<p>Perhaps you are not old enough yet to have a “darling daughter” or a “dear daughter.”</p>
<p>dear daughter</p>
<p>We all hurt for our children when they are “passed over” – whether it’s an invitation to a party, an college acceptance, a ribbon at the science fair. I know how bad this feels, but in light of what happened at Northern Illinois last week, count your many blessings!</p>
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<p>Not at all. Different schools see the applicants differently. D1 was rejected outright (not even deferred) by Yale in EA. In RD the same basic application got her accepted by Harvard, Stanford, MIT, Berkeley (w/Regents scholarship), Pomona College, and all her safeties.</p>
<p>Success or failure at one school does not necessarily tell you what’s going to happen at the other schools.</p>
<p>Okay, that’s what I suspected it meant, but I wasn’t sure. Everyone on this board seems to talk in abreviations, so it might take some time. haha And no, I don’t have a D-Anything, I am only beginning college myself. :)</p>
<p>Well, then, maybe you have D parents!</p>
<p>And sometimes the “D” stands for ‘darned’, etc. H/W/S/D, if one is feeling annoyed with them! ;)</p>
<p>Dad II, as others have pointed out, not making finalist for a scholarship at one school has no predictive value for her chances at another school. The scholarship committees are composed of different people, with different interests, different goals, different values. </p>
<p>Please don’t let your daughter think you are terribly disappointed. She hasn’t failed you or herself.</p>
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It’s difficult for anyone to learn that their “exceptional” D isn’t tops on all lists. It was difficult for kelsmom. It was difficult for all these other parents. It was diificult for me. Experience is a wonderful teacher.</p>
<p>DadII, while I understand your pain, frustration, disappointment, or name the current negative emotion, I’ll repeat again what I’ve been writing for months on end. </p>
<p>At the end of the trail, there is only ONE prize --if it is a prize-- and that is ONE school and ONE financial aid package. Every once in a while I watch the triathlon on TV and I am always amazed to see the efforts made by contestants to finish the race hours after the winner crossed the finish line. Winning is not everything and you need to let the last racer finish. </p>
<p>Does Vanderbilt loses all cachet because they did not send an email at noon? What if they decided to nominate your daughter for a different but undisclosed scholarship? </p>
<p>Do yourself a favor --a huge favor-- and wait until March 31 to make Jose, Johnny, or Jim your evening mate. </p>
<p>PS I hope you realize that the positive news will frustrate you even more!</p>
<p>If you think this is pain, wait until Mar 31. I would suggest for you to take the whole month of April off, or not schedule any major business meetings.</p>
<p>Or for a real pain…think about this…it could be April 30 and a decision has to be made. I will tell you, not every kid picks the package with the most money.</p>
<p>Yes, the wait was really hard and then, come April 1, there was such a short time for visits and a decision. It will happen, Dad II, but I do understand your anxiety.</p>
<p>Right now I am wishing that my son would have a lot of choices come April (pre-decision jitters, I guess) but I can see how this can easily turn into a pain. We always went away for April vacation but not this year; we’re staying put.</p>
<p>Like many kids on this board, my daughter took all honors/APs, had 4.0+ GPA, good test scores. She gave up a lot of personal time for ECs, school work. But the admission result was disappointing. She felt like such a failure and wondered if all her hard work was for nothing. We, as her parents, had to put aside our own disappointment to help her through it. We had to tell her how proud we were of her, and she should not let the college process validate her high school accomplishments (easier said than done). At the end, it did all work out. But boy, at times I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it myself. I usually cried after I have rubbed her back until she fell asleep.</p>
<p>Thank you all for kind words. To be honest, I did not expect to be this difficult accepting the “bad” news. After this long on CC, I thought I were 100% prepared for these. </p>
<p>I have not cried yet and I was in a lost state of mind the whole afternoon. I was glad I checked CC only after the morning meeting. A key customer visited with highly tecnical discussions. </p>
<p>The whole afternoon, I was walking like a zombie and my mind was like totally empty. </p>
<p>The comforting part is that DD did not feel bad at all (at least from what I could see). We talked and we both felt better after that. </p>
<p>DD told me that there is this scholarship that they gave a formula to HS GC. The student with the highest composite score from the given formula from each HS in the state will be eligible for a full ride in any school in the state. Guess who get that #1 position from her HS.</p>
<p>Well, congratulations on that!</p>
<p>There will be lots of options.</p>
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<p>That’s important. Aren’t kids amazing sometimes? You can share the bad along with the good…and there will be good.</p>
<p>Nice about that other financial news, too! Whether or not you use it, it’s really nice to know.</p>
<p>Steady Dad II, steady.</p>
<p>It’s late here in CA, so my thoughts will do little to relieve the tension. But I do want to share a bit of experience and caution about CC and the reporting of news of e-mails or letters. </p>
<p>In general, the reporting of news may not be consistent for all students. Sometimes notices take place in waves due to geography. Sometimes notices come in different forms for different subsets of students such as internationals or boarding students where permanent addresses may vary. Some classes of students may get e-mails due to issues of timeliness for interviews and travel, while others wait for letters as interviews are unnecessary. Some mail is delivered by standard mail while other mail is delivered priority, and you’ll have to decipher the meaning. It is challenging to ride the ups and downs of CC reporting. I think the best you can glean from CC is that there is movement. In the mean time, you just have to hang in there! No news yesterday may be the best news today.</p>
<p>This is my general observation and is not geared to knowledge of a particular school or scholarship. Of course just wait till your daughter starts getting e-mails about financial aid details or verification of her ID for admission decisions. Every single instance of contact or lack thereof will give you something new to wonder about. Oh yeah, and be sure to check the bulk mail. My S had excellent news requiring action in his bulk mail folder and he nearly missed it. Hang in there! Stay positive!</p>
<p>Dad II, yes we are disappointed when things do not go as planned for our children. But view this as a good thing. This is life as it is and the question is not how to eliminate all of life’s disappointments but how we deal/accept them and then move on.</p>
<p>Employers are facing big challenges in dealing with Gen-X kids because many come into the workplace having had parents who sheltered them from life’s vissicitudes. These young adults have difficulty accepting criticism, are not inclined to voluntarily put in extra time in order to meet project deadlines, and are devestated when a promotion goes to some one else.</p>
<p>The important thing is to observe how your daughter accepted this little bump in the road. If she handled it well you have lots to be happy about.</p>