sending her 3,000 miles away when we are unable to afford parent weekend visits, instead of to the other college choice only a hour’s drive away. She called me several times a day and texted as well. But over time, I was able to see a gradual change- say from 80% unhappy to 60%, fifty%, etc with moments of real triumph interspersed with meltdowns. I did persuade her to see a counselor on campus, though of course, she was feeling better by that time (as our illnesses magically get better when we finally head to the doctor :). Still, she went to see the counselor yesterday and felt like they connected. She even made a appt. to see her next week “just in case”. I think having another adult listen to her and normalize her experience for her, really helped- someone who’s a professional and objective and not her mother.
Here are some of the things that I think helped her begin to make the transition to her new life:
She found ways to bring the feeling of home, to her. Like the pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks that she loved this time last year. Or a new poster for her wall that reminded her of who she is, no matter where she is.
Being reminded that even if she came home, things would enver be the same. No friends around, would have to get a job, would still have follow house rules, etc. Not a pretty picture 
We did agree that we could explore whether or not her she could transfer, but to not even think about it until winter break. I think this both reassured her that she had options yet freed her to not constantly second guess her decision, at least for now.
She made a few friends by attending extra-curricular events that strongly appealed to her. We encouraged her to step out of her room, and gave her lots of kudos for being brave. In fact, saying how proud we are of her seems to be one of the most important and effective things we’d said these last few weeks. It acknowledges both the struggle and the achievement.
And, get this: one day the phone rang and I braced myself for tears, but she was calling to say that a tour group of high school seniors was outside her dorm when she walked by, and she remembered how much she’d wanted to go to the very school they were hoping to get into, and here she was, a student there, and she laughed, sounding very happy. I sent up a small prayer of thanks.
I’m not saying she’s completely settled and happy. The transition has been so tough, largely, I think, because she loved the life she had at home and went off to college very reluctantly (and she misses her BF as well). But it’s getting better, and I think will only improve from here. In fact, today is the first time since she left that she hasn’t called me before her first class to check in and get some mom-reassurance for the day. Yeah!!</p>
<p>I’m sorry for anyone whose kids are having a tough adjustment. D had a really rocky adjustment in a high school in a new area, and it tinted all of HS in a way, though she did eventually settle in and figure it out. It wasn’t what I’d imagined it would be for her, though. Tough to sit by and say, “You’re going to be okay. I’m proud of you for trying so hard,” but still to keep your own sadness to yourself. (Nobody tells you about THIS in lamaze class!)</p>
<p>D is adjusting very well to college, though, which is a relief and also nice to see. She has gotten into a routine of calling me on her way to lunch. It’s a brief ten minute update, but I like that I get to hear from her each day.</p>
<p>For me, I’ve realized I need to find other things to do, now, with my most independent one just starting high school this year, “I’m FINE Mom. Sheesh!” And my most time-consuming one off at college. I’m starting to settle in, though. I took a yoga class this morning, before work, which I’ve never done.</p>
<p>I’m so glad I found this thread today. S is off at a small liberal arts school and his best friend is at Ga. Tec. All of their other friends are at the same state school. His roommate is an International student and they don’t seem to have a lot in common. He has a few “friends” that he rides into town with or whatever but I don’t think he has made any real connections. He is writing for the paper and working in the library. As far as grades go the only one I know of is a B+ on a paper. When I ask how he is he just says find. When I ask about the school he says it is just ok. But I know he has missed a day of work and didn’t bother to call to let them know he wouldn’t be there. This by itself sets off alarm bells to me.</p>
<p>He left his phone charger in Atlanta so hasn’t been able to call (even though he probably wouldn’t). I guess I’m just worried because I don’t have a very good read on him. Two weekends ago he went out to several parties. This past weekend he said he wasn’t doing anything. Just going to stay in his room. I do know that he went out to eat with his suite mates. He is use to being the kid that everyone calls to go out and has never made those calls himself. I have tried to explain that things are different and he needs to make the effort to ask someone to do something.</p>
<p>I think my issue is that I’m not sure how he is really doing and I can’t stop worrying.</p>
<p>Anyway, I don’t think there is a real answer I just needed to “express” my concern to someone. As someone else on this thread mentioned his father doesn’t see any problems.</p>
<p>Oceansaway… Your post brought tears to my eyes! Especially the part about how your saying you’re proud of her seems to be the best medicine of all and about the serendipitous meeting of current seniors looking at the school for the first time. Really touching.</p>