<p>Latest Update: It has now been 2 weeks since my D broke up with her BF. At first I figured it was just the stress of being apart and it was one of their "break-up" moments then get back together again. Well, after visiting this past weekend, she pretty much summed it up this way, "I feel like a completely different person already being in college and I know I can't put my 100% in the relationship." She has completely embraced the whole college life and enjoying every moment and her new friends. </p>
<p>So, of course, I was completely excited for her....but on my way home, I got to thinking: Instead of worrying about one boy (her ex) who I know completely adores her and whom I do like, I now have to worry about all the hundreds of boys in college who I DON'T KNOW!!!! </p>
<p>Augh...you can't win!! I guess I will continue to just stand in the sideline and trust she will make the right decisions.</p>
<p>Anyone else with updates on their child's BF/GF?</p>
<p>Yeah, mine is still together with hers, with d. in her 2nd year of college and bf in his 3rd. The have been together for 2+ years, since she was in 11th grade; weathered one year on opposite coasts, and now about 200 miles apart - she's in NY, he's in Boston. They see each other on alternate weeks, taking turns with the travel -- she's been back at school 2 weeks, so she just finished her first weekend trip of the season to Boston. It's a 5+ hour bus ride each way. I'm just grateful that she's finally decided to go Greyhound rather than ride the Chinatown bus.</p>
<p>My D is still w/her boyfriend, though all it entails is a nightly phone call. They are 2-3 hours away from each other and neither has a car. She can come home to visit pretty easily, but he cannot. I asked her this weekend how things were "going". She certainly wasn't depressed over not seeing him, but was hoping to see him at home in a few weeks. I think they are both busy, both enjoying dorm life - so we'll see what happens...</p>
<p>My D is still w/ her BF of 3 years. She is beginning her 3rd year and him his 4th year of school. They are generally about a 20+ hour drive apart, so it is summers & breaks and maybe one visit from each to the other's campus if one has a midterm break and the other does not.</p>
<p>It seems like it has been a good thing, they are a stabilising factor in each other's lives and D likes him as her "rock." As she experiences so many new things in a school in a city far far away, she has him to ground her and keeps things stable- for her, that works.</p>
<p>Having a BF far away also gives her more time to play and connect with new GF whilst still having that important BF-GF relationship, as he is far away. I see some of her friends on campus spending essentially all their time with the BF and missing out on making some new friends & new memories. For my D, this seems to be the best of all options.</p>
<p>The first year was terribly difficult in making those adjustments, though</p>
<p>I have really been miserable over this. My S is a freshman, and a 6 hour drive from his GF of 3 months. In my mind, the relationship has moved too fast too quickly. Neither has a car and an easy way to see each other...but I'm sure there are lots of calls, texts, etc.. He came to visit her this weekend, and now said he is "thinking" about transferring next year because he misses her. They are both adjusting and doing well in their respective schools. I feel very strongly that the only way to acclimate to being at college and living away is being there...(making friends, becoming part of the school's social fabric.) I said he could visit once every 2-3 months. Her parents do not want her visiting him. Any thoughts out there?</p>
<p>RSQUARE -
I understand your concerns. Is your son involved in any clubs/activities at his school? My D is also a freshman and was convinced that her highschool bf was the one and they can endure the long distance relationship. However, as soon as she started meeting new friends, joining clubs etc... she soon realized that keeping a long distance relationship was more complicated then she thought. But she met enough good friends to give her the strength to do the break-up and now she is completely embracing her new "world" fully and having a blast.
I would not be too hard or critical on your son right now. Although he speaks about transferring, he may be singing a different songs in a couple of more months. Be supportive and insist that he get active in his school.
Good luck!!</p>
<p>Thanks for your thoughtful post, Ginger. We were able to talk some sense into our son and he agrees that transferring would not be a good idea...yes...he has made lots of friends and is quite involved in school...and academically doing extremely well. My husband and I are exhaling...for now.</p>
<p>My 19 yr old sophomore son is in a similar situation as somemom's daughter. His girlfriend (since senior year hs) is at an east coast lac, and he is here on the west coast. They manage to see each other once a month. He flies out to meet her for a few days, or she comes here..(she lives in our town.) I am amazed that they are willing to do this and that it is working out for them.
My son is very active at his college, has made great friends of both sexes and doesn't seem to be overly obsessive about missing his girlfriend, yet I know they talk daily and when they are home for holidays they spend most of their time together. Neither has ever mentioned transferring to the other's school or area, although they seem to be planning on spending their junior semester abroad in the same country through separate programs.
My H and I think it's very possible that they will get married soon after they graduate--but nothing has been said. It's just a feeling.<br>
My H and I (and her parents, as well) are happy that they are at different schools. They are able to get involved independently in whatever interests them, and at the same time they have each other. If they were at the same school, I think that they would probably making compromises for one another that they are probably better off not making at their age.</p>
<p>Looking through this thread for some help. Slightly different situation: D's HS BF is moving far away right after school gets out. I'm letting her figure out the time management issues of seeing him as much as possible versus working on term papers (and biting my tongue). They are planning to continue this long distance while at different high schools, but I don't see how that will work. The question is, what can I do to help her deal with the sadness and other emotions that are coming up after he leaves. We will be traveling quite a bit this summer, which might help.</p>
<p>My daughter has been maintaining a long-distance relationship for 3 years now -- sometimes at longer distance than others. I'm kind of proud that she opted to go overseas on her own this summer and is thinking of a semester abroad as well -- it's hard to leave the bf, but she's not letting the relationship stop her from pursuing her own goals end educational opportunities. But I do know that they talk, a lot. </p>
<p>Skype keeps costs down, though I also have a cell phone plan with unlimited off-peak minutes and plenty of rollover minutes.</p>
<p>What has really interested me about this thread are the number of young people who work to keep long distance relationships going for years. It isn't (and shouldn't be) for everyone but that kind of commitment is pretty impressive.</p>
<p>Wow, I better be nice to my D's BF when we meet him this summer. They both have another round of grad school before they are done and while I am very happy for the D and the BF sounds like a great guy, I had not given any thought to the possibility of this relationship doing anything but fizzling down the road as the long distance factor comes into play. </p>
<p>Some of these kids actually hang in for the long term. No Entenmann's for this boy - I'll bake a cake. :-)</p>
<p>When my aunt was having a hissy fit over my cousin maintaining his long distance relationship his older brother(who, I should note, started dating his current girlfriend at the end of high school and just graduated from college) told her to stop nagging at him with this great summary:</p>
<p>"Most high school relationships are doomed and will fall apart natually. But if you keep fighting it, you're going to just make them more successful, because you're giving them something to unite against. You're giving them something to fight for."</p>
<p>Let them figure it out. It might be painful, but that's OKAY. I've heard about so many kids who are going through this transition/separation with their girlfriends/boyfriends. It goes with the territory and is so hard for most of them. If she asks you for your thoughts, give them, but otherwise if it were me I would try hard to be quiet about it. (But knowing me, that's a longshot.)</p>
<p>Did anyone mention the Turkey Dump?
The often length of time such relationships last...until thanksgiving of freshman year.
..and to avoid more permanent entanglement, birth control</p>
<p>I vote zip it but, it is impt for BOTH of them to engage themselves in their colleges whether that be spending time with friends, extra curriculars, etc.
If they are secure in their relationship they can do that. If one is not, it can be a nightmare.....some kids can handle that and some obsess. I agree the 1-2 hr phone calls need to be 15 minutes...or online chat or an email.....</p>
<p>It will work itself out on its own ,given time. The kids will find their way through it. It is a common issue, we went through it as well and while there were emotional periods both kids found their way without interference. They will also find other students at their college dealing with the same issue. My son eventually ended up in a new relationship at college but it took awhile and some up and downs. It is a part of the learning process that we can't do for our kids. My 2 cents for what it's worth, 4 yrs later! We just celebrated graduation.</p>
<p>I was in a relationship when I left for college ( she was in her senior year of high school). Now that I think about it, I think my parents disapproved but had the good sense to not attempt to talk me out of it. I did break up with her 2 days before returning to college from Christmas break. Now, it was not meant to be, but I think it was good for me to have someone to talk to while going through the process ( who was my age).</p>
<p>My HS bf and I maintained our relationship through 4 years of college while being 8-9 hours apart. We saw each other 3 weekends each semester and during vacations. I think this gave us time for ecs at our respective schools. We hadn’t planned for it but that’s the way it worked out. We eventually married and divorced much later but for reasons unrelated to the long distance courtship. If either set of parents had objected we would have considered it none of their business.</p>