<p>DD applied to 8 schools and merit scholarship at 4 of them - Duke, WashU, Vandy and OSU. Out of those 4, she did the maximus and was waiting for news from others.</p>
<p>From CC I found out that Vandy has sent e-mail to their finalists this AM and DD did not get an e-mail. This hurts. Even so I knew the competition is very intense and most applicants end up no making into the final. It still hurts. </p>
<p>I am at work and I could not concentrate at all. Don't know if I could drive home tonight. I need to get myself together because I have a big meeting tomorrow.</p>
<p>I have done interview and not getting the job before. But it never hurts this bad.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that you’re hurting. If it is in fact the case that your daughter didn’t qualify as a finalist, and if she is also hurting, then I’m sorry for that, as well.</p>
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<p>You also need to get yourself together for your daughter’s sake. If she’s very upset, then she’ll need empathy, but also some sturdiness around her. If she’s not very upset, then she won’t need to feel guilty for the fact. In neither case will it help her to feel as if she’s causing you pain.</p>
<p>Your daughter has plenty of news to wait for. As terribly stressful (and painful) as this period can be, there’s no real sense in agonizing over what’s out of her hands (and was never fully in yours to begin with). </p>
<p>Best of luck to your daughter (and the rest of the family, of course, who’s waiting alongside her) during the rest of her wait. I think that everyone who’s followed your posts is rooting for your daughter!</p>
<p>It seems ridiculous in the face of so much “real” suffering in the world - but yeah, I too feel my kids’ pain - sometimes more than they do! Took me awhile to get over the schools that waitlisted my kids (each kid had one waitlist; no outright rejections. On paper a cause for rejoicing, but in the heat of the moment, well, how dare they waitlist MY kid?)</p>
<p>It becomes a character-strengthening process, when you reach the point where you can congratulate the winners, look them in the eye, and be completely happy for them, with no resentment or grudge. It’s hard to hear someone else’s successes, when they were something we wanted badly for ourselves or our kids.</p>
<p>Congratulations on your D’s successes - the first of many to come, I’m sure. And all’s well that ends well, this wasn’t meant to be, yadadadada (insert platitude here). But really, you know, and I know, that this is peanuts in the grand scheme. Still stings, but it passes.</p>
<p>I don’t know how to put these into words. If one student did not make the cut at one similar school, does it mean basically the student is not that competitive overall? any one has a story where some student gets a top prize at one school yet miss the cut at other similar schools?</p>
<p>Dad II - I cross-posted with you. My oldest kid was waitlisted at Duke, and given a top award at UPenn. You will go crazy if you try to make sense of the decisions.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear that you’re so upset. We hurt more for our kids than we do for ourselves. As you say, the competition for these things are so intense. And try to keep perspective. Everyday, people are losing their children to accidents, illness or war. We are very, very fortunate if our loved ones are alive and well.</p>
<p>^ The title of the thread says plenty, but the replies also mention many cases of students getting into some top schools and not others, getting merit aid at one place and not at a similar school, and so forth. </p>
<p>This particular incidence suggests nothing about what else may lie in store for your daughter. As binx says, “you will go crazy if you try to make sense of the decisions.”</p>
<p>Your post brought back memories of me last spring. D was a finalist for a full ride scholarship. She was out of town when the FedEx came with the results. I can remember my hands shaking as I tried to open the envelope. When I saw that she had not received the scholarship, I actually sat on the floor & cried. Part of that was because it sure would have been great to get a free ride!!! But part of it was also because I knew D really wanted it. That did hurt. I sometimes wonder where my kids end & I begin when they hurt. But you’ll get over it … I know I did. D did get a good scholarship to the school (just not the best), and she ended up there. Flash forward, and she has changed her mind about what she wants to do in life. This particular school is no longer the best place for her in light of the changes. It leaves me to wonder … was there a “master plan” at work?? If she had the full ride, she would not really be free to pursue a new path. After all, who the heck is going to transfer when they have a full ride?! I think, in the end, sometimes it all works out for the best.</p>
<p>One school’s decision has very little to do with the next school’s decision. That’s why it’s good she has applied to many places. Probability is still on your side.</p>
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<p>Perhaps it took you many years to learn the coping skills to rebound after a disappointment. How did you cope with it? Maybe you can find out if your skills will help her, once you hear how she is feeling tonight.</p>
<p>What does this thread say about expectations in the II household?</p>
<p>Parents, it is really important to have a good firm grasp on reality before these big merit and admissions decisions start falling from the sky. You need to be parenting right now. JMO.</p>
<p>My story is similar to kelsmom’s. My dd was a finalist for a full-ride scholarship last spring, and all the odds seemed to be in her favor. It hurt when she didn’t get it. A few weeks later, she was accepted to her #1 choice, a school that was a much better fit for her, and that’s where she attends today.</p>
<p>It would have been very difficult to turn down a full ride elsewhere in order to attend school #1. In retrospect, we’re glad she wasn’t offered the full scholarship, because it might have caused us to make the wrong choice.</p>
<p>As usual, curmudgeon is right. It was because of the curmudgeonly one we knew what to expect last year … or perhaps I should say, we knew what NOT to “expect.” As parents, we want the full rides for financial reasons, and our kids often want them because it feels good to be rewarded for working so hard. The reality is, though, that we parents need to be aware that full rides are very few & very far between (and even a kid who walks on water might not get one). More important, though, is our obligation to our kids to help them understand that 1) not getting the big scholarship doesn’t mean one is any less wonderful, 2) not getting one big scholarship doesn’t necessarily mean any other is unattainable, and 3) life isn’t always fair. Teaching our kids to handle disappointment is part of our job as parents. I know I never let my D know that I was disappointed that she didn’t get the full ride. Instead, I reminded her of what we talked about from the start … she who is “always” on the top of the heap is not necessarily on the top of every heap! And that doesn’t mean she isn’t every bit as wonderful as she was before she didn’t get the scholarship.</p>
<p>May I add a #4 - We (parents) do not value you as our child by your awards, scholarships, acceptances. We love you for who you are as a person. When you DO win something, we will celebrate with you - but it is your prize not ours.</p>
<p>Kelsmom - you brought up an excellent point about the restrictions placed on a child who does win a scholarship - academic or athletic. A child may feel obligated to attend a school or program because it is free, even if they are unhappy. I am not knocking getting a scholarship, but it is not without strings.</p>
<p>I agree with your sentiments about the strings attached worknprogress & Kelsmom. </p>
<p>For many students the “free ride” is a set of golden handcuffs that can tightly bind a student and make him/her a prisioner to the college especially if s/he feels the family is dependent on the scholarship, will be disappointed if they don’t take the free money or do something to lose the scholarship. </p>
<p>Remember, at the end of the day that there is no such thing as a free lunch.</p>
<p>What one school does means nothing to all the others. D was waitlisted at MIT & WashU, won a huge scholarship to Washington & Lee (which was painful to turn down, but after visiting she no longer wanted to attend), got great offers from Hendrix, MacAlester, and SMU. But her 1st love was Rice (and Rice/Baylor) and although that financial aid package wasn’t what we wanted, that’s where she is today! With her the old saying was true…when a door closes, a window opens.</p>
<p>Your D (and you) will be just fine! Enjoy this time, before you know it she’ll be away at college and you’ll wish you were still at this stage of the game.</p>
<p>Silly question but, what does “dd” stand for? I keep seeing it in almost every thread, and I am not familiar with this abbreviation. I’m starting to feel old! haha</p>
But part of it was also because I knew D really wanted it. That did hurt. I sometimes wonder where my kids end & I begin when they hurt. But you’ll get over it … I know I did. D did get a good scholarship to the school (just not the best), and she ended up there. Flash forward, and she has changed her mind about what she wants to do in life. This particular school is no longer the best place for her in light of the changes. It leaves me to wonder … was there a “master plan” at work?? If she had the full ride, she would not really be free to pursue a new path. After all, who the heck is going to transfer when they have a full ride?! I think, in the end, sometimes it all works out for the best.</p>